Title: first and again
Fandom: The Book of Life
Summary: Post-movie AU oneshot. Emergency spurs Maria, Manolo and Joaquin to interrupt La Muerte and Xibalba during a most...inopportune moment.
Pairing(s): La Muerte/Xibalba, some Maria/Manolo/Joaquin
Warning(s): Brief, abstract, slightly graphic descriptions of deity lovemaking.
A/N: Inspired by m-azing's ideas at tumblr: post/101372046617/real-life-bipper-pines-replied-to-your-post-if
and post/101362376877/if-there-are-tbol-sequels-i-want-new-god
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to The Book of Life.
After barreling past many citizens of the Land of the Remembered, with Manolo barely able to give his family a very short and extremely apologetic "hello" when they crossed paths, he and Joaquin ground to a halt behind Maria, in front of the door to La Muerte's quarters. They'd been fortunate to receive directions from the same arrival clerk that had welcomed Manolo before, and even better news—Xibalba was with his wife, they would not need to track him down as well. But the trio then had to leave the poor skeleton quickly, despite his hasty protests that soon faded into something very undecipherable.
The enchanted amulets the Candlemaker had given them, for safe passage through the lands of the dead and other realms, pressed against their skin with an eerie heartbeat. The deity had only granted them such access due to the impending apocalypse, of which they were tasked with warning La Muerte and Xibalba about, and with calling them to action.
Despite this, all three mortals had paused, for before them was La Muerte's enormous hat left hanging on the doorknob.
"Um..." Was about all a confused Manolo could offer while Maria gently poked the deity's hat.
"Maybe it's a god thing," Maria muttered, before removing the hat and letting it fall in her haste. Joaquin hastily grabbed it rather than allow it to land on the floor.
"Um, Maria, maybe knock first—" Joauqin tried, but she was already yanking the door open, and calling to the gods.
"La Muerte, Xibalba, the Candlemake—"
Maria screamed, followed very quickly by Manolo and Joaquin's equally horrified screams, for before their eyes was...hard to describe, so outrageous was it to their mortal minds, were those things you could barely call bodies literally melting and merging and filled with light and was that ectoplasm definitely white sugar and black tar melding—
The three amigos desperately wished the ruling couple were somehow human and not the divine, as the whole situation would have been far less terrifying with their anatomy being comprehensible.
Their screams were actually a brief outburst, and they had only experienced a glimpse, for Xibalba's feathered wings almost immediately pulled themselves together and snapped around his wife and himself.
Still Maria, Manolo and Joaquin turned their backs on the couple, and immediately apologized. (Joaquin tried to loosen his hold on La Muerte's hat, as his hands felt tight enough to be a serious threat to the fabric's integrity.)
"Oh jeez, we're sorry, really sorry—"
"So sorry, so—we'll just go—"
Maria immediately interrupted her boys with, "A thousand apologies my lady and lord, but we still have grave news to give you." (Her direct experiences with La Muerte and Xibalba remained limited, despite their influence on her life, so Maria was left still trying to figure out how much formality was necessary with deities, surely the highest ranking beings in existence.)
And then a fresh new terror flooded Maria, Manolo and Joaquin, as the thought occurred to them that this was absolutely a very great slight against the gods; and then absolute embarrasment ran over the three. On top of that, they tried very hard to ignore the sounds of divine bodies separating and re-consolidating themselves, which featured the ripple of fabric, crack of bone, clang of metal, crackling energy, the rushing of liquids and something squelching—yeah just gonna ignore all that, they thought.
Finally Xibalba's feathers moved slightly, allowing a crack for both of La Muerte's eyes and one of his own to peer out at the humans. All three eyeballs were glaring.
"If it was anyone else, I would be abiding very strictly by the rules that dictate only the dead can roam here," growled Xibalba. "And if it wasn't an emergency."
The humans startled at what seemed to be godly foresight. "I—" Maria coughed. "That obvious?"
La Muerte's eyes narrowed. "It should be very difficult for the living to enter these lands. First conclusion we can draw is that something dire has happened and the Candlemaker has granted you passage."
"It's the apocalypse—" Maria began to explain.
Xibalba swore in what sounded like a very ancient language, then said in words they understood: "Seriously, again?!"
"This has happened before?!" Manolo and Joaquin both blurted out, eyes widening even further.
Through the crack in the dark feathers, Xibalba and La Muerte's eyes rolled, simultaneously. (When their relationship had been explained to the three humans, the two had seemed opposites as husband and wife, but now this spousal synchronicity was unnerving the three—though perhaps stumbling on how deities made love to each other added to their disturbed feeling.)
"It has happened a couple of times in our existence, before you three were born," said La Muerte.
"So you stopped it before, I'm assuming," said Manolo, a fresh new curiosity taking hold.
"Nope, you've been trapped in an unending purgatory this whole time," said Xibalba. Immediately thereafter there was the sound of a beard being pulled, and the Forgotten King's yelp. "C'mon mi amor, just a little joking to take the edge off another apocalypse to thwart!"
"Balby, it's their first time," La Muerte gently scolded her husband. But then her voice turned more firm when addressing Maria, Manolo and Joaquin. "You three, wait outside, shut the door, give us five minutes—"
Immediately the humans backpedaled and made to close the door behind them.
"—Joaquin, please leave my hat behind. Just put it on the table there, next to the rose."
Startling, the soldier quickly moved for the table. "Ofcourse, sorrymylady," Joaquin rapidly apologized. Leaving the deity's hat there, he joined his comrades outside, and waited.
###
Once they had almost composed themselves and Xibalba was passing La Muerte her hat, his wife gave a slow smile, her eyes distant. "Do you remember our first apocalypse?"
"Yes—it sucked."
La Muerte laughed, and kissed her frowning husband on the cheek, immediately lifting his mood and making him melt. "True enough, my dear."
A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. Feedback is always appreciated.