A black robed mage and a cleric of Paladine are discovering their natural impulses for the first time. Crysania of Tarinius, a prominent figure in the church of Paladine, and Raistlin Majere, a wizard on the path to godhood, had previously ignored sex in favor of their respective careers. However now they find themselves violently attracted- to each other.
"It's just stupid," said Majere. "I do not have time to deal with all this [censored.] I am just trying to become a god here and there's all this [censored] sexual tension. It's completely under control, though. Everything is fine."
Tarinius was more positive, saying, "I am 100% here to do Paladine's will. If a part of his plan for saving Raistlin is to have us get married, I'll do that. And if Paladine wants us to have awkward first time, yet wholly satisfying sex, then I'll do that. Completely following his direction here."
When pressed, Tarinius admitted that her interest in Majere does not only stem from obedience to Paladine. "I mean, look at him!" She commanded, "Look at those cheekbones, hot damn son. Sure he was good looking when he was golden, but then I came to Istar, and he's got the skinny pale, blue eyes, long hair thing going on. Majestic."
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The pair is currently in Istar, where Majere is working on some, "Highly secret magic stuff," the only description he could by persuaded to give us, and Tarinius is single-handedly trying to reform the church in Istar and stop the Cataclysm.
Many influential figures have weighed in on the situation and Majere and Tarinius' actions.
"I sent them back in time to die," stated a harried Par-Salian, head of the Wizard's Conclave. "If they want to have some wild nights of passion before an actual mountain falls on the city, so be it. Stop asking me questions."
"It's just weird," marveled Caramon Majere, Raistlin's twin. "I'm the one women like, not him." Why women would like C. Majere was unclear, as he is a recovering alcoholic, in jail on multiple charges. "It's not my fault I'm locked up," he repeated. "It's this justice system that broken."
This discourse on the judicial process was interrupted by a fellow prisoner, a kender, Tasslehoff Burrfoot, who demanded to give his thoughts on the Majere/Tarinius matter.
Burrfoot thinks it would be great if the two got married. "Even I can feel the sexual tension!" He told reporters happily. "Like yesterday, when I was spying on them, and Crysania was leaning halfway across he table with the neck of her dress open and Raisltin was going to kiss her, I swear. But then he didn't."
Shortly after this article's first publication, Elistan, head of the church or Palaine, contacted the magazine, distressed over its title.
"I would like to make it very clear to all readers that Paladine's Church has never in any way encouraged sexual repression. Our order includes both the single and married. Any repression or sexual thoughts, feelings, etc, have been a personal choice of the part of Crysania of Tarinius. Let me state that any disaster that occurs because of her falling in love with Raistlin Majere is not the responsibility of the church of Paladine."
At present printing date, the anniversary of the Cataclysm is drawing near, and Krynn's most reliable news source, will return o see what effect a fiery mountain has had on Majere and Tarinius.