The tall, thin figure twisted and turned in discomfort as it slowly sank in that these were not familiar surroundings he was waking up in. With every second that passed, he became more and more certain that this was not the shabby underground apartment which he still chose to live in for some reason even though he had for a long time possessed a great deal of money and thus been able to afford something far more luxurious. The question of why he was apparently no longer where he remembered going to sleep nagged at him as he took stock of his condition. He had a splitting headache, some sort of restraints were preventing him from moving his arms and legs, something around his neck was tight and uncomfortable, it was far too dark to see where he was, the hard surface beneath him felt extremely cold and sent an unpleasant chill through him, and his grey and white fur felt matted and dirty.
"I knew I should've taken that right turn at Albuquerque," the cartoon rabbit known as Bugs Bunny moaned as he wiggled his long ears experimentally. As soon as he had, a bright light abruptly turned itself on and momentarily blinded him. Bugs looked around when his eyes had gotten used to the unpleasant glare. The small, dingy room he found himself in was filled with crates marked "Acme" and what looked like scientific equipment of some kind. It appeared that Bugs was strapped down to some sort of table several feet above the ground. The only door to the room slowly opened a moment later. A short cartoon crocodile in dark blue overalls strode in briskly.
"Ehh," Bugs asked jovially,"What's up, doc?"
"Yeah," the crocodile said softly with a faint southern accent,"yeah, ah figured you'd greet me with that oh so charming idiotic catchphrase of yours but, now that I actually am hearing it, ah realize that ah was unprepared for how dang annoying that actually is."
"Uh huh," Bugs said sarcastically,"I'm just ever so sorry about that, mac. So, anyway, who in blue blazes are you?"
"Oh," the crocodile sneered,"yeah. The name Chris, Chris Croc. You can call me Christopher. Or master. Heh heh." Bugs rolled his eyes in disgust. Chris pretended not to notice.
"Ah figured," Chris continued,"that you wouldn't be able to recall who ah am. After all, why should you? Nobody else does. We only did three cartoons together and no copies of them even exist any more. Y'all're the one everyone remembers. Y'all're the big superstar. And do you deserve it??? Of course not!!! You smug son of a bitch!!! Arrogant bastards like you make me sick!!!"
"Easy mac," Bugs said in what was meant to be a soothing voice,"easy. Why don't ya just release me so I can be on my merry way and we can forget that this whole sordid little mess ever happened?"
"Ohhh," Chris assured him," ah won't be doing that."
"Sure you will," Bugs said with a smile.
"No," Chris said firmly,"I won't."
"Will," said Bugs.
"Won't," said Chris.
"Will," said Bugs.
"Won't," said Chris.
"Won't," said Bugs.
"That's right," Chris agreed with a smile,"I won't. Y'all will find that all those stupid little tricks like that won't work on me. Also, that collar I put on you has a device in it that's rigged to explode if you do ever try and leave here." Chris turned around and began working with some of the scientific gadgetry on a nearby table.
"Say," Bugs asked with genuine curiosity,"how'd a washed-up toon like yourself afford all this junk?"
"Simple," Chris said without looking up from what he was doing,"Ah've been using the account with the acme corporation belonging to Wile E. Coyote. That's right, Wile E. Coyote. Another decent soul you ruined!! He was a good man once!!! He was a genius!!! And you ground his mind into dust just to feed your damn ego!!" Chris was almost shouting by the time he finished talking.
"You won't get away with this," Bugs said with a hint of nervousness creeping into his voice,"I'm a big star. People'll notice if I go missing."
"Oh, please," Chris said sarcastically,"These days you just live off all the billions you already have and the royalty checks that keep coming in. The only work you do any more is the occasional commercial for vitamins or something like that. Ah think that the robot that ah've built with this here acme robot duplicate kit I've ordered will be able to handle all that." Chris patted a crate next to the table where he was working marked "Acme robot duplicate kit" as he said this.
"Yeah," Chris added,"and, unlike poor Wile E., my mind is still all there so ah don't have any problem getting all these acme gadgets to work just fine."
"But," Bugs said desperately,"You won't be able to kill me!!! Us toons can't die, remember???"
"Oh," Chris said with a smile that displayed all his razor-sharp teeth and terrified Bugs Bunny as nothing had before,"ah have no intention of killing you." In his hand, Chris held the device he had been building. It had three blades at the end of it that spun when Chris pulled the trigger mechanism attached to the gun. Chris took a few steps closer to Bugs.
"No," Chris continued,"ah just plan on having a little fun with you. Yeah, and when that gets boring, ah'll give you the worst punishment that anyone could give an arrogant jerk like yourself. Ah am going to just leave you down here all by yourself attached to this here table. Like you said, you won't die. No one will ever be paying you any attention ever again, though." At that point, Bugs Bunny found himself without anything to say for the first time in his long life.