Disclaimer- Not mine, don't sue. You wouldn't get anything, other than a gay dog and his life partner who is a cat, anyway.
"Get twenty percent whiter teeth in just a week-" Click. "Before I started using proactive-" Click. "And the Lord said-" Click, click, click. "Ever since the shooting, it's been bad-" "Ugh, whiny emo bitch," the girl, with the remote in her hand, grunted and gave up on finding anything entertaining to watch. She flipped the television over to MTV just in time to catch a news break.
Why must late night television be so unkind to the insomniac, Colby thought to herself as a story about Britney going back to rehab wrapped up.
Her attention perked up when a picture of her girlfriend popped up onscreen. What the shit? Colby looked down at the sleeping girl curled around her hips with her head resting in Colby's lap, trying to figure out why the hell she was making appearance on an entertainment news program.
"Baby, wake up," Colby nudged her girlfriend's head. Hard. "You're on tv."
"Oh shit, they're playing my episode of Cops, again?" Misty groaned, still half asleep. At first, it'd been pretty cool until she realized that the entire nation was going to see her making a drunken ass of herself at McDonalds because they'd run out of Tweety Bird watches to go with her Happy Meal. She'd started trashing the joint, refusing to accept the Daffy Duck watch that they were trying to foist off on her, and ended up pouring a strawberry thickshake over the head of a very disgruntled police officer. Personally, she blamed Colby for not being around to stop her. Apparently going to her aunt's funeral was more important than hanging out with her girlfriend and keeping her from doing ridiculously stupid things.
"No, look."
Misty huffed and opened her eyes, focusing on the television where some blonde twat from MTV was blathering on about some dead rockstar's daughters. "That's not me, shithead."
"Really? You can't see the resemblance?" Colby rolled her eyes. "How come you didn't tell me you inherited twenty five million dollars?"
"Uh, cause I didn't." Misty pushed herself up into a sitting position, wondering if the 'shrooms they'd done in the afternoon were having an adverse effect on the younger girl. "Do you really think that we'd still be living in this shithole with your sister, if I had twenty five million fucking dollars?"
Speaking of Daisy, Misty could hear her downstairs making an awful lot of noise in the kitchen. She and Tyler must've been fighting again. Probably about fucking Louanne. As always. Misty wished that they'd just fuck and get it over with.
"But, I just saw-" She stopped short, a thought suddenly occurring to her. "Oh! It must've been Twin of Thundercat. What was her name again?"
"Ashley. She was nice." She had even let them sleep in her bed after a long night of fighting zombies. They saved the world and didn't even get any credit for it. After they'd pulled that little emo freak, Blake, out of his 'protective' circle, the spell was broken. The zombies that had risen from their graves returned to the ground. The zombies that had been turned via infected blood reverted back to their living, breathing status. Unless, they got killed while in zombie form, like Aiden, then they just stayed dead. Oops. The official cover up story was that some pranksters had spiked the water supply with LSD, causing mass hallucinations and although there were some skeptics, most of the general population accepted it.
"I think that we should pay Ashley a visit."
-
"So explain to me again why we can't go out tonight?"
"Because it's Halloween. Glen's out partying, Mom's at work until 8, Dad's away and Clay's locked himself in his room again. I need to be here to hand out the candy to the trick or treaters," Spencer explained, fussing over the bucket of candy next to the door. She'd chosen to wear her old cheerleading uniform from Ohio, a costume Ashley heartily approved of.
Ashley, herself, hadn't bothered to get dressed up. She didn't understand how holidays, like Halloween and Easter and Christmas, worked and so she simply pretended that they didn't exist. She had never even been trick or treating as a child because, as she loved to remind people, she had bad parents that didn't give a shit about her. "I didn't think your family would get so into Halloween."
"We're not really. We do the bare minimum to keep the house from getting egged."
"Oh." Ashley had never had that experience, growing up in a mansion with high fences and an impenetrable gate. "So why isn't your dad here?"
"He has some kind of conference in San Francisco. He's going to be gone all weekend." Spencer slapped Ashley's hand away when she tried to poach from the candy bowl. Ashley pouted and Spencer, unable to resist, handed her a miniature Mr. Goodbar.
Ashley popped the chocolate into her mouth and proceeded to speak while chewing. "Watch out Spence, he might come home with a new addition to the family."
Spencer frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Ashley moved to the window and pushed the curtains aside to peek out on to the front lawn, secretly wishing for someone to approach. She cheered internally as three short shadowy figures were making their way up to the house. "Incoming."
Spencer opened the door to find Harry Potter, a ghost and a tiny toddler dressed like a pumpkin on the doorstep. "Oh, they're so cute! Ashley, look how cute they are!"
Ashley smiled, even she had to admit that the children, none of them above the age of six, we're pretty adorable. Especially the little pumpkin, who's grin showed off her the few teeth she had. "Twick or Tweet." Awww. A man, Ashley assumed to be the kid's father, watched on proudly from the shadows. At least she hoped it was their father, otherwise the Carlin's had some creepy perverts for neighbours.
"I can't wait till we have kids," Spencer sighed wistfully and Ashley's smile dropped.
Spencer continued to fawn over the children, filling their bags with much more candy than was necessary, completely oblivious to Ashley being on the verge of hyperventilating behind her. Kids? They couldn't have kids! If they had kids, they'd steal all of Spencer's attention away from her and then they'd never have sex again!
-
Ashley was bored. Spencer was busy cooing over more ridiculously costumed children (What kind of parent wraps their child head to toe in toilet paper and then let's them wander the streets unsupervised? Really now) and most definitely not paying attention to her. In fact, the only time Spencer had even talked to her in the last fifteen minutes was when Ashley, dying of hunger, had made a desperate attempt to get her hands on one of the few king-sized NutterButter's remaining in Spencer's big bowl of candy. Spencer had smacked her across the back of the head and sent her to go and sit in the corner. That sealed it. They we're never, ever having children they got all the good stuff and what was Ashley left with? Nothing.
"Ugh, why do you have so many Kelly Clarkson songs on your iPod?" Ashley said, skipping the third version of Beautiful Disaster she had come across in the last fifteen minutes. She knew that the blonde girl was a fan but this was ridiculous. Spencer closed the door on a werewolf and Frankenstein and walked into the living room to find the brunette sprawled across her family's couch.
"What? I like her." Spencer knew that her love for the American Idol was a cause of much dismay to her music elitist girlfriend. Ashley was constantly trying to introduce her to music that she deemed acceptable.
Ashley narrowed her eyes at Spencer and sprung up from the couch. "You think she's hot!"
Three months ago, Spencer would've denied this, excessively, so as not to upset Ashley. "Yeah. I do." Now? Not so much.
Ashley snorted, covering the bruise to her ego with sarcasm. "You would."
"Too bad she's straight." Ashley burst out laughing. "Whaaat?"
"Oh Spence, you so need to reboot your gaydar," the brunette sighed, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Spencer asked, as confused as always when it came to these matters.
"I mean, you've got the faultiest gaydar this side of West Hollywood."
"Do not!"
"Do too! Need I remind you of the Kelly debacle?" Ashley giggled. "Or what about that time that you mistook that couple for a mother and daughter and made that comment about how nice it was they were so close." Remembering the look on Spencer's face when they'd kissed was enough to send Ashley into complete hysterics.
The doorbell rang and Spencer glared at her girlfriend, who was howling with laughter, and pouted. "Okay, okay, I'm a bad lesbian, I get it! Now shut up, you'll scare the kids."
Spencer wrenched the door open and were faced with two kids who certainly not scared that easily. "Trick or Treat!" Colby and Misty chirped in unison.
"Oh God," Spencer groaned, what was it now? Ghosts, vampires, aliens? Probably vampires, she thought, I hope Aiden comes back again so this time I can kill him myself. Spencer smiled happily at the thought of driving a wooden stake through the former jock's vampiric heart.
Misty appraised Spencer's costume and grinned. "'Sup, Claire Bennett?"
Spencer Carlin was not amused. "What are you two doing here?"
"We were bored and reminiscing about that time that we saved the world from zombies and thought it might be fun to come and visit."
"You didn't have anything better to do? I thought that tonight would be a free for all, for you criminal types."
"Surprisingly no," Misty said, pushing her way into the house.
"Yeah, all these people out walking the streets kinda puts a dampener on things," Colby explained further, following Misty inside the home. "Too many witnesses."
"Felons stay in on Halloween, much like vampires," Misty added.
"It knew it was vampires!" Spencer cried triumphantly. But one look at the other girls baffled faces told her that she was horribly mistaken and had just made a total fool of herself. "I mean…" She desperately racked her brain for an excuse and came up empty. "Nevermind."
Misty narrowed her eyes at Ashley who was still reclined on the couch. "Where's your costume?"
"Uh-"
"It's Halloween, you're supposed to have a costume."
"You guys aren't dressed up," Ashley pointed out, feeling defensive.
"Yes, we are," Colby and Misty replied in unison.
"Oh really." Ashley struggled into a sitting position. "And what are you supposed to be?"
"Serial killers," Colby explained blankly. "They look just like everyone else. That's what makes them so scary."
Ashley gulped and felt something hard poking her in the ass. Feeling a sudden flash of inspiration, she pulled the object out of her back pocket. "Yeah, well, I'm dressed up as an undercover cop...who also look like everybody else. See?" She held the handcuffs up for all to see.
"Ash, why do you have handcuffs?" Spencer piped up, utterly confused.
Ashley shrugged. "I thought that since we pretty much have the house to ourselves, we could…"
"You were going to try bondage," Misty concluded. "Good for you guys, we've only tried it once ourselves and didn't really have the greatest experience, probably because we were being held hostage by a psychopath at the time-"
"You were held hostage?" Spencer's mind boggled.
"Yeah, it was this whole big thing. Louanne, you remember Louanne, right?"
"Who could we forget?" Ashley muttered.
"Yeah, so Louanne stole a million bucks from Greg, who's sister was the leader of the Shady Dragons," Colby went about explaining the story to an enraptured Spencer, who was fascinated to hear about the exciting and dangerous life lived by their counterparts. It made her life, in which the most dramatic event was merely a drive-by shooting, look positively boring.
Ashley shrugged, quickly becoming bored with a conversation that had nothing to do with her. She wandered into the kitchen to get herself a Pepsi.
-
"So this crazy bitch had us tied up in some freezing basement," Misty continued the story. "And she didn't even bother to lock the door. Do you know how insulting that was?"
"Anyway," Colby butted in. "I had just apologized for having sex with-"
Spencer's 'Ashley sense' kicked in, as it did whenever the older girl was hurt or upset or annoyed, which, admittedly, was most of the time. She excused herself and trailed off into the kitchen to find her missing girlfriend.
"You mean, for cheating on me," Misty huffed, completely ignoring Spencer's departure.
"How many times do I have to say it? I did not cheat on you. You broke up with me!"
-
"Ash, are you okay?" Spencer entered the kitchen to find Ashley sucking on her finger and glaring at her soda can.
"It bit me." She pulled the finger out of her mouth and showed Spencer the still bleeding wound.
"Ouch," Spencer muttered sympathetically. "Come on, I'll clean it up for you."
Spencer had gotten Ashley up into the bathroom and washed out the rather nasty cut. Now all she needed to do was disinfect the wound, easier said than done.
"We must've run out," Spencer informed Ashley, closing the bathroom's medical cabinet.
"Your mom's a doctor and you've run out of antiseptic?"
"I'll go and see if Clay knows where any is, just stay here." Spencer didn't want her dripping her bisexual blood all over the house, Paula would kill her.
Spencer opened the door to her brother's room without knocking to find Clay, dancing around shirtless and about to sacrifice what appeared to be a frozen chicken. So that's where last night's dinner went. Spencer didn't think much of it, ever since he'd been fatally shot and then rose from the dead a few days later, her adopted brother had just not been the same. However, his little ritual didn't look like something that she should be interrupting so she silently backed out of the room.
"Did you find any?" Ashley asked when Spencer returned to the bathroom. Spencer shook her head, smiling fondly at the adorable picture her girlfriend made, sitting on the sink, pouting, and swinging her feet. "Spencer! I could die! I could get an infection and die! Do you know how serious this is?" she whined, shoving her bleeding finger in Spencer's face. "Look at this!"
Spencer took the finger in her grasp and quickly covered the wound with a Scooby Doo band aid, kissing it when she was done. "You'll be fine. It's just a little cut."
"A little cut?" Ashley gasped in true drama queen fashion. "I practically cut off the top of my finger!"
Spencer tilted her head and smirked. "If you really think it's that bad then I'll get my mom to take a look at it when she gets home."
Ashley went pale. "No! No, I'm good. It doesn't even hurt anymore. See?" In a highly ill advised move, she smacked her injured finger against the sink and flinched. "Ow." Pouting, she held it up to Spencer. "Kiss it better?"
-
Meanwhile, downstairs, Misty and Colby were taking the time to explore.
"Who are these people, the Brady Bunch?" Colby remarked, examining the overabundance of family pictures that were strategically placed around the Carlin's living room.
"Hey, did you know that Marcia was gay? I read about it in the National Enquirer."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, she fucked Jan or something."
"Huh," Colby remarked, joining Misty in the kitchen. "And I thought Alice was the queer one."
"Nah, she just lived in the fridge," Misty said, picking through the contents of the refrigerator. She pocketed some cheese slices for later consumption. They should go nicely with the jar of pickles she'd procured from the pantry. Just as she was contemplating whether or not she'd be able to get away with hiding a gallon of milk under her jacket, she heard an unfamiliar voice from the dining room.
"Spencer, what have you done to your hair?"
Colby spun around, coming face to face with who she concluded to be Spencer's mother. Now this could be fun. She sighed heavily, trying her best to look guilty. "I-I'm sorry, mom. But I can't lie to you anymore...I've joined a cult."
"You what?" Paula's grasp on her shopping bags faltered as her worst nightmare came true. Her daughter had joined a lesbian cult!
"Yep, it's true. I love girls…and Satan!" Colby shrugged and exhaled as though the weight of the world had just been lifted from her shoulders. "Wow. It feels so good to get that out, I've been carrying it around for so long. So, can I paint a pentagram on my floor, now? I can't properly devil worship without one."
Paula sputtered incoherently, appearing to be on the verge of having a stroke, and started crossing herself frantically. Misty, who'd been observing silently, took this as her cue to join in on the fun. She sauntered across the room and cozied up to Colby. "It's true. It's so hard to channel the dark energy of our love making."
"Oh, Ashley," Colby could barely control her giggles. "I love you so much for opening my eyes to the true Lord."
"It's my pleasure, baby." Misty licked the length of Colby's neck, while observing Paula's condition. The blonde looked just about ready to snap and commit a double homicide. Time to go. "Oh, look at the time. We really have to go, Mrs. C." She took Colby by the hand and started dragging her towards the back door. "We have Spencer's initiation orgy to get to."
The door closing behind them, did nothing to smother the enraged scream coming from inside.
-
The same scream could be heard inside the bathroom where, having noticed that Ashley's hair had gotten all mussed up in all the excitement, Spencer had taken it upon herself to fix it.
"What was that?" Spencer asked, setting down the hairbrush. She and Ashley exchanged looks and silently agreed to check it out together.
They descended the stairs to find Paula, standing in the middle of the dining room, appearing to be having some sort of fit. She was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Mom?" Spencer asked cautiously, getting her mother's attention.
"You!" Paula roared, pointing at Ashley, her entire body shaking with rage.
"Me?" Ashley repeated meekly, subtly moving behind Spencer for protection.
"You evil little heathen!"
"What's a heathen?" Ashley whispered to Spencer. She'd been called a lot of things before (bitch, whore, slut, white trash clownfucker - don't ask, dyke.) but never a heathen.
Paula ripped the obnoxiously large wooden crucifix from the wall and began advancing on the pair, mumbling something about the power of Christ and exorcising demons.
"Uh, Spence, I think your mom's gone crazy."
"You think?"
"Do you think that we were too harsh?" Misty asked Colby, as they watched through the window as Paula chased Ashley around the house, trying to bludgeon her with the crucifix. Colby was too busy laughing to reply. This was funnier than the time Misty had accidentally set herself and Tyler on fire.
"I didn't touch her! She was just brushing my hair, I swear!" Ashley yelled, completing her second lap around the dining table and running into the living room, Paula hot on her heels. She heard the swoosh over the top of her head as Paula took another swipe with the cross.
"I know what that really means!"
"No, mom, I really don't think you do." Spencer came running back down the stairs, having run up to appeal to Clay for help the second her mother had started trying to kill her girlfriend. However, he had been too involved with his voodoo ritual to be any use, so she was left to fend for herself.
"Save me, Jeebus!" shrieked Ashley, cornered by Paula in the foyer, she'd resorted to fending the older woman off with an umbrella. "I mean, Jesus. Help!"
Darting into the living room, Spencer inserted the DVD, she'd grabbed from her own personal collection that she had hidden under her bed, into the player and turned on the television. Quickly skipping to the scene she wanted, she stepped back and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. "Mom, look! Girls having sex with each other!"
Paula's head whipped around and she froze, the momentary distraction allowed Spencer and Ashley slip out the front door unnoticed. That Spencer is one smart cookie.
-
There was a crash and the sound of glass breaking, a result of Paula's frenzied attack on the television displaying the, surprisingly hardcore, pornography involving three girls and a donkey. Spencer let her head fall back against the door. "What'd you do this time, Ash?"
"Nothing! I was with you the whole time, how could I...Wait, where'd Bevis and Butthead go?"
Spencer's head whipped around, she couldn't believe that she had forgotten about them in all the excitement. Spotting the pair rolling on the lawn at the side of the house, laughing their asses off. Spencer pushed herself off the door and stormed over to them. "What did you two do?"
"Uh-oh." Misty and Colby picked themselves up and turned to face an angry Spencer and a traumatized Ashley.
"Would you believe us if we said that we didn't do anything?" Misty asked hopefully.
"No."
"Shit."
"My mother's inside having a complete nervous breakdown and that's all you have to say?"
"We're sorry?" Colby offered unsurely. Spencer glared at her. "Look, I'm sure that she's only having a minor psychotic break, she'll be fine in the morning."
"Oh, that's reassuring," snarled Spencer, leaving Misty and Colby to wonder where the blonde's new attitude had come from. "Now, what did you tell her?"
"Um," Misty began, toeing the ground nervously. "We may have implied that you had joined a Satan worshipping, lesbian cult."
A strangled noise came from Spencer and her left eye started twitching. Recognizing the signs of an impending rage blackout, Ashley stepped in. "You guys should probably run."
Having seen a preview of what an angry Spencer was like, in Paula, Misty and Colby agreed and skedaddled. They got as far as the pavement where they collided with a tweed clad man putting on a very poor British accent.
"Oi!" He yelled, picking himself up and adjusting his wire-rimmed glasses. "I do believe you owe me an apology."
"Fuck off, Giles," Colby growled, helping Misty up off the ground.
"Excuse me," the man gasped, utterly offended. "Is that anyway to speak to someone you've just knocked arse over teakettle?"
"Arse over teakettle," repeated Misty, sniggering to herself at how stupid it sounded. "Who talks like that?"
"I'd thank you to refrain from mocking me."
Colby narrowed her eyes at him. "And I'd thank you to stop pretending you're English, you fuckwit."
The man scoffed indignantly. "I'll have you know-"
"Mr. Stark, is that you?" Spencer asked as she approached, Ashley trailing along behind her. Seeing the comical sight of their twins totally crashing out, adverting the rage blackout for now.
"Ah." Stark froze, totally caught out. "Yes. Nice seeing you, young Spencer. I must be off." Mr. Stark power-walked away, leaving four very confused females in his wake.
"What the fuck was that?" Misty asked, totally baffled by the encounter.
"Hey Spence, isn't he the guy you told me about? The one with imaginary friends?" Ashley made a face. "What a freak."
Spencer, while ecstatic that she now had proof that Ashley actually listened to her when she spoke, couldn't help but defend the hapless Mr. Stark. "He's not that bad."
"I'm sorry, but imaginary friends? That sounds like a one way ticket to crazy town to me."
"What's wrong with imaginary friends?" Misty asked. "They're a perfectly legitimate coping mechanism." She paused and played with the zipper on her leather jacket. "I have one. His name is Clifford and he tells me to cut people." She keep herself from busting out laughing at the other three's stunned reaction. "I'm kidding!...His name is Benji."
Ashley turned to her. "I had a goldfish named Benji! He died two days after I got him because I forgot to feed him...I can't take care of things." She admitted the last part quietly.
"What are we going to do now?" Spencer asked anxiously. "We can't go back inside while my mom's having her bitch fit, thanks to Pinky and The Brain, here."
"Hey!" Misty cried out, offended. "Wait. Which one of us is The Brain?"
"If you have to ask then it's not you," muttered Ashley. "We could go to Ego-"
"No. Absolutely not. I am not going out in public in this uniform, Ashley." Spencer tugged on the bottom of her skirt self consciously. Apparently, she'd grown a little since her time as a cheerleader in Ohio and her uniform now failed to properly cover some very private areas.
"You didn't have a problem with it before."
"Because it was just kids!" Spencer pressed herself up against Ashley. "Besides, do you really want all those random guys looking up my skirt?"
Ashley felt the hair on the back of her neck rising just thinking about it. "We could go back to my place."
"What if Kyla's there?"
"She'll probably be so wasted that she'll think she's just seeing double," Ashley said dismissively. She found it funny that for once she wasn't the fucked up one. She scanned the street for Colby's car, knowing that they all couldn't fit comfortably in her Porsche, and came up empty. "Where's your car?"
Misty cringed and buried her face in Spencer's neck, who allowed it for a moment before gently pushing her away. "Oops, sorry, wrong girlfriend," she apologized without sounding sorry at all.
"Thundercat crashed her," Colby answered Ashley's question, glaring at Misty. She still harbored a little resentment over Lola's untimely crushing.
"It totally wasn't my fault! I told you not to go down on me while I was driving!"
"Oookay, too much information," Spencer said quickly, nudging Ashley who was deep in thought, trying to figure out the logistics of how that would actually work.
"Were you wearing a skirt at the time?" Ashley asked, figuring it to be the only way that could've been possible. Spencer slapped her shoulder. "Why do you hit me so much when they're around?"
"Because…just because."
"There's a logical explanation and yes, Ashley, I was wearing a skirt."
Ashley grinned. "I knew it! One time, Spencer-"
"So how'd you guys get here?" Spencer asked, eager to move off the topic before Ashley could reveal too much.
"We had to take the bus." Colby shuddered. "There was a creep old pervert who kept hitting on us the whole time and this crazy bitch kept accusing us of stealing her shoes." Spencer, who had her own experiences braving the Los Angeles public transport system, was sympathetic to the other girls' plight and nodded in agreement. "And then we had to walk cause we got kicked off after I punched out the pervert-"
-
After a short and very cramped car ride, they arrived at Ashley's apartment building.
"Was it really necessary for you to grab onto my boobs every time we went round a corner?" Spencer complained. Rubbing her sore breast from where Misty had grabbed a little to hard. Due to the lack of room in the backseat of Ashley's convertible, one of the dopplegangers had to sit on Spencer's lap. To Colby's disappointment, Misty had won the scissor, paper, rock face off that had taken place.
"Sorry," Misty smirked. She caught Ashley glaring at her but knew that the younger girl didn't actually have the balls to do anything about it.
"Whoa, nice digs," Colby remarked when they entered the foyer.
"Move!" A male voice bellowed as a middle aged man, dressed in a tuxedo, clutching a silver briefcase, barrelled past them and out the revolving door.
"Rude much?" Colby remarked as the man kept going without so much as an apology.
"Don't be offended, Alec's probably on another one of his missions," Ashley explained.
"Missions?"
"Yeah, he's with the FBI or CIA or something. One of those ones with the letters." Ashley didn't know for sure, Kyla had been babbling about Alec one night after meeting him while doing their laundry, obviously this was before she switched personalities with Paris Hilton, and Ashley didn't have much patients for Kyla's rants.
Misty coughed nervously. "He's a fed?"
"Yeah, I don't know. Why? Is that a problem?"
"Not a problem, it's not a problem at all," Colby said, elbowing Misty to keep quiet. There was no need for Ashley and Spencer to know that there were several outstanding warrants for their arrest.
"Right, no, I was just curious," added Misty. "That's all."
Ashley hit the call button for the elevator. "Uh-huh."
Colby hated elevators. She always had ever since she was young and Daisy had let her stay up and watch some awful movie that involved a scene where six people plunged to their deaths trapped inside the of one. She'd been scarred for life. The gears squeaked and she felt faint, images of the cables snapping and the four of them falling to their certain deaths running through her mind.
"Height getting to ya?" Misty giggled, next to her.
Colby knew what the smaller girl was doing and she loved her for it. "Says the girl with the irrational fear of dolphins."
"It's not irrational!"
"You cried, in fear, while watching Flipper."
"Whatever, see how smug you are when they're emerging from the ocean and beating you to death with your own dismembered limbs."
"Yeah, because that's so likely to happen, seeing as they don't have feet."
"That's just what they want us to think!"
"Uh, hate to interrupt this scintillating conversation," Ashley butted in. "But we're here." Colby and Misty were so wrapped up in their banter that they hadn't noticed that the elevator doors had opened and their twins had exited and were holding the doors open, waiting for them impatiently.
"Kyla, are you home?" Ashley yelled, throwing the heavy door to the loft open.
Kyla came flitting in from the kitchen, softly singing to herself, she stopped short when she finally focused on her sister and company. "Ashley," she squeaked. "You're multiplying!"
"Oh yeah, it's our Halloween costume. And you're a-" Ashley squinted and tried to figure out what the hell her half-sister was supposed to be. Her best guess at the moment was somewhere between porn star and underwear model.
"An angel, duh!" Kyla pointed to the gold headband that doubled as her halo.
"Uh, yeah, I think that angels usually wear a little more clothing."
Kyla's mood darkened in an instant. "Are you calling me a whore? I'M NOT A WHORE ASHLEY! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE I HAVE A FASHION BLOG!" Kyla pushed past them all on the way out, leaving three of them stunned and one nonplussed.
"Anyone want anything to eat?" Ashley asked, as though nothing had happened.
"Nah, I'm good," said Misty, biting into a pickle wrapped in a cheese slice.
"Where'd you get-" Ashley sighed. "Oh, nevermind."
"Why are you two here?" Spencer asked suddenly.
"We told you, we wanted to catch up-"
"Seriously." Spencer gave them the patented Spencer Carlin head tilt. Naturally, they were powerless to resist.
"Okay, okay. So here's the thing, we need a car." Colby explained. "Seriously we need one, for work. But surprisingly we don't make all that much cash peddling dope on the side of the road-"
"So you want money," Ashley concluded, her face stony.
Misty cringed, this wasn't going very well. "Look, usually we'd just steal a new one but a friend of ours is holding a '73 Charger and he said that he'd sell it to us for five thousand, which is such a huge bargain for this car, you don't even understand. Problem is, if we don't have the money by Friday he's going to sell it to someone else. And it's not like you won't get anything in return."
"Yeah, we want you to know that we are not above prostituting ourselves for a car," Colby added.
"Especially this car."
"Yeah, especially this car."
"You'd have sex with me for five thousand dollars?" Ashley asked, intrigued.
"Well, yeah. And not just you. If Blondie wanted to join in, it's all the better." Colby leered at Spencer, who's eyes went wide at the thought. It was only fair, Misty got to make out with her twin, why shouldn't Colby have the same privilege.
"Well…Wait, I don't have to pay for sex!"
"Fine, just give us the money then." Misty frowned. "You know, you really owe us for saving your asses from those zombies, anyway."
Ashley sighed. It wasn't like she couldn't afford it. Hell, she spent twice that on luggage for her trip to Cabo. And it had always been in her nature to try, in her own misguided way, to reach out to and help out those less fortunate than herself who wanted to sleep with her. "Okay, fine, I'll write you a check." She noticed Colby cringing. "Something wrong with that?"
"No! No, a check is fine. It's just in our line of work we tend not to accept them. Surprisingly, junkie's checks bounce most of the time. But you're good. We trust you."
Not having heard that said to her. Ever. Ashley beamed, feeling even better about handing over the money.
While Ashley was busy scribbling in her check book, Misty wandered around the apartment. Ohh, shiny! she thought, opening a small box to find two silver balls inside. A remnant of Kyla's spiritual days. Misty slipped them into her pocket along with the pickles and cheese slices.
"Here you go." Ashley handed the check over to Colby who stashed it safely in her bra.
"It was a pleasure doing business with you. Now we really have to go. Misty, come!"
Misty obediently trotted over to her girlfriend's side. Spencer marvelled at Colby's control over the older girl and wondered how she could get Ashley to do that. Perhaps, if she asked really nicely and offered to make out with her, Colby would give her lessons.
"But what about my foursome!" Ashley cried out at the departing girls backs, earning herself a hard slap from Spencer.
"Raincheck!" Colby called back over her shoulder, slamming the door behind them.
-
As they walked towards the elevator, Colby could hear a faint ringing sound coming from somewhere on Misty's person. "Uh, dude, are you chiming?"
Misty grinned and pulled the silver balls from her pocket.
"Sweet!" Colby reached out and took one of the balls from Misty's hand. Immediately the balls started to glow.
"Oh, crap."
THE END...or is it? (Yes. Yes, it is...maybe.)