Closer

By

sVedika Jha

It was few days after I'd been released from the hospital following my encounter with James. I was back in Forks, and it felt oddly homely-like no other place could ever feel like home now. This is where I belonged and this is where I would stay here.

So I was back, lying on my bed waiting for Edward to return after he had retuned his Volvo home. I was thinking what we had been through during this short we'd been together. Within the period of weeks I had found my true love, had come to know about the existence of vampires, had been hunted by sadistic vampire only to be saved by another vampire who also happens to be the love of my life.

Edward said he was dangerous, that my life would end shortly and it would be his fault, but I knew if it hadn't been for him I'd be rotting away in Forks cemetery by now.

I was snapped out my musing by the sound of branches moving that announced Edward's arrival. Sure enough, soon cold arms were pulling me into an embrace. I sighed at his touch feeling complete. I turned around to face him and gasped; his expression was not at all what I'd expected.

His face was tormented and it was clear he had wallowing in his time alone, and I knew all too well about what. He had been berating himself over the attack ever since we had returned. He absolutely and completely blamed himself for what I had endured. He claimed that it would be better for me if I didn't interact with the vampire world-that his world was all too dangerous for me, he was much too dangerous for me.

He said he would hurt me and it'd be better if he left but knew nothing could hurt me more than his leaving-the how problem was hoe to convince him of this fact.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked, concerned

"Nothing" He said, dismissively.

I could see he was trying his best to modulate his expression to calm but I could see it was working at all.

I tried again as he laid down with me. "Edward," I said my laying my hand on his cheek. "It's obviously not nothing. Please talk to me, Edward"

He sighed began singing my lullaby, hoping I'd let it go and fall asleep. I shook my head not giving up.

"Bella. Are you okay?" He asked suddenly.

"Yes, of course, I'm okay" But then because I wanted to lighten the mood I added "I'm with you, how could I be not?"

He smiled a little but then sighed. "I'm sorry" he said in a solemn voice.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, my voice higher than I'd intended.

"For putting you through all this" He gestured to my injured foot.

I frowned. Since I'd returned from the hospital he had been constantly apologizing at any chance he got, insisting-when I disagreed- this all was his fault, somehow.

He put a finger to my lips when I started to protest. "I'm not apologizing for bringing into my dark world-though that is a something to be sorry about. I'm apologizing for the pain I put you through. I can only imagine what you must have felt when he looked at you with murder in his eyes-alone, when you had to make the difficult decision as to what you should do to save your mom . I'm sorry that you had face that on your own; that I was not there to support you as any normal boyfriend should. And want you to talk to me, to tell me what all you had to go through. I want you tell me everything; to share your pain with me."

I listened in silence for a while, and then kissed the finger that was still on my lips. I was awed to know as to what he was thinking. I had been intentionally avoiding talking about the event, knowing if I did he would blame himself unremittingly. I had been hesitant talking about the particular event knowing it caused him pain. I was immensely touched that he wanted to talk about it even though it hurt him to share, to ease away my pain.

"Edward, its okay. I'm alright-with you. That is all that really matter"

But his face told me that wasn't going to do. So I took a deep breathe to prepare myself to relive the memory.

"I was terrified at first-for my mom. I deeply regretful, that because of me, my mom was in danger. But I was relieved when I found out that my mom was not involved-that she was safely away. I felt extremely sorry and guilty for leaving you the way that I did. I'm sorry." I said; a long due apology.

He just picked up my hand and kissed it lightly. "You had your reasons."

"Then remember feeling like I was dead and gone to heaven where a beautiful voice of an angel was calling to me. But then I realized I was alive; that there was much too much pain for this to be the end and that you were my angel who would never let anything thing happen to me." His face twisted in into a mask of anguish and reverence and I instantly regretted my words. I hesitated to continue but his face told me continue-honestly.

"I remember hearing your voice laced with anguish and the will it gave me to hold on; to fight, because an angel should never be sad. So I fought…for you and I also knew you'd be doing everything to save me; that my angel would save me."

He hugged me fiercely to him and whispered words of reassurance and apologies into my hair.

I pulled back and looked straight into his eyes.

"Edward, it's true I was in lot of pain and I agonized a lot over the life of my mother. But that's that. It's over. It was a bad chapter of our life which is over now-finished." I remembered how he'd looked when he had arrived-the pain and sadness of his eyes, the look of pure torment on his beautiful face. "We can't let one incident govern our lives; take control of us. It's true I went through hell during those few days but it was nothing compared to the absolute bliss I feel when I'm with you."

He, I could see, was trying to act on my words, was trying to let go of the remorse, but finding it difficult.

It seemed like he was trying to say so many things but no sound coming from his lips.

"I love you." He finally whispered, holding me tightly to him. I could hear so many things in those three words. He was thankful that I shared so much with him; that I let him in. He was telling he was sorry he wasn't always there beside me, that he couldn't take the pain away. He was wowing that he would let anything like that ever happen again; that he would protect me no matter what. And finally relief that it was all behind us and that we could go on with our lives with the shadows of past haunting us.

"I love you." I murmured into the crook of his neck, breathing in his delicious smell.

I snuggled closer into him as he started humming my lullaby, knowing I would drift into sleep content, in the arms of the one I loved, and that we were closer than we had been.

This is my shot at writing ANYTIHNG at all, please be don't be hard on me. Remember English is not my native language, so any grammatical mistake or anything; feel free to point out but, again, gently. Please, please review, it's taken a lot of courage for me to post this and I can only continue to write if I get some positive feed back, otherwise I will never write again-- I'm sure of it.