'Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play!'
Elsa sighed. Anna again.
Anna was persistent, returning day after day regardless of how harsh Elsa rejected her. Maybe it was her innocence. Maybe it was her childish forgetfulness and a desperate wish for her sister's company that drove her back again and again despite the cruel words.
Elsa leaned against the door, putting her hand where she imagined Anna's would be. Ice formed instantly beneath her hand.
She sighs, her breath wobbly. She hated being cruel, especially to her sister.
'I never see you anymore, come out the door,
It's like you've gone away!'
I am away, Elsa thought wryly. I don't want to be, but I am. I have to be. She wished her sister would just understand that, but Anna's too young, and it's Elsa's job to protect her.
Ice continued to stream out, weaving a pattern slowly, steadily, wrapping around whatever left's of her life. Elsa bit back a curse, but decided that she didn't care anymore.
She couldn't care anymore.
'We used to be best buddies, and now we're not
I wish you would tell me why'
Elsa's control broke a little, resulting in a burst of snow around her. We're still best buddies, Anna.
Snow continues to fall, the soft white covering every inch of the spacious room.
Do you want to build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman.
Elsa closed her eyes. It wouldn't hurt, right? Might as well make the most of the snow.
Tentatively, she extended a finger and thought hard. A small rush of heat spread through her and she jumped, but did not retract her trembling finger.
The falling snow began circling slowly, turning into a small vortex before disappearing, leaving behind a small snowman.
A snowman that looked just like Anna's favourite doll.
I did it! Elsa smiled in delight, turning instinctively to tell Anna.
And hesitated.
Right.
She can't tell anyone.
Angry at the unfairness of it all, she kicked at the snowman, scattering the snow everywhere, not caring that her fingers were blue from the icy snow. Lashing out again and again, until the snowman was nothing but a pile of snow.
'Elsa?'
She turned around in horror as the door swung open.
'NO, ANNA! Don't come in!'
'But Elsa... Oh wow! Snow!' Anna eyes widened.
'Go away Anna! Please! I don't want to hurt you!' Elsa backed into a corner, clutching her hands to herself.
'But Elsa, look! Snow!'
Anna began to jump around in the pile of snowman, or what's left of it. 'Come Elsa! Let's build a snowman! Elsaaaaaaa!'
Elsa trembled in the corner, her hands shaking. Her legs were itching to join her sister, but she knew she can't. She can't hurt Anna!
So caught up in her thoughts, Elsa didn't notice Anna until a warm pair of hands caught hers and pulled her forward. She pulled back in shock, frantically sweeping her eyes up and down Anna's form, checking for damage.
But all she saw was Anna's bright excited eyes.
Breathing hard, she let Anna lead her forward, her heart fluttering beneath her ribcage. Encouraged by her sister's response, Anna chattered on and on about the snow, excited that she finally got to play with her long gone sister. She told Elsa all about how she'd spent all her days alone and bored, and how her dolls were growing up, and her teeth fell out when she was eating a cracker. She wanted Elsa to know about everything; she'd been gone for so long!
Elsa began to relax tentatively at her sister's chattering, feeling the old comradeship return, falling back to how they were before. She smiled slightly and returned Anna's grip.
Suddenly, beneath Anna's warm hands, a flutter of something rushed through her, a cold heat beneath her fingers. Alarmed, she pulled against Anna's grip, pushing hard against the little fingers, but Anna would not let go. 'Anna, let go!'
'No, I want to play!'
'Please, you don't understand,' Frantic now, Elsa pulled harder, but Anna, determined as she was, held on. 'Anna, let go!'
'No Elsa! I want to play!' Anna's eyes watered. 'You never play with me anymore.'
The swirling became stronger, and Elsa's fingertips grew cold with icy heat. Anna's grip remained strong. The swirling became a rush, pooling at her fingertips, and as Elsa watched in horror, ice begin to form at the tips of Anna's fingers where their hands were joined.
No no no no no no this cannot happen! I cannot hurt Anna again! She pulled uselessly at Anna's surprisingly strong grip, a desperate sob escaping her throat. Anna's fingers were beginning to turn blue, but Anna remained oblivious, chattering on about snowmen and dolls.
Ice wove a slow pattern around Anna's fingers, just like it wove heartlessly around everything else in Elsa's life.
Blue. Anna frozen in ice because of her.
Cold Blue. Her parents concerned faces, the sadness in their eyes, their constant care and company; the resulting decline in Arendelle due to the neglected duties.
And most of all, Anna.
Anna who had now noticed her stiffening fingers and was watching curiously instead of cowering in fear and horror. Her fingers were turning blue and transparent, like ice.
Cold, blue, ice.
'Elsa? Don't cry, Elsa. I'm sorry,' Anna whispered. 'I just want to play.'
The icy heat grew stronger beneath her fingers. Elsa tried to push it away. It was like scrabbling against an ice wall, her control slipping like fingers sliding off ice. The rush became a vortex as she became more desperate, spreading further up Anna's hands to her wrists.
Elsa began to sob, begging Anna to let go. The rush was getting stronger by the minute and if Anna didn't let go...
Anna watched fascinatedly at her blue hands, unaware of the danger she was in. She gasped delightedly as the blue spread further up her hands. 'I'm a snowman, Elsa! Look! I'm a snowman!'
Snowman. Elsa remembered the snowman she'd built, and the rush she'd felt. How the rush had responded to her will. How the rush had come from somewhere deep inside her, how the rush had went back deep inside her when the snowman was finished. How the snow retracted back into her. From her, into her.
Her. Her, and no one else.
The ice is part of me, Elsa realised. She cannot push it away, because it's part of her.
Come back! She commanded the rush in a final desperate attempt. Come back to me. Furiously, she pulled at the tendrils she could feel spreading up Anna's hands. Come back to me where you belong. Her eyes squeezed shut at the effort as she focused on pulling the fire back into her. Come back.
She thought of her kingdom, her parents, Anna. No more. She will not hurt them anymore. Come back.
'Elsa?' Anna's voice broke through her concentration. 'Elsa, it stopped snowing, look!'
Breathing heavily, Elsa opened her eyes.
For the first time in forever, her room was not covered in snow. The sun shone through the windows, bringing colour back to the previously white room. Anna was pulling her to the window, giggling contagiously at the children playing outside. Elsa touched the windowsill, half expecting the windowsill to break into ice.
Nothing happened.
She ran her hands over the windows, slowly at first, then faster, greedier, giddy with joy. She hugged her confused sister and whooped with joy, tears coming to her eyes.
'Elsa? Elsa!' Her parents frantic voice came from the hallway. Elsa ran towards the voices.
The king and queen blinked in surprise as their closed-off eldest ran towards them in long-absent joy, her younger sister following her in confused delight.
'I'm okay, Mom. Dad, look, no more ice!'
Elsa took off her remaining glove and pressed both hands onto the floor before the king could react.
Nothing happened. No ice, no snow, no icy patterns on the floor.
The king lunged forward as Elsa turned to hug her sister, half expecting Anna to freeze up, but his wife put a hand on his arm. 'Look.'
The two girls were laughing giddily, no evidence of frost. For the first time since the incident, he saw true joy in both his daughters' faces. Relief and euphoria bloomed as he gripped his wife's hands, silently thanking whatever deity that brought this around.
He strode forward and enveloped both girls in his arms, rubbing his face into Elsa's hair. Elsa giggled, a delightful tinkling in his ears. 'Dad, you're scratchy!'
He chuckled in response and tightened his embrace. He missed hugging his eldest; she'd been so closed off. 'I don't know how you did it, Elsa, but thank you. Thank you.' The queen joined them, tears welling in her eyes.
Elsa snuggled into his father's chest, savouring the warmth of his touch. She'd missed the comfort of her father's hugs, his soothing hands on her back, rubbing slowly. She could feel Anna's wriggling body behind her, and her mother's lips on her head. The rush inside her welled up dangerously, but she pushed it back within her, where it now belongs.
The rush disappeared.
Elsa smiled. 'It's part of me, Dad. It's inside me now, and I'm going to make sure it stays there.'
And she will, as she felt a small hand wriggling into hers, gripping tightly.
She squeezed back.