Because Insanity Rhymes…
What had I done to deserve this pain?
This suffering is enough to make me go insane!
I had always been loyal and the best I could be,
But somehow, it was something you just couldn't see.
I get it, I do. Maybe I'm just not 'The One.'
But how is he better? He's Tigerstar's son!
Yes, he may be big and he may be strong,
But Squirrelflight, can't you see? Your decision was wrong!
I'm perfect for you, so why can't you see that?
I'm so much better for you than that traitorous rat!
"No, no, of course, I won't hold a grudge!"
See, that's your first mistake, darling. You should be a better judge.
Did you really think that after everything, we would still be friends?
HAHAHAHA! No, no, Squirrelflight, my darling… tonight it ends.
I am done playing games and I am no longer your toy!
Tonight, will be the first time I feel real joy.
"Why are you doing this, Ashfur?" you're asking me.
Well, beautiful, it's time that you finally see.
See the agony I've gone through and the pain that you've made!
This is the price that has to be paid.
It wasn't just being left behind that made me this way,
It was the pain I faced after; day after day!
Didn't you ever consider not to rub it in so much?
But even just brushing past you; you'd cringe at my touch.
And then the kits were born, how beautiful they were!
They'd jump, laugh, and play… they'd purr and they'd purr!
But did you ever stop to think, what if one of them was pale gray?
And with darker flecks on his back… wouldn't you like it that way?!
One would be Brindlekit, after my mother.
She'd be bright ginger, unlike her gray brother.
StarClan's never seen kits as perfect as ours!
But… they'll never be born. They're just wishes on stars.
I'd have been happy with one kit, two kits, or even three!
Just as long as you were there raising them next to me.
But… Squirrelflight, you're not. You left me for him…
And that's why I'm going to rip your kits apart, limb from limb.
…What do you mean, they're not yours, Squirrelflight?
You're lying! You're just telling me this, out of… out of spite!
Oh StarClan, please tell me this isn't a joke?
Finally, this disgusting family will go up in smoke!
I'll tell them all, I swear on my life that I will!
Tomorrow, at the Gathering! It'll be such a thrill!
Tomorrow, it'll be you who will be left in the dirt,
you'll be crying, screaming… and trust me, you'll hurt.
So go now, get out! Get out of my sight!
And you might want to enjoy the peace while it lasts, Squirrelflight.
You should probably start getting prepared,
Tomorrow's the day you'll wish I still cared.
I go to my nest, knowing I won't sleep at all.
All night I kept thinking, it'll soon be Squirrelflight's downfall.
But… is this what I want? Is it really what I need?
Did I ever even want to make my one love bleed?
I know what it's like, to be torn to a shred,
To be stomped on and broken; to be left for the dead.
I get out of my nest, no longer elated.
Do I really need to make that family so hated?
What am I saying? Of course I do!
But I can't help but think, "Would Squirrelflight do that to you?"
Yes, she hurt me and yes, I want to make her pay.
But would I feel any better by doing it this way?
"She didn't mean to hurt you," Again, there goes that tiny voice.
I reply to myself, "But leaving me was her choice."
And suddenly hits me. I stop dead in my tracks.
Making her hurt, wouldn't fix me; it wouldn't fill in the cracks!
There's an angry voice in my head! It's yelling at me!
"You're backing down now? Her pain will set you FREE!"
I stumble to the ground, clutching my head.
These voices, this anger… I'd rather be dead!
I can't take this much longer; it's ripping me apart!
Squirrelflight, oh Squirrelflight, why did you play with my heart?
I loved you so much, but you went and betrayed me!
Why? WHY? I don't understand! I don't see!
"Destroy her! Make her feel your pain!"
"No! Leave me alone! You have nothing to gain!"
I can't do this anymore. It hurts so bad!
Squirrelflight… you've turned me completely mad…
Why do I love you?
Why can't you love me too?
But the biggest question is one no one thought to ask…
Wasn't there a moment… when you saw through my mask?
Did you ever look at me and just see my pain?
And thought, "Hm, maybe Ashfur's feelings didn't wash away with the rain."
No… no you didn't. I already knew that…
Because you… you're just a heartless she-cat.
But yet, I won't tell your secret… I'll keep it with me.
Maybe now you'll notice… you'll finally see,
That I've always put your intentions first.
Maybe it's love… maybe it's insanity… maybe I'm cursed.
But one thing's for sure… I want this pain to go away.
I want it to leave! And away it will stay!
And that's why I don't move when I see Hollyleaf coming,
Not even when towards me, she starts running.
Run faster! Hurry up! Rake your claws down my chest!
Rip out my heart! Give me your best!
IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO? JUST KILL ME THIS INSTANT!
BE STRONG, BE A FIGHTER… DON'T LOOK IN MY EYES! BE DISTANT!
Kill me, kill me, kill me! Please just end my misery…
Take my life… take it from me…
I'm begging you, Hollyleaf. Please.
No, don't hesitate… please don't tease.
Yes, yes, rip out my throat!
Push me into the river! Make me float!
Finally, you're here to take away my pain!
This torture… this agony… I want to be slain!
I splash in the water, feeling my life leaving…
And along with it leaves this suffering; this grieving.
My mind is going numb but maybe that's for the best.
Because I can't do this anymore; I just want to rest.
The place where she clawed still stings a little,
But nowhere near as much as my heart… It's grown brittle.
I just… I can't do this anymore. This pain, these voices, this constant narration.
The urge to cause pain; all the temptation!
I can feel the insanity drain from my body,
And finally, finally, I am FREE!
No more pain, agony, suffering.
I'm done, it's over. I'm going to StarClan.
I'm no longer crazy, I'm just Ashfur.
A normal, painless, happy warrior.
Thank you, Hollyleaf, I'll forever be in your debt.
Tell Squirrelflight I forgive her… and that I'm sorry.
I'll watch you from StarClan, I promise you that.
And I promise, that I will never hurt you again.
…And Death is the Only Cure.