Author's note: Hey guys so I hope you review my 1st story of the Rachel saga, heart of an angel, it was my first time posting a story ever, so it's written in all one chapter but has a 36K wording. This one I will post by chapters. Hope you take the time to review fallow or favorite. Keep in mind English is my second language so be kind haha. Hope you guys like it!

Chapter: One

Rachel was leaning against the window of the plane. She nervously kept chewing on her nails. She didn't like to fly, she preferred to drive. But it wasn't just that.

Honey, I know it's been a year but it's just my parents. It'll be fine. Besides Carly is dying to see you. It'll be fun. Reassured Lucas, who was sitting next to her and took her hand away from her mouth and squeezed it.

She smiled tightly back to him and returned to look outside at the sky.

It had been one year. One year since she had saved the world from the apocalypse by letting millions of demons mingled into one, Legion, possessed her body and had managed to take control and use her angel made powers to explode herself and destroying all the demons. One year where she had lost Lucas. One year she let the people who helped and saved her think she was still dead. One year that she had lost Dean. Over one year of dreaming of him at night, whether it was them as family or alone in the impala, talking for hours about his family and even his dreams. Even fighting, as couples tend to do and making up. Rachel, at first had a hard time hiding her dreams from Lucas. He was concerned at first but she called them night terrors, because most of the time she would wake up crying or screaming. He made her consult and she had pills that would help, she still dreamt but her body wouldn't respond and Lucas stopped noticing them. Even though some days she wished she could go one day without seeing Dean's face or feel his touch, to wake up to Lucas and feel the guilt wash over her, they were better than the nightmare or rather memories of Lucas possessed by a demon torturing her or him blowing up. Memories of the pain she felt while demons broke every bone in her body, the sweet release of death. Those were the bad ones.

The past year had been difficult for Rachel and Lucas. He had a new job working for a big industrial contractor in New-York, where they now lived. He was gone long hours and would go on business trips days sometimes weeks at a time. Rachel didn't need to work anymore and passed her time by training and studying the supernatural. Lucas would laugh and call her his little Satan worshiper but mostly didn't take notice. She even managed to find herself a case in New-York on a blog and had her first salt and burn experience when Lucas was gone in Europe. She had done her research and actually saw the ghost and was thrown down a flight of stairs. But it allowed her to indentify the spirit and she found the grave. She had felt so alive that night. Now she was going back to Sioux Falls, where it all started, where she met them, where they could find her. The angel of time, Remph, had warned her away saying it was better this way. Dean was better this way. So she listened, for them. After all, she had lost all her powers when she died and was brought back human. She wasn't useful to them anyways. She could stay away from them so they could keep saving the world. To keep Dean, her soul mate, safer. Even if that meant living this boring, lonely life she now had. She knew it wasn't fair to Lucas, all of it wasn't. All of it made her feel empty. She was just going with the motions, and now she was going to Lucas' parents, Dr. Jim and Emily Weldon. They had a family event and had been invited for the weekend.

Rachel wasn't liked by Lucas' family. They thought she wasn't good enough for him and Rachel couldn't argue with them. He deserved someone who was completely committed to him, someone who would only dream of him. She looked over at him and reached over and squeezed his knee gently. She did love him, but something was missing. She knew only few people would know what she meant. Something that you don't know you're missing till it's gone. As much as Rachel tried not to, she did miss it. That fire, that comfort, even if she only had a glimpse of it in the short time she was with them, she missed it. Dreaming about it every night didn't help. She tried calling Castiel when she couldn't take anymore, but he never heard her prayers. Remph made sure of it.

I love you. She said to Lucas who he smiled back at her.

I love you too, babe.

They landed in SUX airport in Sioux City and rented a SUV. On their way there Rachel noticed Charlie's bar, where she used to work and a wave of nostalgia hit her. She was looking forward to seeing her friend Carly and catch up. Sure they kept in touch once a week but it was nothing like having her with her.

They arrived at oak drive avenue and pulled into the opened gates. She spotted the cemetery at the end of the road where Dean had brought her so she could say goodbye to Lucas and tried to move on. They parked behind a line of cars and Lucas got out and opened her door. She stepped out and they made their way to the big double doors. She took a calming breath and Lucas rang the doorbell. Shortly after, a stern, tall woman with short, white hair opened the door. She was dressed in a yellow tailored suite and covered in jewelry. She dramatically pulled Lucas into her arms and sternly nodded towards Rachel.

Lucas! I am so happy you are here my dear. She said pulling away from Lucas with a warm smile on. She turned to Rachel and her smile faded.

Rachel, it's nice seeing you again. She said politely and Rachel smiled weakly back.

It's good to be back, mother. Where's father? Said Lucas.

He had to see a couple of patients, there's this flu going around, nasty thing. Emily made a face.

Rachel, I'm sure you prefer seeing your friend than spending the afternoon chatting about things that don't interest you. Said Emily guiding her son by the arm into the living area.

Sure. Rachel smiled politely.

Are you sure? Asked Lucas

Yeah! I'll just bring our bags upstairs and give Carly a call. She answered before giving a quick kiss to Lucas.

Dinner will be served at seven. Your friend is also invited, if you wish to bring her. Emily called back before disappearing with Lucas.

Great... She said to herself and went back outside to grab their suit case and bags.

Rachel was unpacking their things and putting them into the empty dresser of Lucas' old room when her cell phone started to ring. She picked it up and smiled before answering it.

Hey Carls, I was just going to call you...

So you're here? Asked her friend on the other line.

Yeah, I was just finishing unpacking.

Great! I'll come pick you up. Bet you need a drink.

Rachel laughed and told her she knew her too well. They hung up and Rachel quickly changed into a light blue sundress and matching heels. She pulled her red locks into a bun and made her way outside to wait for her friend.

Soon enough a yellow beetle pulled in and Carly ran out into her best friend's arms. They hugged and got into the car.

I got to tell you New-York agrees with you, you look hot Ray-Ray. Smiled Carly.

Thanks, so are we heading to Charlie's?

You bet your cute ass we are. Carly answered with a wink.

I'm actually on vacation so they got Julie, the girl who replaced you, working doubles. The girl can flirt but can't pour a good drink if her life depended on it. So I suggest we get a pitcher.

Fine with me! Oh and your invited to dinner tonight, please come. Rachel begged her friend not wanting to be alone with her family in law.

As if I'd let you be fed by the sharks alone... I'll just have to change into something more... uncomfortable. She laughed.

They arrived at the bar and Rachel took a moment to look around her old working place. Everything was exactly the same. They sat next to the pool tables and Carly went to get their pitcher and two glasses. She came back and sat in front of Rachel.

Alright, spill. Said Carly as she filled up their glass.

What? Asked Rachel taking the glass from her friend.

I know you Ray, something's ain't right. You got that look on your face.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Fine, I'll dig... Everything ok with Lucas? She asked and searched Rachel for a reaction.

Wow I'm good. Carly said proudly.

What's up? Talk to me. She continued.

Rachel eyed her friend as she took big gulps of her beer. Carly always was able to read Rachel like an open book. She couldn't lie to her, but she could try and keep some info to herself.

Lucas works hard you know, I guess I'm just lonely.

Yeah I get that, but Rachel he really does love you. I'm almost jealous of you two! All I get is horny men who want one-nighters. What you two have... It's special. I'm sure Lucas' job will eventually slow down and things will get better, right?

Rachel smiled sadly at her friend. She was right, she was lucky to have Lucas. Any other girl would be more than satisfied in life with him, but not Rachel.

What if I'm wasting his time? Rachel asked softly.

Oh! Not that 'I'm not good enough' crap again... Ray- Ray... You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved...

That's just it Carls, what if I'm not happy anymore? What if I just keep going through the motions and waste both of our time? What if I should do something more... meaningful with my life?

Carly was surprised by Rachel's little outburst. She took a sip of her beer and then smiled warming at her friend.

Sweetie, what you're going through is normal. It sounds like, an early midlife crises. We all get to a point in life where we doubt ourselves... just means we're ready for the next step in life I guess. You have been with Lucas six years now...

Rachel knew Carly was way off but, it did sound like it to a person who didn't know what had happened to her. Carly couldn't understand.

You're probably right, Carls. She decided to say to end the conversation, which Carly noticed but decided to drop it, since her friend was only in town for the weekend.

So what did I miss? Asked Rachel, changing the subject.

Carly told her all about her last couple of flings and about how it was hard replacing her at the bar. They gossiped a bit after that and decided to stop at Carly's so she could change into something more appropriate than the mini shorts and tank top combination she was wearing. She changed into a simple black dress and red heels, brushed her honey blond hair and was good to go. They arrived and even more cars had pulled in the U shape driveway. Rachel and Carly made their way to the back yard, where all the guests were. They managed to get themselves a glass of champagne and found Lucas who was chatting up with his father. Lucas wrapped an arm around Rachel and pulled her closer to him.

Rachel! How good to see you. Greeted Lucas' father.

Dr. Weldon—

Call me Jim! He said joyfully, to which caught Rachel by surprised since she never once was corrected it in six years for calling him Dr. Weldon.

Jim. It's really nice seeing you again. How have you been? She asked testing the waters.

Jim talked about his work and how he had his driveway recovered for the occasion. He excused himself and joined his wife who was talking to an elderly couple.

Is it just me, or your dad was acting pretty strange just now? Rachel asked Lucas.

Well, we have been together a while now. I think it was about time he warmed up to you. Guessed Lucas.

Soon after they were called into the huge dining room and all took their seats. Dr. Weldon was placed at the head of the table, Lucas on his right, Emily on his left. Rachel sat besides Lucas and Carly on her right. The rest were seated with immediate family or friends, so conversation flown easily during the multiple courses.

When dessert and coffee was served Rachel noticed Lucas start nervously fidget in his seat. She was about to ask what was wrong when he suddenly stood up and started clinking his wine glass with his spoon. Rachel looked up at him confused and turned to her friend and saw her beam up at her.

I want to thank you all for coming, as many know tonight means a lot to me. Rachel, my love. My friend. You always stood beside me, encouraging me, showing me how fun life could actually be when you take chances.

Rachel's heart started beating faster and faster. She scanned the room and saw smiling warm faces looking back to her they were met by panicking one from Rachel.

Lucas... She whispered but he didn't hear her.

I know the last year asked for a lot of patience from you... a lot changes. I know I wasn't as present as I should've been. But I also know I couldn't have done all this without you.

Lucas please... Begged Rachel. Lucas smiled and bent down on one knee. Rachel couldn't breathe.

What I'm trying to say is... Rachel Lee will you marry me? He asked opening a little black box revealing a huge diamond ring and awes could be heard from around the table.

Rachel looked up to Lucas and couldn't speak. She looked up to Lucas' parents who were now wearing a stern face, waiting her answer.

Rachel? Asked Carly worried.

I... I... I'm sorry. She whispered to Lucas tears running down her face.

Rachel got up and ran outside in front of the house. She walked down the drive way trying to breathe, asking herself what just happened. She heard someone run to her and turned to see Lucas with a concern and hurt look in his eyes. He waited patiently for Rachel to start talking. When it was obvious she wasn't planning on saying anything he decided to talk.

Rachel, I know this last year wasn't easy on any of us. I know we've been growing apart.

Lucas...

No, I know it's my fault.

No it isn't!

I don't want to lose you Rachel, I thought if I did the next logical step, it would fix us. That things would get back to like it was before New-York. Obviously I was wrong... He finished looking at his feet.

You don't fix a relationship with marriage Lucas.

But I want more Rachel. I want a wife, I want kids.

I gave you all I have Lucas. Rachel said sadly. She knew it wasn't enough but it was truly what she had left to give him.

Don't say that. Pleaded Lucas knowing exactly where this was heading.

You deserve a wife and kids. It's just... not me. I tried Lucas, I really did, but this isn't fair to you.

Rachel please...

I'm sorry Lucas.

Lucas took Rachel in his arms. Both had tears running down their faces.

I guess this is goodbye, then? He said pulling away.

Rachel nodded her heart aching.

I'll grab my things and ask Carly if I can crash at her place...

Might be best if I get your things sent to Carly's... Mother's head is probably doing 180's by now. He laughed a little at the thought. He was going to hear `I told you so ` from her for a while to come.

Right, your family... I'm so sorry—

Hey, I know. It'll teach me not to propose to fix a broken relationship anymore. He said trying to make light of the situation.

So... I guess this is goodbye then? He asked pitifully. Rachel nodded to which Lucas nodded also backing away from her till he turned and left into the house.

Rachel felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She had no clue what she was doing, but for the first time in a long time, it felt right. Rachel walked to Carly's beetle and waiting. About 10 minutes later Carly appeared with a bag.

Lucas asked me to bring this for you... What the hell happened, Rachel?! Demanded Carly stuffing the bag in her trunk.

We broke up. She said getting in the car.

You're kidding right? The guy invites he's whole family to propose to you and you break up with him?

Carly we haven't had the greatest year... He proposed because he was trying to fix our relationship.

What a jackass! Carly said.

No... Believe me, I'm the jackass... It's my fault it didn't work anymore.

How so? Asked Carly.

I wish I could tell you... Rachel said looking out the window.

Carly pulled the beetle on the side of the road and cut off the engine. Rachel turned towards her in surprise.

You had an affair, didn't you? Accused Carly.

What!? No! I... He was... Carly, you wouldn't believe me or understand any of it, can we just drop it?

No, Rachel we can't. You shut yourself out with Lucas, you ain't shutting me out. So we are going to the liquor store and I'll grab some ice cream and you are going to tell me what happened in the past year. Whether you like it or not. Carly said and started the engine again.

Fine! But I warn you, you're just gonna think I'm crazy. Rachel said. Maybe it would help to tell her about everything, or maybe she would end up in a mental institution. Either way Rachel needed to tell somebody, she couldn't keep it in anymore and if someone would actually believe her it would be Carly.

Sweetie that ship sailed a long time ago. Carly laughed.