How To Save A Life
Once upon a time a girl was looking for a change. Her life was changing so quickly and she sort of liked it. Her friends have dramatically changed over the summer to her freshman year. She was now on the soccer team, so she thought she had just made a bunch of new friends. But that wasn't the case at all.
Nobody cared that she was trying to be friends or was nice. Just because she was stereo typed to be a "quiet" person, everyone just ignored her but still tried to be nice. Only a few people ever took the chance to get to know her. This girl was named Jessica. She always wanted to be one of the happiest girls ever. Or at least in her own mind, not anyone else, although that was never the case. Until that one year she never had any hope.
As the year went on she still had hope. But slowly it started to disappear. She was still open to what people would tell her. But they would never be as "open" with her as much as she wanted. She wanted to get to be good friends with them. But that shall never happen.
She gained more hope however when she thought she had made a life changing choice. She chose to enter into a school talent show. Her good friend Isabell also entered. They both got in. But so did someone else she knew. Someone from her soccer team. S nice person but who was more known on the team. To Jessica, she was just an attention sucker. The only reason Jessica entered the talent show was to get her teammates and classmates to notice her. But that is the key point in this story. Jessica and Isabell were very exited for the show. Isabell was playing a song she personally composed. Jessica played a known pop song called "How To Save a Life". As school went on she wanted people to notice and talk to her. But that never really happened. Even though she started to make some great new friends. Her and Isabell had gotten a strong bond of friendship between them in the next and past months. They had both one true secret they vowed eachother to keep. One day Jessica noticed Isabell wearing a black ribbon tied around her wrist. She said it was symbolic. So she went home that night and looked up what it meant. It was called a "Black Ribbon Awareness Day", a day of self harm awareness. Jessica had also personal experiences in this, so the next day she came to school with a ribbon on her wrist to. Ever since then things had been fine. But they never told anyone that secret.
Back to the talent show. As days came and past they practiced together and tried not to think of the idea of getting up on stage in front of hundreds of people. The day came of the last dress rehearsal. Some of the high school students and teachers were in the audience. This made them both nervous. But this only made their bond stronger.
But during school that day Jessica started to get a cold. This decreased her already low confidence greatly. For her voice to her seemed raspy on the lower notes. Although everybody said they couldn't tell, she knew it did affect her voice. Isabell's performance went almost perfect the times through, which was great. She was great full that her friend had a great performance.
The final night came when the judges arrived. All of the people on her team were there. Not to see her but the other person on her team performing. They didn't even know she was in the show. So she sought to surprise them. Jessica's performance was only 3rd in the line up out of 30 others. Isabell was 14th. But she was glad she could just get it over with. Her confidence levels went up a bit that night for hopes of a better social life. But even though, deep in her gut she knew nothing would change. Every time she heard somebody she started to freak out thinking it was somebody coming to wish her luck. Isabel tried to calm her, but to no avail. It was finally time. The critical time for her final performance.
She went in right when the show started and stood there waiting frantically for about 10 minutes. As the final claps died down from the 2nd performance they introduced her name and she walked out. Smiling as much as she could bear. She would not dare to look into the audience for she knew she would freeze if she found somebody she knew. She made the final adjustments to the boom microphone. She nodded and gave a small grin to the stage crew person that she knew fairly well that had helped her. She took a deep breath then started.
She tried to imagine herself at home on her own piano. Alone. Looking and smiling out the window. Singing. "Step one you say we need to talk…." She already had this song in muscle memory. Before she knew it she was smiling. Half of her body was covered in sweat. She was sure her legs were red and splotchy and her face was tomato red. But she smiled. She finally looked out in to the audience following the screams of teenage girls. Those of her teammates.
She laughed and walked off. She took one final breath and walked to the bathroom crying, more in her head then outside. Isabell was in the teachers room with everybody else having a good time and eating. This was a nice thought. But it also made her sad. She just wanted a friend. Someone who could comfort her and say she did a good job. Even though she felt that she didn't do her best. She never thought she ever did her best. But inside she just wanted a one certain feeling she had been waiting for, for along time. A feeling of relief and glee. She wanted to be joyed about everyone that cared about her. She never got this feeling.
She gathered her wits, left the bathroom and went back to where everybody else was waiting. She found Isabell. She just wanted to take her out of the room and start crying. But nobody sees her as an emotional person. But more than anything she wanted to get a hug. Only once or twice had she had a friend openly hug her. The only feeling she had now was a sense of guilt and selfishness. She didn't know why she got this feeling but she just got it. At the same time she knew sometime in her life, if to even come, would be a lesson she would always remember. It was painful but yet happy. A life changer.
"Please help me!" She thought. She hated that feeling. She entered the room and tried to look as normal as possible. No body obviously noticed her emotional break down, or even what she was going through. She was greeted by her friends who asked who it went but each time was as painful as a knife stuck in her heart. All she said back each time was "It went fine, I guess." And gave a little grin. Not even Isabel could see the feeling she had inside. Even though she might have even been going through what she was.
Next thing she knew people were saying that they were on the 7th performer, then 10th, 13th. And sooner than expected Isabell was gone. Not to be seen for another whole 10 minutes. This seemed like and hour as she tried to entertain herself with some people as she tried to be nice.
Isabel finally came in, she was smiling as she knew she wouldn't win but she was putting everything that had happened behind her. She was a happy girl once again! But that still left one problem. Jessica. She was still on the verge of a breakdown. She was getting better but everything she saw or thought of reminded her of her life. It was a hard time. But she worked through it. "Number 28!" the announcer yelled, they all wished that person luck for this was a very friendly group.
Everybody was frantically getting ready to get on stage for the final song. The were all gathering out in the hallway but being shushed by the stage crew. When they were walking out on stage the MC 's were just finishing one of their funny stories about who knows what. They all started singing. This was one time Jessica could just be relaxed and have fun. But now came the hard part. The announcing of the places.
"3rd place, Kasey Smith!" She was a singer who sang a very popular soulful song that Isabell had tried to learn earlier that year. She was happy for her even though her heart had sunken even more. But it rose when she thought that there was still 2 more spots.
"2nd place, Kyle Robikinsti. He place a piano piece also, but it was a classical. That's why he placed. He really was good. Actually he was great! But she still felt bad for him because he was in the talent show the year before and had also gotten 2nd then too.
Jessica's heart sank even farther. "And the grand prize goes too Laura Jones! She was a dancer. Everybody knows that the dancer always wins. Anyways everybody cheered and screamed. This made Jessica and Isabell feel bad. Isabell seemed to care less though for she was in the show for just fun. Jessica's heart was lifted though for it was just seeming like a dream. She was happy it was over. And really looking forward for what people would say to her.
They all walked talkatively to the waiting room to gather their stuff. When they walked out they were not greeted by anybody but Isabell split off from Jessica. But as soon as she did Jessica saw a couple people from her team and her grade in the hallway. They were looking for somebody. But for it was not her, as she could have guessed. But they didn't even look at her let alone say good job like everyone else. This really frustrated her. For she was thinking of something she always thought of, that she hated herself, that she wished she didn't feel this way, that it would be "permanently" solved. Everyday she always thought of how much she wished she would end her life sooner. But every time she thought of it, it got stronger, and stronger. To the point where she about ran out of the school and never came back then and there.
She was not proud of it. And she was actually kind of scared of what her mind might actually do to her. She knew she needed help but never wanted anyone besides her friends to help her. She really wanted a life almost like a story or a movie where everything turns out fine and happy in the end. When people take chances. She constantly dreamed about how her life would be exactly how she wanted it. How everything was happy and everybody talked to her.
She saw more people from her team. They kept leaving. She was wondering why nobody was talking to her if they all had really high star confidence. So she started to get fed up, and she left. But her parents told her the reason was because she wouldn't even make eye contact with them or smile. This made her mad. On the way home she needed a friend desperately for horror that she would start making what she called ribbons on herself again.
So she texted Isabell and told her of her fears. That she would go to far. Isabell told her to write her feelings down in a story. Jessica had tried this before but it doesn't seem to work. So she was now freaking out. But her parents suspected nothing wrong. So she kept her feelings inside as much as possible. If it even was possible to her.
When she got home she could not keep her mind from being depressed. She thought she was a failure. Between the way her parents talked to her after the talent show and how her friends didn't even bother to has had a big impact on her emotions. She had failed to stay away from the ribbons. For at school the next day she would have to be very careful. Nobody noticed anything except Isabell. Isabell suspected she did something the night before. But she didn't really know how Jessica felt. Jessica was becoming on the edge of reality now. Or should we say in the furthest part of her dream if not nightmare so far.
School went normal for the next week, although she was hoping that she would get comments on her performance. She felt that she was an angel covered in white. Her life was changing so fast, it was like crumbling pastries. But yet nobody cared. Although Isabel was slowly catching on to her feelings. But never would she fully have a chance to finish knowing.
Life was getting to hard for Jessica. People laugh behind her back at everything. Even though they act nice. She is paranoid at everything people talk about. Every class was stressful. Between being bored in science, scared of the teacher in history, frustrated out of her mind in algebra, annoyed at people in Spanish and not liking the English teacher that seems to be out to fail her. The secretes she has kept have been tearing her up inside. She is not strong enough to hide them any longer. They are going to come out. Someday, either in a good way or not.
This bugs her. Not even her old best friends know. They can't. She has been tempted before but she has never given in. She has had emotional breakdowns because of it. This has become a major problem for her. But the only way she hasn't given it away is because Isabell has been there for her through the whole thing. But this won't help for long. It has been to long to get the cure. There is no going back in her emotions now.
Every time something bad happens she thinks more of suicide. Every time something sets her off even the tiniest bit. Not one thing would not set her. She new things were getting out of control. She needed help. But would not tell her parents for that she would be for sure sent to therapy and if the guidance counselor her mother could get into trouble. Some of her friends would just rub it off and act like Jessica was faking just to get attention. Jessica knew a bit of this was for attention but not much and not even on purpose. She didn't know what to do. She was scared of pain. To much to ever commit suicide. That and the hope of finding people who value her but in this point in her life she knew that it was never going to happen. She had to face it. Nothing was ever going to change. She desperately needed it too. Even if she could find a boyfriend that loved her she would give life a second though. But no. That in Jessica's mind would never happen. She had everything planned out. She set out a letter to her friends and parents explaining everything. All she needed was to get set off one more time. That would be it.
One day in the car her mom set her off too much. This was the time. She could not in this point in time think of anyone else but herself otherwise she would be stuck in this emotional hell. So she quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and jumped out of the car door.
As she tumbled out of the car. She hit a mailbox but she landed in the grass.
The next thing she remembers is waking up in the hospital. Nobody was around her. She had a bunch of bandages on her body and across her head. She was attached to IV. A nurse came in and did her job by taking her blood pressure and making sure she was alive. But this time seeing that she was awake the nurse did her job then quickly she said her family was waiting out in the waiting room. She asked if she would like to see them. Jessica had a tough time answering this, so she just said "I'm not ready yet". Apparently not wanting to make Jessica mad, the nurse hurried out. Jessica was waiting in bed for another half hour before someone else came in.
This next person surprised her, for one she did not want visitors and she barely even knew him. Everybody outside of band thought he was weird and all of her other friends did too. But he was the only person that supported Isabel with her issues because he had once found out. His name was Drew. As Drew came in Jessica tried to smile but she was mortified that he found out and saw her in this condition. He shared how he knew what happened. Her parents had called Isabell and asked if she knew anything of it. She said no, as any good friend would do to keep each others secrets. Then after Jessica's parents got off the phone with Isabell she had contacted Drew, who had a car, to come pick her up and take her to the hospital. She explained on the way what had happened.
So as Jessica was wondering why only Drew was in the room, Drew said that Isabell wanted him to come and talk to Jessica first in case there was much blood and or Jessica would be mad at her. Isabell was shy in general, but after you got to know her then you would see how great she was. Even if she was a bit weird, but all friends are like that.
He had talked to her a while about why she had attempted this atrocity. He tried to make her feel better. He came in everyday, either alone or with Isabell. they always found Jessica insecure. They cheered her up and tried to make her mentally stale for she hadn't been for over 5 years.
Jessica was happy that she had friends that loved her and were willing. But one thing was still bugging her. Her team. Why hadn't they cared? Had they not heard? She thought everybody in school pretty much heard. But nobody but Drew and Isabell came in for the next week. Then one day she heard a bunch of playful familiar voices in the hall. They were laughing with each other. Trying to make things fun. But as they passed her room they didn't even see her. It was her soccer team. Why hadn't they stopped? They were right there! "That just shows how much I matter to them!" she thought. But then she heard them come back her way. Her heart sank and rose for one she didn't want them to see her like that but wanted them to support and care for her as they had done with another teammate that had been in the hospital before.
They stopped at her door. They knocked and kept laughing. They were smiling as any person with high star confidence would. They were not worried about her. They looked as if they had came in just to be nice to her, as if they thought it was a joke or funny. Jessica's heart sank. But someone that she had made friends with had came to her bed while the others were talking to themselves. She started making small talk as if to clear the air of tension. Lizzie was one of the nicest people on the team. She could understand what Jessica was going through a bit but not all the way. They had enjoyed talking. But then after a few awkward minutes the team greeted her. They asked how she was. But then they left. Just because they weren't friends and wouldn't take the time to try to know her. This broke her heart. For now she knew that the thought that she was weird and they didn't want to know her. Jessica still loved her teammates and would never stop trying to become better friends.
She had to finally face the truth of the world. Let go of the hope she had and be happy with the life she had. She knew she was in over her head. But that never stopped that strong gut feeling of hope she always got in her heart. Longing for her team to take time to get the whole her. To fall in love someday. "But who would ever want to take time to get to know her?" She thought.
She got out of the hospital about another week later. She felt a little worse then she did when she went in. Her parents put her in an mental place so she would not try to commit suicide again. They were worried about her. But ever since the car incident she had lost touch with her parents. In which she didn't care about.
At school she was being bullied more than ever. They didn't care about anything that had happened to her. She had lost contact with everybody from her team. She still felt abandoned and a failure. She was still stereotyped as the quiet girl. Nothing had changed. With that every day of her life her heart sank more. Until one day it was brought up again just like in the beginning of this complicated part of her life.
She had learned to always be thankful for her friends even though she may want some other people to treat her like good friends. The way the people on her team was not going to save her life. But her friend Isabell had now learned how to save a life.