Nothing Says Luvin'…
Rated: T (I suppose…)
Summary: Basically, Renji gets the wrong idea when he overhears a conversation between his boss and his best friend.
Pairings: implied Kira x Byakuya
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, that doesn't come as a surprise. I really wish I did though…
Authors Note: This idea came from a weird conversation I was having with some people in class. It started out as "what would you do if your boss was dating someone close to you," then somehow, it went to best friends and then, we randomly talked about Bleach… Yep, that's what long, boring classes will do to you.
Renji Abarai stepped into the squad 6 building, exhausted from a long, training session at the squad 9 building. Dammit, Shuhei for being so good, he thought. I wonder where Izuru is. "Captain?" Renji called as he looked around the empty office. Where the hell is everyone? His thoughts were answered when he heard a voice in the back room.
"Why would you do this for me?" said a voice in a cold tone.
"It was nothing, really!" the other said in a slightly bashful tone.
Captain Kuchiki? Izuru? What the hell are they talking about, Renji wondered as he walked closer to the backroom, and then stopped.
"Are you sure about that?" Byakuya said.
"Well, I had a lot to give and not enough people, so I thought, 'why don't I give Kuchiki-taichou some.' "
"As thoughtful as that was, who told you I wanted it?"
"I heard it was your favorite."
"…It is…"
Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, the red head thought as his mind took a turn for the worst. They aren't…couldn't be…
"So, why don't you go ahead and try it?"
"It does look quite appealing…"
"Well?"
"It's…good…"
"You really think so? That makes me so happy!"
Silence. Did they stop? Please let them have stopped. Renji's prayers, however, went ignored as the conversation continued.
"Izuru?" Why so familiar, wondered the squad 6 lieutenant.
"Yes taichou?"
"Will you…would you give me….some more?"
"Well…a lot of people want what I have, but since you like it so much, I'll bring it over every morning and I'll make it extra special!"
"I wonder if Renji would like this."
"Hmm, I dunno, but if he tries it, I'm sure he will!"
That was about all Renji could take as he promptly had a nosebleed and passed out on the floor. A few minutes later, Izuru and Byakuya emerged from the room, the latter man holding a large container of food.
"Thank you again for the spicy chicken and noodles," the captain stated "Are you sure that cooking it won't be a problem?"
"No! I actually have a lot more where that came from."
As Izuru talked, his foot accidently hit something. He looked down to see Renji on the ground.
"Oh my god, Renji!"
After 20 minutes, Renji woke up and the first thing he saw was the bowl of food that Byakuya had tucked under his arm and he finally put two and two together.
"Food! You cooked for Kuchiki-taichou!" Renji cheered "Oh Izuru! I'm so happy you two aren't having sex!" And with that, he proceeded to hug them both and ran into the streets screaming with joy that "my best friend and captain aren't fucking," leaving the other two men in shock.
"…"
"Scatter, Sebonzakura."
Ha, ha! Poor Renji almost suffered from trauma. avoids shoes, tomatoes and zanpakutos being hurled at me Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, the most unlikely of couples, even if implied, but I am thinking of doing a story with them in it. Tell me if I should. Reviews r most appreciated!
Renji: Woman, are you insane?
Me: (non-chalantly) I've been told that…a couple of times… --
Izuru: Why would you even think that up?!
Me: (pouting) I was bored! Anything to add, Byakun?
Byakuya: Like I said before, 'scatter, Sebonzakura!'
Me: (screaming and dodging for my life)….