Disclaimer: Don't own Arthur, Alucard, Walter, or their universe. I do own the crazy old Romanian woman however.

Arthur didn't understand a damn word the woman was screeching at him. He got the gist of it; she was pissed at them, but most of all at him.

It didn't matter how the creature before him sniffed them out, because the point was she had. She had more creases and canyons in her tanned cracked skin than a map that after each use, was crumpled up and thrown on the ground. He counted…three teeth behind her thin lips, beady raven eyes glaring with fury. Bent over from age and wrapped up in clothes from a strange headdress to well-worn shoes, she was a foot or so shorter than himself. But a part of him, something more primal than the hardened leader of a vampire hunting organization, was scared shitless by the fervent foreign words spilling out in a steady stream.

Walter, wisely, had taken up post in a shadowed corner of the office, his gray eyes wary. Grown out of his cocky youth, he knew well enough to be frightened of the intruder. He kept exchanging glances with Arthur, just as ignorant of why she was here as he was. Their eyes both turned to the one person who seemed to understand what she was saying.

Alucard seemed to lose his interest in being a fourteen-year-old girl after Walter lost his sexual interest in it…circa when he found out that Alucard was actually a man experimenting. The stark contrast of the incredibly pale, incredibly tall vampire sitting in a chair beside the woman was laughably, sprawled out lazily and watching her with a shit-eating grin and red eyes sparkling in amusement. His general delight in the complexities of humans only enraged her further as she turned on him.

"What does she want?" Arthur finally asked. Alucard smirked.

"Do you want the long or short version?"

"Short."

"My manhood chopped off."

"…I'm going to need a little elaboration on that." Why the hell was he smirking…? Alucard leaned into the back of his chair.

"Remember the party last week?"

"Which one?"

"The one on Fleet Street."

"Oh, right. …it's a little fuzzy."

"Well do you remember that cute Romanian you told me if I brought home you'd smash my coffin apart?"

"…I vaguely remember that incident."

"Well, we found a bed upstairs. There were many rounds in the private Olympics, if you catch my drift."

"I do indeed."

"That was her granddaughter."

"Oh."

"She's sixteen."

"…oh." Arthur covered his mouth, deep in thought. He glanced at Alucard, "What's a sixteen year old doing in a place like that anyway?"

"Beats me, Master." He scratched his head.

"Well, it was an honest mistake. I mean, two years to you is like what, two months to a human?"

"Something like that. Poor girl got stoned to death."

"…ouch."

"It was her fault, bragging about sleeping with a vampire in a conservative backwoods village."

"I dunno; you could've picked up on something before you screwed her."

The woman said something. Alucard turned to her and started speaking in her native tongue. They exchanged a few words before Alucard looked back at Arthur.

"She wants to know why you let me out."

"What?"

"Isn't the master supposed to be in charge of his servants?" Arthur was stumped for a moment. He was unable to come up with a witty excuse, so he just said the truth.

"I trusted him not to get into too much trouble after the initial orders."

Alucard relayed the explanation to the woman with a smile. She was whipped into a flurry again, coming around his desk. Arthur stood up. Alucard straightened, baring his fangs. Walter reached for his wires. She screamed, reaching into a bag on her hip and flinging…powder. At his crotch. Alucard watched her curiously.

"…now what is she doing?"

"Far as I can tell she's cursing your loins."

"Lovely."

After about four fistfuls, she spat and, as suddenly as she had stormed into his life, she stormed out. Arthur blinked, then sat back down.

He still had that goddamn shit-eating grin on his face.

"So, no kids for me?"

"No sons, just daughters."

"That's it?"

Alucard leaned back, crossing his legs as one gloved finger rested on his curled lips.

"She also curses them to be absolute whores that lust solely for vampires." Arthur frowned, rubbing his forehead and sighing.

"Guess that's what I get to look forward to." He said dryly.

A predatory look came over Alucard's face. Not for blood; he knew that look. This one was just as carnal, but with an odd tenderness, possessive even. Alucard's distant eyes, his crooked smile, were full of lust and desire. He murmured something in Romanian that sounded like a child's eager, heartfelt prayer. Then, in English…

"Oh, I know I will look forward to it."

III

That's it, no more Young IntegraxAlucard fanfiction reading or Hellsing: The Dawn for me . I really wanted to make this as part of a story but, alas, I didn't know where to fit it in. So, here it stands alone, in all of its randomness.