Author Note: The Seven Stages mentioned are the seven stages of grief. I tried to mix them into the story as well as I could. Please enjoy!!
Their Seven Stages
SHOCK…
Hermione stared blankly at the empty fireplace. Beside her Harry and Ron were playing exploding snap while Ron aggressively discussed the uselessness of homework. Had Hermione been in her right mind, she would have noticed him casting expectant glances her way as though he anticipated her entrance into the argument at any moment.
But Hermione was not in her right mind; her thoughts were centered on only one person who she knew must be sitting, like her, several floors below in the dungeon, contemplating what she had just learnt.
Hermione was not surprised that she was having this reaction. Had someone asked her a week ago how she would react if she abruptly found out that Draco Malfoy held intimate feelings for her, she would have described how she felt at that very moment: shocked, speechless and in complete disbelief.
How could Malfoy of all people come to fancy her? They had never so much as held a civil conversation; anger was usually involved in every confrontation and wands were often drawn. Hermione had a lot of trouble translating that into any form of civility.
However, it wasn't their past behaviour that caused such a confession to be so shocking for her. No, it was her mind's ponderings about it. Not a single thought about it had made her cringe or shudder or feel disgusted. On the contrary, she felt rather intrigued, curious … flattered.
And even that thought didn't make her scold herself for thinking such.
…
Several floors below in a lonely stone dungeon dormitory Draco sat in a similar position, staring at his emerald green hangings in total and utter shock and disbelief.
Why would he want to corner Granger in a tiny room and let her clever little head work out why he was acting so damn crazy? If he was sane he wouldn't have so much as considered it!
He had not moved for over an hour. As soon as he had left Granger's presence he had come here, not answering the questioning looks and queries of the Slytherins as he numbly walked from the common room entrance to the hallway leading him to the confines of his room. The common room had felt like, and he almost wished it had been, a very long daunting plank that hung over a pond full of murderous grindylows.
Finally finding the ability to draw back the curtains he looked at his reflection in the mirror across the way. Although he was always quite pale, his complexion shone a bright white and he shook himself, trying to compose himself.
Why did he have to let her know?
DENIAL…
Draco woke the next day in a much better state. Although the shock had not completely worn off, he now found himself in a better state of mind. Nine words had formed in his mind in the early hours of the morning and it had been this that had finally managed to coax him off to sleep.
I don't fancy Granger. The gravy's made me delusional.
He continued to tell himself this as he headed down to breakfast and took a seat in front of a large pile of raisin bread toast. He buttered the toast happily and was just savoring the taste of his first bite when a head of bushy hair caught his eye. He turned his gaze and watched as the object of his frustration glided across the Hall towards the Gryffindor table. She was glaring at Weasley as she walked and Draco was pleased to see a look of agitation on her face which she talked aggressively to him.
He gulped. Seeing her angry did wonders to his anatomy and at the first sign of trouble he looked away and at his plate, chanting the words under his breath: "I don't fancy her. They gravy's made me delusional… I don't fancy her. The gravy's made me delusional."
He felt Blaise take a seat beside him and was very aware of the darker boy's questioning gaze.
"The raisins won't talk back, Draco," he said and Draco shot his head up.
"Shut up, Zabini," he sneered. "They make much better company than you do."
Blaise lifted a brow as he tried to fight a smile. Draco looked away and ignored him, taking another bite of his toast. He meant to be aggressive about it.
"That Granger sure can bite, can't she?" Blaise said conversationally. "Weasley's positively quivering in his underpants."
Draco looked up at the Gryffindor table once more and felt his throat close up. Granger was standing with her hands on her hips, glowering down at the red head in question.
"She'll drag her wand out soon," Blaise said with a hint of excitement. "If we're lucky Weasley will be sprouting purple nose hairs any minute."
Draco swallowed thickly as Granger indeed pulled out her wand, looking contemplative for a moment as she ran her hand slowly and deliberately up and down its length. She leaned into Weasley slightly, her teeth clenched. She spoke to him coldly and Draco could tell even from a distance that the red head was scared.
She straightened and placed her wand at her side. As she went to head away, she looked up to see Draco watching her. She frowned for a moment before smoothly heading away.
Draco looked back at his toast.
I don't fancy her. I can't possibly fancy her.
Draco spent the entire day chanting denial in his head. Every time he saw her and felt something he chanted it madly to himself. He was also rather twitchy. Sitting with his fellow Slytherins he would jump at every question that was sent his way and he scolded himself for it. Malfoy's weren't twitchy!
Malfoys weren't supposed to fancy mudbloods either.
Draco was a wreck when he finally found peace in his dormitory. He carefully shut his curtains and underwent the task he knew would sooth his thoughts for at least a moment but even such a task was shadowed with images of a bushy hair, a pretty face and a fiery demeanor.
"No!" Draco cried to the empty room, kicking the end of this bed and letting out a hiss of pain.
He didn't fancy Granger. The gravy made him delusional.
…
Hermione wandered the halls under Harry's invisibility cloak. It was two in the morning and she could not sleep. Although she usually tried to avoid breaking the rules, she had given up trying to ease her thoughts at one o'clock and tiptoed up to the boys' dormitories to raid Harry's trunk.
She was currently creeping along the narrow hallway that led to the kitchens. The smell of roast cooking lingered merrily amongst the paintings that lined the walls and Hermione smiled. When there was roast, there was gravy.
Tickling the pear in the painting concealing the entrance to the kitchens, Hermione pulled off the cloak and happily entered. She was surprised however when a voice reached her ears and it was neither high-pitched nor squeaky in any definition of the word.
"You've been drugging me, Dobby!" the voice sneered as Hermione froze in her place. "What have you been putting in that damn gravy?"
"I is putting no drugs in the gravy!" Dobby protested squeakily. "We is making the gravy as we is instructed!"
"Who's instructing you?" Malfoy demanded.
"The recipe, Master!" Hermione watched as Dobby came into view as he ran across the kitchen and grabbed a giant book from a shelf above the sink. Hermione thought he managed quite well for his size but as he made back towards where Malfoy must have been standing, he struggled greatly.
Hermione watched in sympathy as the elf staggered from side to side across the tiles until he was out of sight again. Taking this as a cue, Hermione stepped forward and carefully made her way forward. The kitchen was silent for a moment.
"You swear you follow this recipe every time?" Malfoy snarled. "You haven't added any special herbs or enchantments?"
"None at all, Master," Dobby squeaked. "We is always making it the same."
Hermione paused when she finally had a view of Malfoy. He stood wearing a night robe open over his pajama bottoms and he was leaning over a small table where the massive book lay open. His arms were crossed across his cheat as he studied it.
Hermione felt a slight flip in her stomach region.
Her eyes widened and she swallowed.
No. I just want gravy.
Malfoy straightened and turned. Hermione did not have time to duck out of sight before his eyes landed on her.
As his eyes met hers, she felt another flip and she groaned. They stared at each other a moment before Malfoy narrowed his eyes, looked down at Dobby and made for the exit, bumping into Hermione's shoulder on his way.
No, no, no, Hermione scolded herself. It's just the gravy making me delusional.
BARGAINING…
By the next day, Hermione's lack of so much a minute of sleep caused her to be desperate to do anything she could to make the situation disappear.
She considered approaching McGonagall for a time-turner but she knew even then it couldn't possibly help. The only person she would ever tell about possibly feelings for Draco Malfoy was herself and approaching herself by means of a time travel devise could have devastating consequences. She even considered the use of Avada Kedavra but she wasn't sure whether she preferred using it on Malfoy or herself.
In the end she had the sense to realise there was nothing she could do but avoid the annoying Slytherin…
…And continue to deny any such feeling she may or may not be feeling for him.
…
Two days passed before Draco realised that denial wasn't the cure for his problem and by the end of the third he was forced to seek help. After much consideration, he approached Blaise carefully, an elaborate story in his head to mask the truth.
"You fancy the Ravenclaw Patil twin?" Blaise repeated incredulously. "She's so … she's so…."
"Delicious," Draco said hurriedly, hoping Blaise didn't notice just how out of character it was for him to say that.
Blaise raised an eyebrow. "Patil doesn't seem your type, Malfoy."
Draco swallowed. He wasn't buying it.
"Why not?" Draco asked. "I've heard her twin goes off like a Weasley Firework in bed. And the Ravenclaw Patil is a virgin."
Blaise looked intrigued. "I've heard that Parvati's a nice catch… But Padma -"
"Padma?" Draco interrupted.
"The Ravenclaw Patil twin," Blaise said incredulously. The dark boy narrowed his eyes. "Who are we really talking about here, Draco?"
Draco hesitated before cautiously looking around. "Granger," he muttered quietly. Blaise's eyes widened. "But I have to make it stop."
"Granger?" Blaise repeated, looking around wildly as though he was trying to source out a witness. "She's a Mudblood!"
"That's why I need it to stop!" Draco sneered. "Or are you really that stupid to think I would pursue … that?"
Blaise was quiet. "When did this start?"
"I realised it that morning I cornered her in the library…" Draco explained desperately. He had told Blaise all about the confrontation so he did not need to elaborate. "It's gotten worse since and she knows."
"How the hell does the Mudblood know?" Blaise exclaimed. "Did you tell her?"
Draco felt agitation build up within him. "That doesn't matter right now, Zabini!" he sneered. "I just need to do something to make it stop! I'll do anything for you to help me out here!"
Blaise contemplated his friend for a moment. "Anything?"
"Yes!" Draco snapped. "Anything! Just so long as you help me and you don't tell anyone anything about this!"
Blaise looked around the common room to make sure no one had noticed their odd conversation.
"Alright well there's this potion that I've heard of –"
"No potions Zabini!" Draco snapped quickly. "There's too much risk. There has to be a spell or something…"
"Well I could confund you…" Blaise suggested, frowning and not believing Draco would want him to.
"Do it!" Draco said. "Confund me, make me like Patil instead. Patil I can handle…"
Blaise raised his wand but stopped. "I want you to make Pansy shag me."
Draco's mouth dropped open. "Parkinson?" he sneered. "You could have any Slytherin and you choose Parkinson?"
Blaise shrugged. "Do what you can to get her to want me and I'll confound you nice and properly…"
Draco felt suddenly sulky.
GUILT…
A week later and Draco was in an even fouler mood.
He had come no closer to getting Parkinson to shag Blaise than he had with currently believing his chants of "I don't fancy Granger". As a result, he was on edge, feeling even more desperate and feeling something in his abdominal region every time he saw Granger which suggested something other than inappropriate feelings for the witch.
She had been wandering the halls in a mess and Draco had noticed that she herself was coming over twitchy. She had large circles around her eyes that suggested a lack of sleep and when looked on to answer a question she jumped and looked frightened. It was also very unlike her to not do the homework that was set.
It was as he headed towards his Transfiguration class that he finally recognized what the feeling was. He passed her and took in her exhausted and fidgety appearance and felt the need to say something.
"I'm sorry for doing this to you, Granger," he said lightly and he felt himself go numb in realization.
He felt guilty.
…
Hermione's normally quick and clever brain was no longer functioning. While she went over her thoughts, she felt a mixture of things that often overlapped each other in a way that confused her. For example, she was nervous about her nervousness showing too much and she felt confused as to how she had gotten herself confused in the first place.
A perfect description of her current existence was that she was completely messed up.
But the feeling that overwhelmed her most was her feeling of guilt. She felt guilty for not allowing herself to sleep. She felt guilty for not doing her homework or knowing the answers to all the questions when everyone expected her to. She felt guilty that she wasn't spending peaceful time with her friends and as she stood in the hallway, staring at Malfoy's retreating back she felt guilty for making him feel guilty for making her be in the current state she was in: guilty.
She groaned to herself and sank to the floor.
She needed sleep.
ANGER…
Hermione woke up murderous. She had finally been able to get twelve uninterrupted hours sleep and in doing so she was rewarded with relatively rational thinking and her thoughts told her to be angry.
She was angry at Malfoy for getting her like this; angry at him for making her question herself.
Getting dressed she left her dormitory at a fast pace. Leaving the Gryffindor Tower behind her she made for the place where this had all started: the library. She was extremely satisfied when she found Malfoy at his usual table by a window overlooking the grounds.
In one swift movement she had her wand drawn and in three quick strides she was holding the tip against the side of his neck.
"Why hello, Granger," Malfoy drawled, looking up at her and taking in her angry demeanor. "Lovely to see you with so much colour in your face. Rumours were circulating about an inferius being loose in the castle…"
"Tell me you didn't mean it, Malfoy!" Hermione hissed vehemently. "Tell me it was just some elaborate ploy to mess with my head."
Malfoy chuckled and sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. "Believe me Granger," he said. "I wish I could."
He lazily stood, ignoring the wand as it followed his movements. He smirked down at Granger. "Help me get Parkinson to shag Zabini and I will be able to take it all back."
"I wouldn't help you if it meant saving my own life from a gruesome, torturous death, Malfoy," Hermione snapped.
"But surely having me want to shag you is a gruesome and torturous death," Malfoy smirked. "From your perspective only of course," he added quickly.
Hermione stared at him incredulously. "You want to shag me?"
"Granger, half the male popular would shag anything that moves," he snarled. "I wouldn't take it as too much of a compliment."
The fire returned to Hermione's eyes and with one flick of her wand she sent Malfoy into the nearest wall. "This has to end, Malfoy."
And with the drama of a midday muggle soap opera she stormed from the room in a rage.
…
Draco pulled himself off the wall and took no hesitation is running after her. He caught sight of her in the next corridor and with a flick of his wand and a few select words he froze her in her place.
"It will end right now, Granger," Draco hissed as he caught up with her and moved to look her in the face. "I don't like people running away from a fight."
Granger's eyes still had fire in them and Draco knew that if she had been capable of moving she'd be glaring.
"I don't like people who fight an unarmed man."
He headed forward and they stood with an inch between their noses.
"If you don't help me, Granger," he hissed vehemently, "then there's only one way to end this."
He flicked his wand and Hermione regained movement. As predicted she narrowed her eyes. It made his blood boil that she could remain so calm and determined even when it was he who was armed and standing two inches from her.
"End it then," Granger whispered with her tone full of spite.
Just as Draco sensed she was going to head away he grabbed her face and kissed her.
It was not at all soft, nor was it comforting or loving. It was demanding and startling.
Granger raised a hand to his chest and pushed him away.
He looked at her for a moment before storming away.
DEPRESSION…
It was confirmed: Draco Malfoy's life was coming to an end. He found himself in a second floor bathroom, staring at himself in a cracked mirror and his robes soaking from the flood around his feet.
He looked down at the basin and groaned. Why did he make lousy choices? Why did he let things like Granger get to him? Why did he find himself thinking that there was no turning back? What was done was done and he had to accept that.
He was doomed to want Granger forever.
He tried desperately not to think what his father would say if he ever found out. He tried desperately not to think about how his fellow Slytherins would react.
He needed to make a choice despite the consequences, though. And the prospect of doing so felt terrible.
He was doomed to want Granger forever.
…
Hermione was crying. She didn't quite know why, only that Draco Malfoy and his kiss had caused it. It was most likely out of confusion, desperation and the indecency of her own thoughts.
She had enjoyed Malfoy's kiss? She liked the concept of kissing him again?
Hermione shivered and a new wave of tears overwhelmed her. She felt like she was making a decision that was risking her life.
If she took path A, she would be the same person she was now – confused, desperate, lonely and depressed. If she took path B, she would be entering a whole new world where her friends would feel she betrayed them.
But what made her most depressed was the fact that path B currently appealed to her more than the other.
ACCEPTANCE…
Hermione found the Marauders Map lying on top of a dirty pair of Y-fronts in Harry's trunk. Grimacing slightly, she grabbed it and searched it desperately for a sign of Malfoy. She sighed as she saw him in the library.
It was now or never.
Stuffing the Map back in Harry's trunk, she dashed from the room and into the common room.
"Hermione, where are you –"
"I'll be back later, Ron," she said as she headed for the portrait hole, not looking back. "There's something I have to do."
It took seven minutes at a run before Hermione reached the entrance to the library. She stopped for a moment in the door, catching her breath and sourcing out where Malfoy would be.
She charged forward when she saw his silver blonde head standing in the enchantment section nearby. She watched as he caught sight of her and turned to watch her actions. His eyes widened at her determination and he quickly drew his wand.
"I'm really tired of this cat and mouse thing, Granger," he drawled. "What do you plan to do this time? Vanish my unspeakables and run away? No … wait… that sounds rather familiar…"
Malfoy put on a mocking show of trying to think of a time when he had misplaced his privates.
Hermione growled and knocked Malfoy's wand from his hand. With a yelp Malfoy jumped back, his back hitting the bookshelf.
Draco stared at Granger cautiously.
"What is it that you want –"
"I've accepted it," she interrupted. "I've accepted that all this 'cat and mouse' means more than I was previously willing to accept."
Draco's eyebrows rose in surprise. She what?
"But my life will not change," she warned. "I will not go from being friends with Gryffindors to hanging around with Slytherins. We will not be exclusive. Select people will know but we will not make it the school's greatest scandal since Helga Hufflepuff admitted to experimenting with women!"
Draco's eyebrows rose further.
"And don't act so surprised, Malfoy!" she hissed. "You took the first step in 'ending it'. I make it final."
It was Draco's turn to growl and in one long stride he had her pushed against the bookshelf that ran parallel with the one he had a moment ago been well acquainted with.
"And you –"
Draco refused to let her continue.
He kissed her.
He had her.
The concept should have been positively terrifying.
THE END
Author Note: And it really is the end. As my bio says, I considered making this little series of mine a seven part series called "The Rule of Seven" but I decided to make this the last installment as I did not want to milk the story beyond its capacity. From here on in your imaginations can run wild… I hope you enjoyed. I certainly enjoyed writing it!!