High Rollers
An Invader Zim Fanfic by KidKourage
Gambling Is Not For Children! And This Is Why!
You know what I just thought of? I remembered how I said that KidK's parents were in Atlantic City back in 'My Fair KidK.' And I thought, 'Hey, it's summer, so why don't I have KidK and the gang go to places farther away than Wal-Mart? I mean, summer is the time for vacation! God it's cold…I wish it was summer for real…but whatever season it is, I don't own anyone but me!
Atlantic City, for people who don't live on the east coast, is a place in New Jersey where people go to waste their hard-earned money on pointless games of chance. In other words, it's a casino town. Tall hotels with stupid names (mostly relating to Donald Trump) grace the skyline, and the boardwalk is always open to thousands of freaky people. And there's a beach, if you like dead jellyfish and sand that's made entirely of disintegrated curly fries and the like. Ah, New Jersey…just ignore the bum over there. Hopefully he's not armed.
The scene is Harrah's Casino! This gambling facility/hotel is on the outskirts of AC, on the bay. It's near the Trump Marina (which used to be Trump Castle, but they changed it…dunno why). This place is cooooool! Well, it used to be, anyway. When KidK was little there was a candy store. But now it's a Kino parlour. Oh, well. Anyway, KidK's Dad has dropped his family off at the door, and KidK has done the same with her friends! While they drive to the parking deck, the others enjoy the entranceway.
Gir: Look look! There's a man made of metal over there! Hey, he's throwing his trash away! (there is a statue like this)
KidK's Mom: Well, it's nice to know that somebody's not a litterbug.
Gir: A litterbug? Like a bug made of trash? Neat!
Dib: No, Gir, she means—
Mike-the-Brother: Don't even try to explain it.
Gir: Littery bugs! Ooooo, a pretty birdy!
A very large seagull has landed on the pavement near our heroes. AC seagulls have lost all fear of humans. And Irkens, too, apparently. This bird is currently interested in Zim's head.
Zim (waving his arms wildly): Hey! Stop it! That's my hair!
Dib: Heh heh, Zim's a member of the 'Wig Club for Aliens…'
Gaz: *snicker* Yeah, bald is a good look for you.
Zim: Ugh.
He pulls out a memory eraser-gizmo and flashes it. Then, while the others are rubbing their eyes, he gets out another wig and carefully places it on his head.
KidK's Mom: What just happened?
Dib: I don't know, Mrs….KidK's Mom…
Zim: I just defeated the evil webfoot bird monster.
Dib: You mean the seagull?
Zim: Duh!
Gir: Hey, it's Missy! And Daddy!
KidK: Didja miss me?
Gir (leaping on KidK): Yes!
KidK's Dad: Well, let's go inside, then.
Harrah's Casino is set up like so: you go in and there's a wide corridor. To the left of this is the big gambling area with the slot machines. To the right is the place where you can put cash on your Harrah's Gold Card, and also smaller gambling areas featuring Kino and card games. There's some smaller hallways that lead to restaurants and little souvenir shops. And that's just the first floor…
Gir (in heaven): Wowwwwwww! It's so bee-yoo-teeful!
Zim: So, what do human stink worms do here?
KidK: You fork over small amounts of money for a chance to win huge heaps of money. But it's very rare that anybody wins more than a couple hundred bucks.
Zim: The owners of this place must be swimming in currency!
KidK: Yes indeedy.
Dib: Well at least it's not a Trump casino…that guy's got so many now that none of 'em are any good!
Mike-the-Brother: How would you know?
Dib: Sometimes Dad brings us when he has science conferences to go to at the Convention Center.
KidK's Mom: Isn't that where they have the Miss America Pageant?
Gaz: Yeah, one time Dad parked us with tickets to that…ew, just thinking about it makes me want to puke all over again…
KidK's Dad: So, what's the plan, guys? Missy, can you keep an eye on everybody while your Mom and I gamble?
KidK (saluting): Yes, sir! I am capable of carrying out this mission!
KidK's Dad: Er, yeah. Well, be back here in about an hour.
Mike-the-Brother: Wow, a whole hour to fool around in a casino!
KidK's Mom: Be good, kids…no gambling, it's illegal, remember.
Mike-the-Brother (just kiddin'): Awwww! Busted!
KidK's parents wander off into the big gambling area. Man is that place loud. There's all buzzers and bells and stuff to make you think like people are winning…Dad says that it's just a soundtrack, and I don't doubt it.
KidK: So, what shall we do?
Gir: Do they have jellybeans? I neeeeeeed Jelly Bellies!
KidK (sadly): *sniff* They used to…but now…not.
Gir: Aw, man!
Mike-the-Brother: But they do sell some candy at the cheesy souvenir place!
Gir: Yaaaaaaaay! Let's go!
KidK leads the way around the twisty maze of corridors to the gift shop. It's really tacky. You can buy shirts there that say things like, 'I lost all my money at Harrah's, but at least I have this shirt.' And also little, badly-made teddy bears with 'I Heart AC' emblazoned on them. And also slot machine banks. You get the idea. But they do indeed sell candy.
Gir: I want Milk Duds an' Whoppers an' M&Ms an' Circus Peanuts an'—
KidK: Hold it, Gir, I'm not that rich…I think I've got enough so everybody can have something.
Gir: Then I want M&Ms!
Mike-the-Brother: Good thinking. More pieces in a bag.
Gir: I like the colors! They melt in my hand, not in my mouth!
Mike-the-Brother: Okaaaay. Can I have Twizzlers?
Dib: Ew, who eats Twizzlers?
Mike-the-Brother: I do. Wanna make something of it?
Dib: No. KidK, get me a roll of Wintergreen Lifesavers.
Mike-the-Brother (mocking Dib): Ew, who eats Wintergreen Lifesavers?
Dib: Smart people who want to have candy that'll last all day, that's who.
Gaz: Dib, shut up. I want Gummi Bears, KidK.
Dib: Gummi Bears?! Wahahahahaaaa!
Gaz: Yeah, I like to pretend they're you and bite the heads off.
Dib: *gulp* Ahaha…
Zim: You silly humans and your silly candy! I do not require any of your sugary garbage.
KidK: You say that now, but I'll bet money that in a few minutes you'll be wanting some of my Whoppers.
Zim (always ready for an argument): I'll take that bet! How much?
KidK: Oh, I wasn't serious…
Zim: Come on!
Dib: Yeah, KidK, it'll be fun to watch Zim lose to you!
Mike-the-Brother: This is a betting establishment, after all…
KidK: *sigh* Fine. I'll bet you a ten-spot that by the end of the day, you'll be craving junk food.
Zim: Yes, and that's exactly what it is—junk. Junk that I wouldn't eat even if you forced me.
Gir: Missy! Look! It says 'Salt Water Taffy!' Is it really salty?
KidK: Naw, that's just what they call it. It's sweet, really.
Gir: Can I have some?
KidK: Maybe later we can con Mom and Dad into buying us a box.
Gir: Cooooool!
Mike-the-Brother: Can we go to the arcade now?
Gaz: There's an arcade here? And you didn't tell me?! I've already wasted so much time just standing here, when I could've been playing at an arcade?!
Dib: Calm down, sis. We'll get there eventually.
Gaz: I can't wait that long! I must play pinball! And Formula One! And the game with the gun that nobody really knows how to play!
KidK: OK, looks like the arcade is our next stop then.
She buys the candy and then everyone follows her out of the store, back down the hallways, and up the escalator to the third floor, where the dinky little arcade is.
Mike-the-Brother: Remember, guys, this is really just an arcade for people who are staying at the hotel. So just follow my lead and I'll say we've got a room.
Dib: Heh heh, you'll probably blow it, Mike.
Mike-the-Brother: Oh yeah? You wanna make a little wager on that?
Dib: Um, no?
Zim: I'll bet with you! Five bucks says you can't get past the security monster by the door!
Mike-the-Brother: Ha! Done! But what you didn't know is that I'm an expert at this!
He goes up to the security lady's desk.
Security Lady: You kids with a party?
Gir: Party? Where?!
Mike-the-Brother: Of course we are, my good woman. Now may we please have little armband thingies that say that we may play games at this fine arcade?
Security Lady: Alright, Mister, you can't fool me! Nobody's that nice to a hotel employee that isn't trying to pull something! Now get out of my face and come back when you get a room!
Mike-the-Brother: What? You doubt my integrity? Excuse me, ma'am, but if we aren't staying here then how did we get this?
He holds up a pamphlet that lists all the movies you can have played in your hotel room.
Security Lady: Oh, sorry kid. OK, you and your friends can play. (she gives them the little armband thingies)
KidK (out of the Security Lady's earshot): Mike, where did you get that?
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, Mom and Dad brought it back last time they stayed here (note: see 'My Fair KidK'). You know, one of Dad's little 'joke souvenirs.' I figured it might come in handy for just such an occasion. Hey, Zim, you owe me a fiver.
Zim: Fine. Here. (he forks over the cash)
Dib: Huh, Mike-the-Brother did something smart for a change…
Gaz: Quiet! I'm trying to decide what game to play first!
Mike-the-Brother: Let's race on the motorcycle-y game thing!
Gaz: Yeah!
KidK: Mike, why do you bother? You know Gaz is gonna trounce you.
Mike-the-Brother: Not this time!
Dib: Who wants to bet that Mike loses once again?
KidK: That's not a fair bet.
Mike-the-Brother: Hey!
Zim: Why not? He's bound to win sometime. Let's make the odds ten to one and bet two bucks. That way when I win you'll have to pay me twenty! Wahahahahaaaa! I'll be rich!
KidK: Methinks you have a bit of a gambling problem, Zimmy.
Zim: Who, me? No way! Now are you gonna bet or not?
Dib: I'm in. This'll be the easiest two bucks I've ever made.
KidK: I'm not gonna contribute to Zim's addiction anymore…he's already gonna owe me ten dollars.
Gir: Oooooo, the Spider Crushing game! Play with me Missy!
KidK: Cool!
She wanders over to play the Spider Crushing game, which is where there's a platform with buttons on it, and you hafta step on 'em when they light up. Kinda like Whak-a-Mole, but with spiders. Meanwhile, Gaz and Mike-the-Brother hop up onto the plastic motorcycles and begin their race.
Dib: Yeah Gaz! Leave him in the dust!
Gaz: Shut up! I can't concentrate!
Zim: Yes! Yesssss! She can't concentrate!
Despite all the yelling, Gaz of course triumphs. Will Mike-the-Brother ever best her? Probably not.
Dib: Heh. We all tried to warn you, Zim, but did you listen? Noooo. Now you gotta pay up!
Zim: Ugh, stupid humans…(he gives Dib $2) Stupid, stupid Mike! How dare you lose my bet!
Mike-the-Brother: Bring it on!
Zim (looking up at Mike's extreme height): Um, no, I'd better not.
Mike-the-Brother: That's what I thought.
Gaz: Are we talking or are we playing?! Let's do some Air Hockey!
Zim: I'll bet you Mike wins this one…
Dib: Whoa, KidK was right. You are addicted!
Zim: No I'm not! I can quit any time I want!
Dib: Riiiiiight. Well, I'm about to earn another two bucks…
About twenty minutes and several lost wagers later, Zim runs out of pocket money.
Gir: Yaaaaaay! I'm bowlin'! Go ball! (he throws a Skee Ball)
KidK: Gir, if you don't throw the ball harder it'll never get up the ramp.
Gir: Really?
KidK: No. And the goal is to get the balls to go in the holes up there. You get points for it.
Gir: Like this? (he rolls the ball into the 100 point hole)
KidK: O_o ……………………
Zim (dashing over): KidK! You gotta spot me ten bucks! Mike's gonna win this time! I can feel it! (wow is he spazzing)
KidK: Zim, go away. I'm not giving you any money. You've got issues.
Zim: How can you be so cruel?! (he jumps up and grabs her shirt collar, pulling her down) Just give me the money!!!
KidK: No! Look, you need to stop. Now go sit in the chair over there until it's time to go. It's for your own good.
Zim (stomping over to the chair): Feh. Who does she think she is?
The gang fools around in the arcade for a while longer, and then it's time to go back down and meet up with the parental units.
Gir: Mommy! Daddy! Whatja bring me?
KidK's Dad: We won 600 quarters! Well, she did, anyway.
KidK's Mom: Actually, it was 700, but after winning we just couldn't stop playing! (note: based on a true occurrence)
Dib: Six hundred? Wow, that's a lot! (he calculates this) A hundred fifty dollars!
Mike-the-Brother: Why didn't you stop when you had 700?
KidK's Mom: I don't know! There was just this…lucky feeling!
Zim: Ha! She knows what I'm talking about!
Dib: Only in your case it should be an unlucky feeling.
KidK's Dad: What're you talking about?
KidK: Zim's been making bets.
KidK's Mom: Oh, honey, I told you not to gamble!
KidK: Oh, not gambling. We didn't play Kino or anything. Just bets on who'd win video games and stuff.
KidK's Mom: Oh, well that's alright then. That's harmless.
Zim: See? Your Mom doesn't care…. Hey, Mrs….KidK's Mom…can you loan me ten dollars?
KidK's Mom: Why not? I've got some to spare, now. (she gives him ten dollars worth of quarters) So who wants some early dinner?
Gir: Yay! Food!
Dib: What restaurants are here?
Mike-the-Brother: Let's go to the Fantasea Reef!
KidK: Yeah!
Let me fill you in on this. The Fantasea Reef is a theme restaurant featuring fish tanks and fun fake coral that glows and stuff. It's all-you-can-eat, and there's everything from seafood to stir fry. Personally, I like the fried ravioli best. It's weird, but this place is hooked on to the building via the big casino area. Kids are allowed, but the group hasta be accompanied past the slot machines by a security guard. Really. Harrah's is strange. If kids even step one foot off the regular carpet onto the casino's different pattern as a joke, hotel guards swoop down on them. But Gir doesn't know that, of course.
Gir: It's over there! I see it! Yaaaaaaay! (he skips off into the throng of gamblers)
KidK's Mom: Gir! No! Wait! (she runs after him and scoops him up) You can't go in there without the policeman's permission.
Gir: Why?
KidK's Mom: Because it's a law.
Gir: Ohhhhhhhh.
Security Jerk: Hey, ma'am, no kids allowed in here. Or…green things…
KidK's Mom: I know that. My family wants to get to the Fantasea Reef. Can you help us?
Security Jerk: Sure. (he eyes the group warily) Geez, you've got a weird family there. All those kids yours? Mister, I think your wife's been cheating on you.
KidK's Dad (furious): Those are my daughter's friends! And anyway it's none of your business!!!!!
Gaz: Shut up and do your job!
Security Jerk (scared—KidK's Dad is taller than Mike and Gaz is just scary): Er…sorry…follow me, please.
Gir: We get to visit the shiny place! Lookit all the lights! Whee!
Zim: So this is where you humans can win big money, huh? What do you do?
KidK: You put quarters in and pull the handle. If the little pictures line up in a row, you win.
Zim: But it's all based on luck! It's just pointless activity!
KidK's Mom: Pointless activity that's gonna pay for your food.
Zim: Right, right. And why are earth children not allowed to participate in this folly?
Dib: Because if we do we're more likely to get addicted and lose all our parents' money.
Crazy Gambling Guy: That was my last dollar! My whole life's savings gone! Where's my gun—it's time to end it all!
Zim: You were saying?
Dib: You know, you've actually got a point there.
Security Jerk: Well, we're here. Wanna tip me?
KidK's Dad: OK, here's a tip--'Shut up.'
Security Jerk: Er, yes sir.
The group gets a table and then begins the fun all-you-can-eat tradition of going up to the buffet tables and bringing back 'courses' featuring only one kind of food. That's the only way to do it, really! If you don't do it like this you're eating cold food needlessly! Heed my words—less is better! And you get more exercise!
KidK: I'm gonna get mashed potatoes this time.
Mike-the-Brother: Ew, they're the kind with the skins still in.
Dib (piling the potatoes onto his plate): It's just mashed potatoes, Mike. You're really that picky?
Gaz (shoving Dib): Move! What, now you own all the potatoes too?
Gir: Yay! Taters!
KidK: Why did everyone follow me over here?
KidK's Mom: I guess you're just popular, honey. Now can I please get past you to the potatoes?
KidK's Dad (over at the shrimp): I hope the shrimp are good this time…look, they have crab legs too!
And so everyone had a nice meal of various good foods, including mashed potatoes, shrimp, crab legs, fried ravioli, turkey, roast beef, fried chicken, wonton soup, and manicotti (the Fantasea Reef is an eclectic restaurant, and if you don't know what that means then please look it up—it'll benefit you on the SATs). Suddenly, KidK makes an observation.
KidK: Has anyone seen Zim lately?
Gaz: No.
Dib: Not me.
KidK's Mom: He asked to be excused to the bathroom a pretty long time ago…
Mike-the-Brother: Heh. I'll bet he's out using Mom's ten bucks in the slot machines.
KidK (staring at Mike): Mike…you may have something there…oh no!
Just then, a security guard comes into the restaurant, holding Zim by the collar.
Security Thug: Does this kid belong to anyone here?
Zim: Put me down, earth monkey! Or feel my wrath!
KidK's Dad: Over here! He's with us!
Security Thug (coming over): Well, sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta ask you to leave.
KidK's Dad: What? Why?!
Security Thug: For leaving your kid unattended.
Zim: Listen here! I am not a 'kid!'
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, Zim's just incredibly short!
Dib: How old are you, anyway, Zim?
Zim: Old enough to know that this guy's asking for doom! What's the harm in putting money into the machine? That's what it's there for, yes?
Security Thug: But if people found out that kids were gambling here, we'd get in big trouble.
Zim: I already told you that I'm not a kid!
Security Thug: Prove it. Where's your drivers' license?
Zim (deflated): Um…I left it in my other pants?
Security Thug: Yeah, right, junior. Now won't you all please leave? I'm sorry, but it's the rules!
KidK's Dad: Let me tell you something, pal…
KidK's Mom: Come on, kids, let's go.
KidK's Mom ushers everyone away while KidK's Dad does his thing. He's been known to yell at people who treat his family unjustly, and to point out the error of their ways. It's pretty funny, sometimes, the great insults he comes up with. Huh, kinda like 'Nny, but without the killing…. I luv Daddy. ^.^ Anyway, he rejoins them outside.
KidK's Dad (fuming): He laughed at me! That pompous piece of—
KidK's Mom: Now, honey, there's no point in yelling. Who wants to go to the boardwalk?
Gir: Yay! (he pauses) Um…whatsa boardwalk?
Mike-the-Brother: It's a walkway made of wood that has beach on one side and cheesy shops on the other.
Gaz: It's also the freak capital of the world.
Dib: Yeah, remember that guy who was painted silver?
Gir: OK! Cooooool!
They get into their respective cars and drive through Atlantic City to the boardwalk area. They park again, and begin their trek.
KidK: Gosh it's hot out here!
Mike-the-Brother: I'm gonna get a tan today, boy oh boy!
KidK: Oh no! That's right! Great, the one time I forget the sunscreen…
Gir: Look at the T-shirts! I want the one with the funny clown!
Zim: No, Gir, that's a picture of the earthling President.
KidK: *snicker* Whoa, hey! (she almost falls over as some skateboarders roar past)
Zim: Watch where you're going, stink beasts!
Skateboard Numbskull1: Why should we?
Skateboard Numbskull2: Yeah, we own the boardwalk!
Skateboard Numbskull3: Uhhhhh…huh huh. Yeah…
Zim: You own the boardwalk?! No way! I am the owner of all I survey! (he shakes his fist in their direction) Obey my fist!
Skateboard Numbskull1: Yeah right, dude. The only person we obey is the person who beats us in a skateboard race.
Zim: Well…(he shoves Mike-the-Brother in front of him) I'll bet Mike here can beat you!
Mike-the-Brother: Hey! I can't skateboard!
Zim: Yes! See how modest he is? I think I'll bet you…(he checks his money) five dollars that he wins. And then you also must apologize to my friend here (he indicates KidK).
Skateboard Numbskull2 (grinning lewdly): Yeah, your girlfriend…
KidK's Dad: Hey, mister, I may allow my son to enter a skateboard race with people I've never seen before, but let me assure you that my daughter is not allowed to date anyone until…well…ever!
KidK's Mom: That's right. (to Mike-the-Brother) Go for it, honey.
Dib: Well, this oughtta be good.
Gaz: Yeah, Mike can't beat me, but maybe he can beat these idiots.
Skateboard Numbskull1: Are we racing or what? You probably can't even beat Knuckles here (he points at Skateboard Numbskull3, the extreme moron of the group).
Mike-the-Brother (outraged): Gimme a board! I'll take you down!
They race. Mike-the-Brother, who has never ridden a skateboard in his life, of course falls on his face and loses. The three numbskulls zoom off after collecting their winnings, yelling taunts.
Zim: Man! You'd think he'd win one of these days!
KidK: You know, it's kind of touching the way you never give up on him.
Zim: What do you mean? I'm talking about odds, here.
KidK: Oh. (she catches sight of a store) Look, guys, the candy store!
Dib: Yeah, that's where they sell the best salt water taffy in the city!
Gir: Taffy! Whee! Can we get some, Mommy?
KidK's Mom: Why not? We still have some money left.
Gir: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! (he runs off in the direction of the store)
KidK's Dad: I don't think that robot needs any more sugar.
KidK's Mom: But it makes him so happy!
Everyone goes into the store, which indeed features salt water taffy. There are many many containers of different flavors taking up a whole wall. You know the store Mr. Bulky's? How they have the jellybeans there? That's how the taffy is here.
KidK's Mom: Now let's get a box and fill it up…
Dib: Don't worry, Mrs….KidK's Mom, Gaz and I'll buy our own box.
KidK: Actually, I'll buy my own too, so I can have it for a really long time in my room and get only the flavors I want.
Gir: I want all the flavors! Strawberry, orange, vanilla, molasses, peppermint…there's so many!
KidK: Yup! ^_^
They buy their boxes of salt water taffy and exit the store. Now it's time to continue down the boardwalk!
Gir (pointing): Oooo, lookit the shiny people!
KidK's Mom: Looks like they're doing the gladiator show at Caesar's…
KidK: You know, we've never actually watched that. We always seem to pass this place too late in the day for it.
KidK's Dad: Well, usually we get to stay for a full dinner…(he glares at Zim)
Dib: I've seen this. You haven't missed anything…basically it's just some guys in fake armor pretending to fight.
KidK: So…it's like WWF but with gladiators?
Dib: Right.
Gaz: And it's always the same! Boring! These guys don't have anything on the gladiator cyborgs from 'Bloody Roman Spears of Conquest.'
Mike-the-Brother: Oh, I don't have that one…is it really good?
Gaz: Yeah, you get to go around conquering cities and killing everyone in sight who gets in your way.
Mike-the-Brother: Mom…
KidK's Mom: No, honey, you may not borrow $29.99. Last time I gave you video game money you promised you'd pay me back and you didn't.
KidK: Heehee, Mike's poor!
Gir (who has by now forgotten the 'shiny people'): Wow, all the birdies love that lady!
KidK: Ah, yes. The obligatory 'pigeon and seagull woman.'
Zim: Aargh! She must be the master of the webfoot bird monsters! (he runs over to the bag lady) You! Disgusting bird mistress! Do you dare tempt the wrath of Zim?!
Insane Bird Woman: Why hello there, sonny. Would you like to buy a bag of bird food? It's three dollars a bag.
Dib (sarcastically): And here I thought it would only cost tuppence…
KidK: That's inflation for you.
Zim: I don't want your bird food, filthy beast! I want revenge!
Insane Bird Woman: Revenge? What do you mean, dear?
Zim: Earlier today one of your feather…creatures attacked me and stole…um…something from me! I knew then that the thing was evil, but I had believed that it was acting alone. Now I understand that it was you who were behind it the whole time!
Insane Bird Woman: Ack! You've discovered my secret! But your knowledge will only bring you pain, for you are no match for my loyal army of pickpocket seagulls and pigeons! Fly, my pretties! Fly!
Pigeons (ignoring her): Coo…coocoo…*flap flap peck at the boardwalk*
Seagulls (equally uninterested): Squaw? *waddle waddle* Scree!
Insane Bird Woman: Ahahaha…^_^*
Zim: A-ha! You thought you could overpower me?! The amazing invader Zim?! Your bird minions are hardly trained at all! Now witness the might of a truly obedient tool of destruction! Gir! Vaporize this woman!
Gir: Yay! I like vaporizing! (he is, not surprisingly, distracted) Waitaminnit…I wanna play with the birdies!
Gir runs over to the flock of seagulls (not a reference to the rock band in any way) and squeals with delight when the birds scatter.
Gir: Heehee! I'll get you yet! (imitating the seagulls) Squawk squawk!
Zim: Um…Gir?
Gir (halting his pursuit): Yeah, Master?
Zim: I told you to vaporize the hideous monster woman!
Gir: Awwww! But the birdies…
Insane Bird Woman: Ha! My minions have triumphed after all! They have rendered your dog-thingy useless!
Gaz (sick of this): Oh, will you both just please cut it out so we can move on already? God, you're all so immature!
Mike-the-Brother: Yeah, I'm bored. Let's go find an arcade somewhere.
KidK's Mom: Oh, no. You've had enough arcade fun for today.
KidK: Plus it's unfair to expose Zim to yet another situation that'll end up bankrupting him.
Dib: Aw, but I've almost collected enough for that particle accelerator I've had my eye on!
Zim (off in the background): You may believe you have won this round, bird master, but I have hardly begun to show you the power of an invader! I shall return someday to vanquish you!
Insane Bird Woman: In the meantime, are you sure you don't want any bird food?
Gir: Oh, Master, can I get some? I luv the smelly birdies!
Zim: No. I don't have any money.
KidK: Here you go, Gir.
KidK gives Gir three bucks, which he gleefully uses to purchase bird food. The group walks away from the Insane Bird Woman, who is cackling triumphantly, and Gir randomly tosses the seed mixture. To his great happiness, the Bird Woman's flock begins to follow him down the boardwalk.
Gir: Yay! They luv me too! Can I have them as a pet?
KidK's Dad: Not a chance in—hello! What's that?
KidK's Dad walks over to a wall sporting a poster that says 'Jethro Tull' on it. Unfortunately, it's not for an upcoming concert as he had believed, but for one that already happened…two years ago.
KidK's Dad: Why don't they ever take their signs down around here?
Dib: They're probably hoping that you'd see the poster and then go inside the casino to investigate, thus opening yourself up to the opportunity to waste vast amounts of money at the slots.
Gaz: God, Dib, everything's a conspiracy with you, isn't it? They're just lazy is all!
KidK's Mom (consoling Dad): It's OK, honey. The Tull will be back next year.
KidK's Dad: Okay…
KidK: Now that that's sorted out, let's commence to buying stupid souvenir thingies!
Gir: Yippeeeeeeeee!
Zim: Oy…why do I live with you again?
They wander around to the lame shops and laugh at the worthless junk being sold at high prices. It's getting late, so they all walk back to the cars and begin the journey home.
Zim (stomach growl): Um…KidK?
KidK: Yes, Zim?
Zim: Well, you know how I didn't get to eat anything at the restaurant…
KidK: Because you were off being bad?
Zim: Yeah. Well, now I'm hungry and I was wondering if maybe I could have one of your little candy thingies.
KidK (handing him the box): Oh, sure, Zim, no problem! Have whatever kind you want, except the wintergreens, cuz those are mine.
Zim (selecting a chocolate taffy): Thanks.
KidK (taking the box back): Now give me my ten bucks.
Zim: What?
KidK: Remember? You bet me ten bucks that you wouldn't eat any junk food today.
Zim: I did? No I didn't!
Dib: You sure did, Zim. It was your first bet of the day.
Zim: Oh. Well I don't have any more money, anyway, so I suppose that—
KidK: Oh, no. Don't think you're weaseling out of this, Zim. You need to learn the consequences of gambling! So now you hafta be my personal slave for the whole day tomorrow! Muhahahahaaaaaa!
Dib: What're ya gonna make him do, KidK?
KidK (smugly): Whatever I want!
Dib: I'll bet you don't make him do anything. You guys like each other too much…heh heh, Zim is KidK's slave all right…*snicker*
Zim: I obey no one!
KidK: Er, yeah, forget I said anything…
Gaz: Would you all just shut up? I'm trying to play back here!
Gir: Can we listen to All-Backstreet now?
All: No!
And so the day at Atlantic City was over. Dib and Gaz got dropped off at their house, and KidK's family (and Zim and Gir, of course) returned to their blue dwelling. By now, it's nighttime. KidK goes up to her room and pours the salt water taffy out of the box into the candy dish on her desk. Then she notices a scrap of paper on the desk.
KidK (reading aloud): 'I was here, but you weren't. Be back later. Yours, Johnny C.' Uh oh, better leave the window open tonight…
Gir: Can I have a taffy, Missy?
KidK: What kind?
Gir: Ummmmmm…all of them?
KidK: You goofball! ^_^ Here, have an orange.
Gir: Thank you…(he gets teary-eyed) I luv you…
KidK: I luv you too, Gir. Now why don't you go down to bed, hmmm?
Gir: OK! (he runs off, passing Zim in the hallway)
Zim: Um, you didn't mean what you said about the slave thing, did you? Because, as you know, I don't take orders from humans.
KidK: No, I was just kidding…it's OK not to give me the money…I mean, we are friends and all…
Zim: Oh, I'll give you the money…once I get some, anyway. Fear not! My debt shall be repaid, on my honor as an invader and as a friend!
KidK (laughing): Fine. Want a bedtime taffy, bestest pal?
Zim: Yes. (he takes one)
KidK: Okay, want a bedtime hug?
Zim: Well, since no one's looking…(they have a cute little hug)
KidK: 'Night, Zimmy! ^_^
Zim (affectionately): Goodnight, you crazy girl.
Later on that night, everyone is asleep, including KidK, who is just as tired as everyone else from their long trip. Around midnight, KidK wakes with a start to see a shadowy figure standing over her bed.
KidK (shocked): Wha--?!
'Nny: Shhhh! Don't wake your family up. Somehow I don't think they'd take too kindly to my being here.
KidK: Shut the door and put the light on. (she gets up and sits cross-legged on the bed)
'Nny (doing as she says): Where were you today?
KidK: Atlantic City. (patting the bed next to her) Here, sit down.
'Nny: That mecca of corruption? (suspiciously) You're not old enough to gamble, are you?
KidK: No, and I never will be, since I don't understand the point of it.
'Nny: Good. Sometime I should visit one of those casinos and then we'll see who wants to throw away their lives on a whim…*sigh*…you know, there just isn't much in this world that makes life worth living… (he looks down despondently)
KidK: Aw, 'Nny-kun! Don't be sad! Go get a taffy off my desk.
'Nny: No, that's okay…they don't make 'em in cherry. (he thinks a second) Wait. ''Nny coon?' What's that supposed to mean?
KidK: Oh, I'm sorry! I watch so much Japanese TV that sometimes I accidentally use the name suffixes. See, in Japan people put little words at the ends of people's names to show respect or affection. 'Kun'—that's k-u-n—is used to indicate a male friend.
'Nny: Oh…I'm your friend?
KidK: Sure, why not? We seem to get along well enough.
'Nny: Well, in that case, what do I stick on your name, since you're my female friend?
KidK: 'Chan.' But it doesn't sound right with my name.
'Nny: Hmmmm, 'Missy-chan…' No, you're right. Anyway, I really should be going. You need to sleep, and I…well…I need to walk home.
KidK: You walked all the way here? Where do you live?
'Nny (hurriedly): You don't want to know. And I never want you to come there, even if you do find out. Got that?
KidK: Um, sure. It doesn't matter, cuz you can always come here.
'Nny: Well, thanks. I don't know how, but seeing your face always cheers me up. (he gets up, then messes up her hair with a bony hand) Stay good, okay? (he goes over to the window) Oh, and tell that closet monster of yours that if I ever catch it looking at you like that again, I'll bash its skull in with a mace.
KidK: Er, yeah. Uh huh. Bye!
'Nny: See you! (he disappears out the window)
The next morning, while the house's kids are eating breakfast…
Mike-the-Brother: Who were you talking to last night, sis?
KidK: What? What do you mean?
Mike-the-Brother: Don't even try to pretend you don't know what I mean. There was someone in your room late last night!
KidK: Nuh-uh.
Mike-the-Brother: I'll bet it was that creepy guy from the Dairy Queen.
Gir: I luv Johnneeeee! He's so silly! Missy, don't you luv him too?
KidK: Uh, sure. But he wasn't in my room!
Mike-the-Brother: Riiiiiiight. Hey, Zim, you have a love rival!
KidK: Shut up! Or I'll beat you to a pulp! Stop bending quotes from 'CardCaptor Sakura' to your evil will!
Zim (who's been zoning out this conversation): Hey, I'll bet I can use those taffy things as rocket fuel…anyone want to take me up on that?
The End!
Gee, I Wonder If That Really Would Work…Those Candies Certainly Seem To Make My Energy Blast Off…I Need Some! Give Me Taffy Now!