He thinks I've been quoting My Chemical Romance. Boy, was it much more. I really am not okay, because I'm in love with Phil Lester, and he'll never know how much I really care for him. I hadn't slept in nearly a month, or eaten that much, either, mainly toast, tea, and malteasers. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to the one I loved, let alone make eye contact. I've tried making videos, I really did, but I couldn't come up with any ideas. The radio show was a mess, and I was sure the fans could see through the fake smiles and feel an awkward tension between me and Phil. Especially today. Phil and I had barely spoken all day, aside from the usual "good morning", and part of me wanted to hear his beautiful voice, and the other part thought it was better off this way. It was so awkward during the show, we tried our hardest to put on smiles, but when we left, Twitter was packed with questions like "Is everything okay, you guys?" And "What's wrong?!"s. We arrived back at our flat, and I was ready to walk straight to my room and get on the Internet or something, but right before I had touched the door handle, Phil stopped me.
"Dan."
I was about to ignore him, when he grabbed my arm, dragged me to the couch, and pinned me down by my arms. Honestly, under other circumstances, this would have been very sexy.
"Promise me you won't run."
I nodded as a response. He climbed off of me and sat next to me. "Now tell me, why you've been acting so weird and avoiding me? Is... is it something I said? Something I did? I'm really confused and I'm sick of not hanging out like we used to!" Phil broke down sobbing at the last part. My heart ached whenever I saw him sad, and my throat started to hurt from choking back my own tears. "I just haven't gotten much sleep, and it's bugging me is all. Please don't cry," I tried comforting him. " PLEASE DON'T LIE TO ME, ITS OBVIOUSLY MORE THAN FREAKING SLEEP ISSUES! What caused them?!" Phil yelled, a steady stream of tears now coming down both our faces. I could barely get anything out, and I didn't know another excuse other than "Oh yeah, by the way, I'm in love with you," which, of course, was not happening. "Phil... well... you see... there's this guy," I said in a soft tone, and Phil wiped his eyes and looked at me.
"Yeah," his tone had softened a bit.
"I met him a while back, and earlier this month, I... um..."
"Y-you have a crush on him, don't you?"
"Not really, kind of, yeah."
"Oh." Phil bit his lip and looked away. "What's his name?"
Crap. I needed to think fast. I must have given off a scared look on my face, because Phil changed the subject. "Oh, ok, you don't have to talk about him if you don't want to. Just know I'm, uh, here for you."
I couldn't help it. I pulled him in for a hug and he hugged me, patting my back.
"Don't be scared to tell me anything okay? Please?" My heart was racing, not just because of how close I was to confessing to Phil, but how close I was to Phil. I nodded, then rested my face in his neck where it fit perfectly. *Maybe I don't need to avoid him as much... he's too cute to avoid.* I thought, Phil pulling me closer. "Do you want pizza for dinner tonight?" He asked me. "Yeah, sure. But I don't want you to get up."
"Well, I have to get my phone if we're going to order it."
"Here, use my phone," I decided, reaching into my pocket, pulling out my phone, and handing it to him. He smiled and said "Thanks."

We had ordered the pizza, and while we waited we decided to watch some TV. I wasn't really watching TV, and Phil wasn't either, we were just staring off into space, Phil's arm awkwardly (though it didn't feel really awkward to us) slung around me and my head rested on his chest. I heard his heart beating and felt his chest rise and fall with every breath. It was so soothing and comfortable, to be closer to Phil again, even if not in the way I wanted. 'So comfortable...so tired. I could just fall a-' knock knock
"I've got it!" Phil said jumping up. Was he looking for something to get away from me? I peered from behind the couch as Phil made the transaction and started to grab paper plates. I stared at him, admiring everything about him, the way he moved around the kitchen, the way he concentrated, the way he tried to sing the Doctor Who theme song in a series of "Bum Ba dum WOOSH doo wee do" s. I thought he was adorable. I loved him, and nothing would change that or the fact that he couldn't know that. I bit my tongue and internally scolded myself for thinking about it. Phil came over with two plates of pizza and some soda and gave one to me. "Thank you," I said, still trying to blink back tears. Phil noticed this, because he knows me like the back of his hand, but not the undying love thing, and asked me if I wanted to tell him anything. I just cleared my throat and said "No, I'm just tired. I'm going to bed after this." He smiled in return. "Long month, eh?" He poked me. I half forced a laugh, though part of it was real. "Tell me about it."

We soon both finished our food and said good night to eachother, and went to bed. For once in a month I had a mildly good nights sleep.