Summary: Sam's POV during Metamorphosis.

Spoilers:S5 Meridian, Revelations, S6 Metamorphosis

Rating: PG

Warning: Some talk of death

A/N: This is a short fic, so I put both chapters on one page.

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.

Drowning

"Get some rest Carter, that's an order."

"Yes Sir," I quietly reply as I go to rest my head on his shoulder. I wonder if he can sense what I feel…I'm drowning.

Even though our cells are dry and there is no water nearby, I am drowning. I can feel my body changing, I don't know what is happening to it, but I can sense; no feel the change. I remember what Alabran and Colonel Evanov went through and it scares me.

It scares me that my team will have to watch me…what, disintegrate…no that's not it. No, they will have to watch me turn into a puddle of water, to be absorbed into the dirt floor and straw that our cell is built on. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, ha, there won't even be any ashes for them to take back, there won't be anything but my dog tags left for the Colonel to give to my father. Is this what my existence will come down to…just a spill on the floor, quickly absorbed and evaporated?

I remember the saying from a Star Trek show, 'resistance is futile'…but now I think, it really should be existence is futile; because now my existence comes down to the whims of a truly evil if not certifiable Goa'uld. Looking back, I know we should have done something to rid the universe of Nirrti; not only was she responsible for making Cassie an orphan, but she was responsible for the annihilation of an entire planet…and now she's at it again, and I'm but one of her many victims.

As I look around at my teammates, I realize I am now lying flat on the bench, funny I don't remember moving into this position. How can I let this happen in front of them, will they be able to handle seeing what will happen. This is one of many regrets I have, not being able to die alone, so they will be spared.

The Colonel and Teal'c have already lost Daniel; can they handle my death too? Teal'c may seem strong and not show his feelings, but I know he misses Daniel and feels deeply for his lost. Then there is the Colonel, he's lost many soldiers over the years, can he handle one more? Can he put it behind him as easily as he seemed to put Daniel's death behind him? I hope so.

In one way I'm glad it's me that's going through this. I don't know if I could handle watching one of them go through it. I guess that makes me a coward of some sort, but somehow I think being the one who is dying, is easier, than being the one watching and waiting.

I think the time is coming closer, the sweat continues to seep out of my pours, and my thirst is increasing. I try to hide the pain that is wracking my body, but I can't.

I'm drowning; it's getting harder to breathe as my lungs feel like they are filling with water. Oh God! I don't want to die alone! I try to reach out for a hand or something that will bring me to the shore, out of this water that is slowly pulling me under.

"Hang on Carter,"

I hear his voice, but I know he is too late…I'm drowning.

Surviving

I feel movement and a breeze over my body, I shiver. Then another wave of intense pain, the darkness starts to over take me, any moment now and it will be over.

Warmth, there is warmth coming from somewhere…is this what it's like to be dead, no more pain and cold; just an overwhelming warmth? I think I can feel myself my floating? No…I'm being held up by something; I can't feel anything, just a force keeping me up.

Voices… there are voices, they are far away, but seem to be coming closer. Where am I, is this heaven, purgatory…hell?

"How long is this going to take?"

"Is she going to be okay?"

Definitely not Heaven or Hell, those are Colonel O'Neill's and Jonas' voices, last time I knew they were both alive.

Alive? Am I still alive? I test my theory by trying to move.

"Carter, just stay still, you're going to be all right."

I hear the Colonel and I instinctively obey his order, I try to stand straighter but stay in the same spot. It's odd, but I think I'm starting to feel stronger; I try and am now able to open my eyes. I feel my heart skip a beat, when I realize I'm back in the machine. But I see the Colonel, Teal'c and Jonas and Woden controlling the machine. I start to relax, the realization hitting me…I survived.

The End