Cress's POV

It was on Christmas Eve when I first got the board.

Carswell had given it to me as a Christmas present. I, being the naive-sheltered-Catholic-girl that I was under my fathers rules and regulations, had often told Thorne about my interest in ouija boards. So it was not too far-fetched for me to request one as a Christmas present.

I know it was because of my naiveness that caused me to be in such a mess. To cause all of us to enter the world of death, sorrow, black, funerals, white flowers contrasted with the white snow, caskets, morbid dreaming and fatal encounters with the other side in the middle of the night.

I simply cannot pinpoint exactly when my naiveness reached its endpoint in order for me to want something as dangerous as this. Was it when the charismatic Thorne came into my life? The unmistakably hot and rebellious boy that urged me to do rebellious things? No. I couldn't blame my wishes on him.

Was it being more exposed to the outside world? I was too used to being babied by my father. The only inheritance of Dr. Dimitri Darnel. I didn't even start going to a public school until high school. Until fifth grade, I was even homeschooled. Was it the Catholic girl in me that was gone ever since I attended Luna University? Ever since I was on my own with no one to tell me that this was a wrong idea? Diving into college with the inquisitive nature and innocence of a child?

A part of me curses myself... a part of me knew ever since I spoke those words and researched the board that it was a bad idea. A part of me knew it was my fault for the unjust deaths of half of my friends and the paranoid prophetic futures of the others. I was surprised that they still wanted to be friends with me. That they tolerated me. But I guess we all contributed to it, right?

Right?

Yet a part of me does not want to accept the truth. Even if all these unfortunate events keep happening before my eyes, all I ever want to do is deny, deny, deny. I feel as if I'm living in an unwanted and dark nightmare, only to wake up in my dorm room. Another day, another death, more torture. I don't want to believe that if it wasn't for me wanting to try the board that none of this would've ever happened. I would like to believe that it was Carswell's fault for buying the board. Carswell's fault for pushing its limits. All of our faults for joining in on it.

I don't know. I have no idea.

I have an idea, I know the whole story.

I just do not want to believe in it.