Entry 3,
You actually looked at me today! I can't believe it! I wonder if you noticed how much weight I've lost, how much I've started to care about myself! My hair's always done nowadays, and my makeup is always on... You wouldn't believe the time I wake up to make myself presentable in your eyes. I try so hard for you, you know... I wonder if you notice that. I do hope you do... I want you to feel special, like you're worth something, no matter what your psycho brother says.
Sasuke, you've worth quite a lot.
Entry 9,
I've been getting sick a lot lately. I'm starting to wonder if it's because I'm not eating. I want to look my best for you, so I've cut out food all together. I think it's useless, you know, food and all. Who wants to gain weight? Men only like skinny, pretty girls...
Entry 24,
The doctors say I've messed myself up. My mom cries a lot now, and my dad hardly looks me in the eyes. I don't know what I did, I don't know what to do, but I don't really care. As long as I'm pretty for you, Sasuke, I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay. That's all that matters, that's all I care about.
Lately, I've been letting myself go. My hair's lost its shine, my skin is dull and pale. I try to hide it with all my makeup, but I run out of energy after putting on my cover up. I can't do anything any more. They're thinking of making me stay home all the time now. I don't want to. I want to go to school. I want to see you! Sasuke, you're the one thing that keeps me going through this life! If it wasn't for you, Sasuke, well... I'm not sure what exactly I'd do! But I'll tell you this; I wouldn't be as happy as I am now.
Entry 57,
I've been in the hospital for about three months now. Everyone but you has come to visit me. I don't see your face anymore, and it makes me want to run away from all these cords, from all these beeping machines, from all this life support. I just want to throw myself out of this third story window and run to you, to hold your hand, to feel you next to me like I used to feel you there. I just want to know you're alive, that you still care, that you still look at me like you once did, three and a half months ago.
I wonder, will you show up tomorrow? I ask myself that every night before I go to bed. You know, this hope is the only thing I have left for me. Without this hope, I think I'll die from a broken heart.
Entry 58,
My hope is gone.
Entry 59,
You're with her now. I always knew you'd go for someone like her, someone who doesn't talk, who follows your commands without a word. I used to be like that. What happened, Sasuke? What happened to you? What happened to us?
What happened to me...?
Entry 72,
They say my time's come. I can't really hear them, I can't really understand. I just know that my mom's crying, my dad's holding her, and there's flowers everywhere in this white room. For a moment, I think I see you by the door, but I realize I'm just kidding myself. You wouldn't come; you have her now. You've been together for months now. I'm just a dying patient with cancer and horrible intestines. I'm nothing to you, not even worth your time.
My throat is tight, I can't breath, my vision is foggy. My veins burn, my heart races, my blood pounds like hammers. Is this dying? Is this death?
If so, I want it to come quick, to come painlessly. I want it to end this, to show me your smiling face waiting for me on the other side. Sasuke, will you come visit me sometime soon? Come see me up there and just tell me, maybe, that you regret it.
Sasuke, I regret it.
I regret you.