Hi guys! I've been MIA for a bit, but I've had this piece finished for awhile and wanted to dip my toes back into the water. This is set early season 7 with some heavy angst tones. Warnings include language and smut. Hope you guys enjoy!
He doesn't seek out Collette when he enters the house. He knows he can. Knows she would drop whatever she was doing to take care of him. He doesn't want that today. He doesn't want her. He isn't sure why he's in such an unusual mood, but if he had to take a guess he would say it was because of the recent brutal murder of his wife. He thinks he's allowed some sort of unbalanced and unhinged behavior after something like that.
Jackson Teller can feel the heavy weight of grief on his shoulders and seeping into his pores, but he tries his best to shake it off for the moment. He hasn't come to Diosa to be doted on or coddled. He's seeking only one thing. Control. He's fast losing that out in the world…in his life. But here he can find some semblance of that. Or he can at least pretend to.
Blue eyes scan the selection of women with flesh on display and faces painted to the hilt. He doesn't think he's looking for anyone in particular until he sees her. She's leaning against the bar, her profile in his line of view. She's short, but the black heels that encase her feet jack her up at least four inches. She's curvy, her body almost obscene in the tight black bandage dress. The material molds against her form, showcasing all that she has to offer. Her skin is tanned a golden shade and looks unbelievably smooth. Dark raven hair flows in waves over her shoulders as the light reflects off the strands. The exotic traits are enough for him to deduce she's Hispanic. He's seen enough Latin women to know. Her appearance is stunning. She's hit her mark. But that isn't what's pulled him to her. It's her face. It's attractive, but he can see the apprehension in her dark eyes. Can see nervousness in the way she bites her plump lips. It's the shaky way she giggles at something one of the other girls said to her. She's new; whether it's to Diosa or the escort business he doesn't know, but she's as new as a shiny red bike. A bike he suddenly has an itch to take a ride on.
He figures he's been standing too long in one spot because he's starting to draw attention to himself. A blonde comes over to greet him with a smile plastered on her glossed lips. She attaches her nails to his forearm, guiding him further in to the house. As if he needed any prompting. It wasn't shyness or doubt that had halted him. It was the sudden urge to possess someone. To possess the woman he'd spotted.
"Looking for Collette today, sweetie?" The blonde asks as she makes a move to break away and find her boss. Jax immediately shakes his head and scratches at the beard on his chin. He can feel his lungs burn with the chain smoking he'd been participating in since she'd left. He can feel his insides heat with warmth from the heavy drinking he'd also taken up since his sudden loss. He isn't drunk, but he definitely isn't sober either.
"Nah, darlin'…I've got my eye on something already." He says, though he doesn't meet the blonde's eyes. He's gone back to staring at the newbie at the bar and he can feel the blonde's eyes follow his gaze. She leans closer to him and he can smell the heavy scent of cigarettes and perfume.
"That's Veronica. She's new." She informs him. He nods, not at all surprised by the information. The idea of her not being broken in yet appeals to him more and more as he watches her on unsteady legs. "Hey, Veronica!" The blonde calls out from beside him. He watches as the head of ink-colored hair turns in their direction, large eyes searching out the source.
Their eyes connect and he thinks he sees a blush spread across her face, though he can't be sure. She starts to walk over to them, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her dress. Up close she looks young, but not enough to make him question legality. She stops in front of the two and smiles, waiting to be given orders.
"Take care of Jax, honey…" The blonde says and Jax reminds himself to find out her name. The brunette nods and peers up at him through a blanket of dark lashes. He keeps his face impassive and waits for her to make a move.
She reaches for his hand and he willing goes as she pulls him to the staircase. He lets his eyes dance across her ass, the end of her dress sliding up the back of her thighs with every sway of her hips. He doesn't know if she's been informed of his club and their partnership with Diosa, but he's decided he isn't going to bring it up. Most of the women knew to take care of the club guys, he'd bet this one wasn't any different.
They reach the top of the staircase and she leads him three doors down to an open bedroom. There's a queen sized bed in the middle of the room with an attached bathroom. The place is set up like some sort of quaint bed and breakfast and Jax almost wants to laugh at the blatant lie of it all. There's a scent of roses in the air, a low hum of the ceiling fan as she pulls him in and shuts the door behind them. He steps into the room and stares at the feminine bedding laid out over the bed. He tries to stop the barrage of thoughts that hit him at the sight. The mindless thoughts that tell him Tara would've loved a pattern like that. He closes his eyes. He can almost feel the bags underneath them. He isn't entirely sure when the last time he got a full night's sleep. He's between places. Not wanting to stay too long at his home for fear of seeing a woman that isn't really there. For fear of soaking up the harsh new reality of his life.
Small hands break through his haze and he tenses. He's momentarily forgotten where he is and what he's doing there. The hesitant caress of flesh against his leather kutte quickly reminds him.
"You new?" He asks over his shoulder. His voice is rough and somewhat strained. He can feel her shifting behind him, her dainty hands moving from his shoulders to his hands that hang limply at his sides. He can feel the heat beneath her touch as she comes to stand in front of him. He looks down at her, his hungry eyes taking in the generous amount of cleavage she's decided to flaunt.
"Yeah." She says with a nod. He steps forward and he can tell she has to force herself not to take a step back. It's a natural reaction and one that lets him know she's brand new to the hooking business.
He removes a hand from her hold and lets his fingers push a strand of hair away from her face. "You never done this before, have you?" He asks with interest, letting his fingers glide down her neck and over her collarbone. He can feel her tense at his words, but she recovers quickly.
"Just a few times. Is that a problem?" She asks, her voice breathy now that his fingers have chosen to take up residence in her cleavage.
Jax smiles and shakes his head, seeing her relax some. "Just do what I say, alright darlin'?" She nods her head, her bottom lip back in her mouth. He can't fight the pull to the appendage and lets his thumb graze over the flesh. She releases it from between her teeth and rests her hands on his chest. He backs up and out of her reach. She looks confused, but he goes to remove his kutte and she seems to understand. He places his kutte on a chair nearby and then moves to the buttons on his flannel shirt. His gaze stays on her, his face not giving away anything. She waits for him, staring with a mixture of excitement and unease. Her discomfort fuels something inside of him. He pulls his shirt away from his body, enjoying the way her doe eyes take in his now naked torso. He allows her a moment to take in every dot of ink and every grotesque scar. Her eyes dance over his upper body and then move back to his face. She almost looks guilty for her study of him.
"Come here." He orders and she immediately obeys. She's in front of him again and he places her palms back onto his chest, without the barrier of leather and flannel this time. Her touch is light and almost nonexistent. He places his calloused hands over her much smaller ones, melting her to him. "Veronica…is that your real name?" He finds himself asking. She hesitates before shaking her head. "What is it?"
"Charlotte." She whispers. Her tone suggests she possesses a feminine prowess that runs deeper than what she can do in the bedroom. Something he wouldn't mind exploring.
"Charlotte what?" He probes further. He can sense her hesitation. She's wondering if it's appropriate for her to share such personal information with a client. Jax knows it isn't, but he was never one for rules. He brings her hand up to his lips and kisses the flesh, instantly putting her at ease. He can tell she wants to do as he says…wants to please him. Her compliance has a different effect on him than those of the crow eaters and porn stars. It isn't done with girly exuberance. It is her insecurity within herself that draws him. She has no reason to be insecure, but he can tell she is. And he wants to drown in it. He's tired of drowning in is own.
"Charlotte Morales." She answers timidly.
The name suits her. He isn't sure how he knows this. He doesn't even know her, but he feels there's more truth behind her real name. More life. More pain. Or maybe he's conjuring it all up in his head to better accommodate his time with her. He isn't sure. He isn't sure of much anymore. One thing he does know…he likes Charlotte a lot better than Veronica.
"I like it." He says as he removes his hands from hers and places them along her back. She smiles at his statement, showcasing a row of white teeth beneath her glossed lips. He pushes her hair aside and finds the metal teeth holding her dress together. He starts to pull the zipper down; watching her face closely as inch by inch of flesh is revealed to his touch. She's watching him back and he wonders if she can see something in him. See the wars he's fought in. See the carnage left around him.
Her bare back is exposed to the air once he's finished unzipping her dress. She stands still as he pulls the fabric down over the curves of her body. Her hands remain on his chest as she steps out of the dress and kicks it to the side. Her chest is bare and he takes in the softness of her breasts, the flat plane of her stomach, and the black lace junction between her legs. His fingertips dance along her sides, stopping to test out the hold on her hips. There's a healthy amount of flesh there, not bone, and he finds that he likes that. It reminds him of his late wife. Her body, while always fit, was never boney or rigid. She was soft. Like Charlotte.
"On your knees." He demands. She does as he says and lowers herself to her knees. He waits and she takes the hint. Her pink colored fingernails undo the SAMCRO belt buckle and then unbutton the denim of his jeans. Her eyes flick up to his, but he remains unmoving. She moves his jeans and boxers enough to free him. He's semi-hard, but her light touches and hesitant gazes are fast making him fully aroused. Her hands work him over before he feels the light touch of her mouth. He lets his eyes drift close, his hands tangling in the thick waves of her hair. It takes her a minute to find a rhythm and he allows her that. Her tongue is soft, but effective. Her lips encase him like a blanket and he gives in to the need to thrust into her mouth. She lets him, like he knew she would. Her eyes aren't on him and he finds he doesn't like that.
"Look at me, Charlotte." He says throatily. He tugs on her hair for emphasis and she obeys. Her eyes mirror an unrelenting need to please and he can feel his body responding to her. He doesn't need any more encouragement. He's ready to have her. To see if she's as deliciously innocent as she portrays herself to be.
Jax pulls away from her and grasps her hand in his. He helps lift her to her still heeled covered feet. He can see a hint of saliva at the edge of her mouth and he wipes it away with his thumb. Her lipstick has smeared a little, but the color is not that different from her natural shade. "Take those off." He gestures to her heels and she gently kicks them away. She now only comes to his chest instead of his chin. He pulls her against him, feeling nothing but naked flesh between them. It's a foreign feeling, yet its one he knows he's felt before. His gaze darts down to her lips and he doesn't hesitate in connecting them. The kiss is instantly demanding and aggressive on his part. She follows his lead, thrusting her tongue back with as much fervor as his own. Their teeth clash and he bites down on her bottom lip, eliciting a moan from her throat.
His hands explore her body. They grab at her ass, the flesh overflowing in his hands. They grab at her plentiful breasts, her nipples hardening against his palms. He can feel her fingers grazing down his abdomen, her touch more insistent with each passing second. He lets a lone finger slide into her lace panties, the flimsiness of the material making him feel barbaric at the thought of ripping them clean off her body. He feels bare flesh as he explores her under the lace. He feels heat radiating onto him. He feels the electric pull of something instinctual that begs him to test her out. He dips a finger inside and is rewarded with her want. She pulls her mouth from his at the intrusion, a low gasp flying past her kiss-swollen lips. He adds another finger in his exploration of her and feels the grip she has over him. The sensation makes his already hardened length pulse with anticipation.
"On the bed."
Jax removes his fingers from her and allows her to move past him and to the bed. She crawls into the middle, turning to face him as she settles against the pillows. He kicks off his sneakers and removes his half-done jeans, boxers, and socks. His eyes never leave hers. He notices the way her legs press together as he shows himself fully to her. He's not a stranger to the effect his has on the opposite sex. He's very aware of his ability. But what he wants is the one thing he can't have. None of it matters without her. So instead, he settles for the moment and who he wants right now…today.
He moves like a well-oiled machine as he positions himself over her. Her legs don't immediately open to accommodate him and he smirks at her uncertainty. He uses his knee to pry the smooth flesh apart, her body taking a moment to relax. He can see the worry in her gaze. Worry that she's messed up somehow. Jax isn't bothered by it. He knows she wants him. He felt evidence of that want only seconds before. It's her inexperience that's speaking and he realized he's taken an uncharacteristic liking to that aspect of their coupling.
"You nervous?" He asks as he puts weight onto her body and lets his lips glide down the column of her throat. Her hands grip at his muscled back, unknowingly gripping at the reaper resting there.
"Just a little. I'm sorry…" She's quick to say, but Jax silences her with a kiss. He can feel her melting back into him and he presses himself into her, letting her feel every inch of him.
"Don't be. I've got you." He whispers roughly against her neck as she rocks back into him. He groans at the movement, feeling her heat between their bodies. A scrap of lace is the only thing that stands in the way of his release. It's a release he needs. He needs it now more than when he walked into the fucking house. Thoughts of his life outside these walls are gone. All he can focus on, all he can concentrate on is taking control of this woman. This woman that doesn't know him or his life. She doesn't know his story and yet she's nervous.
He thinks maybe he's getting confused, but he likes the idea of her being nervous because of him. Because of the things he's done. Because of the kutte he wears. Too many women fall at his feet for those same things. He knows that isn't normal behavior. The woman underneath him now has a duty to sleep with him, but she has that normalcy that he craves. Somewhere underneath the makeup and lashes and fuck-me dresses, there's a woman who's normal. And somewhere under his kutte and tattoos and despair, there's a man who's craving that normalcy…craving that control back.
Jax kisses his way down her neck and chest. He lavishes her breasts with attention, pulling the sensitive flesh into his mouth. She's starting to writhe beneath him, but he can still feel her holding back. He shifts down the bed and lets his fingers slide under the waistband of her panties. He pulls them down slowly, his eyes on her as she watches him. He prompts her to lift up and she does, allowing him to pull the material down her shapely legs. He tosses the underwear aside and focuses on the new view before him. He can feel his dick jump against the mattress at the bare sight of her. Her chest is moving rapidly, her breathing silent but quick. He makes a snap decision and leans forward to take a taste of her with his tongue. The action catches her off guard and her hips buck. Jax settles a heavy hand on her stomach, holding her down as he continues his previous task.
He doesn't make it a habit to go down on the women of Diosa, but something about this woman has him enamored. He takes his time and tastes every inch of her. She tastes like her skin…like caramel. She's whimpering and moaning against his mouth, unsure if she wants to push into him or move away. Jax feels the control starting to rush into his veins at the sight of her. Her head is turned, her face buried into the pillow as her legs wrap around him. She's no longer hesitant or nervous. She's uninhibited now and she looks remarkable. He moves a thick finger inside her and he feels her body tense around him.
"Oh, shit…" She curses. He can feel her limbs coil with tension. He can feel her insides rush with release as she trembles above him. Her hand tangles in his hair as she rides wave after wave of her orgasm. He's not stopping his ministrations. He continues as she whimpers and tries to push him away from her overly sensitive body. He doesn't want to stop. He isn't ready to give up the reigns yet.
"Jax…" She pleads, her body still trying to come down from its recent high. He finally stops, surprised by the sound of his name on her lips. Her eyes are hooded and her chest is taking in large breaths. Her body looks lax, but her face is still taut with lust. He moves back up her body and kisses her with a visceral need. He lets her taste herself on him, doesn't give her a choice in the matter. She accepts. He aligns himself with her, ready to be inside. He's ready to feel that sense of control he's been looking for. Ready to feel like his life isn't one big fuck up.
"Condom." She breathes against his neck. It takes him a moment to figure out what she's said. He leans back and sees there's a foil package dangling from her fingers. He doesn't know where or how she got it, but he doesn't care. He only stares at her and she readily takes the initiative. She rips open the foil and pulls the condom out. He lets her feel her way around him as she guides the latex over his cock. He focuses on his breathing and not on the delicate, fumbling fingers around his dick. He wonders if she's been this nervous with other clients. He hopes not. He doesn't like the idea of her being like this with anyone else.
"Ready?" He asks once she's moved her hand away. Her legs wrap around him in a loose grip as she nods, pushing her hips up to meet his. Jax quickly guides himself inside her, uncaring of the force behind his movements. Charlotte tenses around him, but he finds the sensation much too alluring. Her body pulls him in tightly, warming him from the inside out. He stays still as he adjusts to the feel of her surrounding him. "Damn…" He curses, vaguely aware of nails digging into his shoulder blades. He rolls his hips slowly, feeling everything he wanted and then some. He gives his hips a few more rolls before he's thrusting into her at a faster rate. He looks down at her spread out before him and takes in the way her teeth bite into her lip. The way her breasts move with his thrusts. The way her hair is fanned out around her in a dark halo.
Her body encases him fully and he thinks that maybe he was too quick to write off the idea of being coddled. He can feel the pull her body has over his, even through the thin latex. The way her body is begging him to let go and let it take care of him. He thinks that perhaps it was just the touch of the right woman because the way she lets him fuck her is exactly what he needed.
He can feel his shoulders pushing down, struggling to stay upright against the weight of anguish that's decided to make itself known. He can feel the angry tears behind his eyes and the gaping hole left in his heart as if a bullet had made its way straight through. He can feel that control slipping again. He'd nearly had it and now he's losing it. He moves faster against her body, struggling to chase the one thing he never really had. He's buried his face into her neck, his hand gripping her thigh in a painful grip as he pounds his frustrations and deprivations into her. He can feel her accepting them. Can feel her taking anything he wanted to throw her way. He relishes the feeling, remembering he wanted her so he could possess her. The thought drives him to his destination.
Jax tenses as he empties himself into the condom. He lets the temporary swell of euphoria wash over him as he puts all of his weight onto Charlotte. His body no longer feels wrought with tension, but his mind clears far too quickly and he sees her face before he can stop the image from flashing. He can feel those angry tears threatening to escape, but he pushes them away. For now, he lets his body rest against hers. Lets her hands lull him into a false sense of comfort and security. She doesn't try to move his weight off of her. She doesn't try to fill the void with words. She just lets him be.
Only a few more minutes pass before Jax is up and getting dressed. Charlotte follows soon after, gathering up her panties and heels while she slips on her dress. He's buttoning his shirt when he turns to look at her. Her hair is tangled and her makeup is smudged, but he feels his lips quirking at the sight. He walks towards her and moves her hair out of her face. He lets his palm rest against her neck and he can feel the jump of her pulse beneath her skin. He leans down and presses a kiss to her lips. This one is quick and filled with goodbye. Jax reaches for his kutte nearby and pulls it on over his shirt. He winks down at her and she smiles up at him, almost shyly.
"Thanks, darlin'."
"Anytime." She replies.
He retreats to the door and doesn't look back. He walks down the steps and to the front door, hoping this wasn't a permanent goodbye but knowing the likeliness of it. Jackson Teller was the kind of man whose days were numbered. He felt that now more than ever. Everything he did felt like the last time. He'd tried fighting it, but now that Tara was gone he accepted it for what it was. His story was coming to an end and he was seeing that it was better that way…for everyone. He couldn't fight for control if he was gone.