Silence fills the studio, Kendall's looking down, and after being friends with him for almost my whole life, I know he's nervous. Gustavo's shocked, his face still flesh colored, but he seems speechless. Kelly's staring; her eyes widened and mouth open.
I can't help but over- analyze this, play by play.
The four of us wake up – Kendall skips breakfast and James and Carlos gorge themselves.
Leave the Hotel – everything's peaches and cream. Do people still say that?
Start recording – Kendall says he has an announcement – the confusion is why he didn't tell the four of us first – we're his buds. What the heck is running through his mind?
Gustavo tells him to "Shut it; we're got a new song to learn" – Kendall steels himself and I can't really breathe. What is that boy going to do?
We find out. Kendall likes dudes. And apparently lacks eloquence. We all stand there, waiting for someone to break the silence; the challenge we accidently started. Is anyone going to say something?
It hurts a lot he didn't tell me first; we're best friends. Right? I want to, for the sake of that friendship to be okay with this. I know I should clap him on the back, grin and laugh and say I knew he was a 'fairy' from day one.
But I can't. Because I've never acted like that, all obnoxious and I don't want to start. Another thing, I didn't know; so that would be a lie. Kendall hates liars; was him not telling us a lie? Are secrets lies?
I know Jo broke his heart, and she took it with her when she left for New Zealand – did she take his heterosexuality with her? No, I've been Kendall's friend forever, this shouldn't change anything. But it does. Not that, it's right, because it's not. Kendall should be my unconditional friend; but it – I don't like surprises and this is definably a surprise.
I expected it to be James, if anything. The hair and all; that boy cannot expect us to believe he likes girls; impossible. I want to be cool with Kendall; like I know I would be with James; maybe it's because I've warmed up to the idea; James liking other dudes. But Kendall?
It's still silent. Until Gustavo breaks it.
"Get out."
"What, are you freaking serious?" It's James, who says this, not Kendall. And he doesn't say 'freaking'.
Carlos backs him up "You're kicking us out?" I like how he says us, like how if he had the nerve to kick out Kendall we'll go to, because Kendall is part of us.
"Kicking him out? No, that'll be security's job if you don't leave." His voice is ice and it hurts how he ostriches Kendall out of the cleverly designed 'us'.
Kelly's still quiet, which hurts a little bit more than Gustavo telling us to evacuate the premises. I remember her liking Kendall immediately and wonder If she's shocked or that changed.
"Fine, I'll leave, but you guys stay, James this was your dream."
He exits the sound booth and can't hear Carlos scream and James stutter and start to run to him. Carlos turns back to me and his eyes are wide, like he noticed how I've said nothing. He doesn't give me a glare; he doesn't give me threats or anything. Just this look, a look that has me wondering and hating myself and why my lips wouldn't speak.
Then he's gone, after James and Kendall, and I follow, making up that you have got to apologize for being stumped and hope he's not sad or anything.
Before I go, as I'm leaving Gustavo's studio, I replay the look and add a patented Logan Mitchell sneer.
"Good luck, finding a new band; just remember forty states and you only found us. And we're not done here, hell we might go to Hawk. See you, but then we'll be on a concert flyer and you'll be remembering this moment."
Hawk's an empty threat, but Gustavo hurt Kendall which is a big "No- No" and all I can do is hope I'm correct, with the whole concert flyer and that the speech will make up for you being a pussy –cat when Kendall needed me, for the first time. And all the others he's been an actual knight in armor.
They're waiting for me; I realize when I see them after I've left the building. Kendall and Carlos are in the back; Kendall hiding behind his fringe and Carlos pointedly not finding him and making the blonde boy talk. James is in the front passenger seat and he hands you the keys wordlessly.
Nodding I take the familiar way home to 2J.
Okay, so I really like this one, and think I'm going to continue it. So, yeah I want this to be eventual slash and I'd like to know which you all would prefer; otherwise I'm doing Ot4 because I'm the writer. So….by writer I mean fan fiction writer. Because I don't own it. If I did, there'd be a lot more slash. I', writing this at 1:50 in the morning because my internet is screwy at night and uh sometimes during the day to, so I'll upload this as soon as the internet connection lets me.
Goodbye everyone!