Title: Family Ties

Rating: T

Genre: Family/Hurt/Comfort

Author notes: Hey…This was a little something that i came up with after re-watching the Angel eipsode when Connor first come back in season 3, although i am still going along with my good friend Dee's awesome character of Neasa, who is Connor's twin sister in her little universe that is so amazing!…so be kind and please let me know what you think, comments are always welcomed…just not too harsh :D

Summary: AU but in tie with TrueEngel's Alternate Angel universe. One Shot. Angel's son Connor reflects on his past and present after just becoming a father himself. NEASA INSIDE!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Angel characters or worlds…unfortunately, they all belong to Joss Whedon…a girl can dream can't she?

Family Ties

Today had been a long day for everyone, and for Connor it was no exception. Today was the day he had been waiting for, for nine months and it had finally come, but he was surprised at how he had felt now it had.

Much to everyone's concern once arriving back at the hotel he had retreated upstairs to his room. He carefully closed the door behind him, leaning his back against the hard wood, sighing loudly, he allowed his head to fall back and rest a while, his eyes closing against the sting of tears…he had to be strong for everyone today, especially Claire and it had taken every ounce of his strength not to collapse the whole time.

Opening his eyes he adjusted to the darkness, yet to turn on the light, though he could see perfectly fine he figured it would be best to turn it on, not wanting his family to worry even more. His arm sluggishly moved up the wall besides him switching the switch his eyes shutting instinctively as the light overwhelmed the darkness.

He willed his body to move, standing from his support the door provided and walking across to his bed, sitting on its edge, his face buried deep in his hands as the tears from earlier made a repeat appearance, not tears of sadness or anger, but exhaustion both mental and emotional…tears of fear for the first time in years…fear he hadn't felt since Quor'toth. He wasn't just that boy anymore, he was a father and that scared him more than the hell he was raised in.

His frame shook violently, months of pent up exhaustion spilling from its previously tight concealment. Just as he was starting to feel the pressure of his suffocating emotions being released, he felt something hard against his foot as he moved, his head lifted from his hands, taking a shaky breath he halted his erratic cries as best he could to inspect the object just poking out from under his bed. How come he had never noticed it before?

Wiping his tear stained face with his sleeve his slid from the bed and kneeled on the floor, sliding the box into view, gasping involuntarily as he recognised exactly what it was…many suppressed memories rushing to the forefront of his mind in an instant.

He daren't to touch it in fear of a physically jolt he imagined to feel from it, a barrier, a barrier he had fought to build over the many years since coming back, he feared by touching it again he would break that barrier and given his present state of mind was unsure if he would have the strength to rebuild it. The box sat there, taunting him, still and menacing…he couldn't resist, he couldn't live his whole life in fear, the only way to test his strength would be to confront it.

With shaky hands his reached forward wearily, his finger tips scarcely tracing the outer edges of the box, worn and tattered, obviously aged. For a moment he could have sworn he smelt Neasa's scent as his fingers hovered above the rough surface, quickly shaking the thought from his mind, he focused back to the task at hand. He took one last deep breath to calm his nerves and lifted the lid with precise care unsure of the fragility many years had caused to its structure.

The hardest part was yet to come as he discarded the lid and placed it to the floor besides the box, scanning its contents for the first time in years, surprised at the familiarity and almost comfort the contents provided in a 'deranged' way.

He sat back on his legs which were folded beneath him, taking in the moment…did he really want to cross this barrier, there was no going back…he had to.

He secured his gaze back onto the box, his hands evenly moving towards the object he had first spotted, something that had meant a great deal to him in a time that felt too long ago to have been in his life time…his trophy sash.

As soon as he held it in his hands it felt right, the old memories and feelings of power, strength and clarity came rushing back in a jolt, momentarily rendering him breathless. His fingers felt the smoothness of the skulls and teeth and bones of each and every victim he made in that hellish world of Quor'toth, a thoughtful smirk crossed his lips at the memory…he was the destroyer, the being that all the remnants of darkness feared, fled from, despised and this gave him great comfort at the time, to know that he was unstoppable, the most powerful being in the realm, next to his sister any how. The rough taut string he had scavenged together was still intact…barely, holding together the only real thing left form his childhood…how could he have forgotten about this?

He hadn't needed to look up to know that his sister stood in his door way, if the slightest creak of the door hadn't given her away it was her scent, a scent he had memorised, treasured even so long ago, in that dark place when all they had was each other. "Come in Ness" Connor spoke softly, barely audible but loud enough for his twin to hear.

Neasa smiled, always amazed at his knack for sensing her, she closed the door and took a seat on the floor besides her brother, taking note of the trophy sash held tightly in his hands, close to his chest…his heart.

"That always freaks me out you know" Neasa gestured towards the door with her thumb, smiling genuinely.

"Try having a sister that can throw a knife at you and miss by a millimetre…that's freaky" Connor shot back, chuckling slightly at Neasa's approval of his point.

"What ya doin?" Neasa knew it was a pointless question but she knew that Connor would want someone to talk to and that person was naturally going to be her.

"You've had this out haven't you?" Connor startled Neasa with his statement, with her scent now in the room and her lack of surprise at seeing the objects and the foreboding box, it all made sense to him now.

Neasa dropped her eyes and fiddled with her fingers in her lap. "It's all we have left Conn" Neasa's words sent chills down her brother's spine, the scarce truth in her tone and the sadness sunk deep into his soul. His hand dropped the sash and took Neasa's, squeezing it comfortingly and knowingly.

"I know Ness, I know…I can't believe that I forgot about this stuff, about…god!" Conn sighed leaning back on his free hand, staring up at the ceiling, blinking back more tears that threatened at the surface.

"I understand Conn, really I do, it's not really something that I wish I couldremember you know, what we had to go through as kids isn't normal, damn it wasn't right, but we did and we came trough…we found our way back" Neasa relayed her words of comfort as much to sooth her now resurfacing emotions and memories as her brothers.

Connor laughed slightly, Neasa's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What?" Neasa said unable to hide her own amusement.

"It's just, we grew up in a hell dimension" Connor knew his simple statement would be understandable to his twin.

"Yes we did and its made us who we are today, it made us strong Connor…it made the person my bestie Claire fell in love with, for what ever deranged reason that may be" Neasa joked, punching her brother lightly on the arm laughing at the look of dismay on his face.

"Thanks" Connor retorted, letting his laughs simmer.

"Look at this, you know it was practically your fault that I got into knives you know" Ness proclaimed as she picked up Connor's old arm blade, the one he had used against Angel when he returned back to this dimension.

"Is that so?"

"Ah hah, if you hadn't been showing off with this thing all the time, I wouldn't have wanted a special weapon of my own so bad…guess it's a good thing though seen as how many times me and my knives have saved our butts" Neasa smiled, running her forefinger along the curved blade, remembering back to her youth when she would sit up hours just inspecting it, in awe of her brothers combat skills, simply treasuring the lingering warmth from his touch, a warmth that protected her on the nights Holtz would decide to teach Connor tracking skills and tie him up somewhere, days she would have to spend without her twin, and his weapon was the only thing he would leave behind for her, it was her own form of a comfort blanket that should have been a fluffy actual blanket in any sane world, but this wasn't a sane place, it was Quor'toth.

"God I was so jealous of this thing" Neasa whispered more to the weapon than to her brother, feeling Connor's hand slide around her shoulders, she allowed him to pull her body close to his and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You know what? I was always a bit jealous of you and your knives, I used to wish that I had an aim like yours…but don't you dare tell that to anyone or I will have to kill you" Connor quickly shot in, causing a large grin to cross his sisters lips.

"Fucking retard you are…course I won't tell, but it'll cost ya" Neasa winked as she sat and regarded her brother with mischievous eyes.

"Fuck off!" Connor laughed, picking up his sash once again.

Neasa stilled at the look on her brothers face. "What's really up Conn, and don't lie to me, I can tell"

"I'm scared Ness, I don't know how to be a Dad, what if I can't protect them, Claire and Katherine I mean…I want my daughter to have the childhood I never had Ness, she deserves more than what we had" Connor's words sunk as did his heart at the thought of his daughter going through the same hell he and Ness had so long ago, enough to send another set of shivers down his spine.

"I promise you that I will never let anything happen to them, I will lay down my life to protect them, this is my niece and my best friend we are talking about here, Claire is a tough one at heart and I know she will do her best as will I to protect your daughter!" Neasa came over highly protective all of a sudden, her voice carrying immense determination as she spoke.

Connor regarded his sister with glistening eyes, feeling extremely proud to call her his sister. "Thank you Ness, I love you so much" Connor wouldn't normally open up to anyone, even in their childhood he hadn't felt he could burden his sister with his own emotions and distresses, but over the last couple of years she had proven on more than one occasion that he could trust her with his heart as well as his life and for that he was eternally grateful.

His body trembled and his eyes shut tight against the tears, relieved to feel Neasa's arms embrace him with all the protecting he needed, holding his body close to hers, they were both thrown back to the same memories of Quor'toth, right before they decided they had to come back, they had held each other the night before, each consoling the other as they mourned the death of the man who had brought them there in the first place.

They had held each other tightly, young children at the time, Neasa's blonde hair barely recognisable to its true colour from all the dirt held in it and Connor's face much harder and determined back then. "I'm scared" Neasa whimpered into her brother's ear as he held her, her eyes purposely looking away from the mangled body Holtz beside them.

"I'll protect you…I'll protect you" Connor whispered back with a sturdy voice, watching as his sister cried herself to sleep in the wasteland of Quor'toth.

Here and now they were mentally reverted back to their youth, to an age when all they knew was death, no hope, no love but what they could make for themselves. They were vulnerable once again, but had never felt stronger, had never felt more at home than when they are together.

"I'm scared Ness" Connor whispered, mimicking their conversation from another lifetime practically, though a time that was burned into his memory forever.

"I'll protect you…I'll protect you, I promise" Neasa lost in the same memory repeated the words that had gave her so much comfort at the time they were first said, happy to return some of that comfort and strength.

"I love you too Conn, you are going to make a great Dad to my niece and you are going to be loved by Claire more than you have ever known" Neasa whispered her words softly into her brothers ear, soothingly stroking the back of his hair as she done so, tears of her own mixing with her brothers.

Angel had stopped outside of his son's room and had opened the door just slightly, enough to see his twin children sat in an embrace, his super hearing doing its best as he smiled at the kind nurturing words his obviously wise beyond her years daughter conversed to her brother, he smiled to himself, his eyes quickly falling to the objects at the side, feeling his throat constrict at the memory of the night Holtz took his children away, the night he had ever remotely considered the meaning of his eternal life without his children.

Angel paused before opening the door, anyone else would have left Connor and Neasa to themselves. Angel knew all his children well and when he was needed His presence didn't disturb either of his children, in fact both were pleased he was there. Connor had enough 'father' anxieties of his own, he wouldn't mind all the help he could get and as much as it pained him to admit it, Angel was the best father in the world as far as Connor was concerned. He couldn't ever imagine being that good a father to his own child.

Angel moved in silently, approaching his obviously traumatised children his unbeating heart breaking as he neared them. There was no pain comparable to that he felt whenever his children were hurting.

Connor continued to cling to his sister as though his life depended on it, he took comfort in her scent and the oh so familiar feel of her touch. Who could ever have known they would mean so much to each other.

Neasa looked behind her brother briefly and spotted Angel by the door. She gave him a small smile, her hand still stroking her brothers hair, an action she assumed their own mother would be doing if she were here, she felt a sharp pain in her heart at the thought of her mother, but seeing her father, his eyes brimmed with tears of his own, she knew that he would be there for them as much as he could.

Angel seated himself on the edge of the bed and Connor lowered his gaze to the floor, he hated his father to see him crying. It never felt the same with Neasa, she was half of him.

Neasa had no such inhibitions, it didn't bother her at all. For once it wasn't her crying! Letting go of Connor she pushed his face up by the chin and grinned.

"Come on Conn, it's not that bad. You can blame any parental mishaps you have on dad." her grin dropped to a smile. "c'mon bro, there's nothing to be ashamed of by crying. Dad doesn't care, do ya dad?" she looked at Angel who was about to speak but wasn't quick enough as far as she was concerned so she thumped his arm. "too slow, get a grip. Geez what is it with the male species."

Angel cuffed Neasa lightly around the head. "Cheeky." he patted the bed next to him and she sat beside him silently.

"Come on Connor, there is really nothing wrong with crying. Neasa is right." Angel stroked his son's head.

"As usual." Neasa muttered. "I'm always right."

"Yes of course you are baby." Angel rolled his eyes and Neasa tutted.

Connor knew his father was right, but he still felt ashamed of dropping that barrier he had fought so hard to build, he felt weak and no where near ready to be a father.

At Connor's silence Angel figured what he must be thinking. He moved from the bed and knelt on the floor besides his son, placing a supportive hand onto his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly as he spoke. "Connor, son, you are not weak because you feel, its your emotions that make you human, its something that I never had for a long time...you really have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't do this to yourself."

Connor looked into his fathers eyes and welcomed the love that existed there. "How do you do it?" Connor suddenly asked. "How do you deal with the unknown?"

"He makes it up as he goes along bro. That's how he gets it wrong so much." Neasa sniggered.

Angel was about to say something but Connor cracked out laughing.

"Not as intelligent as me are ya daddy?" Neasa beamed at Angel who raised his eyebrows at her and tried to look annoyed.

"Daddy knelt on the floor kinda blows the angry look." Neasa sniggered more and Angel stifled a laugh before getting to his feet and pulling Connor to his feet. He placed his hands onto his shoulder once again and turned his son to face him. Connor still shying his face to the side in attempt to hide his tear stained face.

"Connor, look at me!" Angel cupped Connor's face and lifted it so he could make eye contact. "there is no shame in crying, none at all... If there is Ness is a complete embarrassment." he smiled smugly at Neasa who threw a pillow at him.

Connor had to laugh at that and looked up to meet his fathers gaze. "She could never be that."

It was Neasa's turn to give Angel a smug look as she got to her feet. "Thanks Conn, means a lot"

"I don't need to say it retard! You know how much I love you." Connor pushed her as the door opened and Cordelia came in.

All three of them looked towards the door, rendering Cordy still as she realised she had interrupted a 'family' moment. "Hey guys, sorry but Connor its Claire, she just called, she's asking for you" Cordy smiled warmly as she saw Connor's face light up but then fall again.

"Right, yer, ok..." Connor sounded unsure, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Son you are going to be fine, you will make a great boyfriend and an even better father. Claire needs you and Katherine needs you. You have to be there for your family. If there's anything I've taught you of any worth, it's that family is everything" Angel smiled reassuringly.

"He's right Conn, you're gunna make a great Dad and I'm sure Claire will think so too if you ever get over there" Neasa spoke up taking Connor's hand in hers smiling brightly as she pushed him slightly. "Besides if dad can do it..."

"Hey!" Angel wrapped his hand around Neasa's mouth. "Don't forget being the parent gives you the power."

Neasa waited for him to remove his hand. "In his dreams hey Conn?"

Connor laughed "Thanks Ness, Dad, well I better get to the hospital my family needs me" Connor spoke softly and lingered his gaze onto his sister and then his dad, thankful to have a family that love his so much, they were what gave him his strength, not his many years in Quor'toth, they were what helped him through and he now felt ready to start his own family. Knowing that he could be that strength for them as much as his family had been there for him.

Angel turned to regard Neasa. "So I make it up as I go along do I?"

Neasa smiled and hugged him "Well ya do don't ya?"

Angel smiled. "Something like that."

"Well ya do a really great job daddy. Wouldn't change yer for the world." Neasa smiled warmly at him.

"Nor would I change any of you baby." Angel held her tightly and they stayed locked in a silent embrace for a long while. Both appreciating the love that comes from being a part of such a special and close family.

Well What did you think? I hope you all liked it, please leave a review they do make me happy!

Thanks so much Dee for all your help, you are a fantastic writer :D

A quick note. If you are a true Neasa fan then check out my profile page and copy and paste the note dedicated to all you Neasa fans out there! You know you want to :D