Jez sat straight up, gasping for breath like she could run out any minute. The nightmares were terrible this time; it had been the one where there was a small girl trapped in a fire. The flames were going to touch her any minute, and for some reason Jez knew the girl could do something about it, and that's why she didn't help her. But the flames kept getting closer and closer, and finally the girl jumped off the building, and Jez jumped after her, screaming.
It wasn't as bad as the train was, though. The train nightmare. Jez always thought she was going to die at the end of it.
The very worst ones, however, were the ones with the boy whose name she didn't know. The one with soft, silky jet black hair that fell into his emerald green eyes. With the roughly chiseled face and dark taste in clothing.
There were millions of those ones.
Jez and the boy balancing on a fence. Fighting with sticks. Eating ice cream together. Kissing. Getting hurt. Looking at the stars. Breaking into a change jar. Holding each other close in a bed. Arguing heatedly. Watching the news. Lying next to each other on the floor, breathless and sweaty.
Those were just a few, and they meant nothing to her. But whenever she woke up, it was like a fresh stab in the heart. There was a gaping hole in her chest and she didn't know how to fill it up.
Trembling slightly, Jez rolled off her mattress and onto the hard, creaky floor of McCormack's Shelter for Women with a loud thump. She sat up and glanced over at Sally Houghran, who was a light sleeper, but the other girl's breathing remained deep and even.
Tiptoeing quietly, Jez crept out of the room, out of the building, and onto the dark streets of Chicago. She decided she would head on over to Downing's, a nearby dive bar, because she certainly didn't want to go back to sleep.
Trudging slowly up the sidewalk, kicking glass bottles and fast food boxes out of her way, Jez thought back to her first ever memory. Waking up on a park bench with no recollection as to how she got there or who she was. Not only was it her first experience, but it was her scariest.
The only clue, the one she had discovered after some time patting herself, was the locket, the one which she now never took off. It was a silver heart, with an engraving that said for Jez not Jezebel.
She loved it sincerely, although she had no idea why.
Jez flicked a glance to the side to make sure that she was alone. The streets were seedy at this time of night, and although she had not ever run into trouble, Phoebe Ouzel, who lived at McCormack's with Jez, had been attacked a little over a month ago.
There were other clues as well. Little secrets that floated around in her mind, undiscovered until they were open. Faces. Only two. One was the boy from her nightmares, and was a boy with wise, knowing gray eyes and fair hair.
There were no names in her head. For the life of her, she could not comprehend where she knew these boys from. They were as mysterious to her as the locket.
Jez kicked at an empty can and watched it roll away. She tried to think of all the things the boys could be. Brothers, lovers, schoolmates, enemies, friends, cousins, neighbors, movie stars. There were too many to count.
A few strands of fiery red hair blew into Jez's face, and she pushed them unhurriedly out of her eyes. It was a windy night, which was nice because it felt good in her hair. As she paused to study a damp magazine page stuck to the ground, she heard cat-quiet footsteps behind her. Stiffening and turning slightly, trying to remain inconspicuous, Jez caught a glimpse of someone following her. A boy, maybe her own age, with dark hair. Other than the hair, she couldn't discern any distinct features.
He was close enough that Jez could speak at a normal volume and be heard by him. Leaning against a telephone pole casually, she said, "Hey."
He didn't say anything. Calm down, Jez told herself sternly when her heart began to quicken in pace. He might not have heard you. He could be listening to music. He could be deaf. Somehow, though, she knew that this wasn't the case.
Oh, God. Think. Think. What are your options? You could try and make it back to McCormack's. It's not too far away. You're not close enough to Downing's to run there. You could bang on one of these storefronts, but they look deserted enough. Call for help and hope someone hears?
Grab a weapon, a little voice in her head whispered. Jez crouched down and picked up a broken beer bottle. Oddly enough, she had the strange thought that it wouldn't work.
The boy was almost upon her now. Jez crouched into a fighting stance, the bottle lifted in the air, poised to strike. The boy had a nasty grin on his face, and Jez had a sinking feeling in her heart.
Just as the boy came within a few feet of her, he suddenly stopped and keeled over. Jez stared, dumbfounded, as he fell flat on his face to reveal another boy behind him. This one had light hair that reflected mysteriously in the moonlight. He was staring down at the boy, collapsed at his feet, who now had something wooden sticking out of his back.
Jez blinked repetitively at the blonde boy, backing up. Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. He'd killed him.
"You killed him."
"Yep, and not a moment too soon," he said back, still admiring his handiwork, but with his hands on his hips.
"You actually killed him."
"Don't worry," said a new voice. A female voice. A girl stepped out from an alleyway to go stand next to the boy. She looked down at the dead one and for a minute seemed sickened. Then she looked back up at Jez. "He was going to hurt you. He's been hurting a lot of people recently. It's why we're in Chicago and not Vegas, relaxing like we're supposed to be."
"I said I was sorry already, okay? Jesus."
"Are you detectives or something?" Jez swallowed.
"Or something," said the boy. Jez could see the grin on his face as he finally looked up at her… before his whole expression changed. "Jez?"
Jez's heartbeat was going faster than a jackrabbit. Her mind was screaming at her to run. "How did you know my name?" she said in a husky whisper.
"Goddess, is that really Jez? I can't see a thing in the darkness." The dark-haired girl took a cautious step toward her. Jez took a cautious step away.
"Don't come any closer," she cried, raising the beer bottle once more. "I have a weapon."
The girl went still. Then she said quietly, "Sounds like Jez to me."
The boy laughed weakly. Then he said, with his arms open wide, "Jez, where have you been?" After considering for a moment, he amended, "Why are you here?"
"Do I know you?" Jez glanced back and forth between the two of them.
"Don't play dumb," the boy started to say, but the girl interrupted, "Don't you?"
"No." But they looked and sounded eerily familiar. "I don't think so. Do you know me?"
The boy and girl exchanged glances. The boy looked at Jez earnestly. "It's me. Your cousin Ash? The one whose dashing looks and irresistible charm know no bounds?"
"You sound like an ass to me."
The girl beside him snorted. "That's because he is."
Ash gave her a wounded-bird look. "What have I done to deserve your detestation?"
"You said," the girl replied distinctly, "that we were going on vacation in Chicago, but it was really just more work. Work that was important enough to interrupt us in the middle of our dinner date."
"Not this again."
Jez saw her chance. Hurling the bottle as hard as she could at Ash, she turned and sprinted in the opposite direction. If she could just get to some sort of shelter. Any place at all would be better than in the dark with those two.
Jez's feet slammed on the pavement as she flew along the sidewalk at an insane speed, pausing only once to look behind her. It was a mistake. The tip of Jez's tennis shoe got caught in a plastic bag and she landed hard on her elbow.
Ash was at her side quickly. Too quickly. Inhumanly quickly.
"What the f–"
"Don't move. It's okay, Jez, we're not going to hurt you. We just want to help you." Ash looked into her eyes solemnly. His own were a cool gray. "We've been worried about you, Jez, for six months now. That's half a year. You disappeared, and everyone back home is really upset."
"You're not human."
The girl with the dark hair finally caught up to the two of them, panting hard. That was when Jez noticed that Ash wasn't even winded. And his eyes were a deep green, not gray. Odd. She could have sworn…
"No." Ash smiled. "And incidentally, neither are you."
"Yes, I am," Jez said automatically.
"Well, you are a little bit. Halfway human is what you are. A hybrid, that's what I'm trying to say."
"He means," the girl said irritably, "your mother was human and your father was a vampire. So you came out half-half. Ash isn't very good at explaining things."
"I explained the Night World to you well enough," Ash countered.
"No, your sisters did. You showed up just in time to threaten Mark with the promise of death."
"Are you sure it wasn't someone who looked like me?"
"Ash." The girl rolled her eyes.
"Vampire?" Jez tried the word in her mouth. It tasted bad.
"Yep," Ash said, looking unhappy to have to go back to this conversation. "Our fathers were cousins. I'm full vampire, because my dad married my mom, who's also a vampire. Do you truly not remember any of that? What the hell did they do to you?"
"Who? McCormack's?"
"No, the Council. Honestly, Jez."
"Was that guy who was following me a vampire as well?"
"Yeah, now you're catching on," Ash said, looking relieved. "Come with us, back to the hotel room. I'll call Thierry and let him know what's going on."
Flexing her jaw tightly, Jez nodded and sat up. There was nothing else to do besides trust the two of them.
The car ride was silent. Jez swallowed and stared out the window the entire way over to the hotel, but as soon as they walked through the door, the dark-haired girl rushed over to the double bed and snatched the little chocolates of the pillows.
Ash rolled his eyes at Jez. In the proper lighting inside, Jez realized that they were, in fact, actually a hawkish brown. "Mare lived in hick town before she moved to Vegas. She's never been to a real hotel before."
"Mare?" Jez blinked at the dark-haired girl, who was furiously unwrapping the second piece of chocolate.
She popped in her mouth and glanced at Jez. "It'th showt fow Mawy-Wynette." She smiled, her teeth stained brown.
"Mary-Lynnette?"
"Yeah." Mary-Lynnette swallowed. She had a small frown on her face. "You remember now?"
"No."
"Oh." Mary-Lynnette dejectedly stared down at the plastic wrappings in her hands. For some reason, Jez was peculiarly bummed out, too.
"But you look familiar. Your eyes. I think I remember your eyes." Mary-Lynnette's eyes were clear and blue and snapping. They reminded Jez of larkspur a bit.
"That's great, Jez!" She smirked to see Mary-Lynnette pleased. "Do you remember anything else?"
"Um."
Ash's phone rang. He flipped it open and said, "Hello, Thierry? Yes, sir. I'm fine, sir. The mission is complete. But there's something else. We found Jez."
There was a long, long pause.
"Um, Thierry? Hello? Well, I reckon you should. Can he be out here by tomorrow? What about if he took the jet? Four? Sounds good. But, there's something else you should know, sir. She doesn't remember anything. Anything. Daybreak, you, me… Morgead. Maybe you should send the whole team out."
Jez sat down on the bed, the room seeming to spin. Morgead, Morgead, Morgead. The word in her mind was like honeyed nuts.
"Morgead." She whispered the name, tasting it on her tongue like a sugared rose. She fell backward on the bed and sighed. "Ash. Mary-Lynnette. Thierry. Hugh."
"Hugh?" said Mary-Lynnette.
"Hugh?" said Ash, who was pocketing his cell phone.
Jez blinked. "Do I know a Hugh?"
"Um."
"I must."
"I don't know a Hugh. Do you, Mare?"
"Not that I can think of right now. Maybe he's a brother?"
"No," Ash said decidedly. "No, Jez doesn't have any brothers."
"Hm, a friend, then?"
"I don't know," Jez said, shrugging and sitting up. She smoothed the blanket over. "Who's Morgead? He sounds like…"
Jez didn't know what to say he sounded like. He sounded as comfortable as a coin, familiar as an oath, as essential as the dew, as alike to her as two peas to each other. Just his name made her think things she couldn't even begin to comprehend.
"Jez, you don't remember Morgead?" Ash swallowed. "Oh, Goddess. This is worse than I thought. What did they do to you?"
"Tell me about him."
"He's…" Ash swallowed. "Well, he's crazy."
"And hot-headed," Mary-Lynnette chimed in.
"Power-hungry."
"Short-tempered."
"Cold."
"Stubborn."
"Wild."
"Manic."
"Hostile."
"Ornery."
"Arrogant."
"Okay," Jez said crossly. "Enough already. Who is he? How do I know him?"
"Oh, you're in love," Mary-Lynnette said airily. "You're soulmates. Destined to be together. It makes sense – you two have exactly the same personality."
"Personally, I don't see the family resemblance," Ash said playfully. Jez chucked a pillow at his head. So did Mary-Lynnette.
"How did we meet?"
"From what I gather, you met when you were five," Ash said thoughtfully, "but didn't end up together until this year. At one point you were even convinced he hated you. Nevertheless, it was a match made in biker heaven."
"He's a biker?" Jez didn't know what to think of this.
"You're both bikers. You love your bike, Jez. In fact, if I touched your bike, you'd most likely torch me in my sleep."
"I'm glad you didn't ride up to my house on a motorcycle, Ash," Mary-Lynnette mused. "Claudine would have gone into hysterics when I brought you home to meet the family. So would my dad, actually."
"You know, Mare," Ash said earnestly, "there's no shame in falling for a blonde boy."
"There is always shame when you're involved, Ash."
"Oh, darling, you and your hurtful words."
Mary-Lynnette lobbed another pillow at his head.
"Tell me more. Tell me about my family. I'm an only child?"
"Oh, yes." Ash shifted uncomfortably. "Right. Yeah. Only you. You lived with your cousins. Your first cousins, on your mom's side."
"Humans?"
"Right."
"Why?"
Mary-Lynnette cut in gently. "You were orphaned very young. You and Morgead practically grew up on the streets together."
"Oh." Jez drew in a heavy breath. That was disappointing.
"But that doesn't mean you don't have family," Mary-Lynnette said quickly. "Currently you live with the rest of the Daybreakers in Vegas. We're your family, now."
"Yep. A delusional, sociopathic, psychotic, dysfunctional family."
"They're not so bad, Ash."
"Um, let's make a list, shall we? Rashel, Quinn, Jez, Morgead, Keller, all insane pranksters. Delos, the technophobe. Thierry and Hannah, the teenage parents –"
"Figuratively speaking," Mary-Lynnette interrupted, shooting Jez a look.
"Poppy, the sugar hulk. Eric and David, the dork duo. Jam–"
"Okay," Mary-Lynnette interrupted again. "Fine. You win. It's not the best family, but it's our family. True, you don't want to let Rashel handle sharp objects, and true, don't let Keller near the hose. But we love them for their flaws."
"We live in Vegas, you say?"
"Oh, yeah, you're going to love this part, Jezebel," Ash said, smiling.
"It's Jez," Jez declared. "Not Jezebel."
Ash stopped. He blinked, and Jez noticed that his eyes were an icy black. She finally realized that they must change color. "You remember that?"
Jez reached down into her T-shirt and pulled the locket out. She held it out to Ash, showing him the back with the engraving.
"Huh."
"I guess I really took it seriously."
"No kidding," Mary-Lynnette laughed. "Anyway, what Ash was so excited to tell you was that we all live together in this huge mansion. It's, like, bigger than a castle. I still get lost in it all the time."
"Oh, Mare. I was going to tell her that."
"I know, sweetie. I love you."
Jez went still. "A mansion? Holy crap, a real mansion?"
"Well," Ash said thoughtfully. "It's more like a palace."
"Whoa."
For hours, Jez prompted Ash and Mary-Lynnette to explain to her all about her life before Chicago. They talked until their voices were hoarse, and finally, Jez glanced at the clock to find that it was four o' clock in the morning. As soon as she saw the time, there was an enormous crashing noise, and a teenage boy with jet black hair exploded into the room.
With a violent gasp, Jez realized that this was the same boy from her nightmares. As soon as she saw his face, she was able to connect it to the name in her head. Morgead.
Her mind erupted into chaos.
She remembered… everything. The humans she lived with. Hugh's bumped head. The prophecy. Morgead's Extremely Excited State. The soulmate principle. Arguing with Morgead. Whispering as she died. Morgead yelling as she died.
She couldn't believe she'd ever forgotten these things, and she definitely couldn't believe that all it took was seeing Morgead's lovely emerald green eyes. On second thought, it was so obvious.
Morgead took her in his arms and kissed her like she was the sunset, or a blue rose, that beautiful and rare.
"I remember," Jez said against his lips. "I remember –"
"Jez, I love you so much, I missed you so much, don't ever leave me again –"
"Morgead, I remember everything –"
"I was worried sick about you –"
"Morgead," Jez said, trailing a finger down his face. "Morgead, I'm so sorry. I won't ever leave you another time. Not three times. I'm so sorry."
Morgead put his chin on top of her head. "I forgive you," he whispered into her hair. "I forgive you. I'm so glad you're back. I'm so glad I have you with me. I'm never letting go."
And neither was Jez.