Best Friends Forever: by Preston J Richardson. 11/29/10
Once upon a time in the city of Chicago over at Sullivan High School on Bosworth and Albion Avenues lived a sweet, popular, smart, and outgoing fifteen year old handsome student named Preston Nickleson, a white guy who studied real hard in school, can sing, act, play sports, plays piano, guitar, loves to write scripts for plays and movies, loves to read, believes in the lord, does his work, and his word, tries to stay as positive as possible, loves cartoons, video games, and everybody loves him, including his family. It's Monday morning, school started, and Preston just got in school, got off his mountain bike with his backpack, and walked inside the school with a smile on his face. Everybody said hello to Preston, and Preston said hello to them back. Then he went up to one of his best friends who is named Zachrey Jones, a british spoken guy who is about the same age as Preston. They both were talking about how was their summer.
Preston: Good morning, Zachery.
Zachery: Good morning, Preston. How was your summer, mate?
Preston: Pretty good as a matter of fact, dude. How about yours?
Zachery: Mine was excellent. In fact, we went back to London, England to see my family. What did you do?
Preston: We all went to Six Flags Great America, and we had a great time.
Zachery: That's great, mate!
Preston: Ready to start another day in school?
Zachery: You betcha!
They walk along the hallways to see another friend of theirs named Timothy Collins, another fifteen year old sophomore as well.
Preston: Hello, Tim.
Zachery: Good morning, Tim.
Tim:(turned around and saw them.) Oh hi, guys. How are you doing?
Zachery: We're doing awesome, mate.
Preston: How's it going with you?
Tim: Oh, just great, dudes. I had the most extremely wonderful summer this year.
Zachery: Tell us about it.
Tim: Well at our family reunion trip to New York City, I met a girl there, and she is so beautiful. Her name is Stacy Wells, and she's a fox!
Preston: What year is she, Tim?
She's a junior this year, and she's got plenty of friends.
Zachery: Why she's almost a senior. That's cool, man!
Tim: Thank you, Zachery. Me and her are gonna be best buddies for a long time.
Preston: I'm still waiting on my best friend yet.
Zachery: Me too.
Tim: It'll happen, you guys. You just got to have your faith in God. If you read your bibles and pray like I did, it will happen. I promise.
Preston: Oh, I always do.
Zachery: Exactly.
Tim: Cool. Well I'll see you guys later. Okay?
Zachery: Okay, Tim, you take care.
Preston: We'll see you later, Tim.
Tim: Bye, Zachery. Bye, Preston.
And Preston and Zachery walked along the hallways to see more of their friends. They went up to see their next friends the Citco twins brothers, Marvin and Martin.
Marvin & Martin: Hi, Preston! Hi, Zachery!
Preston: Well hello, Martin and Marvin!
Zachery: What's up, lads? How are you doing?
Marvin: Oh, we're doing fine.
Martin: How about with you guys?
Preston: We're doing great!
Marvin & Martin: Can we walk with you guys?
Preston & Zachery: Sure you can.
And they all walked together in the hallways. Then they see another friend of theirs that lifts wheights, and plays sports. He's a junior this year. His names is Sylvester Fettuchini, and he's Italian-American.
Zachery: What's going on, Sylvester?
Sylvester: Well hello, you guys. How are you doing?
Preston: I'm doing excellent, Sylvester. In fact, I had a great summer.
Marvin & Martin: How's your workout, Sylvester?
Sylvester: Great! Try to stay slim and trim.
Zachery: So do I.
Preston: Me too.
Marvin & Martin: Us too.
Sylvester: Good. We all need to stay healthy.
Zachery: That's bloody well right, Sylvester.
And they all laughed and talked some more.
Preston: So how's your summer so far, Sylvester?
Sylvester: Dude, I worked all summer. I never get a day off.
Preston: Well I just got a day off from my job this summer. It was a birthday party for one of my cousins.
Sylvester: That's great, Preston.
Marvin: And we went camping in Wisconsin, my brother and I.
Martin: And we had a great time making friends with others there.
Sylvester: Well that's awesome! Well, I'm going to my first class right now. So I'll catch you guys later at gym, or at lunch. Okay?
Zachery: Okay, Sylvester. We'll see you later.
Preston: Good bye, Sylvester.
Martin: See ya, Sylvester.
Marvin: Bye, Sylvester.
Sylvester: Take care, guys!
So the four boys walked along the hallways heading straight over to another friend of theirs who is a freshman this year. Her name is Kyla Jensen, and she wears braces on her teeth.
Preston: Hi, Kyla!
Kyla: Hi, Preston! How's your day today?
Preston: My day is great! How's yours?
Kyla: It's excellent! Oh, hi, Zachery, Marvin, and Martin!
Zachery: Hi, Kyla!
Marvin & Martin: What's going on, Kyla?
Kyla: Nothing much. This is my first time in high school, and my first year of course. Very scary.
Preston: I remember my first year in high school, it was a bit scary for me at first. Then I love it a lot.
Zachery: And you're gonna love it a lot, Kyla.
Kyla: Oh man, I hope so. This school is as twice as bigger than junior high. And the men are so hot!
Martin: Indeed they are.
Kyla: Say, can I walk with you guys?
Preston: Sure you can, Kyla.
Zachery: You're welcome to join us anytime, Kyla.
Kyla: Thank you.
And they all walked along the hallways still talking.
Kyla: Say, Preston.
Preston: Yes?
Remember that all girl high school rockband that we saw in May in this high school before school was out for summer?
Preston: You mean "The Bad Ol' Putty Tats?
Kyla: And the lead singer is Coleen Madrazzo?
Preston: Yes, I've got her autograph and their CD. She's not dead, is she?
Kyla: No, she and the rest of the girls are over at the high school auditorium right now.
Preston, Zachery, Marvin, and Martin: No way!
Kyla: Way! Let's go meet them again! Shall we?
Preston: Yes, absolutely!
Zachery: Righto!
Marvin & Martin: Every man for himself!
They all rushed over to the auditorium to see "The Bad Ol' Putty Tats, including Coleen Madrazzo until they stopped for a while to say hello to Principal Anthony Roeber, a 55 year old man with a mustache, and a grey suit.
Preston: Good morning, Principal Roeber.
Principal Roeber: Good morning, kids. How are you?
Zachery: We're doing great, Principal Roeber.
Kyla: How's your summer, Principal Roeber?
Principal Roeber: Awesome! I went back home to Las Vegas to see my family again, and we had a great time.
Preston: Well I hope you didn't gamble too much.
Principal Roeber: No, I don't gamble.
Preston: Good. Because that would be a sin against God.
Principal Roeber: Yes, a very bad sin.
Preston: Well I went to Six Flags Great America in the summer.
Zachery: I went home to London to see my family.
Kyla: I just spent my time enjoying the city of Chicago. And I love every minute of it.
Marvin & Martin: And we went camping in Wisconsin.
Principal Roeber: Well that's nice that you all had a great summer.
Everybody: Have a nice day, Principal Roeber!
Principal Roeber: You too, Kids!
The kids were on their way down to the school auditorium to catch their coolest best friend "Coleen Madrazzo of the Bad Ol' Putty Tats.
Kyla: Here we are, you guys. This is it.
They all went to the auditorium, and there were six beautiful and pretty girls in that band. The lead singer in there is Coleen Madrazzo, a beautiful, pretty, perky, Puerto Rican, olive skinned female with high cheekbones, long brunette hair, cool clothes, smart, funny, outgoing, and plays electric guitar. Another pretty one is Julie Cannon, a blonde haired female that plays electric guitar also. Another one is Michelle Schmidt, a brown haired female that plays acoustic guitar. Then there's Brenda Washington, another beautiful female with red hair on the electric bass guitar. Then there's Renee Jones, a black female on the keyboards. And last but not least, Debbie Kahn, another brunette haired female on the drums. The girls saw Preston and his friends come this way, so they went over to say hi.
Coleen:(smiling.) Hey, what's up, Preston dude?!
Preston: Hey, how are you doing, Coleen?!
Coleen: I'm doing great! How are you doing?!
Preston: I'm doing excellent!
Coleen: Here, come give me a hug!
Preston: You've got it!
And they both went up and hugged eachother real tight. Then they let go.
Preston: It's good to see you again, Coleen.
Coleen: Good to see you again too, Preston. Say, you remember all of my girls from my band. Do ya?
Preston: I sure do. What's up, ladies?!
All the girls: Hey, Preston!
And the girls all rushed up to give Preston a hug, and Preston hugs them right back.
Kyla: Hi, Coleen! Remember me?
Coleen: Yeah! What's up, Kyla girlfriend!
And Kyla and Coleen rushed up and hugged eachother like girls always do in the first place.
Kyla: It's good to see you again, Coleen!
Coleen: You too, Kyla!
Preston: Say, you girls remember my friends "Zachery, Marvin, and Martin?"
Julie: Of course we do! Hi, Zachery, Marvin, and Martin!
Zachery: Hello, ladies!
Marvin & Martin: What's going on, cuties?!
Debbie: We're doing great!
Julie: Awesome!
Michelle: Outstanding!
Brenda: Excellent!
Renee: Baby, we're feeling groovy! My girls and I just finished recording our first CD over the summer.
Coleen: Plus, we did our first concert over at Fireside Bowl one time. It was great! Right, Muchachas?
Julie: Right.
Renee: Absolutely.
Debbie: It was cool.
Michelle: We had a great time.
Brenda: You betcha.
Kyla: That's awesome!
Brenda: Thank you, Kyla.
Kyla: You're welcome, Brenda.
Coleen: So what about you guys? How was your summer?
Preston: Great! We went to Six Flags Great America.
Zachery: I went back home to London to spend it with my family.
Kyla: I just spent it here in Chicago.
Marvin & Martin: And we went camping in Wisconsin.
Coleen: That's cool, Amigos! I wanted to go back to my hometown in New York City back in Spanish Harlem, but I've decided not to do that.
Zachery: Why, too dangerous?
Coleen: Honey, I laugh at the eyes of danger. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, no. I just want to rock'n'roll with my girls all summer, record music, do local live concerts, and make money because me and my girls want to be famous someday.
Renee: Absolutely, Baby!
Julie: That's right.
Michelle: We do.
Debbie: You got it.
Brenda: Yes, sir!
Preston: So are you originally from Spanish Harlem in New York?
Coleen: Si, Senor. That's where I'm from. I'm a tomboy.
Suddenly, the first bell rings.
Preston: Well, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I believe the first bell rang so we need to get to our classes.
Coleen: Us too, dude! We need to go to our first classes too. Well, it was nice seeing you guys again.
Kyla: You too, Coleen.
Coleen: Hopefully we'll see you guys again in either gym, or lunch.
Preston: Yes, exactly. Well we'll see you ladies later. Okay?
Coleen: Okay, Preston. You take care, all of you.
The girls: Goodbye.
Everybody else: Goodbye.
And so, everybody heads for their first class, Preston went to his first class from his friends for a while to English with Ms. Marina Lopez, a big, tall, slim, beautiful, pretty, Mexican type olive skinned woman with high cheekbones, long brown hair, and a deep low voice. She's a real nice woman. Preston went to say hello to Ms. Lopez.
Preston: Good morning, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez:(smiling.) Good morning, Preston. How are you doing today?
Preston: I'm doing great today. How about yourself?
Ms. Lopez: I'm doing excellent. Did you have a good summer?
Preston: Yes I did.
Ms. Lopez: That's good.
Another kid called Preston as well. It's a black sophomore boy in high school. His name is Ralph Jamal Spinner, another handsome guy. Preston turned around and was happy to see Ralph again in his class, and Ralph was happy to see Preston again.
Preston: Ralph! Good to see you again. How have you been?
Ralph: Pretty good, man. How have you been?
Preston: Awesome. In fact, I had a wonderful summer.
Ralph: That's good, man. That's good.
Soon, all the other kids came to Ms. Lopez's classroom before the second bell starts to ring. Then the second bell rang and Ms. Lopez was happy to see all the kids again.
Ms. Lopez: Good morning, class.
Everybody: Good morning, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: How's everybody today?
Everybody: We're great! How about you?
Ms. Lopez: I'm doing fine. Nice to see you all again.
Everybody: Nice to see you too.
But another student came in late for class all dressed in rags, his hair is green and spiked, has a pierced nose, smells bad, and he's mean, plus, he's been after Preston Nickleson wanting to be his lover since day one back in their freshman year. But Preston does not like him, neither is he interested in him. His name is Damon Collins, (not Tim Collins' brother), they call him "The Monster." Ms. Lopez was very disappointed when Damon "Monster" Collins came to class late.
Ms. Lopez: You're late, Damon. Do you have a pass?
Damon: No! Do you have a pass, Freak?!
All the kids laughed at Damon, except for Preston and Ralph, because Damon does not know how to behave. That's why he's a monster. Preston and Ralph did not think Damon's humor is funny at all because Damon is a bad guy.
Ms. Lopez: Now Damon, you need to get a pass next time you come in late.
Damon: Hey, I don't have to get anything for anybody! What are you, some kind of a dumb broad?! So what if I'm late?! WHO CARES!
Ms. Lopez:(angry.) Look, Damon, you stop this nonsense this very instant! Do you understand that?!
Damon: No, you look! I hate losers like all of you!
Ms. Lopez: What?! What?!
Damon: YOU HEARD ME! I HATE LOSERS LIKE ALL OF YOU! (Then he checks Preston out with a smile.) All except my lover here in this class. How are you doing, cutie?
Preston: Monster, stay away from me! I told you, I'm into women! I love women too much!
Damon: No way, baby. I love you too much, and you should love men too much, not women. Let me snap you out of it by me kissing you on the lips. So here goes.
Preston: Excuse me?!
Ralph:(to Damon.) Hey, man, back off, Fool! He does not want to be with you!
Damon: (to Ralph.) YOU SHUT UP, NEGRO! He's my lover, and he's gonna be with me!
Preston: No I'm not, Monster! I will never be with you!
Ms. Lopez:(to Damon.) That's it! Young man, I am writing you up for holding up this class and harassing Preston will your silly nonsense!
Damon: You're not nobody up, Freak!
Preston: Monster, cut it out!
Ms. Lopez: Damon, you get to your seat NOW!
Damon: NO!
runs, and grabs Damon by the arm, but Damon slaps Ms. Lopez real good and hard across the face, and Ms. Lopez grunted real loud.
Ms. Lopez: AUH!
Damon: I SAID, LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU DUMB DARLA!
Then Damon heads to his seat on the last corner on the right getting angry. Then everybody looks at Damon, and they all laugh at him quietly.
Damon: WHAT ARE YOU CREEPS LOOKING AT?!
They all turned back around to pay attention to what Ms. Lopez has to say.
Ms. Lopez:(to Damon.) I'll deal with you later, Damon! (To the other class.) Right now, we're going to go on with our first lesson. We're going to talk about nouns. When they say noun, who can tell me what a noun is?
Damon: Your butt perhaps!
Ms. Lopez: Now that's enough of that, Damon!
A beautiful girl named Courtney Griffin raised her hand to say what a noun is.
Ms. Lopez: Yes, Courtney, go ahead.
Courtney: A noun is a person, place, or thing.
Ms. Lopez: That's right, Courtney.
But suddenly, a knock at the door started interrupting their lesson. So Ms. Lopez said "Come in."
Ms. Lopez: Come in.
And opening the door lived a beautiful, big, tall, pretty, slim, attractive, sexy, smart, talented, intelligent, outgoing Italian teenage, sixteen year old girl, with olive skin, big round European sharply etched high cheekbones on her face, long blonde hair, an Italian accent, a sexy deep low voice, and a very pretty face. Her name is Bugsi Ann Donitello. She just moved here to the states from her homeplace in Rome, Italy. She asked Ms. Lopez this question.
Bugsi Ann: Excuse me. But is this English with Ms. Lopez?
Ms. Lopez: Yes this is. You're in the right place, my dear. And I'm Ms. Lopez. Welcome aboard. And you must be Bugsi Ann Donitello.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, that's me. (And she laughs.) Heheheheheheheheheheheheh!
Preston: Say Ralph. This girl is so amazing. I would like to meet this girl who just walked in our class. She's hot.
Ralph: Well maybe you should introduce yourself to her after class, man.
Preston: Oh I will. She's my kind of ladies.
Bugsi Ann: (to Ms. Lopez.) I've just moved here from my country in Rome, Italy, and I want to get to know everybody here in the states of America.
Ms. Lopez: You got it, Bugsi Ann. (to everybody.) Everybody, we have a new student that just moved here from her country in Rome, Italy, and would love to get to know the people here in the USA. Her name is Bugsi Ann Donitello. So everybody, say hello to Bugsi Ann.
Everybody: Hello, Bugsi Ann!
Damon: Hello, Olive Oyl! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Ms. Lopez: (to Damon.) Okay, Damon, if I have to tell you one more time to straighten up your act, you will get a detention! Do I make that clear?!
Damon: (smiling evilly.) Promise? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Ms. Lopez: Very funny! (to everybody.) Who would like to show Bugsi Ann around after class? Raise your hand.
Preston: (raised his hand first.) I would like to show Bugsi Ann around after class, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: That's very sweet of you, Preston.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, that would be very nice.
Damon: WHAT?! Uh-uh, lover boy! You always show me around, never no one else! If you do that, I will get mad! And I would hate to beat the tar out of you, boy!
Preston: (to Damon.) Monster, knock it off! I don't love you I said! And there's no way I'm going to be with you either because you're disgusting!
Ms. Lopez: Pay no attention to Damon, Preston. He shall be punished.
Damon: Not so fast, Freakazoid! Nobody is going to punish me because I kill them if they do!
Ms. Lopez: (angry.) Okay, that's it! Damon, you've got a detention! Do you understand me?!
Damon: SAYS WHO?!
Ms. Lopez: Says me! In fact, I'm going to write you up right now!
Damon: (took a knife from his pocket.) OH YEAH?!
Then Damon threw the knife at Ms. Lopez, and it flew straight to the blackboard, and Ms. Lopez screamed!
Ms. Lopez: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Damon: NOW, ANYBODY ELSE WANT TO TAME ME, HUH?!
Everyone else was frightened.
Damon: Now, if you all would do as I say, nobody gets hurt! If you don't then I will harm you completely! Capeashe?! (to Preston.) That includes you, lover boy! You're mine! Not women's!
Preston: Ms. Lopez, may I please be excused?
Ms. Lopez: Yes you may, Preston.
Damon: NO YOU MAY NOT!
Preston: Shut up, Monster! I wasn't talking to you!
Ms. Lopez: Here, Preston, let me write you a pass.
Damon: DON'T YOU WRITE HIM ANYTHING, FREAK! (To Preston.) You're not going anyplace without me, sexy!
Preston: Monster, I said LEAVE ME ALONE!
Damon: NO!
Ms. Lopez: Here you go, Preston.
Preston: Thanks.
But just before Preston was going to get the pass from Ms. Lopez, Damon used a crossbow, aimed at the pass, and shot it from Ms. Lopez's left hand and flew it to the blackboard also.
Ralph: (to Preston.) Run, man! Don't let that creep Monster mess you up!
Preston: Right, Ralph!
So Preston got out of his seat, ran out the door to the principal's office, but Damon got out of his seat too, and started chasing Preston. Ms. Lopez got on her celphone to call the police.
Meanwhile, Preston ran really fast away from Damon straight to the principal's office and he made it.
Damon: GET AWAY FROM THERE, BOY! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE TO TELL ON ME! NO WAY, JOSE!
Preston went inside the office, and saw two ladies older than him. Preston told them this.
Preston: Excuse me, ladies. But this is an emergency! I need to speak to Principal Saturn right away! There's a guy who is after me, plus, he ruined our English class with Ms. Lopez!
First lady: Sure, just go straight to his office. He should be there. (To the second lady.) Isn't he, Rachel?
Second lady: Yes, Darla, he is there. (To Preston.) Just walk on in, son.
Preston: Thank you.
And Preston walked straight to the office of Principal Woody Saturn, a 63 year old grey haired white guy with the navy blue suit on.
Preston: Principal Saturn, I need to talk to you for a moment!
Principal Saturn: Why sure, Preston. What's on your mind?
Preston: It's about Damon Collins "aka The Monster" has just frightened our English class with Ms. Lopez with weapons! Now he's after me again! You've got to do something quick!
Principal Saturn: Is he out there in the hallways right now?
Preston: Yes he is.
Principal Saturn: Here, I'll handle this.
Preston: Thank you.
As Principal Woody Saturn goes outside the hallways and there was Damon.
Damon: (to Principal Saturn.) WHERE'S MY LOVER?!
Principal Saturn: Now Damon, you need to behave yourself and leave Preston alone! You're scaring everybody away!
Damon: Never mind that, you boob! I want my lover out of that office!
Principal Saturn: Now I don't want to hear your smartmouth, Damon! This has got to stop!
Suddenly, the police came by to arrest Damon. There were two policemen with their guns out aiming at Damon.
The first policeman: FREEZE! POLICE! Is your name Damon Collins?
Damon: WHAT IS THIS, A JOKE?! GO AWAY!
The second policeman: You're under arrest on suspendtion of using weapons in school, and raping people!
Damon: WHAT?! UNHAND ME AT ONCE, YOU LOWDOWN UGLY FLATFOOTS!
Preston: That's what you get for telling me to be your lover! That's a sin against God, Monster!
Damon: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, LOVER BOY! I'M GONNA GET YOU! IT AIN'T OVER YET! YOU WILL BE MINE! THAT'S RIGHT! YOU'RE GONNA BE MINE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
Preston: Don't hold your breath, Monster!
Principal Saturn: Hopefully Damon will learn his lesson.
Preston: Well, let's hope so. Thank you for everything, Principal Saturn.
And Preston went back to the classroom and made it in.
Ms. Lopez: Is Damon gone?
Preston: The police took care of it. He won't be bothering us anytime soon.
Ms. Lopez: Oh, thank goodness.
Ralph: Let's hear it for my man Preston!
Then the bell rings, and everybody leaves to go to their next class. Preston Nickleson shows Bugsi Ann Donitello around the whole school.
Preston: Here we are, Bugsi Ann, the gym.
Bugsi Ann: The gym.
Preston: This is where we exercise, play all sorts of sports. Which is where I'm going right now.
Bugsi Ann: You are? Me too.
Preston: You are? Excellent!
Bugsi Ann: So I'll see you then, Preston.
Preston: Okay, Bugsi Ann, I'll see you then.
And they both walked to the gym together and go in separate rooms. Preston heads for the men's room, and Bugsi Ann heads to the woman's room. Then Preston ran into Sylvester Fettuchini again, and his friend Bob White.
Preston: Hello, Sylvester.
Sylvester: What's up, Preston. How are you doing?
Preston: Awesome!
Bob: Hi, Preston. I'm Bob White. I'm Sylvester's friend.
Preston: Hi, Bob, nice to meet you.
Soon, everybody leaves the lockeroom with their gym clothes on, heads over to the gym to see Coach Frazier Kent, a 55 year old man with a baseball cap in his head.
Coach Kent: Good morning, Boys.
Everybody: Good morning, Coach Kent.
Coach Kent: Today, I'm going to teach you guys how to play soccer. We're going to do it outside. But first, let's do our exercises. How about 20 jumping jacks.
Preston: Fine with me, Coach Kent.
Coach Kent: You got it, Preston. (to everybody.) Okay, everyone, let's go! One one, one two, one three, one four, one five, one six, one seven, one eight, one nine, one ten, one eleven, one twelve, one thirteen, one fourteen, one fifteen, one sixteen, one seventeen, one eighteen, one nineteen, and one twenty! Now, ten push ups.
Everybody: Oh no, Coach. Not those.
Coach Kent: Yes, those. Let's go! One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Now, let's touch our toes.
A guy named Scott said something.
Scott: Yeah, better than those push ups.
Coach Kent: Absolutely, Scott. (to everybody.) Okay, Boys, let's go! One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten! Okay, Boys, let's head outside.
Meanwhile at the police station in west Schreiber Avenue, Damon Collins in jail used his celphone to call three of his gay monster partners in crime to get him out of jail so that they can mess up the whole school for everybody else, and get Preston Nickleson again.
Damon: Hello, Jack, Ramon, and Sol. This is Damon Collins. I need all three of you to come to the police station on Schreiber Avenue and get me out of jail right away. We're going back to Sullivan High School to get my lover name Hotkiss Nickleson. I want the two of us to be together alone all day and all night making love to eachother with no schoolwork, and no rules. And if you see any policeman come by you at anytime, kill them, and leave no stone unturned. Okay? Now hurry up, and get me out of here!
Then Damon turned off his celphone, put it in his left pants pocket, then a policeman came over to Damon's cell and asked him this question.
The policeman: What are you doing, fellow?
Damon: Get out of here!
The policeman: Look, you were talking to somebody in here! Now I want to know what are you doing, and I want to know now!
Damon: It's none of your business, jackass!
The policeman: Do you have a celphone on you? You know that you're not allowed to have celphones here. That's against the law.
Damon: So what if I do?! What are you going to do about it?!
The officer unlocked the cell to see what Damon has in his pockets, but Damon took the officer's set of keys, threw him in, and locked the cell. Then he ran for his life.
Damon: SO LONG, SUCKER!
The policeman: COME BACK HERE, YOU MONSTER, AND GET ME OUT OF HERE! STOP, THIEF!
But Damon ran on and on and on. Two other police officers tried to block the hallways on Damon with their guns out.
The two policemen: Freeze! Police!
Damon: OH YEAH?!
The guards tried to shoot him, but missed. Damon jumped up and kicked their faces with his feet. The officers fell down, and Damon took their guns and kept right on running.
Damon: SERVES YOU CREEPS RIGHT! NEXT TIME YOU'LL STAY AWAY FROM MY PLANS!
So Damon ran out of the police station, and his gay friends are there just in the nick of time in an old 1989 Ford van, and Damon went in, and they drove away.
Meanwhile back at Sullivan High, it was lunch time for the kids, and Preston Nickleson, along with Zachery, Tim, Marvin, Martin, Sylvester, Bob White, Kyla, Coleen, Ralph, and Bugsi Ann were having lunch together.
Preston: I can't believe we've got two principals working for our school.
Zachery: Yeah, mates. How amazing is that.
Kyla: Actually, they're a team. We've always have two principals working for our school. They're partners.
Ralph: Anthony Roeber, and Woody Saturn.
Bugsi Ann: They're real nice guys.
Coleen: Absolutely, muchacha.
Bugsi Ann: Oh, I don't think I quite met you yet.
Coleen: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Coleen.
Bugsi: Ann: Hi, I'm Bugsi Ann from Italy.
The two girls both reach out to shake hands with eachother.
Coleen: Nice to meet you, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi: You too, Coleen. So what nationality are you?
Coleen: I'm Puerto Rican. And you must be Italian.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, I am Italian.
Coleen: Aye carumba, muchacha. So how do you like living here in America?
Bugsi Ann: I love it here, and it feels great. I want to get to know my new country here in the USA, and make new friends here.
Zachery: Well you've got new friends in all of us, Bugsi Ann. I'm not from around here in the states either.
Bugsi Ann: Where are you from, Zachery?
Zachery: From London, England.
Marvin & Martin: We welcome you to the states, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi Ann: Thank you boys.
Preston: Say Bugsi Ann, do you ever go to church on Sundays?
Bugsi Ann: I used to go back in my home country in Italy. But now that we have moved to America here in Chicago, we are to find a church where we can fit in, that nobody judges us, where we can make friends that like us, and not threaten us at all.
Coleen: Say Bugsi Ann, have you heard of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?
Bugsi Ann: No, I never heard of it at all.
Preston: It's a real unique church, and we don't judge anybody there.
Tim: And Coleen will tell you all about it.
Ralph: Wait a minute! I thought Preston was gonna tell us about it.
Preston: Ralph, I'm not a member yet. I just got started in that church last week.
Ralph: Oh, my bad.
Coleen: Okay, let me tell all of you. Some of you may not be familiar with a man name Joseph Smith.
Sylvester: Who's Joseph Smith, Coleen?
Coleen: Well let me tell you about him.
Sylvester: Okay.
Coleen: Joseph Smith became a prophet in Fayette, New York April 6, 1830. First he wrote the book of Mormon, then he built the church there, re-wrote the books of the bible because God wanted him to do these things in the name of Jesus Christ his son. He called it "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Everybody came to the church, they learned a lot from it, and they like it a lot. Then they all started making Latter-Day Saints churches everywhere. All over this whole big globe, they made churches like this everywhere. And it's a great feeling! We've got a church like this in Chicago right here. It's on Pulaski Road and we don't threaten, nor judge anybody at our church at all. We make everyone feel right at home.
Kyla: Now what's the Book of Mormon, Coleen?
Bugsi Ann: Yes, what is a Book of Mormon?
Coleen: Let me tell you. The Book of Mormon is sort of similar to the bible. But we read it first and foremost before we read our bibles. The reason that it's important to read the Book of Mormon in the first place so that we can get encouraged by the holy spirit.
Bugsi Ann: Well, back in my home country in Italy, we read our bibles, and pray to God every Sunday back at my old church.
Coleen: Well it's important to talk to God everyday, not just on Sundays. Everybody, we need to read our books of Mormon, and our bibles before we do anything else. We do a lot of activities at our church, we do plays, we go out places, but most important, every Monday night we do family home evenings at someone's house.
Bugsi Ann: Wow! You people do a lot of great stuff at your church, Coleen! I would like to join your church.
Coleen: Cool! We'll get together sometimes and go watch a movie, or go to a Cubs baseball game, or something like that. We'll be best friends forever. We'll all get together sometimes! What do you all say?
Preston: Absolutely! I would love that very much too! What do you say, Zach?
Zachery: You better believe it, mate! We'll do that!
Sylvester: Cool, Coleen!
Ralph: Girl, I would love that very much! Nobody invites me anyplace.
Coleen: Well you're invited, Ralph.
Ralph: Thank you, Coleen.
Tim: Can I join in?
Bob: Me too?
Coleen: You guys got it.
Kyla: I'm in too. Right?
Coleen: Yes you are, Kyla.
Marvin: That goes for me too?
Martin: And me too?
Coleen: You bet.
Everybody: HOORAY! YAY! YAY!
But just then, three snotty blackgirls overheard them. They think that Coleen and her friends are sick puppies acting great that way. They were real angry at Coleen and her friends. So one of the blackgirls got up from her seat, went to that table, and started threatening Coleen.
The blackgirl: Hey, y'all need to stop acting crazy around here! Y'all stupid!
Coleen: Hey, who are you calling stupid?!
The blackgirl: YOU! You got a problem with that?!
Coleen: Look, you don't even know me, alright?! Plus, I was just talking to my friends about the church I go to, and not you, so keep out of this, why don't you!
But the girl slapped Coleen real good and hard across the face, and Coleen punched her flying back to her table where the other blackgirls are.
The blackgirl: Man, I hate that girl.
The other blackgirls: We hate her too, and her crazy friends!
The blackgirl: Come on, y'all, let's go.
And the blackgirls left the lunchroom.
Coleen: Also, you've got to remember this, Bugsi Ann. That blackgirl you've just saw threaten us with her grief, always ignore people like that, otherwise pray for them, forgive them, and love them, which is what I need to do as well because I still find hard to do while living in New York City.
Bugsi Ann: Wait, you're from New York City?
Coleen: Exactly. I was born in Spanish Harlem as a Tomboy, and I'm still a tomboy today.
Bugsi Ann: Amazing!
Coleen: So how far do you live, Bugsi Ann?
Bugsi Ann: I live in 8687 North Halsted Street.
Coleen: Cool. I know where that is. So this Sunday, I'll come and pick you up from your house at exactly 9:30am because church service starts at 10:00am on Sundays. That includes the rest of you. Okay?
Everybody: ALRIGHT!
Preston: This will be the biggest oppritunity yet! All of you coming to our church. This is great!
Zachery: Yep, we're all gonna be by your side, mate.
Preston: Everybody together! We are best friends forever!
Ralph: You bet we are, my man.
Suddenly, the bell rings, and everybody heads over to their next classes.
Coleen: I'll see you all this afternoon after school is over. Okay?
Everybody: Okay!
And they all went their separate ways to get to their classes. But suddenly, checking Preston out unknown to him was none other than Damon Collins and the three other stupid gayguys, Jack, Ramon, and Sol. And they're up to no good.
Sol: Hey, Boss, how are we gonna get your Hotkiss to be yours?
Damon: We'll wait until the classes are over, then we'll grab him. He will be my lover of course because I am so madly in love with him!
Jack: So he's in his computer class right now. Am I right, Boss?
Damon: Of course, you idiot! We're all gonna do something freaky with him big time!
Ramon: Well don't look now but here comes Principal Roeber.
Damon: Oh, those flatfoots! Quickly, let's hide inside this janitor's closet near by.
So they headed straight for the janitor's closet near by so that they are not seen by Principal Roeber as he walks by. He's making sure all of the kids are in their classes like they're supposed to. Finally, Principal Roeber walked out of there, Damon and the rest of the gay guys came out of the janitor's closet just to check Preston out in that computer class. Preston saw the boys out in the hallways while working on his computer, and he was scared of what those guys might do to him. So he calls on his teacher in charge of the computers Mr. Halls, a clean fifty five year old guy.
Preston: Mr. Halls.
Mr. Halls: Yes, Preston.
Preston: Could you please see who's checking us out in the hallways? They could be some gay guys wanting to have sex with me, and I'm not interested in sex at all.
Meanwhile back out in the hallways…..
Ramon: Hark, somebody's coming!
Damon: What?! Not again! Everybody, back to the janitor's closet!
So they all rushed back to the janitor's closet, Mr. Halls opened the classroom door and saw the guys too rushing to the janitor's closet to hide.
Mr. Halls: (to Himself.) Yeah, I saw those guys alright rushing to the janitor's closet so they won't get caught.
So Mr. Halls went back to the room, closed the door, and told Preston this.
Mr. Halls: Yes, you're right, Preston. They're four boys acting suspiciously stupid out in the hallways. Just ignore them when you get out of class. Pay no attention to them, just go with your friends in your next class. Okay?
Preston: I will.
But meanwhile coming out from the janitor's closet, those gay creeps just don't know when to give up. They're still checking Preston out while he's working.
Sol: (acting stupid.) There is our lover! Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!
Damon: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Will you shut up, you lamebrain?! Do you want to scare him away when we get him?
Sol: Sorry.
Damon: Just wait for the bell to ring, then grab him when he comes by. Catch my drift?
All three: Yes, sir. We do.
Suddenly, the bell rings. Everybody comes out of their classes. Preston walks out of his computer class, then the bad gay guys grab him!
Preston: Hey, what's going on here?! Damon, I thought I told you to leave me alone!
Damon: No way, Babycakes! You're gonna be my lover, and my men's lover. We're all gonna be together forever and ever.
Preston: No, we're not! And you guys need to quit this before you get yourselves in trouble! Now let go of me!
Suddenly, Mr. Halls walks out of the room to talk to the gay guys for molesting Preston.
Mr. Halls: Is there a problem, fellows?
Damon: You bet there's a problem! And it's you, FREAK! You stay away from our lover Hotkiss! Do you understand me?! He's our hotkiss and not yours!
Preston: (to Damon.) Who are you calling Hotkiss?!
Damon: (to Preston.) You, Hotkiss! Don't you know anything?!
Mr. Halls: Now look, young man, you let go of Preston this instant!
Damon: No!
Preston: Yes!
Damon: NO! You're mine, Hotkiss!
Then suddenly, Coleen Madrazzo saw Preston in trouble with the gay guys. So she used her voice as a lion roaring at the gay guys close by.
Sol: Woah, what was that?!
Damon: Sounds like a ferocious lion! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
And the gay guys took off and left Preston alone.
Preston: What was that, Mr. Halls?
Coleen: (came to Preston.) That was me, Amigo. I disguised my voice a lot to fight off evildoers that mess with my friends.
Mr. Halls: See, Preston, you've got a great friend who takes good care of you.
Preston: Thanks, you guys.
Coleen: Are you okay, Preston?
Preston: I am now. Thank you, Coleen.
Coleen: Any time, Muchacho.
Preston: Let's get out of here.
Coleen: Si, Senor.
And Coleen and Preston left to see their friends. Then it was time to go home. Preston spent some time with his friends a little bit.
Preston: You guys have got to help me. Damon Collins has been after me for days, and he and his gay pals want to have sex with me. I am not into sex at all. Not even with men! But they'll stop at nothing to get me.
Coleen: Amigo, we'll do whatever we can to stop those guys from coming on to you. But you'll have to do the rest on your own even if we're not there.
Preston: But what should I do
Ralph: Just go on your bike straight home really fast and tell your parents and the rest of your family.
Marvin & Martin: And if nobody's home but you, just lock all doors and windows. Then tell them when they get home.
Coleen: And when you get home, Preston, just go to your room, lock your bedroom door, and just pray to God about those guys, and he'll give strength to take care of them. Okay?
Preston: Okay.
Kyla: You'll do okay, Preston buddy.
Coleen: Yeah, we all have confidence in you.
Preston: Thank you all. So will I see you all next time?
Ralph: Yes you will, my man.
Preston: Well, take care, everyone.
Everybody: You too, Preston!
And Preston left to get his bike and heads straight home at 4867 West Rosemont Ave. He made it home finally, opened the door, and his family was there. His mom Karen, his dad Nathaniel, his three brothers Cameron, Fred, and Bart. Cameron is the 28 year old eldest brother, Fred is the 17 year old brother, and Bart is the 12 year old youngest brother of all. And four sisters, Marie, Gabrielle, Savannah, and Ashley. Marie is the 27 year old sister, Gabrielle is the 16 year old sister, Savannah is the 14 year old sister, and Ashley is the 8 year old youngest sister of all. They're all glad to see Preston come back home from school.
The family: Welcome home, Preston!
Preston: Thank you all. Good afternoon, everybody.
Karen: Good afternoon, Preston. How are you doing, son?
Preston: Pretty good, mom. How about with all of you?
Everybody: Things are going pretty good.
Nathaniel: Have you been doing good in school, son?
Preston: Yes I have, dad. In fact, I should be getting all straight As big time.
Everybody: HOORAY!
Preston: But I do have some trouble in school.
Karen: On what, son?
Preston: It's not about my studies, mom. It's about some gay people following me.
Cameron: Gay people?
Preston: Yes, Cameron. Gay guys, and they're very mean. The person that leads the gay guys group is a creep named Damon Collins. He's a monster that just wants my body and he and his gang want to have sex with me, and I love women too much. I'm not into men.
Nathaniel: Don't worry, Preston. We'll protect you.
Marie: We're all with you all the way.
Karen: We should call the police if they do something like that again.
Ashley: People like them ought to be horsewhipped!
Marie: Just don't listen to those gay guys, Preston. Just ignore them.
Fred: You know what you could do, Preston, is to pray for them. Pray that they would seek God out.
Gabrielle: Yes. Exactly. It works.
Preston: I will. But what if they still come on to me?
Gabrielle: Then tell your school counselor. And they'll call the police.
Preston: I will talk to my counselor about this. In fact, I'm going to my room right now and praying.
So Preston went upstairs to the brothers' room, closed the door and prayed.
Preston: Father in Heaven, I come to you in prayer right now, that I'm being chased by gay guys at my school. Damon Collins is the guy that leads the pack. They keep checking me out, making passes at me, chasing me everywhere I go because they want to gross me out with nasty stuff, marry me, and have sex with me all night and all day everytime. I am not into sex, and I am not into men. Please help Damon and the others see the light about how I love women too much. I'm not into just anybody, I'm very picky about what woman I want. I asked for that many times. So please keep Damon and the rest of those gay guys out of my sight. And I say these things in the name of the lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Meanwhile, today is Sunday. Preston and the family went to church at 3250 South Pulaski Road in Chicago. Everybody else was there including Coleen Madrazzo.
Coleen: Hey, Preston!
Preston: Well hello, Coleen! How have you been?
Coleen: Great! How are you doing?
Preston: Awesome!
Coleen: Did that creep Damon bother you over the weekend?
Preston: No he didn't. I was with my family all along this weekend.
Coleen: Well guess who else is here.
Preston: Who?
Coleen: Your friend Bugsi Ann Donitello.
Preston: (all excited.) Bugsi Ann? Where?
Bugsi Ann sneaked up behind Preston
Bugsi Ann: Right behind you, Preston.
Then Preston turned around and smiled at her, then she smiled at him right back.
Preston: Hi, Bugsi Ann! How are you doing today? Fine I hope.
Bugsi Ann: I am doing fine. How about you?
Preston: I'm doing fine. It's good to see you both again!
Coleen & Bugsi Ann: You too! Thank you!
And all three gave eachother a great big hug.
Preston: I need you both to meet my family.
Bugsi Ann: Sure.
Coleen: Cool!
Preston: This is my mom Karen.
Karen: Hi! Nice to meet you two.
Coleen: Likewise. I'm Coleen.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm Bugsi Ann.
Karen: Nice names.
Preston: This is my dad Nathaniel. Dad, these are my friends from school Coleen and Bugsi Ann.
Nathaniel: Hello, ladies.
Coleen: Good morning, sir. Nice to meet you.
Bugsi Ann: Likewise I'm sure.
Nathaniel: Nice to meet you ladies.
Preston: These are my brothers Cameron, Fred, and Bart. Fellows, meet my friends Coleen, and Bugsi Ann.
Cameron: Hello there. Nice to meet you two.
Coleen: Nice to meet you too.
Bugsi Ann: Hello, how are you doing?
Cameron: I'm doing great.
Fred: Hello, Coleen and Bugsi Ann. Nice to meet you ladies.
Coleen: Likewise, dude.
Bugsi Ann: Absolutely.
Bart: Hi. Nice to meet you girls. Any friend of my brother Preston's is a friend of ours.
Bugsi Ann: Aw, why thank you! You're our friend too.
Coleen: Absolutely, man. You're definitely our friend.
Bart: Why thank you!
Bugsi Ann: Actually, I'm not from around the states. I'm from Rome, Italy.
Coleen: And I'm from New York City.
Preston: And meet my four sisters, Marie, Gabrielle, Savannah, and Ashley.
Marie: Hi, I'm Marie. What are your names?
Coleen: I'm Coleen from New York City.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm Bugsi Ann from Rome, Italy.
Marie: Nice to meet you two.
Coleen: Nice to meet you too, Marie.
Bugsi Ann: Likewise, I'm sure.
Gabrielle: I'm Gabrielle. Hi.
Coleen: Hi, Gabrielle, I'm Coleen. Nice to meet you.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm Bugsi Ann. Nice to meet you.
Gabrielle. Nice to meet the two of you.
Savannah: Hi, I'm Savannah.
Coleen: Hi, Savannah, I'm Coleen. Nice to meet you.
Bugsi Ann: Hi, Savannah, I'm Bugsi Ann. Nice to meet you too.
Savannah: Nice to meet the two of you.
Ashley: Hi, I'm Ashley. You're Preston's friends, right?
Coleen: Yes we are. I'm Coleen Madrazzo. And your name again?
Ashley: Ashley!
Coleen: Oh, it's Ashley.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm Bugsi Ann. Nice to meet you, Ashley.
Ashley: Nice to meet you guys too.
Coleen: Likewise, dudette.
Ashley: You got it.
Preston: Well we're gonna look for a seat to sit down. So can we talk to you ladies a little bit later?
Coleen: Hey, can me and Bugsi Ann sit with you guys?
Preston: Sure. (to his mother Karen.) Can they, mom? Dad?
Karen: Of course you can.
Nathaniel: It's alright by us.
Bugsi Ann: Thank you!
Coleen: Cool!
And they all found a seat together and all sat together enjoying each other's company.
Coleen: Thank you for letting us sit with you, Preston.
Preston: Oh you're quite welcome, Coleen.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, thank you.
Preston: You're welcome, Bugsi Ann.
Coming to the stage of the church was a man with grey hair and a grey mustache in his eighties. His name is President Tyrone John, a british spoken person in charge of the whole church. He is now getting ready to pray.
Tyrone John: Can we pray please? (Everybody prayed with him.) Dear gracious God, our heavenly father, thank you for bringing us all here this morning. I know it's hard to get up this morning from our beds, but we made it here okay. Thank you for brining us good health, life, and peace. Thank you for the air we breathe. For those that our not here, we all wish them well, and hope for them to have a great day. Please forgive our enemies for they don't know what they're doing. Thank you for families, and friends that love us and care for us. Help us all to love and care for each other including our enemies. And we pray that our enemies live in good health too. God, we thank you for bringing us all into this world, and we thank you for being here for us always. And I say these things in the name of your son Jesus Christ, Amen.
Everybody: Amen.
But unknown to Preston and his family and friends, their every move has been watch by those nasty evil gay guys again from in front of the door in rags. They're none other than Damon Collins, along with Jack, Ramon, and Sol. And they're up to no good again.
Jack: Here we are inside the church, boss. But I don't see our lover.
Damon: Keep looking. He's around here someplace.
And they all looked around part of the church to find Preston Nickleson.
Ramon: Are we there yet?
Damon: No, dummy! Keep looking some more.
Sol: When will we find him?
Damon: I don't know! Just keep looking, you morons!
Suddenly, President Tyrone John started to speak again.
President Tyrone John: And now for our great oppritunity, we present Preston Nickleson who will be doing a piano duet called "Yes, Jesus loves me.
And Preston rushes to the stage to the piano to play for everyone.
Preston: If you all know the words, please sing along with me.
The four gay no goodniks were surprised to see him.
Damon: There he is, fellows I told you he'd be here. Now spread out so that we can get him later.
Everybody sang with Preston, except for the four gay creeps.
Everybody: Jesus loves me this I know.
For the bible tells me so.
Damon: Yuck! Who invented this gospel nonsense in the first place?!
Jack: I don't know, but it's giving me a bad headache!
Sol: I don't like it either! I find it very disgusting!
Ramon: This God and Jesus garbage has got to go!
Damon: I'll say it's got to go! As soon as he sits down, we'll be ready for him!
Everybody: Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
For the bible tells me so.
Then Preston leaves the piano and heads back to his seat.
Damon: Hey, you guys, now it's our chance.
Unknown to Preston, he is being watched and followed by the gay creeps again that want him to love them and have sex with them which of course, he's not going to.
Damon: (found Preston's seat.) Hey, good looking!
Preston: (snapped his head behind him.) Monster, what are you doing here? This is a church, not an amusement park! Leave me alone!
Damon: No, baby. You're mine, and you're coming with us.
Preston: No, let go of me! First of all, how did you find me here, huh?!
Nathaniel: Hey, what's going on around here?
Preston: Dad, help me!
Coleen: I've got it, amigo. (to Damon.) You turn my buddy loose this very instant, boy!
Sol: We're not doing no such thing! We're taking him with us!
Damon: Yeah, that's right!
And Coleen kicked the four gay guys sky high straight to the door with a loud sound that interrupted another president in the church, and he's all American. His name is President Ralph Milken. He was about to speak but not with the noise Coleen made with the gay guys.
Ralph: (to the kids.) Young people, I would suggest you would cease the rest of the entertainment PLEASE!
Preston & Coleen: Sorry, sir.
Damon: Not sorry, jerk!
Ralph: (to Damon.) Excuse me, young man?!
Damon: You heard me! Are you deaf, you old DUMMY?!
Ralph: Now see here, young man-
Damon: NO, YOU SEE HERE! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! I will be around for my lover to get out of this stupid church, and so will my men because we don't believe in God, and we don't believe in Jesus! We don't believe in Heaven, nor Hell! (To Preston.) Hey, Hotkiss! (Preston snapped his head.) We're gonna get you, Loverboy! We're not through with you yet! We're gonna marry you to us, and we're gonna have sex with each other all night and all day, everyday, every year, and beyond!
Bugsi Ann: (to Damon.) Monster, you men are beyond stupid, that's what you are!
Damon: (to Bugsi Ann.) YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU ITALIAN WENCH! We will come back for my lover soon!
Ralph: GET OUT OF HERE!
And Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol left the church so that President Ralph Milken can speak his story. But Preston was really upset about what Damon and his men are going to do to him after service. He's not feeling right. Coleen started helping him.
Coleen: Hey Preston, are you okay?
Preston: No, I'm not okay. I am terrified.
Coleen: Do you want to talk?
Preston: Yes I do.
Coleen: Let's do it.
So Coleen and Preston got out of their seats to go talk on the hallways where there are seats to sit down.
Nathaniel: (to Preston.) Where are you going, son?
Preston: Dad, please! I want to talk to Coleen.
Nathaniel: Okay.
And Coleen and Preston were on their way to the hallways to sit down and talk, and they did.
Coleen: Okay, handsome. Tell me what's your issue.
Preston: I don't know what's Damon "The Monster" want with me all these times. Ever since I was a freshman, Damon and his men have been after me since day one. To top it off, the first time I met Damon, the monster burped at my left ear, I told him to stop it, he gave me such an evil smile like he's in love with me going "Hi ya, sexy." I told him to leave me alone many times. But he gets mad and starts beating the daylights out of me. I told him "Cut it out!" I love women too much! But he won't listen to me. I tried calling the police many times, but he and his men breaks out with no bail and starts looking for me, and they will stop at nothing to get me. Coleen, they're gonna do me a lot of harm. They want to have sex with me, and I am not interested in any sex! I wish those creeps would leave me alone. I'm a smart kid. I know right from wrong.
Coleen: We all know you know right from wrong. That Damon is just plain selfish. When people act that way towards you, Preston, you've just got to ignore them, and just go about your own business. Just go straight home after school, go to your room, close your door, pray that Damon and his nasty kind would seek God and his kingdom, and hopefully they won't chase you as much. You see, Damon doesn't know too much at all, plus, his parents didn't teach him right from wrong. That's why he's so evil.
Preston: And I don't want just any girl either because I don't want to go out with a girl who's mean.
Collen: Oh we know that for sure. You want someone sweet, nice, kind, fun, polite, and all the other good stuff. Right?
Preston: Yes I do.
Coleen: Well just keep praying for that always. Be patient and think patient…plenty…people… ahh…uh… (And Coleen slapped her right cheek across her face real good and hard, and she grunted.) UMM umm! What I meant to say is "Think positive." The girl will come along to you sooner, no matter what Damon, nor anyone else say to you. As for Damon, he's not gonna live one day in this world, not even his men because they're all stupid. Don't worry, Preston. We'll protect you, and so will your family because we all love you, and we care about you.
Preston: Thank you, Coleen.
Coleen: Hey, you're quite welcome, amigo.
And they both hugged each other cheek to cheek.
Coleen: How would you like to see the Bad Ol' Putty Tats again over at Fireside Bowl next Saturday?
Preston: Yes, I'll be glad to see you girls play next Saturday. I'll ask my dad if he can take me.
Coleen: On second thought, Preston, since I have your address, me and the girls will pick you up, and you can ride with us.
Preston: Cool! I'll be glad to ride with you girls.
Coleen: Alright! But anyway, pay no attention to Damon and his gay evildoers. Just pray that they would seek God, his kingdom, his son, and the holy ghost. Just stay with us. Okay?
Preston: You got it, Coleen!
Coleen: So are you ready to go back to service?
Preston: Yes I am.
Coleen: Well let's go.
So Coleen and Preston went back to service. They sat back down on their seats to hear what everybody else has to say.
Nathaniel: (to Preston.) Is everything okay, son?
Preston: Yes, dad, everything's fine.
Nathaniel: I'm just making sure. Don't worry about Damon and his guys. Stay with us.
Soon church was over, Preston, and his family, and his friends from school were walking along the parking lots safe and sound to the car.
Bugsi Ann: Mr. and Mrs. Nickleson, it was nice meeting you all, and your family. They were all so very nice.
Coleen: Yeah, we enjoy meeting you and you family. Plus, you have raised a super, sweet, and wise son like Preston.
Karen: Why thank you, Coleen and Bugsi Ann. You two girls are very sweet.
Nathaniel: Yup, it sure was nice meeting you two girls. And we would like to see more of you.
Coleen: Maybe we can have family home evenings at your house one Monday night with Preston and the other kids.
Preston: Of course, mom and dad. I would love to have them over.
Karen: Sure you can come over.
Nathaniel: You ladies are welcome to come over one Monday night.
Coleen: And I'll invite you guys to Fireside Bowl sometimes to see my band called "The Bad Ol' Putty Tats.
Bugsi Ann: Well take care, you guys!
Coleen: Good bye!
Karen & Nathaniel: We'll see you later!
But meanwhile hiding from the church sign, Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol were up to no good again. They missed their chance of getting Preston. They were all mad that they saw him split with his folks. Damon took it out on Jack, Ramon, and Sol that they didn't know what was going on either.
Damon: (angry.) YOU STUPID IGNORANT FOOLS! WHY DID YOU LET HOTKISS GO WITH HIS FAMILY FOR WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WITH US?!
Jack: But boss, that's his family, and we don't want to get him when there's family members involved.
Damon: WHAT?! You nitwits were supposed to run over there, grab him and fight the family! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PERFECTNESS?! You three have got muscles, plus, you're bigger than they are! I TOLD YOU TO GRAB HIM when he walked by!
Sol: Well at least we can always get him tomorrow at school.
Damon: I DON'T WANT TO GET HIM TOMORROW AT SCHOOL, YOU MORONS! I WANT TO GET HIM NOW! I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM, I WANT TO MARRY HIM, AND I WANT US TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM ALL NIGHT AND ALL DAY WITH NOBODY ELSE INCLUDED! YOU CREEPS!
And Damon kicked them hard across their faces with his right foot, and Jack, Ramon, and Sol felt the pain and apologized to Damon.
The three gays: Sorry, sir.
Damon: Okay. We'll get him tomorrow at school, and this time we're really gonna get him! So let us have no more slip ups, hmmmmm?
All three: Yes, boss.
Damon: Now this is a big deal for all of us, and I want our Hotkiss to be with us, to watch gross men porn movies with us, say dirty jokes to us, stay with us to life to have sex, listen to nasty rock'n'roll and rap music as well!
All three: YEAH!
Coleen overheard Damon and his guys wanting to get Preston at school tomorrow. So she walks over there, taps Damon on the shoulder, and asked him this question.
Coleen: (to Damon.) Do you have a problem, dude?
Damon: No, but you will if you don't clear out of here at once, little girl!
Coleen: Who are you calling little girl?! I know what you guys said about Preston! You guys need to get a life! And how dare you call Preston "Hotkiss!" You creeps leave him alone!
Damon: Dumb broad, didn't you hear what I said?! I said clear out of my sight before you get a body whipping!
Coleen: You whip me, I'll whip you right back! Now I'm telling you for the very last time, LEAVE PRESTON ALONE!
Damon: Okay, you Hispanic freak! YOU ASKED FOR IT!
And Damon slapped Coleen real good and hard across the face, and Coleen grunted "UMM!" Then she punched Damon real good and hard across the face, and Damon fell down to the ground and got back up again mad.
Damon: GET HER, MEN!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol went after Coleen to beat her up, but Coleen used her karate moves to fight off those gay guys including Damon, and the bad guys went flying to the trees. Bugsi Ann was amazed at Coleen's strong moves.
Coleen: Now I want you creeps out of here at once and leave people alone!
Bugsi Ann: Wow, Coleen! You are the strongest girl in the world! That's amazing! I wish I had your streingth.
Coleen: Why thank you, Bugsi Ann. You will always be safe when you're near me.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm glad that I'm safe when I'm near you, Coleen. You're a good friend.
Coleen: Well I tried to be. You're a good friend too, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi Ann: Why thank you, Coleen.
Coleen: Let's head on home. Shall we?
Bugsi Ann: Yes, we shall.
Meanwhile back at Sullivan High School, Preston was heading straight to his friends Zachery, Marvin, and Martin, until someone grabbed him by his right arm, and it was Damon Collins up to no good again, along with his pals Jack, Ramon, and Sol. Damon and the gang started talking nasty garbage to Preston like a bunch of fools, and Preston hates it.
Damon: Good morning, sexy Hotkiss! Listen, after we graduate from this high school, me and you are gonna get married to each other, just me, you, and my guys, and we're gonna have sex with each other all night and all day. Sex, sex, and more sex! What do you say, babe?
Preston: (angry.) MONSTER, KNOCK IT OFF! You guys need to get a life! How dare you call me Hotkiss and babe?! Just who do you think you are?! We will not get married to each other when we graduate! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'm going to Full Sail College in Florida away from you four idiots! Now if you creeps don't mind, I'm going over to my friends! NOW TURN ME LOOSE!
Damon: No! I love you too much, hotty!
Jack, Ramon, & Sol: (acting dumb.) So do we, honey. We're all in love with you, Babe.
Preston: STOP IT! LET GO OF ME!
Coleen saw Preston in trouble again with the nasty gay guys. She disguised her voice as a wicked witch giving the gay guys a warning.
Coleen: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! Leave Preston alone or I will cast a very bad spell on you for nuts big time!
Jack: Say boss, was that a witch I heard in this school?
Damon: I don't know. Ramon, Sol, do you guys know?
Ramon: I don't know either.
Sol: (frightened.) But if it is, LET'S CLEAR OUT!
Damon: YEAH!
And the gay guys ran for their lives, and left Preston alone.
Preston: SO LONG, SUCKERS!
Then Coleen came by Preston's rescue to see if he's okay.
Coleen: Hey Preston, are you okay?
Preston: No, I am not okay. I wish these gay guys would stop harassing me with their stupid garbage that I am not into. They keep chasing me around long enough, and this has got to stop.
Coleen Well they're just stupid little children that won't grow up, and won't behave themselves.
Preston: I'm trying to stay far away from them as I could, but they keep following me around, and that's bad!
Coleen: Well you've got me, honey, so don't worry.
Preston: Thank you, Coleen.
Coleen: You're welcome, dude.
And Preston and Coleen both walked over to Zachery, Marvin, and Martin so that they can stay with each other while walking to class.
Zachery: Hi ya, Preston! Hello, Coleen!
Coleen: What's up, muchachos?!
Marvin: Nothing much. We were just getting our stuff from our lockers before we head for class.
Preston: Well I've got here just in the nick of time.
Martin: Alright! So shall we get going?
Coleen: Yes, I think we shall.
And the kids were on their way to their classes starting with Preston's English class first with Ms. Lopez.
Preston: Well, you guys, this is my class. I will see you all later.
Coleen: Take care, Preston.
Zachery: See you, Preston.
Marvin & Martin: Later, my friend!
Preston walked in early and on time saying hello to Ms. Marina Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: Good morning, Preston.
Preston: (sadly.) Good morning, Ms. Lopez. Uh, we need to talk about Damon's behavior. It's very bad.
Ms. Lopez: Don't worry about Damon. He's going to get what's coming to him, and it's not very pretty.
Then Courtney Griffin stopped Preston from worrying what Damon's going to do to him.
Courtney: Hey Preston, don't pay any attention to what Damon says, or does to you. Just ignore him because he's just an immature little boy that just doesn't want to behave himself. He's stupid.
Ralph Jamal Spinner: In other words, he does not want to think before he acts. That's why he's so evil.
Preston: Thanks, Ralphy. Thanks, Courtney.
Courtney: Hey, no problem at all, dude. Preston, you're a real cool dude. You're very special, no matter what Damon nor anyone else says to you. You're real sweet, and I mean it.
Preston: Thank you, Courtney. You're a real sweet and smart girl.
Courtney: Thank you, Preston. In fact, I would like to get together with you guys sometimes.
Preston: Of course. We can definitely squeeze you in, Courtney.
Courtney: Alright! Thank you!
Suddenly, all the other kids came in the class, including Damon Collins who couldn't behave himself.
Ms. Lopez: Good morning, class.
Damon: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, FREAK!
Ms. Lopez: Damon, knock it off! Your mouth is very terrible now or days!
Damon: (coming on to Preston sexually.) Hey, that's how it attracts my lover and he likes that. Right, Hotkiss?
Preston: Damon, stay away from me! Do you hear me?! I don't want you coming here near me ever again!
Damon: No, Hotkiss! After we graduate from high school, we're gonna get married, and have hot sex with each other, me and you!
Preston: NO, DAMON! I told you, I'm going to college when I graduate to be the most greatest Hollywood film producers, and when I do, I will have the power to get rid of you!
Ms. Lopez: Damon, you leave Preston alone this instant and head to your seat!
Damon: No, I don't have to! So there!
Preston: Monster, do what she says!
Then suddenly, Bugsi Ann came in as well and saw Preston in trouble with Damon again. So Bugsi Ann used her pepper spray and sprayed Damon's eyes with it.
Damon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!
Then Damon finally went to his seat real fast.
Damon: (to Bugsi Ann.) I'll get you for this, Annette Funicello!
Ms. Lopez: Thank you, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi Ann: You're welcome, Ms. Lopez.
Then Bugsi Ann went up to Preston.
Bugsi Ann: Are you okay, Preston?
Preston: I am now. Thank you, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi Ann: You're welcome, Preston. We'll talk later, okay?
Preston: Okay.
Then Bugsi Ann rushes to her seat.
Ms. Lopez: How is everybody doing today?
Everybody: We're doing great!
Damon: But I'm better than the others!
Ms. Lopez: DAMON!
Damon: Hey, forget you, eh?!
Ms. Lopez: Hmm! Did anybody had a good weekend?
A girl named Amy Tess raised her hand to tell everybody her weekend.
Amy Tess: I did, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: Yes, Amy. Go for it.
Amy: When I was shopping over at Water Tower Place downtown with my friends, we've met some cool guys over down at the foods court before we went to see a movie. They were hot, attractive, sexy, and they speak British accents, and they're rock'n'roll musicians.
Damon: Do they smell like dog poop? Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhaha!
Amy: Monster, you're disgusting! And no, they don't smell like dog poop! You do!
Ms. Lopez: Damon, knock it off! Pay no attention to him, Amy. He's an evil student. Go ahead and continue.
Amy: One of the guys said to me "I think you're cute." And he's right! He really thinks I'm cute! Then the guys gave us invitations to their live concert at the Metro right here in Chicago, and they call themselves "The Firewheels!" So we started a great new friendship with the boys. And that's cool!
Damon: (angry.) THAT'S BONEHEADED, CREEP! YOU JUST TOOK THAT DREAM AWAY FROM MY SISTER SHEILA! I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT' YOU LITTLE UGLY TRAMP! JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CONFOUND IT?!
Amy: (angry.) MONSTER, SHUT UP! If you can't say anything nice to me, nor anybody, DON'T SAY NOTHING AT ALL! OKAY?!
Damon: YOU LITTLE WENCH, I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR TAKING OUR STUFF AWAY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Amy: HELP, SOMEBODY!
Ms. Lopez: Damon, you get back to your seat and sit down! Do you hear me?!
Damon: NO, STUPID! FIRST OF ALL, I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF YOU HECKLIKG ME AROUND ALL THESE TIMES! THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! SECONDLY, IF I WANT TO KILL SOME FEMALE, AND MARRY A GUY I WANT, THAT'S MY BUSINESS, AND NO DUMB CLUCK IS GONNA TAKE ANY OF IT AWAY FROM ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Ms. Lopez: That does it! I'm calling the Illinois State Police!
Damon: Call the police on me, freak! THEY ARE NO MATCH FOR ME BECAUSE I'M TOO STRONG FOR THEM!
Amy: GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU JERK! I'VE DID NOTHING WRONG OF ANY SORT!
Ralph: (to Damon.) HEY,TURKEY, LEAVE AMY ALONE!
Damon: (to Ralph.) YOU SHUT UP, NEGRO! I'M GONNA KILL YOU AFTER I KILL THIS UGLY TRASH!
Amy: I'M NOT UGLY, DAMON! I'M PRETTY!
Bugsi Ann: YEAH, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S UGLY
Damon: (to Bugsi Ann.) YOU SHUT UP, ANNETTE FUNICELLO! I'M GONNA GET YOU TOO FOR USING THAT PEPPER SPRAY ON ME! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Bugsi Ann: LOOK, CONFOUND IT, I USED IT ON YOU ONCE BEFORE, AND I SURE WILL USE IT ON YOU AGAIN!
So Bugsi Ann went up to Damon to use the pepper spray on him again. But Damon took it off her hand, broke it on the floor, and slapped Bugsi Ann real good and hard across her face, and Bugsi Ann grunted real loud going "AUH!"
Ms. Lopez: (angry at Damon.) DAMON, SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!
Damon: NO, YOU WITCH!
Then Ms. Lopez heard a knock on her door. Ms. Lopez opened it, it was the principals in the school, Anthony Roeber, and Woody Saturn are here to get Damon because of his bad behavior.
Principal Roeber: Okay, Damon! We've had it with your smartallecky nonsense! You come with us right now!
Damon: NO, I WILL NOT COME WITH ANY OF YOU!
Principal Saturn: Young man, your negative conquests against everybody has gone too far! And we're going to straighten up this matter once and for all!
Damon: NO!
Everybody: YES!
Damon: YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS! I'M THE BOSS AROUND HERE, WHICH MEANS, I'M THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD! I'M SMARTER THAN EVERYBODY, AND I'M SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU! SO YOU PUNKS NEED TO GET A LIFE AND DO WHAT I SAY!
Principal Roeber: Knock it off, Damon! You're coming with us to the office this instant because of your craziness!
Damon: I'M NOT CRAZY I TELL YOU! I'M SMART! YOU PEOPLE ARE THE ONES THAT ARE CRAZY!
Principal Saturn: Now that's enough, Damon! You straighten up your act this instant and come with us to the office!
Damon: Listen, you fools! We're gonna have some issues if you don't turn me loose this very Minute! Do you hear me?!
Roeber & Saturn: Damon, knock it off!
Everybody was proud to see Damon go with the principals that grabbed him. So they all clapped and cheered for joy.
Everybody: YAY!
Ralph: See ya, jive turkey!
Amy: And don't let the doorknob hit you where the bees could've stung you! Damon!
Preston: (angry.) Monster, just who do you think you are?!
Courtney: Serves that stupid geek right!
Ms. Lopez: Alright, kids, that's enough of that! Let's all forget about Damon and let's continue with our lesson for today. Today we're going to talk about friendship. Can anybody tell me what is friendship?
A guy named Rick Swanson raised his hand to answer that question.
Ms. Lopez: Yes, Rick, go ahead.
Rick: Friendship is togetherness, kindness, a bunch of people sharing their time with eachother for life without stealing, cheating, and lying to each other.
Ms. Lopez: That's very good, Rick! Now who can tell me what a friend is?
Preston: (raised his hand.) I know, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: Yes, Preston, go ahead.
Preston: A friend is someone you can depend on, count on, who can talk to you, be there for you, stand up for you, and make you feel safe.
Ms. Lopez: That's good, Preston!
Preston: Thank you, Ms. Lopez.
Ms. Lopez: Also a friend is someone who loves you, cares about you, wants you around, and can help you out on things.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, absolutely. I'm getting help from a new friend of mine named Coleen Madrazzo. She's teaching me how to read the Book of Mormon, and about Joseph Smith, a prophet of Jesus Christ. She's especially teaching me how to stand up for myself in America from nasty bullies that bully me.
Ms. Lopez: That's great, Bugsi Ann!
Suddenly, the bell ring, and everybody leaves the classroom.
Ms. Lopez: Have a nice day, kids!
Preston: Say Ms. Lopez, can I talk to you for a moment please?
Ms. Lopez: Sure, Preston. What's on your mind?
Preston: I'm afraid I can't go home by myself anymore because of Damon.
Ms. Lopez: Why do you say that, Preston?
Preston: Because I know what he and his guys are gonna do next, and I don't want to be with them. Sure I pray for them everyday that they would change, but they still act like children coming after me like they're in love with me. Well I sure as heck am not in love with them. They're psychos! Ms. Lopez, is there any way you could give me a ride home everyday before Damon and his men get me?
Ms. Lopez: Actually, Preston, I can't give students rides home. Sorry. But you have a fast bike. Do you?
Preston: I do. But it's not fast enough to beat Damon and his guys. They want sex! I'm not into that! I do the will of God.
Ms. Lopez: Well that's good. That's what you should do. You don't have to put up with Damon's nonsense. Here is my advice to you, Preston. If Damon and his guys start chasing after you all the way home, ask God to give you strength to ride faster all the way home to a different road where they can't find you anymore, head straight home, don't stop anywhere else, lock your doors, go to your room and pray. Ask God to help you stand up for yourself to these psycho bullies. That way they won't bother you anymore.
Preston: That's great advice, Ms. Lopez! Thank you so much for it.
Ms. Lopez: My pleasure, Preston. How about a hug?
Preston: Well I need one anyway.
Ms. Lopez: Come here.
And they both hugged eachother cheek to cheek, and Preston feels much better now.
Preston: Thank you, Ms. Lopez. I feel much better now.
Ms. Lopez: Anytime, Preston. Just remember my advice. I love you, God loves you, and all of your friends love you.
Preston: Thank you, Ms. Lopez. I love you guys too.
Meanwhile at the principal's office, Principal Anthony Roeber was trying to teach Damon a lesson about church, but Damon does not want to learn it.
Principal Roeber: Now Damon, you've got to put an end to this nonsense you have with Preston. Don't you ever go to church on Sundays at all?
Damon: No! What are you, some kind of creep asking me a stupid question like that?! Just who do you think you are, dude?!
Principal Roeber: Damon! Is having sex with men all you ever think about?
Damon: Yes!
Principal Roeber: Why? Don't you like women at all?
Damon: Because women are evil, self centered, stuck up, snotty, selfish, stubborn, stupid, and down right beyond crazy! That's why I'm into men, and they need to do what I say!
Principal Roeber: Now Damon, nobody wants to do what you say, not even Preston Nickleson.
Damon: What do you mean by that?!
Principal Roeber: Well for one thing, he believes in the lord. Secondly, he loves women too much.
Damon: WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THAT CRAZY, UGLY, LOW DOWN STUFF, HUH?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
Principal Roeber: Well before you make any circumstances you're bound to regret later in life, Damon, let me ask you these questions.
Damon: NO QUESTIONS! WHERE'S MY HOTKISS?!
Principal Roeber: Damon, please listen to me! Now, have you ever gone to church at all on Sundays?
Damon: Yes, back when I was a little boy, and I hated it! And I'm not going back there ever again because God and Jesus are myths!
Principal Roeber: And why do you think God and Jesus are myths?
Damon: BECAUSE THEY'RE DISGUSTING, THAT'S WHY!
Principal Roeber: So you think that praying, reading your bible, and going to church is all very disgusting?
Damon: WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU IDIOT?! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF STUPID CARTOON CHARACTER PREACHERT OR SOMETHING?! YOU KNOW WHAT, PAL, YOU'RE SICK IN THE HEAD!
Principal Roeber: DAMON! Please listen to me. You're telling me, that you never get a chance to read the bible, pray everyday, and go to church on Sunday mornings to learn about what Jesus did for our sins?
Damon: YOU KEEP THOSE THOUGHTS TO YOU, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, YOU HOLY ROLLING, DREAM ROBBING, DOUBLE CROSSING PIG! YOU'RE A PIG!
Principal Roeber: DAMON, THAT'S ENOUGH! Look, God has a plan for everybody. He might have a plan for you. You just got to do his will, and get rid of that sin you're living in.
Damon: That's a lot of bologna, and that's out!
Principal Roeber: You mean, you don't know about Joseph Smith?
Damon: And who in the heck is Joseph Smith, I asked foolishly?!
Principal Roeber: Well, Joseph Smith was a prophet for God. He also discovered the Book of Mormon after reading the bible. He told us that we need to do what God wants us to do, and pray everyday.
Damon: Like I said, dummy, I don't believe in your gods! Not at ALL!
Principal Roeber: Now Damon, you've got to learn these things. And you've got to learn about Joseph Smith as well.
Damon: Hey, I don't have to learn anything like that! You do!
Principal Roeber: But Damon, your soul is in danger!
Damon: My sexlife is in danger, stooge! I want to go get my hotkiss! My men are waiting for me outside!
Principal Roeber: Damon, what you're doing is sinning against God. Do you think Joseph Smith would fall in love with a man?
Damon: (angry.) LOOK, I DON'T WANT YOU TALKING TO ME ABOUT GOD, JESUS, AND JOSEPH SMITH! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?! I WANT MY HOTKISS NOW!
And Damon broke loose of the principal's, broke the principal's glass door, and ran for his life outside the school to his men.
Jack: What happened, boss?
Damon: Those stupid principals were trying to poison me with God, Jesus, and church crazy attics! And I'm not into that stuff! They even have the nerve to tell me about this dumb Joseph Smith character, or whoever the heck his name is! What pests!
Sol: Anybody that ever talks to me about this God and Jesus trash, I'd kill 'em for that because I'm not into that either!
Ramon: Yeah, just who do those people think they are with this Jesus nonsense?!
Damon: Yeah, you're telling me! God God God! Jesus Jesus Jesus! Church church church! I'm like "What in the world is going on around here?!" Ain't it ashamed?! All this stupid Jesus stuff people are talking about now or days! YUCK! DISGUSTING! I don't like it!
Jack: Niether do I!
Ramon: Especially me!
Sol: It's all filthy!
Damon: Anybody who tells us to go to church and stuff like that, will be dead!
All the boys: YEAH!
Damon: Let's find our hotkiss now. I'm in love with him desperate.
Jack: You got it, boss.
Ramon: I'm right with you, boss.
Sol: Aye aye, boss.
The nasty gay guys were on their way to look for Preston. Two Chinese girls started looking at the gay guys strange, and they know that the boys are up to something. So they ran for their lives.
Meanwhile, Preston made it home away from those gay guys. The parents weren't at home, but the brothers and sisters were. So they were all glad to see Preston come home.
All the brothers and sisters: GOOD AFTERNOON, PRESTON!
Preston: Good afternoon, everybody!
Cameron: How is school going for you, little bro?
Preston: Great! But those gay guys do not know when to quit. They keep wanting me for sex, and I keep telling them I'm not interested.
Marie: Well don't listen to those gay guys. Just ignore them because they're stupid. Have you talked to the principals about this?
Preston: I've talked to them about it, they've called the police, but these gay guys are too invincible. Nobody can stop them, not even the teachers.
Cameron: Okay. Don't ride your bike to school anymore. I'll be taking all of you to school and work. How does that sound?
Ashley: Yes, that sounds like a good idea, Cameron.
Preston: Yes, Ashley. I'm for that. I'm glad I've got a big family, and not a small one.
Bart: Well we're glad to have you around, Preston.
Suddenly, the parents came home, and everybody glad to see them again.
Karen: Hello, kids, we're home!
All the kids rush over to their mom and dad.
Nathaniel: How are all of you kids doing?
All the kids: We're all doing great, mom and dad!
Preston: But those gay guys are still after me! Even though I prayed for them that they would stop chasing me, they're still at it again!
Cameron: Mom, dad, I told Preston that I'd take everyone to school, and work, including him.
Karen: Well that's very nice of you, Cameron.
Gabrielle: It's great to have a big brother by our side. Right, Savannah?
Savannah: You bet it is, Gabrielle.
Nathaniel: Well don't worry about those gay guys, Preston. You know you've got a great big family that's here to protect you no matter what.
Fred: We're always here for you, Preston.
Preston: Thank you all so much. I sure don't want any gay guys in my life at all.
Bart: Nobody does.
Karen: Well I'm gonna fix dinner now.
Ashley: What are we having for dinner, mom?
Karen: We're having Mexican food. We're having a taco dinner!
And everybody jumps for joy because they love Mexican food.
Preston: How cool is this! Mexican food! Yummy!
Suddenly, they all heard a knock at the door. Karen goes over to the door to see who it is. She opens it, and it was that nasty gay guy Damon Collins.
Karen: Can I help you, sir?
Damon: Yeah, I want my hotkiss to come out and play with me NOW!
Preston: (ran for his life to his room.) It's Damon! How did he find out where I live?!
Nathaniel: Hey, hold on a minute. You're that crazy gay guy that our son Preston was telling us about.
Damon: Of course, Bozo! Now may I please come in?!
Everybody: NO!
Cameron: You're not welcome here, jerk! Get out now!
And Cameron slammed the door on Damon's face, Damon got angry, he started banging the door real loud and hard, and shouting his head off.
Damon: COME ON! LET ME IN! LET ME IN! I'VE GOTTA GET IN THERE TO CLAIM MY LOVER HOTKISS! COME ON! LET ME IN HERE SO THAT I CAN HAVE SEX WITH HIM!
Preston: Mom, dad, he's at it again. Please get him out of my sight.
Nathaniel: I'll fix this.
And Nathaniel went to the door, opened it up, and told Damon off!
Nathaniel: GET OUT OF HERE NOW, YOU LITTLE CREEP, OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!
Damon: NO!
And Nathaniel slammed the door at his face. And Damon started talking to himself.
Damon: Someday you people are gonna be sorry you've ever messed with me! You guys just can't seem to take no for an answer! You people want me to leave my hotkiss alone?! Well that ain't happening! I'll get him into my clutches IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!
And Damon took off and left.
Soon it was Saturday morning, the alarm went off in the boys room. Preston woke up to shut off the alarm. Then he made up his bed. Then he went to the bathroom to take a shower. The other brothers woke up from their sleep too.
Fred: Say Cameron, don't you have a date with your girlfriend this afternoon?
Cameron: Yes I do.
Bart: Where are you going?
Cameron: We're going out to eat, then we're gonna see a movie tonight.
Fred: Well that's cool.
Bart: It's obvious that Preston is up this early again.
Cameron: He's always up this early every Saturday morning. He's going with his high school buddies to Fireside Bowl to see some female punk band called the Bad Ol' Putty Tats.
Bart: Aah, so that's who he's gonna see. His girlfriends. No wonder he's up this early taking a shower.
Fred: But what about that creep Damon? I know he's gonna follow our brother around again.
Cameron: No he won't. Preston will be riding with his friends.
Fred: Good. He'll be well protected away from Damon.
Suddenly, Karen Nickleson was fixing breakfast for the whole family. And Preston was the first to go to the kitchen to say good morning to his mother.
Preston: Good morning, mom.
Karen: Well good morning, Preston. You're up this early.
Preston: I know. Coleen Madrazzo and her friends are gonna pick me up today to see her band the Bad Ol' Putty Tats over at Fireside Bowl.
Karen: Oh, so that's where you're going today.
Preston: That's right.
Karen: Well have fun, sweetheart. Don't let that jerk Damon chase you around.
Preston: Oh, I hope that creep Monster is not around Fireside Bowl at all. Not even his gay men. I take it you're fixing breakfast.
Karen: Yes indeed I am.
Preston: Let me know if it's ready while I turn on the TV and watch some cartoons.
Karen: Okay, I'll let you know while you go watch your cartoons on TV.
Preston: Thank you, mom.
Suddenly, the sisters woke up as well.
Ashley: Wow, what time is it? Oh my goodness, my favorite cartoons are on! I better take a shower, put on my clothes, and head downstairs right away!
Marie: Ashley, please don't take too long in the shower because I have a date with my boyfriend.
Gabrielle & Savannah: Yeah, Ashley!
Gabrielle: I have a play to attend to at school!
Savannah: And I'm going out with some friends of mine to the movies!
Ashley: Don't worry, ladies. I'll make this short for all of you.
And as Ashley makes her way to the bathroom to take a shower, Gabrielle and Savannah were worried about how long Ashley is going to take in the shower.
Gabrielle: I bet you Ashley is going to take too long in the shower.
Savannah: Yeah, two hours and a half, or more!
Marie: Will you two relax. She's just a kid. She won't take too long in the shower. And if she does, we'll knock on the bathroom door.
Gabrielle: Good idea, Marie.
Suddenly, Bart went up and he's ready to take a shower, but Ashley make it to take a shower first.
Bart: (banged on the door.) Come on, Ashley! Hurry up! We all need to take a bath too!
Ashley: I'm almost done, Bart.
Bart: Well make it snappy! We all need to get in here as well!
So Ashley hurried it up, brushed her teeth and came out with her robe on. Then Bart went in there before Marie was going to go in there.
Marie: Don't take too long in there like you did last time, Bart!
Bart: I won't, for goodness sake!
Fred: I wish we had eight bathrooms so that we're not just using one.
Cameron: I know. Fred.
Fred: While you guys are waiting to go to the bathroom to take a shower, I'm going to check my email messages on my new computer.
Cameron: Good morning, ladies.
The girls: Good morning, Cameron.
Fred: What's up, ladies?
The sisters: Good morning, Fred.
Fred: I was just going to check my email messages to see if I've got any emails. So I'll go to the bathroom last.
Marie: Say you guys, where's Preston?
Cameron: He's already downstairs.
Gabrielle: Well I hope that creep Damon didn't take him away.
Fred: Nope. He's safe with mom because she's downstairs too.
Marie: Cool.
Fred: Say Marie, I have a question.
Marie: Ask away, Fred.
Fred: When are you and your manfriend ever gonna get married?
Marie: We don't know yet. We've been thinking about getting married, but we've just haven't gotten to that point yet of when will we get married. But we'll let you know of when will our wedding be. Okay?
Cameron & Fred: Okay.
Meanwhile, Bart came out of the bathroom because he's all done.
Bart: Okay, who's next to go to the bathroom?
Meanwhile back downstairs…..
Ashley: (coming over to Preston.) Good morning, Preston.
Preston: Good morning, Ashley.
Ashley: I love cartoons. Don't you?
Preston: Yes I do, Ashley. So how did you sleep last night?
Ashley: I slept good last night. What about you?
Preston: I slept good last night too. I dreamed that my favorite movie star Cameron Diaz wrote her first book. I bought it, she was signing autographs, I was the fourth person to get an autograph from Cameron, then I invited her to our church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, then she gave me a great big hug, and that felt so great.
Ashley: Wow, That's amazing! I dreamed that me and my friends from school wereinto this big colorful waterpark with a big flower garden. The flowers were so beautiful, and they even smile and talk to you while you're in their water park. I know this sounds strange, but it was a good dream.
Preston: That doesn't sound too strange to me.
Ashley: It doesn't?
Preston: No. I used to have dreams like that back when I was your age. I dreamed that me and my friends were at this forest, and we met a tree that can talk. He made us laugh because the tree was funny. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Ashley: Wow! That's a funny dream.
Then Bart came downstairs with his clothes on.
Bart: Good morning, mom.
Karen: Good morning, Bart.
Bart: Good morning, Preston and Ashley,
Preston & Ashley: Good morning, Bart.
Bart: (to Preston.) I bet you can't wait to go to this rock'n'roll event with your girlfriends. Can't ya?
Preston: This will be a big oppritunity for me, Bart. I'm so excited.
Bart: Yep, I would be excited too if I went to big events with girls.
Ashley: So Bart, what do you have going for today?
Bart: I don't know, Ashley. I might be out playing football with my friends.
Then suddenly, their father Nathaniel came downstairs.
Nathaniel: (to Karen.) Good morning, wife.
Karen: Good morning, Nathaniel dear.
And they kissed each other.
Nathaniel: Fixing breakfast for everybody?
Karen: Yes I am.
Preston: Good morning, dad.
Nathaniel: (turned around.) Oh, good morning, kids.
Ashley: Good morning, daddy.
Bart: Good morning, dad.
Nathaniel: Did you kids have a good night sleep last night?
Preston: I sure did, dad.
Bart: Me too.
Ashley: Me three.
Suddenly, Marie came downstairs.
Marie: Good morning, mom and dad.
Karen: Well good morning, Marie.
Nathaniel: Good morning, Marie. How was work yesterday?
Marie: Oh, daddy, it was so hectic. We were all very busy downtown.
Karen: Oh I bet you were, you poor thing.
Marie: But we still email each other. So we still keep in contact.
Preston & Ashley: Good morning, Marie.
Marie: Oh, good morning, Preston and Ashley. You two sure are up this early.
Preston: Because I have a date at Fireside Bowl with my friend Coleen Madrazzo. I'm seeing her live concert rock'n'roll show with the Bad Ol' Putty Tats.
Marie: Cool! Well have fun.
Preston: Thank you.
Nathaniel: (to Marie.) How's Anthony doing, Marie.
Marie: You mean my boyfriend? He's doing pretty good. Thank you for asking, dad.
Bart: Good morning, Marie.
Marie: Good morning, Bart.
Suddenly, all the other kids came down the stairs getting ready for breakfast.
All the other kids: Good morning, mom.
Karen: Good morning, kids. How are you all doing today?
Cameron: We're all doing fine, mom.
Nathaniel: Good morning to the rest of you.
Gabrielle: Good morning, mom and dad.
Fred: Good morning, mom and dad.
Karen: Well good morning, kiddos. How are you all doing?
Fred: We're all doing great, mom!
Gabrielle: I take it you're fixing breakfast for us. Right, mom?
Karen: Yes I am.
Savannah: Cool!
Fred: Excellent!
Ashley: Hey, what's up, Fred, Savannah, and Gabrielle, and of course Cameron!
Cameron: Well good morning, little miss pretty. How are you today?
Ashley: I'm doing great! How are you doing, Cameron?
Cameron: I'm doing awesome!
Preston: Good morning, everybody!
Everybody: Good morning, Preston!
Karen: (to Nathaniel.) And don't forget, sweetheart, that we're all going to my best friend's wedding next week at noon so everybody must attend.
Nathaniel: Don't worry, honey. I won't forget.
Karen: Okay.
Suddenly, breakfast was ready so Karen called everybody to come to the table and get ready to eat.
Karen: Breakfast is ready!
Everybody rushed to the dinning room table for the food.
Preston: What are we having for breakfast, mom?
Karen: We're having pancakes, sausages, and eggs.
Everybody: ALRIGHT!
Preston: Sweet!
Bart: Yeah, very sweet, mom.
So Karen passed out the food for everybody, and Nathaniel said the blessing.
Nathaniel: Father God, give us strength, power, and energy from the food to keep us alive, happy, healthy, and well. Nurish our bodies to keep us going forward. And I say these things in the name of the lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Everybody: Amen!
And so, everybody started eating their breakfast really fast. Preston was the first to finish his food.
Preston: I'm done. Can I please be excused?
Karen: Yes you may, Preston.
And Preston went upstairs to brush his teeth, took some mouthwash, then came back downstairs to wait for Coleen Madrazzo to pick him up. He looks out the window.
Preston: I see a lot of little kids outside playing, girls jumproping, and boys playing basketball. But wait! I see a black van coming this way. Could it be? It is! It's Coleen Madrazzo and her ladies coming this way!
Karen: Are these schoolmates of yours, Preston?
Preston: Yes they are, mom. They're here, and I've gotta go. I'll see you guys later. Okay?
Nathaniel: Okay, son, you have a good time.
Preston: So long, everybody!
Everybody: Goodbye, Preston!
And so, Preston left the house, closed and locked the door, went in the girls' van to go to Fireside Bowl. Preston was glad to see the girls again, and they're all glad to see him.
Preston: Hello, ladies!
All the ladies: Hello, Preston!
Coleen: How's it going, Dude?
Preston: Excellent! How about you ladies?
Coleen: Awesome!
Julie Cannon: Pretty good so far!
Michelle Schmidt: Excellent!
Brenda Washington: Way cool!
Renee Jones: Keeping it real!
Debbie Kahn: Great!
Coleen: So are you ready to rock'n'roll, Preston?
Preston: With you girls, you bet I am.
All the girls: Alright!
Coleen: Let's go!
And the van pulls away from Preston's house and it's on it's way to Fireside Bowl.
Preston: Say Coleen, is Bugsi Ann coming to see this show too?
Coleen: Yes, but her parents are bringing her to see the show.
Preston: Sweet! I can't wait to see her at the show.
Michelle: So have you been studying real hard, Preston?
Preston: Yes I have. And I also been studying the Book Of Mormon, reading my bible, and praying to God everyday.
Coleen: Cool, man! Have you also been studying about the testimonies?
Preston: Indeed, Coleen. The testimonies are the love of God. Plus, the Book Of Mormon is the word of God.
Coleen: Very good. Keep going.
Preston: Jesus Christ is the son of God. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the church of God. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. In fact, he was the first president of the church. He saw Hevenly Father and his son Jesus Christ in the spring of 1820. And Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet of God today. How was that?
All the girls: Cool!
Coleen: And Preston, if Thomas S. Monson dies, then our senior apostle Boyd K. Packer will be our next president of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Preston: Totally super sweet! I would like to meet the apostles someday.
Coleen: Someday you'll meet 'em, Preston.
Preston: Well let's hope so.
Brenda: Do you still play your piano, and guitar, Preston?
Preston: Yes I do. I play them everyday I come home from school.
Debbie: I bet you're really good at those things. Aren't you, Preston?
Preston: You got it, Debbie. I'm very good.
Coleen: Maybe you'll play in our band someday, dude.
Preston: Maybe, but I do have other plans to look forward for.
Julie: Do you plan on getting a job in the summer, Preston?
Preston: Probably. Actually my dad is helping me with that process.
Coleen: Well you have a nice family, Preston. I really like them a lot.
Preston: Why thank you, Coleen. I'm glad you like my family.
Coleen: Tell me, what does your mother do for a living?
Preston: My mom works at a clothing store downtown.
Coleen: Downtown, eh? That's so cool!
Preston: Thank you, Coleen.
Renee: Well, y'all, we're here.
Coleen: Yes, we're here.
Preston: Yes, and I see a lot of people over there. Wait a minute! I hope the monster Damon Collins is not there just looking for me!
Coleen: Don't worry about a thing, Preston. If Damon and his boys get their hands on you, we'll be ready for them. Right, girls?
Everybody: YEAH!
So they all parked on the side of the street of Fireside Bowl so that they can let Preston out first, then get their equiptment out of the van. Preston went out looking for Bugsi Ann Donitello. But little does Preston know that checking him out sexually for such a stupid reason was none other than the bad boy Damon "Monster" Collins, along with Jack, Ramon, and Sol.
Jack: There he is, boss. He's in line like the rest of us.
Damon: Good. We'll get him when we go inside the building.
Ramon: Yeah, that's right, boss. We'll get him for sure.
Sol: We'll rape him and do him big time.
Damon: Yes we will. Let's go.
Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol were pushing, shoving, and rushing up over to Fireside Bowl to get their tickets just to get Preston, and the other kids were getting very annoyed with Damon and his boys. Another kid with the spikish blonde hair got pushed by Damon. He got angry and said to Damon "Hey, buddy, would you mind?!"
Damon: (to the blonde haired kid.) Shut up, dufus, before I rip out your ears!
But meanwhile inside the building, Preston was looking for bugsi Ann Donitello, and he found her. They were both glad to see eachother.
Preston: Hey, what's up, Bugsi Ann?!
Bugsi Ann: Hey, Preston, How are you doing today?!
Preston: I'm doing excellent! How are you doing?
Bugsi Ann: Great! Are you here to see the Bad Ol' Putty Tats?
Preston: Yes I am. Are you?
Bugsi Ann: Yeah, me too. Wow, there are a lot of people in here. People whom I don't know.
Preston: Oh yeah, it does get a little crowded here in Fireside Bowl. I just hope Damon and his guys aren't here.
Bugsi Ann: He won't be here to hurt you. Just stay by me up front of the stage. If Damon comes anywhere near us, I'll use the pepper spray on him. And it's a good thing I have it with me right now.
Preston: Good. I do believe the Bad Ol' Putty Tats are up first.
Bugsi Ann: Yes, I believe so too.
Suddenly, the girls of the Bad Ol' Putty Tats were setting their equiptment up on stage before they get ready to rock.
Coleen: Well I do believe we're almost ready, girls.
Renee: I think so too, y'all.
Debbie: Don't you think we should test our instruments to see if we're ready?
Coleen: You're right, Debbie. Let's do that first after we set our equiptment.
Julie: Good call, Coleen.
Bugsi Ann: (to Preston.) Look, there they are right now! Hi, Coleen!
Coleen: Hi, Bugsi Ann!
Coleen started testing her guitar. She did it, it was too loud. So she had to talk to the engineer.
Coleen: Excuse me, sir, my guitar is a bit too loud. Can you turn the volume down some?
So the man turned the volume down some. Coleen tested her guitar again, and it was more like it.
Coleen: Thank you. (laughs.) Heheheheheheheheh!
Damon: (looking at Coleen strangely.) Just look at her, thinking she's a rockstar! She's got a lot of nerves setting her band on this stage! And they came with MY LOVER!
Jack: Speaking of your lover, boss, there he is up front with that Italian slinky Bugsi what's her face.
Ramon: Yeah, she was the one who used the pepper spray on you, boss.
Sol: That Italian wench!
Damon: Well I don't remember hearing these girls sing. We'll wait until the show is over, when there's nobody around him, we'll grab him. And he is sure to be my lover.
Sol: Wow, I've got to hand it to you, boss. That's a clever idea.
Ramon: Why didn't we think of it before.
Jack: Yeah.
Damon: Because I've got the brains.
Jack: You sure do, boss.
Ramon: You're a God!
Sol: You're a hero, boss.
Damon: I know.
Preston: (turned around and looked behind him.) Oh my gosh! Bugsi Ann, it's Damon and his guys! And they just don't know when to quit bothering me!
Bugsi Ann: Well just stay right here with me and the girls. We'll protect you from Damon and his men in crime.
Preston: Thank you, Bugsi Ann.
Bugsi Ann: You're welcome.
The girls of the Bad Ol' Putty Tats are ready. They've set their equiptment up on the stage, they've tested their instruments, and they're ready to rock. But first, Coleen has got to speak to everybody on the microphone.
Coleen: Hello, all of God's children!
Everybody: Hello, Coleen!
Coleen: Are you all ready to rock'n'roll?!
Everybody: YEAH!
Damon: TAKE A HIKE, YOU FREAK!
Coleen: How many of you came here to see The Bad Ol' Putty Tats?!
Everybody: YEAH!
Damon, Jack, Ramon, & Sol: BOO!
Coleen: Do you all go to church on Sunday?!
Everybody: YEAH!
Coleen: And do you all accept the lord Jesus Christ as your holy saviour?
Everybody: YEAH!
Damon, Jack, Ramon, & Sol: NO!
Damon: And I wish you wouldn't talk about this Jesus trash, you dumb broad!
Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH!
Coleen: Alright! We've got a song we want to sing to you. It's a brand new hit, and it's on our brand new cd called "Go with God." This song is called "Have faith, hope, and charity." Are you all ready for this?!
Everybody: YEAH!
Damon: Take your God mess someplace else, woman!
Coleen: ONE! TWO! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!
Damon: OH HOW I HATE THIS!
The girls started playing a fast paced, four count Am7TH song, and everybody is dancing to it, except for Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol. The four boys had very sour looks because of the song the girls played called "Have Faith, Hope, and Charity. Coleen starts off singing.
Coleen: When you're down and out, and you're feeling blue,
When you think the whole world is all against you.
You know that's not true. Just have your faith in God,
He will make a way when times get real odd!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
When you stand up for yourself, people say you're insane!
When you try to do good, people make you feel ashamed!
They tried to tell you that they're better than you!
But don't you dare worry, God knows what to do!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
All the girls: God is the creative one around!
Coleen: He does what he could, and he ain't no clown!
All the girls: We all have got to do his will!
Coleen: It says in the bible, so we all better chill!
All the girls: He strengthens us with his righteous right hand!
Coleen: He helps us all make a fine better plan!
All the girls: He brings us hope and a future we love!
Coleen: And the things are all sent from God from above!
And Coleen started playing solo on her guitar, while the band still plays together. Damon started yelling at the girls like a big maniac.
Damon: JUST YOU WAIT, YOU DUMB BROADS! I'M GONNA GET YOU AFTER ME AND MY MEN GET OUR HOTKISS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! AND THIS GOD THING HAS GOT TO STOP RIGHT NOW!
Jack: YEAH, GOD IS NO GOOD!
Ramon: HE'S A REAL PEST!
Sol: JUST LIKE YOU GIRLS!
All the boys: YEAH!
And Coleen and the girls continued singing.
Coleen: Don't cry, my friends! Things will turn out right!
And when you pray to God, things are out of sight!
But you've got to make sure that you pray everyday!
And everytime you do, good news will come your way!
All the girls: Have faith, hope and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
All the girls: God is the creative one around!
Coleen: He does what he could, and he ain't no clown!
All the girls: We all have got to do his will!
Coleen: It says in the bible, so we all better chill!
All the girls: He strengthens us with his righteous right hand!
Coleen: He helps us all make a fine better plan!
All the girls: He brings us hope and a future we love!
Coleen: And the things are all sent from God from above!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!
Coleen: That's the way to live successfully!
All the girls: Have faith, hope and charity!
Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!
Everybody: (including the girls.) How do we know, the bible tells us so!
Coleen: One more time!
Damon: FORGET IT!
Everybody: How do we know, the bible tells us so!
Coleen: OH YEAH!
And the song was over, everybody clapped and cheered for the Bad Ol' Putty Tats.
Preston: Coleen, you girls are the best!
Bugsi Ann: Yeah, we've been routing for you all the way!
So the girls took a bow for the good audience because they liked it, except for Damon and his three gay stooges, Jack, Ramon, and Sol.
Damon: BOO! YOU GIRLS SUCK!
Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH!
Preston: (to Bugsi Ann. That was great, wasn't it, Bugsi Ann?
Bugsi Ann: Yes, it sure was, Preston.
Preston: We should have more Christian bands like the Bad Ol' Putty Tats. What do you think?
Bugsi Ann: Yes, we should. Oh, I have to use the bathroom real quick. Could you save my spot for me please, Preston?
Preston: You have my word, as long as I am close to you girls.
Bugsi Ann: Absolutely. I'll be right back.
Preston: Okay.
And Bugsi Ann went to use the ladies room. And while Preston was upfront on stage saving Bugsi Ann's spot, Damon and his bad boys were getting ready to make their move to get Preston.
Damon: Okay, fellows. Now!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: Right!
So the four nuts pushed other people without saying excuse me just to get Preston. Damon covered Preston's eyes so that Preston can think it's Bugsi Ann Donitello.
Preston: Hahahahahahahahahaha! I know it's got to be you, Bugsi Ann. You sure made it out of the bathroom really fast.
Damon: It's not Bugsi Ann, Hotkiss.
Preston: (frightened.) Damon?!
Damon: (opened Preston's eyes.) That's right, loverboy!
Jack, Ramon, & Sol: (to Preston.) Hello, Hotkiss, remember us?
Preston: Get away from me you homosexual losers! I don't want to have nothing to do with you guys! LET GO OF ME! COLEEN! BUGSI ANN! HELP ME!
Damon: Sorry, Hotkiss, but you're with the men now.
Preston: LET GO, I SAID! THERE IS NO WAY I'M GONNA BE WITH YOU GUYS! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Damon: Let's send him to our van, men!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: YEAH!
Preston: NO!
And they took Preston out of Fireside Bowl to their beat up green 1979 Ford van. When Bugsi Ann came out of the bathroom, she was looking for Preston, and she saw the gay men take Preston away. So Bugsi Ann went backstage and told Coleen and the girls.
Bugsi Ann: Coleen, come quick!
Coleen and the girls ran over to Bugsi Ann while they were putting their stuff away.
Coleen: What's going on, Bugsi Ann?
Bugsi Ann: Those creepy gay guys have gotton our friend Preston Nickleson, and they're taking off with him right now!
Coleen: Damon! Well we're gonna hurry up and get him! (to the girls.) Come on, girls! Those creepy guys have got Preston! So let's make it snappy!
All the girls: YEAH!
Bugsi Ann: No time to waste! Let's go!
Preston: LET GO OF ME, YOU JERKS! May God have mercy on all of your souls-
Damon: SHUT UP! I don't want to hear this God trash! It's disgusting! So no more of that! Okay, loverboy of mine?
Preston: I AM NOT YOUR LOVERBOY, AND YOU CREEPS NEED TO GO TO CHURCH! HELP! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!
And the evil gay guys threw Preston into that green van, locked the doors, and went into the van themselves and started the engine.
Preston: I swear to you! You guys won't get away with this!
Damon: SHUT UP, I SAID! We're going as far away from them girls as possible to my house so that we can marry you, make love to you and have sex with you all night and all day, and we don't have to worry about school ever again for the rest of our lives. What do you say, Hotkiss?
Preston: Don't call me Hotkiss! I say "That sounds absolutely retarded!"
Damon: (to Jack.) Start driving faster, Jack!
Jack: Right, boss!
And they all drove out of Fireside Bowl with Preston, and the girls went into their van with Bugsi Ann to rescue Preston from those gay guys.
Bugsi Ann: There they are, Coleen! And they're taking the Kennedy Expressway heading northwest!
Coleen: Well they're not gonna get far when we're on the move! Right, girls?
All the girls: Right!
So the girls started chasing the gay guys to the Kennedy Expressway heading northwest.
Jack: Hey boss, I see trouble.
Damon: What's up, Jack?
Jack: It's those girls, and they're right on our tale!
Coleen started doing a police siren act going "WOOOOOOOOOOOW! WOOOOOOOOOOOW! Then she started doing a policeman act to the evil gay guys.
Coleen: (as a voice of a policeman.) Stop right there in the green Ford van! You all are under arrest!
Damon: That's no cop's voice, it's that freak Coleen what's her face from the Bad Ol' Putty Tats! Let's get our guns and shoot them down!
So the bad gay guys got their guns out and started shooting at the girls, but they missed.
Coleen: Holy cow! They've got guns and they're shooting at us! Time for us to pull over to the side!
So the girls pulled over to the side of the freeway, and Damon and his boys started laughing.
Damon: There! That'll teach those nosy Betties to mind their own business! They can't take our Hotkiss away from us! Right, gang?
Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH! Absolutely!
Damon: (to Preston.) And what do you say, Hotkiss?
Preston: Don't call me hotkiss! That's very inappropriate! I think you guys need to get help! I don't know why you guys want to rape me for just sex when you guys don't even know me! I never said I wanted all of you to be my lovers! I never asked for that from any of you! What does it take for you guys to mind your own business, and stop raping me like this?
Damon: (angry.) SHUT UP, DUMMY! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR MOUTH! You're coming with us because you're gonna be mine, not the girls'! And if you talk to us about that Jesus, God, and the Book of Mormon trash just once more, we'll KILL YOU!
Preston: I don't know why you guys don't want to go to church at all! Why do you want me?
Sol: He said, you're gonna be his lover, stupid! So just hush, or you're gonna get it good!
All the men: Yeah!
But meanwhile still over to the side and not going anywhere, the girls from the Bad Ol' Putty Tats were still thinking of a way to save Preston from those bad gay guys.
Debbie: Gee, Coleen. How are we gonna save Preston from those nasty gay guys? Don't they know that being gay is a very selfish sin against God?
Coleen: Well little do they know that I've got a map thingy that I bought for my van. I know exactly where they're going, and now I know where they live.
All the girls: Where?!
Coleen: They live in that old beat up house on North Laporte Avenue. Their house number is 312.
Julie: But they've got weapons. Remember, Coleen?
Coleen: Well little do they know that I've got a little something up my sleeves myself, but we're all gonna do this together because I can't do this alone.
Bugsi Ann: Well we can do so now while there still time left!
Coleen: Yeah, you're right, Bugsi Ann. Let's go, grrrls!
All the girls: YEAH!
But before they went off again, the police stopped them again, and it's a beautiful, sexy, big, tall, attractive police woman with olive skin, high cheekbones, long brunette hai, and a deep low voice and she's Italian. Her name is Diane Hermosillo.
Diane Hermosillo: (to Coleen.) Can I please see your drivers license?
Then Coleen gave Diane her driver's license. Diane rushed to her police car, and checked it out in her computer.
Michelle: Now what, Coleen?
Coleen: I don't know, Michelle. I just don't know.
Diane got done checking Coleen's license out. So she went back to Coleen's van.
Diane: (to Coleen.) Do you realize how fast you girls were going?
Coleen: Look, Officer, we've got a major crisis in our hands, and we're in a hurry!
Diane: And what's that?
Renee: We're on our way to save a fellow named Preston Nickleson from a bunch of evil gay guys!
Bugsi Ann: And we haven't too much time! No telling what those creepy gay guys are doing with him!
Diane: Preston Nickleson?! (And Diane slapped her left cheek real good and hard across her face and grunted!) UNH! I know that kid! I used to babysit him when he was little, and I was just a teenager then before I became a cop! Preston was a good and smart kid, and I really liked him a lot! (She gave Coleen her license back.) Here! Here's your license back! Which way did those gay monsters go?
Coleen: Just follow us, Officer!
Diane: Say, hold on a minute. You girls are the Bad Ol' Putty Tats, aren't ya?
Debbie: Yes we are.
Diane: I see all of your concerts here in Chicago all the time. What are your names?
Coleen: I'm Coleen Madrazzo.
Julie: I'm Julie Cannon.
Michelle: I'm Michelle Schmidt.
Brenda: I'm Brenda Washington.
Renee: I'm Renee Jones.
Debbie: And I'm Debbie Kahn.
Bugsi Ann: And I'm Bugsi Ann Donitello. I'm not really part of their band. I'm just a friend of theirs.
Diane: Well nice to meet all of you. I'm Officer Diane Hermosillo.
Bugsi Ann: So you must be Italian too like I am.
Diane: Yes, I am Italian. I'm also part Lithuanian. So are we ready to go save Preston, or what, ladies?
All the girls: YEAH!
Diane: Well then let's go!
Coleen: Right! Just follow us, Diane!
And Diane and the girls finally took off on the expressway to rescue Preston from the gay guys.
But meanwhile over at 312 Laporte Avenue at an old beat up house, Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol had finally got Preston.
Preston: You guys will not get away with this, I'm telling you the truth! You just wait 'til my girls get you!
Damon: SHUT UP! Those girls are not gonna get us! We've got six security dogs guarding our hideout up front along with a big fence telling everyone to keep out! We're gonna marry you, Hotkiss, you're gonna be our wife, and we're gonna be your husbands. You're gonna do what we say from now on. Plus, we're gonna have sex with you all night and all day everyday of the week. We don't want you talking about girls, and we don't want you talking about Jesus and God. Because if you ever do those things, and if you even think about getting away from us when you know that we love you, and dream about you every night, we'll kill you. You will stay with us forever, and do what we tell you. Do you hear me, Hotkiss?
Preston: Don't call me Hotkiss. My name is Preston.
Damon: Excuse me? Oh, one more thing. If you talk back to us, say that stupid name Preston, or all that other junk like that as well, we will kill you dead. And you don't want to die young, do you, Hotkiss?
Preston: No.
Damon: Good. First off, you're gonna strip for us. We will play some Ludacris for you, and you will dance and strip for us.
Preston: What?!
Damon: You heard me! Dance and strip for us now! Or we'll let you have it big time!
Sol: Do you want me to play the CD now, boss?
Damon: Yes! Do it!
And Sol played some Ludacris on the CD player, but Preston was not stripping. He stood there angry at Damon and his guys.
Damon: (to Preston.) COME ON, DUMMY! WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY! WE WANT TO HAVE SEX SO GET TO IT!
Preston: NO!
Damon: (shooting at him with his gun.) STRIP FOR US! STRIP FOR US NOW! I MEAN IT! (He stopped shooting at Preston and talked to Sol.) Sol, start the song over. Hotkiss is not cooperating with us at all.
Sol: Right you are, boss.
But before Sol started the song over, the girls from the Bad Ol' Putty Tats, Bugsi Ann Donitello, and Officer Diane Hermosillo crashed the guys' nasty party in the windows to rescue Preston.
Coleen: It's over, Damon! You and your men give yourselves up now!
Damon: (angry.) Do you dumb darlas have a problem?! HUH?! DO YOU LADIES HAVE A PROBLEM?! HE'S MINE! AND I DON'T WANT YOU LADIES TAKING HIM AWAY FROM US, UNLESS YOU WANT TO CRUISE FOR A BRUISE! GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BIMBOS!
Diane: Sir, we've heard that you've been harassing Preston Nickleson into your own sexbot for the guys and not the girls. You know that's a crime.
Damon: I said he's MINE! Now GET OUUUUUUUUUUUTTT! Or we shall be forced to hammer your bones in!
Preston: Diane Hermosillo! Is that really you as a cop?
Damon: SHUT UP, HOTKISS! You don't ever talk to girls again, unless you want to die young right here and now!
Bugsi Ann: Hey, you don't ever talk to Diane that way, you monster! (She started pointing at Diane's direction still talking to Damon and his men.) This woman used to babysit Preston Nickleson a long time ago back when she was a teenager, and he was just a little kid! Now let him be! He does not want to be with you!
Damon: Okay, that does it! That's the last straw! GET 'EM, MEN!
All the men: RIGHT, BOSS!
And the boys and girls started fighting eachother, except for Preston, who just ran for cover.
Damon grabbed Preston before he went out the door to Coleen's van.
Damon: Where do you think you're going, Hotkiss?!
And Preston punched Damon real hard across the face, Damon fell to the ground, and Bugsi Ann went up to Damon and said this to him.
Bugsi Ann: Serves you right! You deserved it, bad boy!
Damon: (got back up.) Not exactly what you're gonna get when I get through with you ladies!
And Bugsi Ann used the pepper spray on him again.
Bugsi Ann: Take that!
Damon: ARGH! Why you little creep, I can't see! I CAN'T SEE! OOH, I'M GONNA GET YOU!
Sol tried to attack Renee Jones, but Renee was too fast for him. She did some karattee moves on him and tore that guy off.
Sol: OOH, you're gonna be sorry you ever did that, negro!
Jack slapped Officer Diane Hermosillo real good and hard across the face. And Diane punched Jack out, and Jack flew into a table and broke it all.
Jack: I'll get you, you flatfooted wench! I'LL GET YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Meanwhile, Damon was looking for Bugsi Ann just to fight her.
Damon: WHERE ARE YOU, YOU ITALIAN JACKASS?! HUH?! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU FREAK?!
Then Coleen sneaked up behind Damon and said in a Bugsi Ann voice "Here I am!" So Damon turned around and it wasn't Bugsi Ann. It was Coleen.
Damon: GET OUTTA HERE, YOU PUERTO RICAN JERK, OR I'LL CLOBBER YOU! You are Puerto Rican, aren't you?
Coleen: No, I'm Mexican! OF COURSE I'M PUERTO RICAN!
Damon: THEN GET OUTTA HERE!
Then Damon slapped Coleen's face hard. Coleen grunted "UMM," then she punched Damon across the face, and they both started fighting.
Bugsi Ann: Yeah, give it to him, Coleen! Sock him real good! He can't hurt us!
Then Jack grabbed Bugsi Ann by the neck, Bugsi Ann used her pepper spray on Jack's eyes, then she kicked him sky high up on the ceiling and down to the coffee table. Damon went down the same place because Coleen kicked him.
Coleen: I'm gonna check and see if Preston's alright!
Damon: NO YOU DON'T, YOU HOLY ROLLING PUERTO RICAN LOSER! YOU'RE NOT DOING NOTHING OF THAT SORT! GET 'EM, MEN!
And the girls went to their van to drive away from the gay guys. But the gay guys started following them in their green 1979 Ford van around the highways and bi-ways like this is an action packed movie.
Damon: Get your weapons out, men! We're gonna kill them females dead!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: Right, boss!
But Officer Diane Hermosillo is chasing the gay guys on their tracks. She's getting her CB-radio in her car, getting every policeman in Chicago to get Damon and his bad boys.
Diane: (talking through her CB-radio.) Calling all cars. Calling all cars. This is Officer Diane Hermosillo at car 67. I'm spotting a 1979 Ford van, beat up, and the color is green. Licenseplate number "Special One." His name is Damon Collins, with three other men "Jack, Ramon, and Sol." They're after the Bad Ol' Putty Tats, and their friend Preston Nickleson. Please send assistance available. Over.
Damon: (looking through his rearview mirror.) Oh that nosy cop! When will she ever learn that I love my lover "Hotkiss?"
Jack: Don't you mean "our lover Hotkiss," boss?
Damon: Oh yes, that's right! Shoot the cop, men!
So the men got their weapons out and started shooting at Officer Diane for following them, and Diane shot at them right back, but they both missed eachother. Then other police cars started following Damon and his guys.
Damon: (looking through his rearview mirror.) NOW WHAT?! THIS IS STARTING TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE! MORE COPS ARE COMING AFTER US! THIS IS INSANE! SHOOT 'EM, MEN, WHILE I GET MY LOVER HOTKISS AWAY FROM THOSE GIRLS!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: RIGHT, BOSS!
Damon: I WANT YOUR BODY, HOTKISS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I WANT YOU!
And Jack, Ramon, and Sol started shooting at the cop cars, and the cops started shooting at them right back but they all missed each other.
Bugsi Ann: Hurry, Coleen! Those creeps are ganging on us!
Preston: And to get me, they'll stop at nothing!
Coleen: Don't worry, you guys. Those gay guys are not gonna get us for we've got the cops after the boys.
Brenda: Well I sure hope they get stopped soon by the cops.
Renee: If they don't get stopped by the cops, I've got my karattee moves to take 'em down.
Damon: I'm gonna ram those girls because they're stupid for taking my lover away from me!
And true to his word, he started ramming the girls' black van real good and hard.
Preston: Hey, what's that noise?!
Julie: It's Damon and his guys! He's ramming us down!
Damon: (in rage!) WHERE'S MY LOVER, DUMMIES?! HUH?! WHERE IS HE?! HE'S MINE, YOU STUPID BETTIES! BRING HIM HERE! NOW!
And Damon kept on ramming the girls' van down again many times because they've got Preston.
Coleen: (to Damon.) HEY, YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, MONSTER!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol kept on shooting at Diane and the rest of the cops, and the cops shot at them right back, but they still missed each other. Then Diane used her CB-radio to tell Damon and his bad boys to pull over immediately.
Diane: This is the city police! Pull over your green van at once! Did you hear what I said?! Pull over the green van this instant!
Damon: (to Diane.) LOOK! WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF, OR SOMETHING?! WE'RE DOING BUSINESS AROUND HERE! SO I WANT TO ADVISE YOU FLATFOOTS TO CLEAR OUTTA HERE THIS MINUTE, OR ELSE!
Damon still continues to ram the girls down because they still have Preston Nickleson.
Coleen: (fed up with Damon's thumps to the girls' vehicle.) Boy, won't that geek ever learn that Preston does not want to be with them?!
Preston: They just won't stop bothering me!
Renee: Yes they will because the police are after their butts right now.
Preston: Good. Hopefully Diane is after them too.
Brenda: She is, honey. Don't worry about it.
And they all drove out of the Kennedy Expressway, pass the Eisenhower, to the Dan Ryan.
Diane: (to Damon.) PULL OVER RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING, BOYS?!
The four gay bad boys: NO!
Then Diane started ramming the boys' green van.
Damon: OKAY, COP! YOU ASKED FOR IT!
Damon used a boomgun on Diane's policecar. He took aim, shoots, and it missed Diane's car and hit another vehicle.
Damon: OOH, I HATE COPS, AND I DON'T LIKE GOD, JESUS, AND ANYBODY SAYING NO TO ME!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: YEAH! You tell 'em boss!
Damon: You creeps can't get rid of us! We're special, and you morons are not! So tough noogies!
And Diane used a special gun with only one bullet in it. She aimed it carefully on Damon's direction while he was still acting stupid.
Damon: I'M THE BEST! NOBODY'S BETTER THAN ME! NOT NOBODY! I'M THE GREATEST! AND I'M GONNA GET MY LOVER HOTKISS WHETHER YOU FILTHY BUMS LIKE IT OR NOT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
And Diane shot Damon in the back, and he was dead.
Jack: BOSS! BOSS! Are you okay?!
Diane grabbed another gun, aimed it at the green van, used her CB-radio, and told the other guys this.
Diane: (to the gay guys.) Now, either you bullies pull over at once, or I shall be forced to shoot you also!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: NEVER! WHY DON'T YOU PULL OVER, COPPER, AND QUIT BOTHERING US! YOU JUST KILLED OUR BOSS! YOU DUMB BROAD!
But Diane shot at their tires, and the green van skidded to the side of the freeway, and it stopped. Then the police surrounded them.
Jack: HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU DUMMIES! I DEMAND A LAWYER!
Ramon: YEAH, JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS ARE, MAKING US MISS OUR LOVER!
Sol: AND SHOOTING OUR BOSS LIKE THAT! YOU'RE FOOLS! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!
Jack, Ramon, and Sol: WE WANT LOVIN'! WE WANT LOVIN'! WE WANT LOVIN'!
Diane: SHUT UP! You're not getting any loving from any man, nor woman! Do you understand me?! You monsters are under arrest!
Ramon: Says who, you stupid wench?!
All the ten cops: SAYS US!
Sol: YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Diane: WE'RE COPS! We can do whatever we want!
And Coleen and the others stopped their van for a while, got off, and watched the gay guys get arrested, and Damon to an early grave for being such a psychopath, homosexual, monsterous criminal, and dreaming the wrong dreams of Preston Nickleson when he had no business doing that in the first place.
Preston: About time the cops had those gay monsters arrested for chasing me around all the time! Not good!
Diane: Hey Preston!
And Preston rushed up to Officer Diane Hermosillo to find out what she wants.
Preston: Hey, Diane! How are you?
Diane: I'm fine. How are you?
Preston: I'm fine now.
Diane: Tell me, are these the guys that started bothering you with their grief?
Preston: Yes, Diane. These guys just don't know when to leave me alone. They want me to marry them so that they can have sex with me, and I'm not interested in that.
Diane: Well these guys are gonna be put into custody for a very long time.
Coleen: Well they deserved it! They have no right harassing Preston for grief like that at all!
Jack: It's all your fault, Hotkiss! We want to marry you, and have sex with you all night and all day, but you wouldn't give us those chances, and you killed your lover Damon!
HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!
Preston: (to Jack.) Whatever, turkey! Nice try!
Bugsi Ann: Yeah, that's right!
Preston: I miss you, Diane.
Diane: Aw, I miss you too, Preston. It's been a long time since we had a whole lot of fun together.
Preston: Yes we did. I was just a little boy, and you were a teenager. And whenever I've got a problem, I always talk to you. Right?
Diane: Absolutely, and apparently. We especially did a lot of fun stuff together with our friends.
Preston: Yes. I remember myself having a crush on you back then as well because I didn't know any better back when I was little.
Diane: Yes, I remember. You used to write me a lot of loveletters back when we were kids, and the first time we met each other after your parents dropped you off to our house, you were all smiles saying hello to our family, and you gave us all big hugs, and we thank you for it.
Preston: You're welcome. Can we live those memories again? Can I give you a great big hug, Diane?
Diane: Sure, Preston honey.
And Preston rushed over to Diane, and they gave each other a great big long cheek to cheek hug and kiss.
Preston: Diane, we will always be best friends forever, along with all of my friends too.
Diane: You better believe it.
Bugsi Ann: Aw, how sweet. How about it, everyone. Group hug. Group hug.
So everybody else goes over for a hug as well.
Coleen: I'm soooo glad we all got each other.
Renee: You got it, y'all.
Julie: I'm glad I've got all of you.
Bugsi Ann: I'm happy America loves me like back home.
Brenda: We're all safe with each other.
Debbie: Yeah.
Michelle: I'm with all of you.
Preston: And I'm with all of you. Thank you all for saving my life from that monster Damon, and his evil gay partners in crime. They're bad news.
Diane: Well they won't bother you anymore, Preston. They're now being sentence to jail until they start to redeem themselves from sinful nature.
Coleen: (in Spanish.) I'm very glad that we're best friends forever.
Bugsi Ann: (in Italian.) I second that.
When Coleen and the rest of the girls brought Preston back home, Diane followed the girls to his house for Preston's protection. So they pulled up to his house, Coleen, Preston, and Diane got out of their vehicles, and Coleen said this to the girls.
Coleen: Stay in the van, ladies. I'll be right back. Preston needs a blessing.
Bugsi Ann: (wanted to come along.) Can I come with you, Coleen?
Coleen: No. This is my responsibility. I've got him into this mess with the gay guys, so I'm getting him out.
Bugsi Ann: Okay.
So Coleen and Diane walked with Preston to his house, they rang the doorbell, and Karen (Preston's mom) answered the door, and Karen was so surprised to see Diane Hermosillo in a police officer suit.
Karen: Diane Hermosillo! A police officer?
Diane: Hi, Karen! It's been a long time since we've seen each other!
Coleen: Hey, Mrs. Nickleson. Remember me?
Karen: Why of course, Coleen! How have you been?
Coleen: We're doing great, Mrs. Nickleson. Your son Preston Needs a blessing right away.
Preston: Because Damon and his men started chasing me sexually again after the show was over, and threatening me, mom.
Diane: But the gay guys are being sentence to life in prison.
Nathaniel: Good. They won't bother our son anymore. Come on in.
And so Preston, Coleen, and Diuane went inside the Nickleson"s household, and Karen grabbed a chair for Preston to sit down on, Preston sat down on the chair, Karen, Nathaniel, Coleen, and Diane put their hands on Preston's head, and Karen said the prayer.
Karen: Dear God, Heavenly Father, we come to you in prayer right now. We just need you to protect my son Preston away from nasty gay guys, and other bad people that just want him to do things that are not of your will. Please keep Preston safe with all of his friends he can trust, that don't want him to do very nasty stuff at all. So far, he has been chased by gay guys that want him to sin against your will, which he's not going to do. But Officer Diane Hermosillo took care of those nasty boys. They are sentenced to life in prison. One of them is dead.
Coleen: Yeah. Damon.
Karen: So Father God, please guide Preston to the right paths where he can be welcome by people where he is not threatened by bad guys that just want him for sex, and all of that other nasty junk. That's not what you want us to do. You want us to do your word and your works from the Book of Mormon, and the Bible. Help us do your will, and please forgive others that do harm to my son Preston, and us as well. Give us strength, and give us peace. And I ask these things in the name of the son Jesus Christ. Amen.
One Friday night, it was the last day of school soccer game outside. Preston's team the Cheetahs vs. the Buzzards from another high school. Preston calls his team up together because his team is almost winning, and he's the captain of the team.
Preston: Okay, fellows, listen up. The lord Jesus Christ is depending on this, and so are our friends. And I know this church is true. We've got to win this game so I want you all to do the best you can in the name of God, and I know I will too. God's watching us play good and hard. So let's get out there and do our thing! What do you say, team?!
All the boys: Yes, sir!
Preston: Then we go!
All the boys: Go, Cheetahs!
And all of Preston's relatives and friends, including Officer Diane Hermosillo and the rest of the police officers are watching Preston's team win.
Coleen: (sitting on one of the benches.) GO, PRESTON!
Bugsi Ann: COME ON, CHEETAHS!
Karen: Come on, son! Beat the wings off those Buzzards!
Nathaniel: We don't care if you win or lose! GO, CHEETAHS!
Ashley: YAY, BIG BROTHER!
Cameron: ALRIGHT, PRESTON!
Here comes the kick! The teams were going wild with that soccer ball, the crowd was just going nuts rooting for Preston and his team!
Coleen: ALRIGHT, PRESTON!
Bugsi Ann: Somebody stop that Buzzard! He's got the ball now!
Yes, one of the guys on the Buzzards' team has the ball now trying to make it all the way to the goal. But before he made it, Preston took the ball away from him and made him trip and fall into the grass.
The guy on the Buzzards' team: HEY!
Preston ran with the ball really fast. The Buzzards tried to catch him, but Preston was too fast for them. So Preston kicked the ball to one of his team members, the guy kicked it to the goal, and the ball made it. And Preston's Cheetahs won! Everybody started clapping and cheering for Preston because him and his team won the game!
Brenda: He did it, Coleen! He did it! I knew that Preston would come through!
Coleen: He sure did, Brenda! God had a special plan for him! That's why he won!
Bart: Hooray for Preston! He did it!
Nathaniel: (in tears of joy.) That's my boy! No wonder he's got so much talent, and I'm proud of him!
Everybody went up from out of their seats just to get an autograph yearbook signed by Preston himself along with his team. Two junior high teenage girls were the first to get their autographs signed by Preston.
The two junior high girls: Hi, Preston! Can we have your autograph?
Preston: Sure. What are your names?
The first junior high girl: My name is Megan.
The second junior high girl: And my name is Patty.
Both girls: And we're coming over your school next year to see all of your talents!
Preston: Hey, that works for me. After all, I still have two more years in high school. After I graduate, I plan to go to college and become a Hollywood sensational star in Los Angeles.
Both girls: Alright!
Then other people had their autographs signed by Preston for having such great talents from God. Then Coleen, The Bad Ol' Putty Tats, Diane Hermosillo, and his family members and all of his friends got their pictures taken from the schools in Chicago, The Chicago Tribune, and the Sun Times for being such great gifts from God. And Preston ran up to give Coleen, Bugsi Ann, Ms. Lopez his teacher, and Diane Hermosillo big hugs, and they hugged him right back. Everybody is Preston's best friends forever from God because Preston did the will of God without missing it. And that is a lesson we have to learn about. We have to be patient because God has got a special plan for you too.
THE END!
