Like I said, I HAD to fix it or else it would've driven me crazy ha. If you've read it before, re-read and I'm sure you'll like it better. If it's your first time reading this then I hope you enjoy.
The bullets came. No one knew what was going on until it all stopped,and for that split second there was silence. After that brief moment in time it all came vividly fast like something out of a movie. That's when I looked down to find myself covered in dark warm liquid. The sight sent chills all over my body. I screamed. I screamed until someone picked me up to my feet, took her, and laid her on the stretcher. I followed.
"You have to stay here"
I didn't know who told me that, and I didn't care. I wasn't listening. I only cared about her. And after a bit of this guy trying to get me to go away, he let me into the EMT truck. Now I had been breathing hard the whole time and I looking terribly in shock. I think I was more afraid than she was. Not once did she take her eyes off of me. She just kept smiling as if everything was fine. As if nothing happened and she made it seem like things were ok...like they were when we were first together. That was so long ago. And those past weeks were so complicated but throughout them, and especially at that moment, I kept thinking back to then. And it kept reminding me that I'd never love anyone I love her. Unfortunately my thoughts were stripped away when the different sounds of monitors started going off.
"We're losing her! Drive faster!"
She was still smiling. I knew,as did she, that this was the end. I was holding back the tears that wanted to fall from my eyes and I couldn't stop the pain coming from my heart. It felt like it was bursting into flames. So to ignore all of it, I took her soft hand into mine.
"I love you" she said, tears were streaming down her face.
"I love you too" I wanted to be strong but I couldn't, the tears fell.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. I'm always going to love you no matter what, ok?"
She nodded. I hated that that was the only thing I could say to make her feel better. We were almost to the hospital but we both figured even if we made it there, nothing could help. We held eachothers hands and I leaned down for one last kiss. It was soft and loving; and it tore me inside to know that it would be the last. As soon as I pulled away the heart monitor started going off at sonic speed.
"I love you...and I'll miss you" her voice was so soft but I could still hear her.
"I love you too Ash...don't worry..." the tears were blocking my words, "we'll see eachother soon."
She nodded. "I'm so sorry Spencer. I never wanted..you to think I'd...have to choose. You're...my everything."
"Don't be sorry. I love you."
She nodded again, "I lov..."
Her voice stopped...her eyes closed...and she was gone.
A MONTH AND A HALF LATER
Things haven't gotten better. People said they would, but they haven't. I miss Ashley so much. I went to the funeral with Kyla and it was so hard to be there the whole time without breaking down but I knew Ashley wouldn't want me to be so hurt. So I've sucked it up throughout these past weeks and all the while I've wanted to be so mad at her. I've wanted to hate her for the whole Aiden thingeven though she told me she wouldn't actually have to choose. But it still all sucked, and then the shooting was just icing on this huge cake from Hell. She left me. Not by choice I know, but either way, I lost her. That night when I finally got home I was so horrible. All I could feel was anger. Of course I loved-..love her, but I think I just needed a feeling other than grief. For the first week, aside from the funeral, I was furious with her, especially Aiden, and everyone else I talked to. I had felt abandoned by the person who meant the world to me...
I never, said
I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try
I was depressed and no one could cheer me up. I layed in my room all the time. Dad would tell me to go out and get fresh air. Just to please him I would leave and tell him I went to the movies or out somewhere but he didn't know that all I did was go to Ashley's and lay in her room until I decided I was "out" for long enough, then I'd come home. I'd tell him that me and Kyla hung out and she knew what I was really doing but she never told him; and I was greatful for that. One day Aiden showed up at my house.
"What are you doing here?" My words were soaked with venom.
"Uh...I came by to tell you that I'm sorry." He looked so sad but I didn't care. I still blamed him for everything.
"Ok."
I started to shut the door but he stopped it and asked if we could talk. I looked at him and I knew he saw the pain and hate in my eyes. He didn't say anything else and went back to his car to leave. That was the last time he came near my house. Him showing up sent me over the edge...
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever
But that was six weeks ago. I figured out in that time that I was being stupid. I knew Ash loved me and I knew she never wanted to hurt me. That was just a point that I was grieving, I guess. I still am now, but I'm trying to get back to my normal self. I know that will never totally happen, but I want things to go back to normal as best as they can. I get these eerie feelings and nightmares that terrify and make me remember that night. And every now and then I kind of feel like she's in the room with me...
Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
Seeing visions of her everywhere is what messes me up the most, At the park, the mall, when I'm driving is the worst though. I've almost gotten into a few wrecks because I could've sworn I saw Ashley on the side of the road looking at me; or in the car passing me by. I'd stared in awe for a bit and then she'd dissapear and then I'd realize I was about get hit or hit something. All of this really gets to me. It's not just the fact that I'm seeing things and I think I'm going crazy, but it's the fact that she's not really there I can't talk to her, ever...
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
I pray alot more now and I've been going to church every Sunday. Kyla and Chelsea started going with me and sometimes I think it really helps, like today. Today feels good and actually I'm meeting them at the movies now. I-oh no. I see her. She looks and smiles at me. I smile back and for a split second I'm completely happy again. But this split second is longer than what it usually feels like; because she's still there. What is she mouthing? Wait, why is she mouthing? That never happens. I stare and can't tell what she's trying to say.
"He's doing you a favor...you're done suffering."
It's so strange that I can now seem to hear what she's saying but I don't understand. Not until I hear the loudest sound go off in my ears. I can feel the car being smooshed into tiny peices. And now I know/
If I fall
If I fall down
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
The light is so bright and it's incredibly soothing. That's when I open my eyes to find her smiling at me. And all I can do is smile back...
I couldn't not give you guys a happy ending...that's probably because I hate sad endings so be happy review...I don't care if you loved it or hated it...just let me know what you thought