"Granger! Your orange monstrosity is in my face again, and I don't mean the Weasel!"
"Really, Malfoy?" She raised a dubious eyebrow at what obnoxiousness would escape his mouth next.
"At least, I don't think it is. While it is hideously ugly and Its breath is atrocious, it isn't chewing on anything, or bellowing. I don't see any freckles, and it has moments of usefulness. Therefore, not a Weasley."
Sighing, Draco Malfoy's girlfriend of two years crossed over to the couch where he sat, leaning as far back from Crookshanks as possible. Hermione's much-loved and equally-maligned half-Kneazle perched in Malfoy's lap, front paws on the young man's shoulders, sniffing around the blonde's mouth. "Honestly, woman - get this thing off of me! What in Hades' name is wrong with it?"
She leaned closer, and took a careful sniff. "Draco? What did you have for lunch?"
"I grabbed some tuna out of the cupboard. Bloody strange label on it. Why would Muggles put a picture of a cat on a can of tuna fish?"
Draco's love spared him no sympathy. In fact, she was laughing so hard, she fell off the couch. Serves her right, the wench..."Well no wonder he's curious. I'd venture to say he's even somewhat offended. You ate HIS lunch, you numpty! Come along, Crooks. Mummy's sorry. We'll get you your own tuna."
The cat hopped off his lap and followed Hermione into the kitchen, telling his tale of woe in low, mournful meows. He shot Malfoy a reproachful over-the-shoulder glance as he left the room, bottlebrush tail swishing in a way that oddly reminded Draco of Severus and his billowing cape.
A few minutes later, Hermione returned and curled up next to him on the couch. "I didn't understand something. While enumerating the reasons Crooks couldn't be a Weasley, you said he was useful. What, in your eyes, is my cat good for? You complain about his noises, his smell, and his shedding. So what could possibly please you?"
Leaning closer, he looked deeply into her eyes, "The smile you get every time you look at that hideous beast is enough to make me glad he's around."
"Funny, Harry said something similar about you just the other day." Draco rolled his eyes, leaned in to steal a kiss, and made absodamnlutely sure his smart-arse girlfriend got a good whiff of cat food.
Unsurprisingly, the cupboards were reorganized and clearly labeled by the end of the day, and they all lived happily ever after. Especially Crookshanks, who never had to worry about that yellow-haired wanker stealing his lunch again.