Love, loss, and heartbreak

Lupin's thoughts

How can i tell her?

She doesn't deserve this!

If i push her away now, in the long run it will be better off.

I'm so scared of hurting her!

Of course she'll think i'm rejecting her.

But in my heart i will know that if i told her she'd reject me!

I've told her i don't love her,

Oh Lupin, the look on her face when you told her!

The tears that welled in her eyes,

Her plea for me you to stay.

Before i told her,

I could tell she wantes to tell me,

Something.

I guess i'll never know

what she was going to say!

It's been two months and i see him still comforting you.

And i feel anger, resentment and yes jealousy!

Then i see her laugh at one of your jokes,

And my resentment is gone.

She's happy, something that would,

be short lived if we were together now!

I will never stop loving you,

All though you may think i don't love you.

I'm sorry.

On your wedding day you came walking down the aisle,

You looked beautiful.

You both took your vows.

Later at the reception,

You both shared the first dance.

Then to my surprize you came towards me,

and asked me to dance.

I had to let you know,

That even though that now you were his

I still loved you.

I whispered into your ear " I'm sorry Lily, please forgive me, but i had my reasons for leaving you! I just wanted you to know i still love you!"

"I forgive you, and i love you too Remus!"

She kissed my cheek and walked back to him.

My best friend and i was jealous because he had the one thing i wanted,

but i let her go!

She's gone now,he killed her!

My sweet angel,

I will have my revenge.

And i will protect her child,

But it won't stop the dreams,

Of her dancing, always with James,

Never with me!

Always just out of my reach!

When i wake,

I live the nightmare,

Of her not being here.

My heart breaks and i wonder,

I wonder as i lay here alone in bed.

If things would have been different,

if i had only told her my fear,

and my curse.

Oh why, oh why didn't i tell her, i'm a werewolf,

She wouldn't have cared!

She'd still be alive, if you had!

But theres no point in asking what if's,

She's gone and i'll never love another like i loved her!

I unraveled the impossible,

And found Harry has a sister!

There is 10 months between them,

But what startled me most was to find, that she was not James'!

No, not James' my best friend!

Mine, my own, I have a daughter,

and now as i look at her

i see she is a mirror image of her mother,

Lily!

I know that after all this time what Lily was going to tell me.

I Remus Lupin am a father,

A father to Hermoine.

She doesn't yet know,

Neither does Harry James' son.

I could never tell them i lost my lover to my best friend,

But that would be a lie,

I let her go!

Lily's thoughts

I need to tell him,

Here he comes,

It looks as if he's hidding something,

No matter, he'll tell me when he's ready.

I smile as he approaches,

Then he tells me why he came! He said he doesn't love me,

But i know it's not true,

I see it in his silver eyes,

that he's pushing me away.

I beg and plea for him to stay,

But he just walked away,

How can i tell him now?

Now i'm all alone!

It's been two months and he still is ignoring me,

But James, my confidant is here comforting me,

When he should be here with me instead.

My crying is halted by laughter,

James has cracked one of his lame jokes,

Could it be i'm falling for James?

No, i can't, but then he doesn't want me,

So why shouldn't i fall deeper and deeper,

trying to find a love to keep me warm.

There he is, looking at James and I,

i try to ignore that i can see he is jealous.

But then seemed contented when i laugh.

He thinks i'm happy,

He wouldn't be wrong,

But my heart burns for desire,

Oh how i miss him so!

It's my wedding day,

I'm walking down the aisle,

My eyes catch his for a brief moment,

And i carried on walking just as he had done.

We took our vows,

Later on at the reception,

We shared our first dance as man and wife.

But i felt guilt,

I had to tell him,

Just so that he knew,

So i walked straight up towards him.

And asked for a dance.

Before i told him how i would always be here for him,

He whispered into my ear. "I'm sorry Lily, please forgive me, but i had my reasons for leaving you! I just wanted you to know i still love you!"

My heart raced to know he still loved me,

But now i wasn't his to love.

The song ended and i said in a gentle whisper

"I forgive you, and i love you too Remus!"

I kissed his cheek and walked away,

Walked away just as he had done.

I never even told him what i was going to tell him that day!

The day he broke my heart.

I was going to tell him i was carrying his child.

But he let me go.

Perhaps i could have fought harder to keep him.

Well we'll never know.

James was there for me,

There for me as i gave my little girl away,

He didn't judge me,

But held me tight.

Maybe one day i'll tell him about our daughter,

Hermoine.

Time has passed by and i'm

holding James' child,

but i still wonder what it would have been like if i were holding her now!

Little harry is a year old now,

I'm madly in love with James.

When times are bad i sometimes wonder what my life would have been like.

But there's no point in looking back.

Harry is in his room,

I'm here kissing James.

I'm in his warm arms.

He then screams for me to get Harry and run.

I hear the dark lord kill my husband as i run to get Harry,

I can't get out,

I'm trapped.

He will not get Harry!

Voldermort approaches me.

He tells me to give Harry to him.

I refuse!

I won't give the one living memory of James away!

As Voldermort mutters the incantation,

I pray, i pray for Lupin to take care of Harry as if he were his own.

A pain overcomes my body,

And in my heart i know i'll be with James soon.

Looking over all those i love dearly.

James' thoughts

Your eyes are reddened from crying,

My heart goes to you.

You tell me all of what has happened,

Oh Lily, How couold he do this to you?

It then hit me like a revelation.

I knew why he told you he didn't love you.

It's from his secret!

He's pushing you away so he won't hurt you.

But i'll protect you Lily.

I promise i will.

I'll comfort you and try and try and take the pain away.

There you go, laughing at a joke i made.

There he is watching you,

I see the jealousy in his eyes.

But he sees you laughing.

I wonder if you've noticed him there!

I see it in his eyes everytime i see him,

He'll never stop loving you.

Have you stopped loving him?

I hope you have,

Coz i've fallen for you.

Your my inspiration.

And i'm in love with you.

It's our wedding day,

You look so beautiful!

You walked towards me.

And we took our vows.

Later at the reception,

I held you for the first dance.

You saw him standing all alone,

And told me you were going to ask him to dance.

You danced a slow dance,

He held you in his arms.

He whispered something in your ear.

When the music stopped,

Time for another song.

You spoke something softly to him.

So that i couldn't hear.

Then you kissed his cheek

and walked back to me.

I know what it is he said to you.

And i know what you said back,

But i also know you walked back to me,

And i saw that in your eyes you loved me too.

I sometimes wonder wha would have been,

If he had told her he was a werewolf.

I don't think my Lily would have cared.

But he let her go.

In the end i knew she wouldn't go back.

He hurt my Lily, my sweet poor Lily.

And she'll never forget!

I was there when she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

I saw the pain in her eyes as she gave her daughter 'Hermoine' away.

I told her if she wanted to keep her i'd stand by her.

But she could not bare having me resent this child.

The poor defenceless child.

I would have loved her like my own.

But it is done now.

It's 10 months later and we have a baby boy of our own.

His name is Harry and has the temperment of his mother!

Lupin will never know

What Lily would have told him.

If only he had told her his secret.

Our child Harry is a year old,

Lily insists he looks just like me.

He's asleep upstairs,

And she's downstairs with me.

Oh how beautiful my Lily is.

I pulled her into a passionate kiss,

And i could see how lucky i was to have her.

I suddenly felt as if we were being watched,

Whilst still kissing you,

I looked up and saw,

Lord Voldermort had come.

No, i wouldn't let him get you.

So i told you to take Harry and run.

You went with hesitation.

you didn't want to go.

And as i felt the pain flow through my body,

I prayed that you my angel

and my proud baby boy

would get away.