Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

1. The Plan

Roy looked out of his window, doing his best to ignore the piles of paperwork on his desk. Today had been just like any other day: come into office, Riza gives him paperwork, and then he falls asleep. Maybe one or two peeks at Riza, but if she caught him staring at her, he'd end up with a bullet in his body and twice as much paperwork as usual. Roy sighed and looked down at his desk. The next paper was another mission for the infamous Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. Roy concentrated on Ed for a while, to keep his mind off of the rest of the paperwork. Maybe something about Ed could make his daily life more fun. Roy sighed. He wished Hughes was here. Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes was Roy's best friend and majored in the investigations department. Roy wished he could just call Hughes and ask him to look u some info on Ed, but was reminded of the fact that that was an impossibility. Although Maes would do anything to help Roy, and promised to help Roy to the top, it was not plausible, not because they weren't friends, but simply because Maes was…-sniff-…dead.

Roy sighed again. He thought of how well Hughes was at finding info. Once, he found out Ed's birthday even though no one else knew.

Wait a second… Fullmetal's birthday…hmm…

Then an idea hit him. Ed's birthday was soon. It was winter, and that's when Ed helped deliver Hughes' baby while celebrating his birthday (a/n: yes, this is based on the anime, although I love the manga). All he had to do was ask Gracia when it was, then plan the party. And what a party it's going to be.

Roy smiled. This was the ultimate prank on Ed, or at least until he thought of something better. But he'll need the ingredients. Roy took out a sheet of paper and made a list:

A NICE PLACE TO CELEBRATE A BIRTHDAY PARTY. Well, that would be easy. His home would do.

A LOT OF PEOPLE. Also easy. His subordinates would definitely help.

ENVY. Yes, the homunculus was a definite need, since Roy was going to be busy with preparations (well, that's what he'll tell the next ingredient)

Yaoi Fangirls. Lots of them. They would have to consist of most of the people or the trick wont work.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! This is perfect. It's gonna be Ed's worst birthday ever.

The next day

"Attention everyone" Roy said. Everyone, which included all his subordinates, Major Armstrong, Lt. Maria Ross, and Lt. Denny Bloch, looked at Roy.

" In a few weeks, we're gonna give Ed a surprise birthday party"

"Awww. Why? He's played so many tricks on us for the past month that I'm always sore."

"Yea! Why should we do anything for him?"

"Calm down!" Roy almost yelled, as the complaints were growing. " I'm mad at him too. Remember the time he switched my uniform with a highly flammable one?"

" Of course." Replied Jean Havoc. " He also poured gasoline on you and made you snap at your paperwork. So why are you throwing a party for him?"

Roy smiled and told his subordinates what he was planning. They all stared wide-eyed at him with grins on their faces.

" Hell yeah! This is gonna rock!"

"So does that mean you'll all attend?"

A chorus of "yes's" and "definitely" came in response.

"Then I'll see you all at my house in two weeks exactly."

Roy smiled again. This is what Ed deserves for playing so many tricks on the military. Now he's the one being tricked.