Hetalia: Total Takeover
Chapter 1: The One Time I Need Help
Warnings: British swears. 'Tis all.
The United States of America. Thirteen stripes, fifty stars and a whole lot of crazy ideas. Trust me, I know. Today was another afternoon filled with 'brilliant and heroic' ideas the country could muster.
The personified figure was never nervous, so what was it about today that made much of a difference? As he took another swig of his 70oz Cola, America paced to and fro in front of his boss's office. As the liquid started to thin down to nothingness, said employer finally emerged from his office and reluctantly greeted the loud nation.
"Hello, America... What is it today?" He groaned.
"Well sir, I'm glad you asked. Do I have an offer for you! Let's talk," the blonde carelessly wrapped an arm around his boss's shoulder as the two walked into the office. "Sir. Hm, 'sir' sounds too formal, can I call ya Dave?"
"Just cut the bull, America." 'Dave' mumbled, taking his seat.
With one last inspiring gulp from his 70oz, America quickly spilled his plan. Let's just say today was not quite one of America's 'Terribly Awful Ideas Day'.
*CUE HETALIA: AXIS POWERS THEME MUSIC!*
"America, this is actually brilliant! It's never been rightfully attempted, and it's completely original! Those 70oz Colas are finally doing something for your head!"
"Haha, you can always count on me to come up with the greatest plans to save the world!" The country gloated.
"Let's not get too carried away, it's only a canal…"
America chuckled lightly and pushed up his glasses. "It's not just any canal, sir! It's the Panama Canal! And it'll only take a few months to finish since it's in US territory."
America's boss blinked in confusion before giving America a long and hard look. "Uh, son, do you know where the Panamanian Canal is located?"
"'Course, I do! Somewhere in Florida right?" The blonde inquired, making his boss sweatdrop.
"…GAH! America, I want that canal found! Got it!?"
"Yes sir!" The oblivious country saluted, then receiving one back he left the office. "Well, let's see. Hey Siri," he called to his cell phone, "where in the US is the Panama Canal?"
The phone dinged in reply. "I found a couple of canals; they're pretty far from Panama City, FL."
"Hm?" America looked at the screen, nearly dropping the mobile device in shock at the actual location of the Panama Canal. "What?! The Panama Canal isn't in the US?! What the heck is a Panama? Hey Siri, how far of a drive is Panama?"
Now, before we get too into detail about America's lack of knowledge on geography, let's flashback for a second to this morning. Around ten, the American was 'chillaxing' at his home when he got a very interesting visit from a very interesting country.
-Flashback-
"Uh-huh, work it, that's right baby!" As a morning routine, America had to keep fit if he was gonna stay out of that 'overweight' circle. However... regular workouts were becoming a little too lame. So what better way to work it than to shake it? He pulled out his game system and started up Revolutionary Dance Dance (copyright laws, so yeah…) and did his thing. That is until the doorbell rang.
"Oh, probably another one of my fangirls." America chuckled and rushed to the door. But the sight in front of him was not one he was hoping to see at ten twenty-six in the morning. "FRANCE?!"
"Ohononon, I see mon ami américain loves to wander 'is 'ome in 'is underwear as well. Do not worry mon copain, I am not one to judge." The older country laughed.
America turned a light shade of pink, and used his door as a shield. "What are you doing here dude? I was in the middle of a hardcore workout!"
"I can see, zhen I suppose you do not want to 'ear what I 'ave to offer, non?"
"If it's another one of those lady statues, I'll take it!"
"Sadly, it is not one of our marvelous architecture. Guess again."
"Uh… Well… Hold on! Is it a chance at wearing a cape and saving your country from monarchy?!"
"The French Revolution is over, and we are grateful for zee example. 'Owever, you are quite close wizh your 'ero gimmick."
"Look dude, it's too early for these kinda games! Just tell me already!"
France grinned and passed a very official-looking envelope to the younger. "'ere, it's all zee information you need to finish zee canal de Panama."
"And why would I wanna do that?" the American deadpanned.
"Don't you see America, it is zee perfect opportunity to save a damsel in distress by finishing what your big brother started!"
"If I get to be the hero then that's good enough for me!" America flashed his cheeky grin. "Now get off my property."
-End-
"France didn't tell me this canal thing would be so far!" The country whined. "Man, I guess a hero's work is never done! And it's a great chance to do something that France couldn't! Haha!" The new burst of confidence was all America needed to increase his drive to finding this thing and being hero. The only thing he'd have to worry about was British influence in the Latin American area...well he knew just how to take care of that.
England: *chibi-style* Hetalia!
"Yo England! I need you, bro!" America called from outside the Englishman's house. After about one second of silence, the American began to bang hysterically on the Brit's door. "England?! You in there, bro?!"
"AMERICA, YOU IDIOT! YOU KNOW BLOODY WELL THAN TO BANG ON MY DOOR AT THIS HOUR!" An enraged shout answered from above.
"Huh?" America took a couple of steps back only to be greeted by an angry blonde Brit leaning out of his upstairs window. He chuckled slightly and waved up to his 'big brother'. "Oh hey England, why don't you open the front door like a normal dude?"
England turned up his nose in response. "Wankers like you don't deserve to set foot in my house!"
"Aww, but I need your help!" America let out a playful whine.
The two nations were silent until, England finally realized what was happening. "America," he started in a sarcastic tone, "asking me, the United Kingdom, for help?"
"Yeah, I need your older experience and junk to help me finish up this canal I'm building in Panama."
This statement drew all of the Englishman's attention. "The Panama Canal? That bloody frog couldn't finish it, and you think you can?"
"With the help of an old friend!" America flashed his cheesy smile. "So what do ya say big guy?"
England huffed and shut his window, leaving America looking up in bewilderment. "So is that a maybe?" When no reply came, the short attention-spanned country sighed and sat on the modern-brick steps of England's house. "I guess I'll have to be the hero without a sidekick this time."
"Or you could get your hamburger-loving arse off my porch and get us a plane to Panama." A voice griped behind him.
America's gloom quickly shifted to delight when he heard his older brother's voice. "Ha! I knew you wouldn't resist my offer!"
"Just so you know, I'm not doing this to help a git like you out of your problems. I'm only doing this because…" The Englishman trailed off, making the free-nation raise an eyebrow curiously. "What was that?"
"Nothing, you idiot! Now get off my porch so I can get my things packed!"
Translations
Mon ami américain -French- my American friend
Alright, the first of many chapters starring notre amiaméricain (our American friend) however this is a preview not the actual first chapter...
There is quite a bit of history here, but let me just point out some things first:
1. "...it's located in Florida"- This refers to Panama City, Florida, USA...which was not incorporated in the US until 1909... The Panamanian Canal did not start construction by the U.S. until 1904...even then...this is before it was built (around the late 1890's and early 1900's)...so America what are you doing with life?
2. "...Siri" Siri wasn't released by Apple until 2010... Only in America... Not to mention cell phones didn't come out until 1973...
3. "Revolutionary Dance Dance"...ha that's just me parodying Dance Dance Revolution which wasn't released until 1998...
Now on to truthful facts
1. America did take over the Panama Canal Project from France...we learn a bit more about that transaction in later chapters
2. America did have to be backed up by England because of the major influence they had in Latin America
3. 70 oz Colas are probably not the best thing to drink try Pepsi
4. The question America asks Siri is one I actually asked my own phone...and that's what she said to me
I learned quite a bit about this topics recently in history...beforehand, I was writing this chapter and then it came up in class. So writing the beginning of this series was a breeze. Do look for the next chapters...and if I get time I'll work on side projects like ships (FrUk, HunAus, DenNor, etc.) reader inserts, and when I get far enough in the series, reeeeaaallly cute OC!CountryXHetalia stuff... I love making OC countries...anyway-
Thanks for reading and keep on Adventuring~