Lori Loud had been walking on cloud nine since she learned that she'd been admitted to Fairway University, her dream school. It had been far from a foregone conclusion, as she'd spent the week working hard to overcome a serious case of anxiety in the days leading up to the Michigan high school individual golf championships, but she got it under control with some encouraging words from her family, and now she was ready to make her future happen, knowing truly for the first time what that future looked like.
As she made her way toward the clubhouse at the local mini-golf course, Hole In One-derland, her eyes scanned her surroundings for any signs of her best friend, who she hadn't spoken to in nearly a week and who she was eager to discuss the events of the past few days with. Finally, Lori spotted her, already having checked out a putter and a golf ball.
"Carol!" said Lori excitedly, waving to her friend. Carol immediately turned and waved back, looking equally excited to see Lori after all this time.
"Hey, Lori!" replied Carol with a smile. The two friends embraced, and as Lori got ready to pay and pick up her own putter, they immediately started conversing. "I heard you won the big golf tournament on Saturday! Congratulations!"
"Yeah, and guess who was there?" said Lori, practically beaming with excitement.
"Um, Tiger Woods?" asked Carol, taking a very wild guess since she had no idea who it actually was.
"The next best thing, Coach Niblick from Fairway University!"
"Shut up!"
"I'll tell you all about it, but long story short, I'm going to Fairway next year!"
"Shut UP!" Carol exclaimed loudly, though her excitement died down somewhat and she got a quizzical look on her face. "Hmm... but weren't we talking about going to Midwestern earlier this year?"
"Well, it was between Midwestern and Fairway, but after we started winning all those tournaments, and I learned more about Fairway and how it's not just a golf school but their business school is almost as good as Midwestern's so I have a fallback..."
The two began walking toward the first hole, with Lori continuing to gush about Fairway University, and Carol starting to look more and more unsure of herself, an expression Lori immediately picked up on...
"Carol, is something the matter?" asked Lori, gripping her putter with both hands and looking up at her friend. "Oh, I hope you're not upset about me going to Fairway... I know we said we might be roommates, but-"
"No no, it's not that at all," Carol replied, trying to get a smile back onto her face but still sounding unsure. "I mean, I'm still trying to decide between Midwestern and Richford, and I've also got like five acceptance letters from Ivy League schools, it's just... I feel kind of bad that I wasn't there for you this week, that's all."
"Hmm?"
"I mean, I quit the team last month, and I still kind of feel like I let all you guys down," said Carol, looking even more guilty than before.
"Hey, I told you before, don't feel bad about that..."
Lori remembered when Carol first told her she was quitting the Royal Woods golf team. At first, her initial reaction was shock... Carol was the second best golfer on the team, and she'd even won the state individuals during their junior year, even though Lori, as Leni had so obliviously put it, had "scored way more points than Carol". Carol had angsted over her decision, but no one had been more supportive than Lori, especially after Carol had explained her reasons for quitting.
"You wanted to start focusing on less things," said Lori, placing a hand on Carol's shoulder.
"Yeah, I mean... I was trying to be the best at everything, and for a long time it was working out, but then I started to feel really passionate about just a few things that I really enjoyed... and even though I was good at golf..."
"Really good," said Lori, smiling.
"But I wasn't feeling it like I do with student government, or music, or academic decathlon..."
"Oh, I forgot to ask about that, how'd you guys do?" asked Lori. "I mean, it sounds like Miss Harper had your whole team on a week-long cram session."
"Pretty much," Carol replied, "including a cell phone ban, which meant no calling you to see how you were doing with the tournament... I'm really sorry I couldn't call, I mean... it sounds like you really had it rough, and heaven knows I've been there before with getting the yips."
Lori nodded, before looking down at her ball and taking her first swing. Her putt went just to the left of the hole, but would be an easy two. Carol was up next, and she put her ball just to the right, a little closer than Lori's.
"Anyway, we got third place," said Carol.
"Out of the whole country though, right?"
"Right, it was the national finals!" Carol said proudly. "I mean, we finished first out of the public schools, the only teams that beat us were some prep school from Long Island and this super smart rich kids school from Burbank that had like three child actors on it."
Lori could see the smile returning to Carol's face, and could tell how passionate Carol was about her academic competition. She was clearly proud of what she and her team had accomplished, and despite the tough study sessions and lack of cell phone access, she'd clearly enjoyed herself during her week away.
"So you guys did an awesome job, that's great!" Lori said in an encouraging tone as the two made their way to the second hole. "And don't worry about me or the team... we still were able to beat Hazeltuckey and win the state championship. It was a close call, though."
"I heard... it came down to the final putt, right?"
"And I totally sunk it!"
"You weren't nervous at all then, what happened?"
As the two played their next hole, Lori began to explain herself... how she felt like her whole future was riding on how well she did in front of Coach Niblick... how if she didn't get into Fairway University, she'd lose Bobby forever and wind up with some weirdo. As Lori was explaining this elaborate scenario, the two girls couldn't help but exchange a laugh.
"I know, right? My whole future with Bobby, riding on one stupid golf tournament?"
"Lori, if you ever get stuck with some weirdo like that, you let me know and I'll find you the best divorce lawyer money can buy."
"Oh please, I'd just chase the loser out of my house with a golf club first!"
The two played the next hole quickly, with Lori sinking a hole in one and Carol needing two putts and falling behind by a stroke. They continued to catch up, with Lori telling Carol in great detail just how nervous she was and how her family helped her through it.
"I was freaking out like I've never freaked out before, except maybe that time when Bobby was gonna break up with me because Lincoln made Ronnie Anne upset," said Lori, walking to the third hole with Carol. "I mean, my palms were sweaty..."
"Knees weak, arms were heavy?" Carol replied. "Vomit on your polo already?"
"Dad's spaghetti!" Lori chimed in, before she and Carol started laughing again. "And then on the day of the tournament, it all came back at once... I was flinging golf clubs across the course, smashing balls through Coach Niblick's windshield..."
"Sounds like what you were going through the day I beat you last year at the individual championships," Carol replied, remembering back to that day. "I mean, I was super nervous that you were gonna kick my butt... you were easily the best golfer on the team, no doubt about it, I felt like I was lucky just to have qualified... but then when I saw you looking like you were out of it, I mean, I felt like maybe I might just have a chance..."
"You think I had the yips that day too?" asked Lori, blinking as she thought back to her loss on that day. "I mean, I was just super ticked off at myself for playing so badly... and admittedly super ticked off at you for playing so well."
"I was having the round of my life that day, I couldn't believe it. By the time I realized I was eight strokes ahead of you, I was ready to jump up and down for joy! But then I saw how rough you were having it and I felt really bad... but I didn't want to say anything to you because I was so worried I might get nervous again like you were."
Lori remembered that day a bit more vividly now. The whole tournament, Carol kept trying to avoid her. Lori thought she was just being a stuck-up brat... she didn't realize how hard Carol was trying to keep it together, and Carol didn't realize that Lori needed someone to calm her down.
"Then after it was over and I got my trophy, I looked over and saw you and your sister Leni... Leni looked so happy for you, even though you'd just lost, and I figured you'd be okay... and... I kind of got jealous of how close the two of you seemed to be."
Lori laughed softly, causing Carol to raise her eyebrow.
"Is everything okay?" Carol asked.
"It's just... you scored a 65, and I scored a 79, and... Leni thought I won because I had more strokes than you..."
"Oh..." said Carol softly, before snickering, her mind re-contextualizing every interaction she'd seen Lori and Leni having. "That's... that's pretty funny. You know, Becky's on the academic decathlon team with me, and she talks about Leni all the time."
"The two of them are actually really close," said Lori. As the two of them walked to the fifth hole, she could tell something was still bothering her friend, even as Carol tried to hide it with smiles and laughter. "Hey Carol, if it's about the golf team, I'm sure Coach Hutch would let you back on, all you'd have to do is ask her."
"No, it's not that, Lori..."
"Well, can you tell me what it is?" asked Lori, taking Carol aside for a moment to a bench to sit down. "Are you still feeling bad about us not talking last week?"
"No, I mean... I know you had your family to help you out, your siblings all giving you advice and your mom and dad giving you that bit of inspiration you needed to calm down and play better..."
"Yeah, so don't feel bad about not being there..."
Carol let out another, much longer sigh... whatever issue had Carol feeling so down, it clearly ran a lot deeper than any lingering guilt about not being around for Lori the previous week. And Lori knew that something that deep couldn't be forced out of someone. If Carol didn't want to talk about it, Lori would leave well enough alone. She stood up and reached out her hand for Carol to take. Carol looked at it, mustered a smile, and allowed Lori to help her up, trying to put the thing that was bothering her out of her mind.
"Come on, let's keep playing. Just because you don't think golf is your thing doesn't mean you don't have fun playing it anymore, right?"
"It's still fun," said Carol with a smile, approaching her ball. "In fact..."
Carol took a soft swing and knocked the ball right into the hole, past a pair of moving garden gnomes and between the legs of a large flamingo. It was the first truly difficult hole of the course, but Carol aced it, putting a confident smile back on her face.
"That's the Carol Pingrey I know and love," said Lori with a smirk. "Cool, calm, and just a tiny bit stuck up."
Carol snickered at Lori's remark, and seemed to ease up a bit as she watched Lori take her swing. Lori missed the hole on the first try, but got it on the second, keeping her score even with Carol's.
"All tied after the first five holes," said Lori, walking with Carol over to the sixth. She tried not to let her curiosity get the best of her, and kept up the casual conversation as the two played the next several holes, all the while still wondering just what had Carol feeling the way she was feeling.
The two kept playing for the next half hour, their scores remaining mostly even with one another. Carol would gain a small lead, then would lose it to Lori, then would gain the lead again. For everything Carol said about golf not being her passion, she was still quite good at it, keeping pace with Lori and never falling behind by more than two strokes. As the girls approached the seventeenth hole, each with a total of 36 strokes a piece, Lori had almost completely forgotten about her friend's melancholy, and was preparing to take her first stroke on the course's most difficult hole, a tricky putt that involved a robot that was designed to pick up any balls that got near it and throw them far from the hole, and a tricky sand trap that covered pretty much everything not guarded by the robot. Approaching the hole either required one to carefully thread the needle between the sand trap and the robot's territory, or pass the ball between the robot's legs and bounce it off an awkwardly placed bumper that would either careen it toward the hole or send it hurtling away about as far as the robot would have.
As Lori got ready to swing, Carol suddenly found herself ready to talk about what was troubling her.
"Lori?"
Lori let out a yelp and made contact with the ball, sending it right into the robot's left leg. The robot bent down, picked up the ball, and sent it flying.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry... you can take a mulligan on that, I shouldn't have startled you!"
Lori could see how guilty Carol was about messing up her shot, and quickly reassured her.
"I'm fine," said Lori calmly. "It's... not that bad of a lie..."
"No, but that was," Carol replied, seeing just how far the ball was from the hole now and that Lori would be lucky if she got away with a 4. "Well, here, I'll put my ball near the robot too."
"No," said Lori, gently taking Carol's wrists to keep her from swinging the club. "Carol... what did you want to talk with me about?"
Carol let out a long sigh, and blushed slightly, partly because of the feeling of Lori's soft hands on her arms, and partly because she was embarrassed to admit to Lori just what had her feeling so troubled lately.
"It's just... I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life, Lori. I mean, you're going to Fairway to be a professional golfer!"
"That's not... set in stone, exactly," said Lori. "I mean, I could just end up an executive who goes golfing with clients every weekend and has a two handicap."
"Yeah, but still... you've got a plan! And here I am, frantically trying to figure out what extracurricular stuff I can afford to drop and what I still want to do. I mean, I used to try and do everything... and now that I'm running out of time, I don't even know what I really want anymore."
Here was Perfect Carol Pingrey, who'd been trying all her life to be the best at everything, which meant that she had to be involved in, well, everything, and the first time she had to start cutting things out of her life, it was giving her an existential crisis. She'd spent so much time trying to do way too much that she didn't know what she was truly passionate about. Academics, music, student government? Carol's mind was swirling with possibilities, and the anxiety she'd fought so hard to stave off was coming back.
"Carol... your hands are sweating," said Lori quietly, pointing out that Carol was having the exact same problems holding the club as she was last week.
"W...why? It's just a miniature golf game, for fun...!"
Carol started breathing harder and harder, and Lori placed her arms tightly around her friend, trying to get her to calm down but not forcing her to.
"Do you... need to freak out?" asked Lori, smiling. "Because sometimes that helps."
Carol just kept breathing heavily, and started to shake in Lori's arms. Lori kept holding her tight, and Carol composed herself enough to speak again.
"All your sisters have something they're awesome at... Lynn's great at sports, Luna's incredible at music, Lisa's got an IQ of like, 600... and you're awesome at golf, and being a big sister...! And I'm... I'm... I don't know what I am."
"You're my best friend," said Lori, smiling at her. "I know that's not a talent and I know that's not going to get you into Richford, but it is something you're the best at. And you know what else? You're 17 years old. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to have anything figured out! Even Fairway University has like, a hundred different majors!"
"I know, but..." Carol sniffled and stepped out of Lori's embrace, bowing her head and sighing softly. "I'm just worried that I spent so much time pushing myself to be good at so many things that I won't be able to figure out what my true passion is. Do I like academic decathlon because I really like it, or because I know so much stuff from studying enough to be a straight A student? Do I like music because I really like music, like Luna does? Or do I like music because I forced myself to practice a bunch of different instruments, even the ones I hated? Do I like student government because I truly want to be a leader in my school, or because maybe I really am a stuck up arrogant brat who just likes bossing people around? I... I don't know!"
Carol turned away from Lori and bowed her head, almost as if she was ashamed to be who she was. Lori observed her for a moment, before carefully approaching her, not wanting to do anything to make Carol feel any worse.
"Carol... you remember when we were both pushing ourselves so hard to be better than each other? And how we were doing all these crazy things that weren't ourselves? You adopted a mean corgi, I dragged my boyfriend across the state after he got his wisdom teeth out?"
"Mmhmm," Carol said, nodding her head and sighing. "For a while, I honestly derived my entire sense of self-worth from how well I was doing at everything compared to you."
"And... I did the same," Lori replied. "It was really messed up, competing with each other when we should have been friends the whole time."
"Friends who supported each other," said Carol, smiling. "We missed out on so many good years."
"Well, we have each other now, right?"
Carol nodded, and picked her putter up off the ground. She approached the ball and took a swing, hitting it hard enough to pass through the sand trap and bounce up and come to a stop just a few inches from the hole.
"Guess I'm up next," said Lori. She started to walk toward the far end of the hole, where her ball had been lying for the past few minutes, but before she did, she turned to Carol. "Carol, what do you want to do?"
"I still don't know," said Carol, shrugging her shoulders.
"And that's okay," Lori replied. "Carol, you're smart, you're kind, and you have an incredible work ethic. "Whenever you do figure out what you're truly passionate about, you'll have plenty of time to succeed. Until then, just enjoy the ride. Do whatever makes you happy. And if there's something you don't want to do anymore, it's okay to set it aside. No one can tell you how to live your life except you."
Lori walked over to her ball and hit it toward the hole with enough force to get it there. She watched with some trepidation as the ball started to veer to the right, but a small bump in the playing surface corrected its path, and the ball went in the hole, somehow salvaging a two despite the incredibly bad lie.
"What a putt, Lori! That was the longest putt I've ever seen you make...!" Carol said excitedly, walking over to give her friend a congratulatory high five.
"See? I didn't need a mulligan after all," said Lori with a smirk.
"Oh, now who's a little stuck up?" Carol asked, smirking right back at Lori before knocking her ball into the hole to keep the score even. "Still tied, huh?"
"Yep, even Leni wouldn't be able to get a tie mixed up," commented Lori. "Un...less she thought we were talking about some of Dad's ties."
The two girls exchanged a laugh amongst themselves before making their way to the eighteenth hole. In contrast with the seventeenth, it was a simple one, a few well placed bumpers and some extraneous animatronics that served as more of a distraction than an obstruction. Lori took her shot, careening her ball off one of the bumpers and the back wall before landing the ball a couple inches from the hole, where she'd be able to knock it in for an easy two and a 40 for the course. Not quite a personal best, but definitely one of the better rounds of the day for anyone at the park.
"Maybe I shouldn't have quit the team," said Carol, her hands clenched tightly around her putter as she lined up her first shot. "I mean... I wasn't having a lot of fun golfing anymore, but I was having fun hanging out with you."
"Well, there's still plenty of time for that," Lori replied, kneeling down next to the hole to watch Carol putt. "Honestly though, I couldn't even tell that you weren't having fun... it was a huge surprise to everyone when you left the team."
"I didn't want everyone to know how I was feeling. I didn't want anyone trying to tell me to stay."
There was that sad look in Carol's eyes again... Lori could see it, and she immediately wanted to say something to Carol that would make it go away.
"I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have begged you to stay," Lori admitted, bowing her head. "And... it probably would've made you feel awful, right?"
"Yeah," said Carol quietly, nodding her head.
"I'm sorry," Lori replied, sporting a sad look of her own now. "It was the only extracurricular we had together... I miss you. It sucked so bad not having you this week, and I..."
Lori stopped herself, realizing what she was doing and how bad she must be making Carol feel.
"I'm sorry," was all she could muster.
Carol gripped her putter tightly and looked over at Lori.
"Carol..."
"It's okay," Carol told her. She smiled, and took her swing.
Hole in one.
Carol, just because you're good at something doesn't mean you have to do it. You don't owe anybody anything.
That's what Lori wanted to say to her. That's the advice Lori wanted to give her, but couldn't think of until just now.
You don't owe me anything either.
That's what Lori also wanted to say to Carol, but couldn't bring herself to form the words.
"Good shot," Lori finally managed to say, along with a slight laugh, half-nervous and half-amused.
"Yeah," Carol replied, surprised she'd actually managed to beat Lori. "I... guess it was!"
Lori got up and walked over to Carol, and the two girls started to laugh together. When it was over, their smiles disappeared for a moment, and they sheepishly turned away from each other, both of them trying to say what they felt they needed to.
"Carol, don't feel bad about..."
"Lori, don't feel bad about feeling bad about..."
It came out at the same time, and before either one of them could finish, they started laughing again. They didn't need to say anything. They were best friends, and they already knew.
O-O-O
Afterward, the two girls went into the clubhouse, ordering some smoothies at the snack bar and sitting down at a table amongst the arcade machines and golf equipment. Normally, a modern pop song would be playing over the speakers, but at the moment it was k.d. lang's "Constant Craving", a song from the early 90s, nearly a decade before Lori and Carol's time.
"The minimum wage employee behind the counter must've gotten sick of Baylor Quick," said Lori, noticing the unfamiliar tune playing.
"Most of the time you can barely hear the music above the sound of the arcade machines anyway," noted Carol. "It was really fun catching up with you today, Lori... and fortunately for us, that was the last academic decathlon competition of the year, so no more week-long trips apart from my phone for me!"
"I think we have a couple more golf tournaments coming up, but nothing too major," said Lori. "After that, I'll probably be heading down to visit Bobby a few times and paying a few visits to the Fairway campus."
"Speaking of campus, I think maybe I will go to Midwestern instead of Richford or any of the Ivy League schools," said Carol, "so when we do go to college, we'll only be a few miles apart."
Lori was surprised that Carol had her college picked out all of a sudden, and though she was glad that her friend would be close enough to visit, she was also curious as to why Carol had made her choice so quickly.
"Midwestern, for sure?" asked Lori.
"Well, I may not know what I want to do with my life just yet, but I know for sure that you're my best friend, and since we spent so many years competing and not enough time being friends, I really want to make up for lost time. How am I supposed to do that if I'm all the way out in California while you're in Illinois?"
Lori couldn't help but blush a little bit, slightly taken aback by the fact that her best friend was basing her college choice entirely on the two of them being able to hang out together. She knew she'd told Carol to make choices based on what she wanted to do and not try to think too much, but it was still a huge decision to make. She started to say something, to try and ask Carol if she was sure, but... she didn't need to. Carol looked more sure about this than she'd ever looked about anything before.
"I might not have anything else figured out, but I'm 100 percent sure about this, and don't try to change my mind," said Carol. Lori reached across the table and took Carol's hands in hers, smiling warmly.
"I wasn't going to," Lori replied.
As the two continued to hold hands, Lori noticed that Carol's hands were getting sweaty again. She tightened her grip on them in a reassuring way, and continued to smile at her.
"Are you nervous?" Lori asked her.
"A little."
"That's normal," said Lori, continuing to give Carol the same kind, understanding smile, and even giving the top of Carol's hands a calming stroke. "Believe me... I've been there."
Lori continued to hold Carol's hands until she finally calmed down, and then released them. The two girls finished their smoothies and their conversation, and spent a few more minutes just sitting with each other and enjoying the music and the atmosphere until they finally got ready to head back home. The sun was starting to set, and the two girls had enjoyed a beautiful day together.
For all that Lori and Carol had in common, their shared anxieties gave them a true understanding of each other. It had kept them from being friends for far too long, and now that they were best friends, they'd helped each other deal with it and had both become better people in the bargain. Lori had managed to get a much better handle on her short temper, and Carol had realized that she didn't have to prove herself to everyone to feel fulfilled as a person.
"Honestly, Lori, I'm still a bit nervous about not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life," Carol admitted, placing a hand to her chest to feel her own throbbing heartbeat.
"And I'm sure someday I'll be playing in a big golf tournament and I'll get the yips again," said Lori. "Sometimes we'll have each other when we get nervous, and sometimes we won't. But you know, Carol, you're a strong enough person to succeed in whatever it is you want to do, so don't be afraid to take your time."
"And Lori, you're the strongest person I've ever known... and hearing about how you overcame your anxiety to win that golf tournament last week... it's inspired me. So, whenever I'm feeling nervous about, well, pretty much anything..."
Carol felt her own heartbeat slow down, and lowered her hand.
"I'll think of you, even if you're not there."
Lori smiled and blushed slightly, obviously touched by Carol's words.
"Well, that sure beats 'don't overthink it, relax and sink it'," Lori replied. Carol snickered, and then both girls started giggling uncontrollably.
And that's what I like so much about you, thought Carol, as the two girls walked out to their cars together. You always know just the right thing to say.
The two girls started to get into their cars, but before they did, made plans to spend the night at Carol's together. They'd both drive back to Lori's house, then Carol would take Lori back to her place, where they'd watch movies and eat junk food together until early the next morning.
But before they did that, Lori had one more thing to say to Carol.
"I have to admit, it does suck not having you on the golf team anymore," said Lori. "But when you do find that one thing you're truly passionate about, let me know so I can be the first one there. Because whatever it is, you're going to be the best at it."
"Already saved you a spot in the front row," Carol replied.
The two exchanged a smile as they got into their cars. It had been a tough week for them both, but their futures looked bright, and even though Carol's future had yet to be decided, she knew one thing for certain: she wanted Lori Loud to be a part of it, no matter where the two best friends' lives may take them.