Title: I Never Liked The Rain – Parts 1 to 3 Author: Tiger ) Rated: PG-13, I guess A/N – Please, please listen to the song by Clint Black "I Never Liked The Rain". The story would have so much more meaning if you hear the song first because it sets the mood with the actual thunder during the song. It is a beautiful song and this is something that could happen to all of us in the middle of the night. Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of its' people
(Sounds of rain and thunder) I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get through On the darkest day there's always light and now I see it too But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind All the heaven's rivers come to light I see it all unwind I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane When I hear it I just can't believe I never like the rain
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Liked the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now Just Like The Rain
When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me It's as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn't see That it's always good and when the flood is gone we still remain Guess I've know all along I just belong here with you falling
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now Just like the rain I have fallen for you I'm falling for you now just like the rain
And when the night fall on our better days And we're looking to the sky For the winds to take us high above the plains I know that we'll find better ways to look into the eye of the storms that will be calling Forever we'll be falling
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just Like The Rain... Like The Rain
Part 1
I never liked the rain 'til I walked through it with you
I never liked the rain or these storms, Harm thought, as he waited for Mac to shower and throw on some sweats so she would be more comfortable. He talked her into returning to his apartment after another visit to her doctor. Harm continued to look out the window at the pouring rain recalling Mac's words to him as she explained her chances of conceiving a baby. He didn't quite understand all the medical jargon Mac used and he didn't want to inundate her with questions. He just nodded his head and reassured her. Tonight he just wanted to make sure Mac was alright; that she got through the night. He wanted Mac to get through the night with him. Only with him.
Harm's thoughts then went to blame. He blamed Sadik, the fight between them, the CIA and Webb. Neither he nor Webb were there to protect her. Her nightmares were horrible. Now with Webb dead and Mac facing health problems, how will she ever sleep soundly?
Harm knows he can't blame a dead man, but he could still hate all the reasons that Mac is so miserable. He, first and foremost he still could hate Webb for luring Mac into loving him, for preying on her vulnerability from the trauma they suffered in Paraguay. If Webb was here, Harm just might do what the ocean already did – rid Mac of Webb's existence.
"Harm, could I make a cup of tea" Mac whispered as she came up behind Harm as he stared into the rain.
"Sure, Mac, let me help. Harm moved into the kitchen with her. She was so beautiful even though her eyes showed the strain of the past few weeks. Webb's death and the procedure have left her worn down.
"Sit, Mac, and let me do that" Harm insisted. Mac just glanced at him, giving in, and sitting on his couch. She covered herself with the blanket and hoped the cramps would soon diminish. She was quiet, sullen, but comfortable with Harm as she indulged in his generosity.
Harm promised to always be there. Heck, he has always been there for me, she thought. Not a day goes by that I haven't thought about him, talked to him, spent the day with him or dreamed about him. Why would I think any different now? Why didn't I realize this before? Too many questions, too few answers.
Harm kept a watchful eye on Mac, but drifted off to watch the rain again. He hated these storms even though Mac seemed to like the rain, the thunder, the wind and lightening. She likes the atmosphere surrounding these storms. She definitely sees something I don't.
His memory brings him back to so many things that have happened to him and Mac. Like the rainy night he went off to kill Diane's murderer. Mac tried to stop him and he left her standing in the rain. Luckily she and Bud came to stop him from throwing his career away. Mac was there for him that night. It tore him apart to see her standing soaking wet in the rain. At the dock he kissed her for the first time – yes, he kissed Mac. He was falling for her and didn't even know it yet.
Every thundercloud that came was one more I might not get through
I remember years ago, Mac, Bud and I set out for the USS Coral Sea. A Tomcat vanished in the Bermuda Triangle and we were sent to investigate. We landed in a torrential downpour. I led us through the hatch and I couldn't help notice how soaked we all were. Mac caught my eye. The rain plastered her hair down. So badly I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through her hair as a make shift brush. Instead, Mac reached up and did it herself, pushing her hair straight back and behind her ears. She is so beautiful. The droplets of rain still covered her face until she wiped it away. She smiles as she glances my way. My heart pounds.
On the darkest day there's always light. And now I see it too. But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you.
Then there was Webb's fake death attempt and Palmer's involvement in the case. My stomach is sick thinking that another person could be hurt by him. I was secretly pleased when she announced she wanted to stay the night at my place to "take care of me".
As the woodstove's embers simmered down sometime during the night, it brought a chill to the apartment. I awoke to raindrops falling outside with the rumble of thunder and the flicker of light. The storm rattles my mind and I hear a noise. I peer over my sheets which were tightly wrapped around me and there is Mac standing by the window with the comforter wrapped around her. I called to her. She asks for more heat so I turn the thermostat up.
Gosh, I didn't even put a robe on. I am dressed only in my boxers. I'm not the least bit awkward with Mac. Tonight, though, seems different because I see the tears stream down her face like the water streaming down the window pane next to us. I try to comfort her and I stroke her cheek with my hand. Her skin is so soft and warm. I reassure her that things will turn out all right. She touches my arm and now I know things are different. I love her touch. I turn to go back to bed alone and suddenly being in bed alone just didn't seem right. The rain cast a different atmosphere that night and I couldn't figure out what it was. Was it love, desperation, loneliness?
I hear it falling in the night filling up my mind. All the heaven's rivers come to light, I see it all unwind
My mind wanders to another time. My plane went down in the driving rain. I ejected into the powerful thunder and vivid lightening. I was lost. My God, all I could think of was the need to get to Mac. I had to hang on, but the rain is hurting my face, the waves are pounding my body and the cold penetrates deep down to my bones. I needed to get to her, but it was so cold.
Hours later, I felt Skates yell at me to wake up. I must have survived. The rain was gone. I was warmer. As I lay in the hospital all I could think of was that Mac and Brumby probably were on their honeymoon by now. I was sick with the fear of living my life without Mac. Renee is here, sitting on my bed. I can't figure this out. The doctors say it will take time for my body to heal and my memory to fully return.
Back at home Mac came to see me and she was upset about Brumby. She raced to the airport to stop him. He walked away, back to Australia, knowing dam well that this thing between Mac and I won't go away – marriage or not. When she called me, my heart broke for her. I urged her to come to me. I wanted to hold her and help her. Mac knows why I need her to come to me. Doesn't she? The knock on the door wasn't Mac. It was Renee and her father died. As Renee settled on my couch, I grew anxious thinking Mac was on her way. I wanted to be with Mac, to tell her how much I feared losing her and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I can't get over the kiss on the Admiral's porch. It was more that I ever dreamed of.
I opened the door and whispered to her that Renee's father died and I needed to leave with her for a couple days. She tried to understand, but I could see the devastation in her face. I told her I would call later. She left and it started raining. There's that dam rain again. So depressing, so sad. I'm here with Renee and I should be here with Mac. I hug Renee to calm her down. I looked up over her shoulder and out the window to where Mac's car had been. She is gone and I know I hurt her.
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane. When I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain
The thunder rumbled and woke me from my thoughts, back to reality. Mac was sleeping on the couch and I needed to bring her the tea. It is still raining.
So many years have passed. So much has come between Mac and me. We hurt each other terribly. I don't know why I did and said those things to her in Paraguay. I didn't fight for her so she went to Webb's bed. Everything is so crazy, but I am learning to sort out my feelings because of Mattie. Yes, this fifteen year old girl has taught me more about myself than I thought possible. She is helping me express my feelings. I can say the words love, care, hope, yes and things in my life don't necessarily have to disappear or hurt me. Actually my heart feels good. So now, Mac and I are taking it slow and repairing the damage to our friendship.
"Mac, wake up" I put the teacup down and brushed the hair off her brow. She stirred and opened her eyes. There was a smile on her beautiful face.
"Thanks" as she reached for the cup. "This hits the spot." Mac noticed it was still raining. "I like the rain, it washes everything away and maybe the rainbow will come out after it's over" she closed her hands around the mug and looked bashfully at Harm.
He picked up on her bashfulness and that maybe she was feeling emotionally uncomfortable.
"I will be right here with you no matter what" Harm reminded her as he sat down next to her. "What else can I do?" he asked.
"Just stay with me. Things are so crazy and scary" Mac barely got the words out as she cried. She allowed Harm to hold her. Harm brushed her hair back again and wrapped them both in the blanket as they settled against the pillows. He felt the need to lighten the moment with a quick comment "Wow, Marine, I'm touched and honored that you are soaking my shirt in your mascara!"
"Don't get wise. Just because I'm 'a little' scared doesn't mean I'm not a tough Marine!"
"Yea, Mac, I know that" Harm jeered. They both smiled at each other and Mac turned serious again.
"Harm, what if there is permanent damage preventing me from having our baby?"
"Whoa, Mac, don't get ahead of yourself. We don't know anything yet. One step at a time."
"What happens to our baby deal?"
"Mac, we have waited 5 years and we can wait a little longer. If things don't go our way we can adopt. There are always options and hope as long as we do it together." Harm voice was velvety soft and sensitive so Mac could tell that he meant every word. He still couldn't believe he had the guts to come out with a statement like that now. Now when she hurts the most, Webb is gone and the Admiral is leaving. She has enough on her mind without thinking of adoption.
Mac turned and faced him. His face was so beautiful, loving and caring. How could she have never fought for Harm herself? She has been waiting all these years for him to fight for her when all she had to do was reach out for him - he was there for her all this time.
"I almost thought I wanted a baby with Webb. God, Harm that was a mistake. I think I was acting out from all the trauma Webb and I went through. He understood me and was the only one who wanted me and wanted to listen. I feel so ashamed for having..." Mac sat up and stiffened in Harm's arms "for having slept with him".
That is just what Harm didn't want confirmed even though deep down he knew it was true.
"Harm, yea, I want the baby deal and I want it with you, just like we planned. I am sorry for ever thinking I could have a baby with Webb or a future with Webb. I'm sorry he is gone, but he lied to me over and over. It was so wrong. Yes, I would adopt, I will do anything to be the mother of your child."
Harm wanted to jump up and down with joy but had to refrain for Mac's sake. Later, he thought, at the appropriate time he will celebrate their declarations to each other. Now, he wanted to let her know that he would always be there for support.
"Mac, I wanted to listen to you, but I felt you didn't need me and didn't want me. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. I thought that you needed Webb more than me. I think a whole lot of problems could have been prevented if I just fought harder for you." Harm tried to plead his case without making Mac feel worse. "I want a baby, too and I want us to be more than friends." He reached over for her and she climbed back into the security of his arms.
"I want you to come to me with anything and everything. I am always here for you. Now with this medical problem and the Admiral leaving, we need each other even more. I'm scared right with you, Mac, but we will work it out. We belong together on this, okay?"
"Okay, that is good enough for me. I don't know what I would do without your friendship. It's funny, we're funny, we talk about getting our friendship back to where it's suppose to be and we also talk about having a baby. Not a conventional arrangement, for sure, but it is fine with me"
Harm nodded with a beautiful smile in agreement to what she said. She has never seen his face so loving and sincere. They now have a commitment with each other. When things settle down, he will let her know just how conventional he wants their relationship to be.
"It's getting late; I better leave before the storm gets worse".
Harm glanced out the window. How he hated being alone in these storms. He just didn't like them. During some of the worst moments in his life when the rain came Mac was always there to make him feel better. It must have been love between them even way back then. He never realized it until now.
Part 2
Like the rain I have fallen for you And I know just why, you like the rain, Always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain.....
"Harm, did you hear me, I have to leave" Mac said weakly and rose from the sofa to grab her jacket.
"No way, Mac, I mean it's pouring out and I don't want.... I don't want to be alone. I don't want YOU to be alone tonight. Please stay with me." Harm held his breath waiting for her answer.
"Well", Mac looked at the sofa. "I guess I could sac out here" pointing to the couch.
"Please, Mac, sleep with me in my bed" Harm's whispered tone to Mac was in a voice reserved only for her, soft, warm and full of emotion.
"Harm, I, I don't know if we should..." stuttered Mac, backing up in her steps.
"Just sleep, Mac, just sleep. I want to hold you and comfort you. I will be honorable, trust me" Harm envisioned them in his bed and smiled, but suddenly tears brimmed in his eyes. "Please Mac, I need you"
Mac noticed the change; she noticed the emotional change in him. This is something she has only seen in Russia, in Paraguay and in court with Mattie. She knew he needed her and much as she needed him. Harm wiped his face quickly, just as he did when Roscoe brought him to tears, so Mac would not see his watery eyes.
She had noticed the tears and they touched her soul. Oh, how she needed him, too. They both smiled, shyly, at each other.
"Ok, but one false move, buddy, and your hands will be wrapped around your ankles permanently" Mac said.
"Now, Mac, how is that possible?" he quibbled and they walked into his room, hand and hand. The banter ran on about hands and ankles for about fifteen minutes as they prepared for bed.
Mac used the bathroom then climbed into bed, already dressed in her sweats and t shirt. Harm showered quickly and dressed only in his boxers, followed Mac into the bed. They settled in and Harm was grateful for having newly laundered sheets put on just this morning. Harm put his arm around her so she could rest her head on his chest. Doing this was as natural and comfortable to them, just as comfortable as opposing each other in court.
The last time they lay in bed was in Paraguay. It started out with much needed talk and an almost kiss and ended up separating them not only as potential lovers, but as best friends and partners. They promised themselves this would never happen again.
When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me. It's as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn't see. That it's always good and when the flood is gone we still remain. Guess I've known all along I just belong here with you falling... like the rain.
If the lightening wasn't so intense outside, they would have sworn it came from their bed the moment they touched. Mac was not sleeping on the couch like last time; there was no chill in the air this time and there as no loneliness between them. This felt right. All their words, actions, feelings and the way they touched felt right – finally.
Harm and Mac fell asleep until her stomach started to ache. Harm offered her some Tylenol and they settled back down. Mac couldn't help but notice the storm and the hard rain, thunder and lightening was intensifying.
"Harm, do you like the rain, I mean, storms like these?" she asked taking the pills and water from Harm.
"Maaac" Harm whined as he fixed the sheets, putting Mac's water on the night stand and crawling back into bed next to her, "after being ejected into the Atlantic and treading water for hours, I'm not to keen about it." He awkwardly chuckled. Had she been reading his mind?
Part 3 'And when the night falls on our better days and we're looking to the sky for the wind to take us high above the plains..'
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up that, but think about this.....
"Storms like this at this time of night are filled with passion, love and desire"
"How do you figure, Mac" Harm inquired seriously wanting to hear her explanation. "Go on, I'm listening." Harm said as he rolled in his side, facing Mac who is lying on her back and staring out the window at the rain.
Harm loved how she looked in his navy t-shirt and the pair of marine sweats that she left there so very long ago. With all that has gone on in this past year, he doubted if she would ever wear these again. He kept them in his draw and every night while preparing for bed, Harm would touch them and his heart would ache.
He places his arm gently above her head, lightly running his fingers through her hair.
"So, you both are sleeping and this kind of storm wakes you up in the middle of the night. You can't get back to sleep so instead you watch and listen to the storm. It is scary, but at the same time mysterious, powerful and uncertain." Harm nods and stares from her to the window.
"At times you can't see much, but you can hear everything. You can hear your partner's breathing; you can hear the rain beat against the panes of each and every window in your room. It makes the sound of a million tapping noises before it splashes off to the ground." Mac drew in a breath to continue her story.
"You hear the wind rustle the branches of the trees and it blows the rain, sometimes sideways against the windows. It seems like it could break the glass, but it never does. The blinds move back and forth from the wind, lightly hitting the window frame making a noise every few seconds. Your body is sweaty from the humid heat of the night, but the breeze cools you down." Mac notices Harm is intently staring at her.
She looks into his eyes and continues with her story. "The rain beats on the roof so hard it seems like it could make a dent in the shingles. The pellets of rain bounce off the steamy street before it floods the roads with puddles."
Harm is amazed and Mac's words give him whole new consciousness about the weather outside. Never in his wildest dream did he think this was sensuous in any way. These storms were more problematic and troublesome than romantic and passionate.
Mac hesitated at Harm's expression until he nodded for her to continue.
"Do you hear the thunder, Harm?" Mac whispered to his ear as he looked back out the window. Her voice filled with emotion that he never heard from her before. He thought he knew everything about her, but realized making love and intimately sharing a bed had been the two most precious things they still were distant on.
"Yes" he whispers because he can only whisper. He is so mesmerized by Mac and the storm outside his voice is rendered useless. He is filled with so much love for her it overwhelms his emotions. All the problems that have lead them to this place and time seem insignificant now. There is just him and her and the rain. He pulls himself closer to her.
"Tell me; tell me about the thunder, Mac"
"The thunder rolls right through your soul. It awakens your senses and you reach out to touch the person next to you. It can be so loud and frightening sometimes and then soft and rumbling other times."
"And the lightening" Mac looks back at Harm with a slight smile on her face. "This adds to the desperation of the storm, the desperation of needing each other. You are fully awake now and your senses come alive to the smell of the rain, the sound of the rain and thunder and the crack of lightening."
Harm can't remember how long Mac's sweet story has gone on, but he doesn't want her to stop. He can feel the storm now. He can feel her. They are experiencing this storm together and it will never be the same again.
Mac now is on her side, up on her elbow, forgetting about her pain. She is facing Harm. His arm is looped in the v of her elbow and he brushes his fingers in her hair and draws circles on her neck.
"I swear, Harm, I can see the lightening even when my eyes are closed. It never fails to startle me. I then open my eyes and watch for the next bolt. When it hits, for an instant you can see your lover next to you. Then the room goes dark. Scary, thrilling, passion and desire. How can it be all that at once, Harm?"
Mac looks back at Harm, who is absorbedly staring at her lost for an answer. She strokes his cheek and continues "It awakens you with passion and desire that was locked away so deep inside. Both of you are now aware of how close you may be to each other. One may reach out and that is all it takes. There is no talking. Loving each other is all you can do. It may be as long as the storm or as quick and passionate as a flash flood, but you must have each other and it must be now."
Harm hears the loud clap of thunder and seconds later Mac's face glows with the flash of lightening. He draws his face near hers. His mouth is now near her soft cheek.
Harm's swim in the Atlantic cured any sense of romance in the rain. Tonight that all has changed. He thought back again to those times of him and Mac during rainstorms, whether they were drenched by a storm or watched a storm from his apartment. He never knew she felt this way. He never knew it could actually be this intense.
"Mac, I never thought about it that way" Harm acknowledged and now wondered if she experienced this with Webb or Mic or Dalton. A pang of jealously raged through him, but he kept it to himself.
"I never knew either until the last few months. Actually after Paraguay I woke to a raging storm and felt this way, Webb was there but I felt empty. I knew it wasn't love then, but I wanted to be so bad. I wanted someone to love me so much. And to this day I always dream about it and just watch the storms go by feeling empty." Mac now had a tear rolling down her cheek right onto Harm's face. "I told him once that 'he didn't have what it takes to make me happy' and he didn't. I realized it too late."
He turned her face towards his, forehead to forehead and wiped away the tear. "Mac, never again will you be without a soul mate. Never again will you feel empty or spend another stormy night alone. I am right here." Harm's voice floats to her ears.
They heard the crack of thunder and watched the bolt of lightening brighten their room for an instant. They heard the wind drive the rain sideways onto the walls of the apartment, they heard the blinds blow back and forth allowing cooler air to wash over their bodies and they saw the streams of water pour off the panes of glass in the windows. They touched each other, they became soul mates. They like the rain after all..
'I know that you'll find better ways to look into the eye of the storms that will be calling, forever we'll be falling like the rain.'
Part 4
'I have fallen for you and I know just why - you like the rain. Always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain..................'
Into the night they loved each other. Touching, feeling each other all through the storm. It was a storm that last hours into the night. The breeze cooled their bodies and the flashes of lightening showed them the way.
They rested for a while and awoke the next day still holding each other.
"Mac, are you ok with this? I wanted and dreamed about this night for so long"
"You have?" Mac questioned. Harm tensed and rolled over to see her face.
"God, Mac, yes. Why wouldn't you know how much this means to me? Couldn't you tell?"
"Yes, I could tell in your touch, you were so gentle and loving, I just didn't realize you felt that way."
"Mac, I knew I felt something while we were lost in the woods with those hillbillies. I just couldn't define it. You captured my heart. And then when I came to your room and gave you the letters to Mrs. Holst. I knew I hurt you in the gym and I had to apologize and make things right. I had to let you know that I cared and understood. From then on things started happening, you defended me and I felt your strength, you were being stalked and I fought desperately to save you. I remember you at Bud and Harriert's wedding. I looked across the alter and you were so beautiful. Way back then Mac, I was falling for you and I didn't know what to do. I guess all these years I just couldn't either admit it or when I did admit to myself that I loved you with all my heart I just went ahead and made a mess of things in the process."
"Harm, I always knew you cared, but I never thought you loved me. I mean, I thought you were just flirting way back then and when you turned me down in Australia and then kissed me on the Admiral's porch, well, I was so confused. I didn't know what it all meant. So when I fell for you and you didn't appear to want me, I tried to find relationships with other men. All disasters, I admit. Disasters because it wasn't you. No matter what I tried to do, there was no one else but you."
"Ah, Mac – we were so foolish. But I would have rather lived my life with you any way I could than without you at all. And if all that we have done has led us to this moment, then I would do it again. I love you and I want to spend every day and night with you for the rest of my life. I want to weather all the storms with you."
"If you want me I'm here, Harm. You have told me all these years that as long as I'm happy things are fine with you. Well, ya big fool, you are what makes me happy. You are the one I have always loved."
"So, then we are together Mac? You and Me?"
"Yea, Harm," Mac fingers walked down Harm's chest, "you," her fingers moved down farther, "me" and farther, "and the rain and the thunder and the lightening" Harm gasped for air as Mac's hands tightly grasped him. Before she could get too far, Harm gently placed her on her back and as he rose above her, he kissed her every so lovingly. Then they heard the rumble of thunder and the rain start to beat against the windows.
"Looks like the storm will continue through most of the day" Harm whispered in a low, husky voice with his face inches above Mac's face.
"Fine with me. It will take me all day to wrap your hands around your ankles" Mac whispered back to him and then she smiled.
Harm chuckled "Oh, yea, I was supposed to be honorable. I guess that is a promise I can't keep".
'Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain'
(Sounds of rain and thunder) I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get through On the darkest day there's always light and now I see it too But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind All the heaven's rivers come to light I see it all unwind I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane When I hear it I just can't believe I never like the rain
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Liked the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now Just Like The Rain
When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me It's as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn't see That it's always good and when the flood is gone we still remain Guess I've know all along I just belong here with you falling
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now Just like the rain I have fallen for you I'm falling for you now just like the rain
And when the night fall on our better days And we're looking to the sky For the winds to take us high above the plains I know that we'll find better ways to look into the eye of the storms that will be calling Forever we'll be falling
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just Like The Rain... Like The Rain
Part 1
I never liked the rain 'til I walked through it with you
I never liked the rain or these storms, Harm thought, as he waited for Mac to shower and throw on some sweats so she would be more comfortable. He talked her into returning to his apartment after another visit to her doctor. Harm continued to look out the window at the pouring rain recalling Mac's words to him as she explained her chances of conceiving a baby. He didn't quite understand all the medical jargon Mac used and he didn't want to inundate her with questions. He just nodded his head and reassured her. Tonight he just wanted to make sure Mac was alright; that she got through the night. He wanted Mac to get through the night with him. Only with him.
Harm's thoughts then went to blame. He blamed Sadik, the fight between them, the CIA and Webb. Neither he nor Webb were there to protect her. Her nightmares were horrible. Now with Webb dead and Mac facing health problems, how will she ever sleep soundly?
Harm knows he can't blame a dead man, but he could still hate all the reasons that Mac is so miserable. He, first and foremost he still could hate Webb for luring Mac into loving him, for preying on her vulnerability from the trauma they suffered in Paraguay. If Webb was here, Harm just might do what the ocean already did – rid Mac of Webb's existence.
"Harm, could I make a cup of tea" Mac whispered as she came up behind Harm as he stared into the rain.
"Sure, Mac, let me help. Harm moved into the kitchen with her. She was so beautiful even though her eyes showed the strain of the past few weeks. Webb's death and the procedure have left her worn down.
"Sit, Mac, and let me do that" Harm insisted. Mac just glanced at him, giving in, and sitting on his couch. She covered herself with the blanket and hoped the cramps would soon diminish. She was quiet, sullen, but comfortable with Harm as she indulged in his generosity.
Harm promised to always be there. Heck, he has always been there for me, she thought. Not a day goes by that I haven't thought about him, talked to him, spent the day with him or dreamed about him. Why would I think any different now? Why didn't I realize this before? Too many questions, too few answers.
Harm kept a watchful eye on Mac, but drifted off to watch the rain again. He hated these storms even though Mac seemed to like the rain, the thunder, the wind and lightening. She likes the atmosphere surrounding these storms. She definitely sees something I don't.
His memory brings him back to so many things that have happened to him and Mac. Like the rainy night he went off to kill Diane's murderer. Mac tried to stop him and he left her standing in the rain. Luckily she and Bud came to stop him from throwing his career away. Mac was there for him that night. It tore him apart to see her standing soaking wet in the rain. At the dock he kissed her for the first time – yes, he kissed Mac. He was falling for her and didn't even know it yet.
Every thundercloud that came was one more I might not get through
I remember years ago, Mac, Bud and I set out for the USS Coral Sea. A Tomcat vanished in the Bermuda Triangle and we were sent to investigate. We landed in a torrential downpour. I led us through the hatch and I couldn't help notice how soaked we all were. Mac caught my eye. The rain plastered her hair down. So badly I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through her hair as a make shift brush. Instead, Mac reached up and did it herself, pushing her hair straight back and behind her ears. She is so beautiful. The droplets of rain still covered her face until she wiped it away. She smiles as she glances my way. My heart pounds.
On the darkest day there's always light. And now I see it too. But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you.
Then there was Webb's fake death attempt and Palmer's involvement in the case. My stomach is sick thinking that another person could be hurt by him. I was secretly pleased when she announced she wanted to stay the night at my place to "take care of me".
As the woodstove's embers simmered down sometime during the night, it brought a chill to the apartment. I awoke to raindrops falling outside with the rumble of thunder and the flicker of light. The storm rattles my mind and I hear a noise. I peer over my sheets which were tightly wrapped around me and there is Mac standing by the window with the comforter wrapped around her. I called to her. She asks for more heat so I turn the thermostat up.
Gosh, I didn't even put a robe on. I am dressed only in my boxers. I'm not the least bit awkward with Mac. Tonight, though, seems different because I see the tears stream down her face like the water streaming down the window pane next to us. I try to comfort her and I stroke her cheek with my hand. Her skin is so soft and warm. I reassure her that things will turn out all right. She touches my arm and now I know things are different. I love her touch. I turn to go back to bed alone and suddenly being in bed alone just didn't seem right. The rain cast a different atmosphere that night and I couldn't figure out what it was. Was it love, desperation, loneliness?
I hear it falling in the night filling up my mind. All the heaven's rivers come to light, I see it all unwind
My mind wanders to another time. My plane went down in the driving rain. I ejected into the powerful thunder and vivid lightening. I was lost. My God, all I could think of was the need to get to Mac. I had to hang on, but the rain is hurting my face, the waves are pounding my body and the cold penetrates deep down to my bones. I needed to get to her, but it was so cold.
Hours later, I felt Skates yell at me to wake up. I must have survived. The rain was gone. I was warmer. As I lay in the hospital all I could think of was that Mac and Brumby probably were on their honeymoon by now. I was sick with the fear of living my life without Mac. Renee is here, sitting on my bed. I can't figure this out. The doctors say it will take time for my body to heal and my memory to fully return.
Back at home Mac came to see me and she was upset about Brumby. She raced to the airport to stop him. He walked away, back to Australia, knowing dam well that this thing between Mac and I won't go away – marriage or not. When she called me, my heart broke for her. I urged her to come to me. I wanted to hold her and help her. Mac knows why I need her to come to me. Doesn't she? The knock on the door wasn't Mac. It was Renee and her father died. As Renee settled on my couch, I grew anxious thinking Mac was on her way. I wanted to be with Mac, to tell her how much I feared losing her and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I can't get over the kiss on the Admiral's porch. It was more that I ever dreamed of.
I opened the door and whispered to her that Renee's father died and I needed to leave with her for a couple days. She tried to understand, but I could see the devastation in her face. I told her I would call later. She left and it started raining. There's that dam rain again. So depressing, so sad. I'm here with Renee and I should be here with Mac. I hug Renee to calm her down. I looked up over her shoulder and out the window to where Mac's car had been. She is gone and I know I hurt her.
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane. When I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain
The thunder rumbled and woke me from my thoughts, back to reality. Mac was sleeping on the couch and I needed to bring her the tea. It is still raining.
So many years have passed. So much has come between Mac and me. We hurt each other terribly. I don't know why I did and said those things to her in Paraguay. I didn't fight for her so she went to Webb's bed. Everything is so crazy, but I am learning to sort out my feelings because of Mattie. Yes, this fifteen year old girl has taught me more about myself than I thought possible. She is helping me express my feelings. I can say the words love, care, hope, yes and things in my life don't necessarily have to disappear or hurt me. Actually my heart feels good. So now, Mac and I are taking it slow and repairing the damage to our friendship.
"Mac, wake up" I put the teacup down and brushed the hair off her brow. She stirred and opened her eyes. There was a smile on her beautiful face.
"Thanks" as she reached for the cup. "This hits the spot." Mac noticed it was still raining. "I like the rain, it washes everything away and maybe the rainbow will come out after it's over" she closed her hands around the mug and looked bashfully at Harm.
He picked up on her bashfulness and that maybe she was feeling emotionally uncomfortable.
"I will be right here with you no matter what" Harm reminded her as he sat down next to her. "What else can I do?" he asked.
"Just stay with me. Things are so crazy and scary" Mac barely got the words out as she cried. She allowed Harm to hold her. Harm brushed her hair back again and wrapped them both in the blanket as they settled against the pillows. He felt the need to lighten the moment with a quick comment "Wow, Marine, I'm touched and honored that you are soaking my shirt in your mascara!"
"Don't get wise. Just because I'm 'a little' scared doesn't mean I'm not a tough Marine!"
"Yea, Mac, I know that" Harm jeered. They both smiled at each other and Mac turned serious again.
"Harm, what if there is permanent damage preventing me from having our baby?"
"Whoa, Mac, don't get ahead of yourself. We don't know anything yet. One step at a time."
"What happens to our baby deal?"
"Mac, we have waited 5 years and we can wait a little longer. If things don't go our way we can adopt. There are always options and hope as long as we do it together." Harm voice was velvety soft and sensitive so Mac could tell that he meant every word. He still couldn't believe he had the guts to come out with a statement like that now. Now when she hurts the most, Webb is gone and the Admiral is leaving. She has enough on her mind without thinking of adoption.
Mac turned and faced him. His face was so beautiful, loving and caring. How could she have never fought for Harm herself? She has been waiting all these years for him to fight for her when all she had to do was reach out for him - he was there for her all this time.
"I almost thought I wanted a baby with Webb. God, Harm that was a mistake. I think I was acting out from all the trauma Webb and I went through. He understood me and was the only one who wanted me and wanted to listen. I feel so ashamed for having..." Mac sat up and stiffened in Harm's arms "for having slept with him".
That is just what Harm didn't want confirmed even though deep down he knew it was true.
"Harm, yea, I want the baby deal and I want it with you, just like we planned. I am sorry for ever thinking I could have a baby with Webb or a future with Webb. I'm sorry he is gone, but he lied to me over and over. It was so wrong. Yes, I would adopt, I will do anything to be the mother of your child."
Harm wanted to jump up and down with joy but had to refrain for Mac's sake. Later, he thought, at the appropriate time he will celebrate their declarations to each other. Now, he wanted to let her know that he would always be there for support.
"Mac, I wanted to listen to you, but I felt you didn't need me and didn't want me. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. I thought that you needed Webb more than me. I think a whole lot of problems could have been prevented if I just fought harder for you." Harm tried to plead his case without making Mac feel worse. "I want a baby, too and I want us to be more than friends." He reached over for her and she climbed back into the security of his arms.
"I want you to come to me with anything and everything. I am always here for you. Now with this medical problem and the Admiral leaving, we need each other even more. I'm scared right with you, Mac, but we will work it out. We belong together on this, okay?"
"Okay, that is good enough for me. I don't know what I would do without your friendship. It's funny, we're funny, we talk about getting our friendship back to where it's suppose to be and we also talk about having a baby. Not a conventional arrangement, for sure, but it is fine with me"
Harm nodded with a beautiful smile in agreement to what she said. She has never seen his face so loving and sincere. They now have a commitment with each other. When things settle down, he will let her know just how conventional he wants their relationship to be.
"It's getting late; I better leave before the storm gets worse".
Harm glanced out the window. How he hated being alone in these storms. He just didn't like them. During some of the worst moments in his life when the rain came Mac was always there to make him feel better. It must have been love between them even way back then. He never realized it until now.
Part 2
Like the rain I have fallen for you And I know just why, you like the rain, Always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain.....
"Harm, did you hear me, I have to leave" Mac said weakly and rose from the sofa to grab her jacket.
"No way, Mac, I mean it's pouring out and I don't want.... I don't want to be alone. I don't want YOU to be alone tonight. Please stay with me." Harm held his breath waiting for her answer.
"Well", Mac looked at the sofa. "I guess I could sac out here" pointing to the couch.
"Please, Mac, sleep with me in my bed" Harm's whispered tone to Mac was in a voice reserved only for her, soft, warm and full of emotion.
"Harm, I, I don't know if we should..." stuttered Mac, backing up in her steps.
"Just sleep, Mac, just sleep. I want to hold you and comfort you. I will be honorable, trust me" Harm envisioned them in his bed and smiled, but suddenly tears brimmed in his eyes. "Please Mac, I need you"
Mac noticed the change; she noticed the emotional change in him. This is something she has only seen in Russia, in Paraguay and in court with Mattie. She knew he needed her and much as she needed him. Harm wiped his face quickly, just as he did when Roscoe brought him to tears, so Mac would not see his watery eyes.
She had noticed the tears and they touched her soul. Oh, how she needed him, too. They both smiled, shyly, at each other.
"Ok, but one false move, buddy, and your hands will be wrapped around your ankles permanently" Mac said.
"Now, Mac, how is that possible?" he quibbled and they walked into his room, hand and hand. The banter ran on about hands and ankles for about fifteen minutes as they prepared for bed.
Mac used the bathroom then climbed into bed, already dressed in her sweats and t shirt. Harm showered quickly and dressed only in his boxers, followed Mac into the bed. They settled in and Harm was grateful for having newly laundered sheets put on just this morning. Harm put his arm around her so she could rest her head on his chest. Doing this was as natural and comfortable to them, just as comfortable as opposing each other in court.
The last time they lay in bed was in Paraguay. It started out with much needed talk and an almost kiss and ended up separating them not only as potential lovers, but as best friends and partners. They promised themselves this would never happen again.
When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me. It's as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn't see. That it's always good and when the flood is gone we still remain. Guess I've known all along I just belong here with you falling... like the rain.
If the lightening wasn't so intense outside, they would have sworn it came from their bed the moment they touched. Mac was not sleeping on the couch like last time; there was no chill in the air this time and there as no loneliness between them. This felt right. All their words, actions, feelings and the way they touched felt right – finally.
Harm and Mac fell asleep until her stomach started to ache. Harm offered her some Tylenol and they settled back down. Mac couldn't help but notice the storm and the hard rain, thunder and lightening was intensifying.
"Harm, do you like the rain, I mean, storms like these?" she asked taking the pills and water from Harm.
"Maaac" Harm whined as he fixed the sheets, putting Mac's water on the night stand and crawling back into bed next to her, "after being ejected into the Atlantic and treading water for hours, I'm not to keen about it." He awkwardly chuckled. Had she been reading his mind?
Part 3 'And when the night falls on our better days and we're looking to the sky for the wind to take us high above the plains..'
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up that, but think about this.....
"Storms like this at this time of night are filled with passion, love and desire"
"How do you figure, Mac" Harm inquired seriously wanting to hear her explanation. "Go on, I'm listening." Harm said as he rolled in his side, facing Mac who is lying on her back and staring out the window at the rain.
Harm loved how she looked in his navy t-shirt and the pair of marine sweats that she left there so very long ago. With all that has gone on in this past year, he doubted if she would ever wear these again. He kept them in his draw and every night while preparing for bed, Harm would touch them and his heart would ache.
He places his arm gently above her head, lightly running his fingers through her hair.
"So, you both are sleeping and this kind of storm wakes you up in the middle of the night. You can't get back to sleep so instead you watch and listen to the storm. It is scary, but at the same time mysterious, powerful and uncertain." Harm nods and stares from her to the window.
"At times you can't see much, but you can hear everything. You can hear your partner's breathing; you can hear the rain beat against the panes of each and every window in your room. It makes the sound of a million tapping noises before it splashes off to the ground." Mac drew in a breath to continue her story.
"You hear the wind rustle the branches of the trees and it blows the rain, sometimes sideways against the windows. It seems like it could break the glass, but it never does. The blinds move back and forth from the wind, lightly hitting the window frame making a noise every few seconds. Your body is sweaty from the humid heat of the night, but the breeze cools you down." Mac notices Harm is intently staring at her.
She looks into his eyes and continues with her story. "The rain beats on the roof so hard it seems like it could make a dent in the shingles. The pellets of rain bounce off the steamy street before it floods the roads with puddles."
Harm is amazed and Mac's words give him whole new consciousness about the weather outside. Never in his wildest dream did he think this was sensuous in any way. These storms were more problematic and troublesome than romantic and passionate.
Mac hesitated at Harm's expression until he nodded for her to continue.
"Do you hear the thunder, Harm?" Mac whispered to his ear as he looked back out the window. Her voice filled with emotion that he never heard from her before. He thought he knew everything about her, but realized making love and intimately sharing a bed had been the two most precious things they still were distant on.
"Yes" he whispers because he can only whisper. He is so mesmerized by Mac and the storm outside his voice is rendered useless. He is filled with so much love for her it overwhelms his emotions. All the problems that have lead them to this place and time seem insignificant now. There is just him and her and the rain. He pulls himself closer to her.
"Tell me; tell me about the thunder, Mac"
"The thunder rolls right through your soul. It awakens your senses and you reach out to touch the person next to you. It can be so loud and frightening sometimes and then soft and rumbling other times."
"And the lightening" Mac looks back at Harm with a slight smile on her face. "This adds to the desperation of the storm, the desperation of needing each other. You are fully awake now and your senses come alive to the smell of the rain, the sound of the rain and thunder and the crack of lightening."
Harm can't remember how long Mac's sweet story has gone on, but he doesn't want her to stop. He can feel the storm now. He can feel her. They are experiencing this storm together and it will never be the same again.
Mac now is on her side, up on her elbow, forgetting about her pain. She is facing Harm. His arm is looped in the v of her elbow and he brushes his fingers in her hair and draws circles on her neck.
"I swear, Harm, I can see the lightening even when my eyes are closed. It never fails to startle me. I then open my eyes and watch for the next bolt. When it hits, for an instant you can see your lover next to you. Then the room goes dark. Scary, thrilling, passion and desire. How can it be all that at once, Harm?"
Mac looks back at Harm, who is absorbedly staring at her lost for an answer. She strokes his cheek and continues "It awakens you with passion and desire that was locked away so deep inside. Both of you are now aware of how close you may be to each other. One may reach out and that is all it takes. There is no talking. Loving each other is all you can do. It may be as long as the storm or as quick and passionate as a flash flood, but you must have each other and it must be now."
Harm hears the loud clap of thunder and seconds later Mac's face glows with the flash of lightening. He draws his face near hers. His mouth is now near her soft cheek.
Harm's swim in the Atlantic cured any sense of romance in the rain. Tonight that all has changed. He thought back again to those times of him and Mac during rainstorms, whether they were drenched by a storm or watched a storm from his apartment. He never knew she felt this way. He never knew it could actually be this intense.
"Mac, I never thought about it that way" Harm acknowledged and now wondered if she experienced this with Webb or Mic or Dalton. A pang of jealously raged through him, but he kept it to himself.
"I never knew either until the last few months. Actually after Paraguay I woke to a raging storm and felt this way, Webb was there but I felt empty. I knew it wasn't love then, but I wanted to be so bad. I wanted someone to love me so much. And to this day I always dream about it and just watch the storms go by feeling empty." Mac now had a tear rolling down her cheek right onto Harm's face. "I told him once that 'he didn't have what it takes to make me happy' and he didn't. I realized it too late."
He turned her face towards his, forehead to forehead and wiped away the tear. "Mac, never again will you be without a soul mate. Never again will you feel empty or spend another stormy night alone. I am right here." Harm's voice floats to her ears.
They heard the crack of thunder and watched the bolt of lightening brighten their room for an instant. They heard the wind drive the rain sideways onto the walls of the apartment, they heard the blinds blow back and forth allowing cooler air to wash over their bodies and they saw the streams of water pour off the panes of glass in the windows. They touched each other, they became soul mates. They like the rain after all..
'I know that you'll find better ways to look into the eye of the storms that will be calling, forever we'll be falling like the rain.'
Part 4
'I have fallen for you and I know just why - you like the rain. Always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain..................'
Into the night they loved each other. Touching, feeling each other all through the storm. It was a storm that last hours into the night. The breeze cooled their bodies and the flashes of lightening showed them the way.
They rested for a while and awoke the next day still holding each other.
"Mac, are you ok with this? I wanted and dreamed about this night for so long"
"You have?" Mac questioned. Harm tensed and rolled over to see her face.
"God, Mac, yes. Why wouldn't you know how much this means to me? Couldn't you tell?"
"Yes, I could tell in your touch, you were so gentle and loving, I just didn't realize you felt that way."
"Mac, I knew I felt something while we were lost in the woods with those hillbillies. I just couldn't define it. You captured my heart. And then when I came to your room and gave you the letters to Mrs. Holst. I knew I hurt you in the gym and I had to apologize and make things right. I had to let you know that I cared and understood. From then on things started happening, you defended me and I felt your strength, you were being stalked and I fought desperately to save you. I remember you at Bud and Harriert's wedding. I looked across the alter and you were so beautiful. Way back then Mac, I was falling for you and I didn't know what to do. I guess all these years I just couldn't either admit it or when I did admit to myself that I loved you with all my heart I just went ahead and made a mess of things in the process."
"Harm, I always knew you cared, but I never thought you loved me. I mean, I thought you were just flirting way back then and when you turned me down in Australia and then kissed me on the Admiral's porch, well, I was so confused. I didn't know what it all meant. So when I fell for you and you didn't appear to want me, I tried to find relationships with other men. All disasters, I admit. Disasters because it wasn't you. No matter what I tried to do, there was no one else but you."
"Ah, Mac – we were so foolish. But I would have rather lived my life with you any way I could than without you at all. And if all that we have done has led us to this moment, then I would do it again. I love you and I want to spend every day and night with you for the rest of my life. I want to weather all the storms with you."
"If you want me I'm here, Harm. You have told me all these years that as long as I'm happy things are fine with you. Well, ya big fool, you are what makes me happy. You are the one I have always loved."
"So, then we are together Mac? You and Me?"
"Yea, Harm," Mac fingers walked down Harm's chest, "you," her fingers moved down farther, "me" and farther, "and the rain and the thunder and the lightening" Harm gasped for air as Mac's hands tightly grasped him. Before she could get too far, Harm gently placed her on her back and as he rose above her, he kissed her every so lovingly. Then they heard the rumble of thunder and the rain start to beat against the windows.
"Looks like the storm will continue through most of the day" Harm whispered in a low, husky voice with his face inches above Mac's face.
"Fine with me. It will take me all day to wrap your hands around your ankles" Mac whispered back to him and then she smiled.
Harm chuckled "Oh, yea, I was supposed to be honorable. I guess that is a promise I can't keep".
'Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just like the rain'