A/N: Well, hello there! I know I have another story that I should really finish, namely 'The Great Mr Jane', but I'm kinda stuck with that one... I know, already after one chapter, but I don't even know if I want to continue that one... so I came up with this! Really, the idea started after I'd seen The Family Man, so yes, I got the inspiration from that movie but I'll try to make it as original as possible ^^
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
'Over again'
Jane's motel room had a great view on a gray building. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was almost Christmas, and these were the days where he missed them the most. He should be sitting with Charlotte around the Christmas tree, she probably texting some friend of hers – or worse, her boyfriend.
It should've been like that.
Instead, he was stuck in a motel with nothing else to do. No future at all. With no one.
Yes, his mind wandered to her again. He wondered sometimes how it would've been if he had just let go of his fear and indulged in that feeling he'd had the first time he'd met her.
He sighed again. His mind shouldn't go there. It was dangerous, it would make him wistful, sad. He shouldn't feel like that-
Dammit, he wanted her. And maybe that was just the problem – he didn't have her. Not in that way anyway. Not in the way he wanted to have her.
He shook his head, clearing his mind, and shrugged off his jacket. He had to stop thinking about her. He couldn't have her. He'd had enough chances, hell, he even suspected that they were laughing at him up there for his missed chances.
He fell face forward onto his bed, and within minutes, he fell asleep.
~OverAgain~
Jane woke up to the feel of a warm item pressed against his chest. A warm... breathing item.
He frowned, and opened his eyes, to be met by dark-brown hair. He froze - he would recognize that hair everywhere.
He shot up, and looked down immediately.
There she was. Teresa Lisbon. Vast asleep. Her little fist tucked under her chin, her face peaceful like she'd never looked like. Her belly rounded, not much, probably four or five months. He couldn't help but adore – wait, what? Her belly was rounded? Sure he'd missed something here.
"No! No! Perry, you're mean, give me my hairbrush back!" a small voice exclaimed from another room, and Jane straightened even further. That sounded like a child's voice.
What was going on here?
"Teresa?"
She groaned, and turned onto her other side, facing him, but her eyes stayed closed.
"No, Patrick, just a few more minutes. Please. Cho doesn't expect me at the office before eight."
Cho was expecting her?
"What do you mean?"
She opened one eye, then her eyebrows scrunched together in one of her typical Lisbon frowns.
"Are you alright, Patrick?"
He swallowed, ran a hand through his hair, and nodded. He didn't dare to say anything, he didn't trust his voice yet.
He really had no idea what was happening here.
Lisbon sighed, and pushed herself up. She unconsciously brushed her belly, then got up out of the bed and stood there for a few moments. Then, she turned around and quickly put a knee on the bed. She reached for him and pulled him closer, linking their lips.
Out of shock, he froze completely, only to melt into the kiss after a few moments. She tasted like a strange but delicious mixture of cinnamon and strawberries – he had no idea how she could taste like that, considering she'd only just woken up, but she did.
He felt a pang of guilt and regret spread through his body, and he pulled away as if burned. She looked at him, almost hurt, then just flashed him one of her breath-taking smiles, and left the room.
He could faintly hear a baby crying in between the other kids' ranting.
Jane fell back onto the pillow and took in everything he was witnessing right now.
He had been in bed with her, with Lisbon. She'd kissed him, her belly was rounded, so.. she was pregnant, probably of his child. There were children fighting in the background, and considering it was in the same building as he was, they had to be their children as well-
This... this couldn't be true. He had to be dreaming. This was all a dream. A beautiful, sweet, completely wrong dream.
He slapped his face, hard, but that only resulted in him winching in pain.
Okay, so this wasn't a dream.
What was it then? It sure as hell wasn't reality. It couldn't be. It... couldn't be.
"Patrick!" Lisbon exclaimed, and he shot up. He jumped out of the bed and ran through the house in search for Lisbon, his head light with confusion and... he couldn't quite figure that other one out yet. It did oddly feel like love, but that hardly could be true, right?
He found her in a bright pink nursery, balancing a baby on her hip while groaning and snorting. She looked up at him and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank God. I can't reach the diapers. I'm gonna fall, I know it."
He looked at her flabbergasted. Was this really real? Was he actually here with her? Was she actually holding a baby, was she actually pregnant? Was this, all of this, real?
He walked over to her, picked up the diapers she was reaching for and handed it to her. She smiled, and went to place the little human in her arms on the white with pink flowers decorated dresser.
He shook his head.
This wasn't really happening. This was just a dream. He was going to get dressed in one of his three-piece-suits, take his car and drive to the CBI for a good, healthy rest on his brown leather couch, and he would wake up by the feel of Teresa Lisbon's delicate hands pinching his nose – and she wouldn't be pregnant. That was it. That sounded like a great idea.
He ran out of the room, skipping the getting dressed part and running straight to the front door. He stepped onto the porch, looking out for his car, but much to his dismay saw a big family car instead. Dread spread inside his guts, even more than when he'd seen Lisbon next to him in bed, but he took what life gave him at that moment and sprinted over to the car. The keys were already in there – why where they there, that wasn't very responsible – and he drove away at top speed, reaching the HQ within minutes.
He ran through the security who tried to stop him, and ended up on the floor of the SCU.
The team's heads turned around, and Jane froze when he saw only Rigsby and Van Pelt sitting there, looking up at him.
"Oh, hey Patrick," Van Pelt said, cheerily, and Jane ignored the cold shiver that ran up and down his spine at hearing her saying his first name. When she saw his expression, her smile faltered and she got up. "What's wrong? Is something wrong with Lisbon, or the baby? Or the children-"
"Grace, who am I?"
Van Pelt froze in her rambling, blinking at him a few times as she registered what he'd just asked.
"Uh... you're Patrick Jane."
"Yes, I know that."
"Then why are you asking-"
"Why was Lisbon in bed with me this morning? And why was she pregnant, and why did I hear children screaming and why was she trying to change a baby's diaper-"
"Patrick, calm down," Van Pelt said, and moved him towards the corner where his couch was supposed to be. He turned around, and almost gasped when he saw a boring blue couch standing there.
"Where is my couch? What is going on?"
Van Pelt didn't respond, instead made him sit down on the offending piece of furniture and then sat down beside him.
"Patrick, is something wrong with you?"
He shook his head, hesitantly. "I... I don't think so, no."
She frowned even more, and looked at Rigsby. From Lisbon's office, Jane saw Cho exiting, arms crossed against his chest.
"Patrick," he said, and Jane almost groaned. Why did everybody call him Patrick?
"What is happening? Why is all of this happening? Why is Cho suddenly in Lisbon's office? Where is my couch?"
He had never in his whole life felt as confused as he was now. He usually wouldn't be confused over things because he knew about almost everything. Now that he didn't know about this certain thing, he decided he didn't like the change at all.
"Patrick," Van Pelt said again, softly. "That's Cho's office."
Then, it suddenly clicked. Jane almost gasped at the realization.
This must be his subconscious messing with him. Rubbing it in his face that he'd waited too long, that Lisbon was gone and that he couldn't move on with her anymore.
Well, what a sick joke.
"Grace, tell me about me and Lisbon."
Van Pelt frowned again.
"Really, you sure you're fine?"
"Me and Lisbon."
"Well... you two are married, for... seven years now. You have five kids, three boys and two daughters."
Five kids. It felt like a fist hitting his face at full force. Five kids, five kids he didn't actually have, but wanted to have.
"Their names?"
"Patrick," Van Pelt breathed, as if it was the biggest sin he'd ever committed, and it did feel like that for him, for a reason he couldn't put into words. She sighed, and averted her eyes. "Perry and Allen, the twin, they're seven. Then there's Veronica, she's six, four-year-old Dale and Emma, she's one. Really, Patrick, what are you doing here?"
"I work here."
"No you don't," Cho deadpanned.
"What do you mean, I don't work here?"
Cho looked at Van Pelt, who picked up again. Though Jane was sure none of them understood what was happening here – but he didn't know either.
"CBI regulations said you weren't allowed to marry, so you quit. You wanted to look for a job but when she became pregnant, you decided it wasn't so important. When the twin was born you completely threw finding a job out of the window."
"And... why is Lisbon not a team leader anymore?"
Van Pelt hesitated. "She, uhm... physically, she couldn't take it anymore, after the first birth. She made too many hours and she almost collapsed when we were chasing someone. Also, her second pregnancy-"
"She just couldn't take it anymore," Cho interrupted. It seemed as if he didn't like talking about the boss like that, like she was weak, which she wasn't, obviously.
Jane suddenly grew very calm, plastering a matching calm expression on his face. He didn't know where he got it from, but he did feel it.
"Okay. Thank you."
"Hello folks, Cat's in the house," an enthusiastic voice exclaimed, and was soon followed by a just as enthusiastic girl. She smiled brightly, and chewed her chewing gum like there was no tomorrow. She was wearing a short pink dress, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. Over her right shoulder was a sports bag.
Her smile faltered a bit when she spotted Jane.
"Oh, uhm... Hi?"
The team exchanged some looks, but Jane stood before they had the chance to explain things.
"Who are you?"
"Cat. Well, Catherine. But most people call me Cat." She walked over to Jane and shook his hand. "And you are...?"
Jane looked at the team who did not seem to be disturbed by the girl's behavior – so they were used to it.
"Patrick Jane."
The girl's eyes widened, and she dropped her bag onto the floor. "You're... Teresa's husband? Like, from the stuff that the guys talk about and all? Like, as in, you're the father of Teresa's children. And you're here? Like, you're really here here?"
"Cat," Van Pelt said, and the girl stopped with rambling. She looked at Jane for a few more moments, before she shrugged, picked up her bag and went to Cho's desk – which was probably hers now.
"Are you... a cop or something?" Jane asked. Cat huffed.
"Yeah, you can say that. Not a real cop like your wife, no, but I'm becoming one, if that counts."
"Sure."
The two looked at each other for a good minute, before she approached him and grabbed his wrist.
"Can I talk with you for a moment?" she asked, but didn't wait for his answer. Much to his surprise, she pulled him with her to his attic. It looked as it looked like before he'd started to basically live there – which obviously made sense since it seemed he'd never really obsessed up here, considering he was actually married to Lisbon.
She immediately turned around to him and started explaining.
"Okay, you're here for a reason, and you know it too. I know you're not really the Patrick Jane from this world, though you do look just like him. The thing is, they hate you up there. And I know that this sounds so strange, but it's true. You've been turning around her for eight years, eight years, can you even believe this? I mean, the longest I've waited before asking a guy out was basically five days! But, sorry, that's not the point at all. What I'm trying to say is that you need to learn your lesson."
"How am I going to learn my lesson from something like this?"
She looked at him with an incredulous look on her face. Then, when she realized he really didn't know what he could learn, she continued with a sigh.
"Well, you get to see what you missed out on. You know, in this world, you never obsessed about Red John anymore. You took everyone's advice into consideration and then began to see Teresa. And then... yeah, well, the rest is history. For me, that is. I mean, I'm not real or anything, but-"
"Cat, focus."
"Right. What I was trying to say is that you are a good person in this world, Patrick. Though it's not a world, more like a glimpse. It's not real, it just feels like it. You can do all the things you want until your time is up."
Jane frowned. "And when's that?"
"Depends. Though with you and your love for Teresa and children, that's going to be sooner than you think."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, nothing in particular. I'm just here to make sure you do everything right, that you don't cheat like you always seem to do. Just enjoy being here, Patrick. Can you do that? Just take in all the information you get from everyone and scold yourself afterwards because you were stupid not to see the possibilities. You know, once you get back, you'll come back to a heartbroken Teresa and a team that hates you. Nobody hates you here."
They were quiet for quite a while, and Jane took the opportunity to walk over to the big windows and gaze upon the city. It hadn't changed a thing, everything outside was still as it had been in 'his' world, yet in Jane's life, everything seemed to have changed. And he wasn't sure if he wanted that, if he could stand changes at this moment.
"What about Red John?" Jane asked on a whim, it being the only thing he could think about rationally.
"Red who- Oh, Red John." That didn't sound promising. "You kinda... how do I say this? Abandoned him. I wouldn't know what happened to him, to be honest. He could be dead, but he could also still be out there. And, to be frank, you don't care either. Not in this world. Because you've got a beautiful wife and five beautiful children. You simply stopped caring, because you started to realize that his death would not bring your family back."
Jane swallowed and faced the girl, who was now sitting on what used to be his make-shift bed, but was now a pile of cardboard boxes. She was still chewing her chewing gum, but appeared to have slowed down the speed a tad.
"It's of no use to go and look for him here, Patrick. And anyway, it'll only bring your new family into danger, and you don't want that, do you?"
Jane shook his head without really thinking about it. Was he really already this sure? Was he really going to accept this 'glimpse' as if it was a book gifted to him on his birthday? Who was he to decide over such things-
"If I were you, I'd call Teresa. I don't know that much about you, but trust me, if she doesn't hear from you, I do know that you'll be a dead man. Do you... uh, need a ride or something?"
It took a few moments for Jane to actually catch his tongue again.
"You can actually drive?"
Cat rolled her eyes and jumped off the boxes. "How old am I, ten? Of course I can drive, I'm nineteen."
Jane actually smiled and walked up to the girl. Then, he realized something, and he almost blushed with embarrassment.
She seemed to have read his mind, and it annoyed him up to a point. Which made him wonder how people could put up with him all the time.
"Oh, come on, Patrick. I know you're stressed, I don't care at all that you're still in your PJ's. Now, follow me and I'll bring you back home. Where's your car?"
~OverAgain~
True to her words, Cat actually managed to bring him home safely – with the family car, of course. It didn't mean that it was a nice and relaxing drive but that was something for later care.
He hesitated on the front porch, looking at the big house that he appeared to live in. He briefly wondered whether he picked it, or if Lisbon did. Probably her.
He took in a deep breath and walked up to the door. He didn't have to knock anymore though, it flew open as soon as his hand reached up.
"Oh my god, I hate you sometimes, Patrick Jane! Where the hell have you been? You think this is funny, leaving me alone with five kids? Dammit to hell..." That wasn't the only thing Lisbon exclaimed, but Jane skillfully shut her out. So there was still a thing the same – Lisbon could still be angry as hell.
She angrily pulled him inside and pushed him into the kitchen.
Ten curious eyes peaked up at him, and he almost backed out. Instead, Lisbon pushed him to one of the empty chairs and made him sit down, before sitting down as well. Both of them were sitting at the ends of the table, making the whole picture look like a formal dinner rather than a messy breakfast.
He noticed she was done ranting and was now just looking at him, clearly showing her disappointment.
"Where were you?" she asked, softly, obviously ignoring all the kids that looked from him to her and back again.
"I was at work."
Lisbon sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You don't have a job, Patrick-"
"Your job," he said quickly, and her head shot up.
"Why were you at the CBI?"
"I... I..." Yeah, great one, Patrick Jane, how are you going to explain this without breaking her heart? Oh, I'm sorry Teresa, but this isn't me. I'm not actually married to you and we don't actually have five children and one on the way. I'm actually a mean, cold, selfish, arrogant SOB that hurts your feelings on a daily basis and that sleeps with women behind your back while it is you that I actually want to make love to. And oh, I merely wanted to drop by at the CBI because that sounded like a good idea in my head.
That was the worst plan he'd ever thought of – and he had thought of a lot of crazy things.
"Just... checking on my old friends."
Lisbon frowned, but then let it go when the baby beside her let out a tiny noise that indicated she was lacking attention.
Now, the attention of the other kids switched back to him.
"Are you alright, Daddy?" one of the older boys asked, and Jane was tempted to say 'no', but instead just nodded.
Just enjoy being here, Patrick. Just enjoy being here. Cat's words reverberated in his mind.
Okay, so he was going to do just that.
He straightened his back and plastered on a smile, the smile turning into a real one when he saw all the unhappy faces, including Lisbon's, became happy faces.
He was about to say something when he was attacked by a sea of words, coming from everywhere around the table except from him.
He heard something about ballet class, and about the games that were on tonight, and even Lisbon joined in the sea, but maybe that was just to tease him, if her smile was any indication.
He lifted a hand and everybody went quiet again.
Wow, how did he teach them that? He had to make notes of this.
Six faces were now staring up at him, hopefully, and he swallowed. This felt like standing in front of a crowd, and though he had no trouble with it when the people in the crowd were all adults, he was actually nervous of standing in front of five children – even though one child couldn't possibly voice her thoughts.
He was going to fail now, he didn't know their names or what they liked, he couldn't possibly- Wait a minute, Van Pelt had explained everything to him.
Perry and Allen, the twin, they're seven.
He searched for their faces and was done rather quickly when he spotted two identical expressions sitting across from each other. It was remarkable how they looked like Lisbon, and then twice. And he made a mental-note to find a way of keeping them apart, because really, there was nothing more terrible than mistaking twins over and over again.
Then there's Veronica, she's six...
At the other side of Lisbon, across from the baby, was a girl sitting. Again, she too was the splitting image of her mother – and that was probably for the best. She was wearing bright pink PJ's with little ballerinas on it, so she had to be the one talking about ballet classes. She had to feel terribly lonely since she was the only girl – or, the only girl that could actually already act like one, since the baby obviously couldn't.
...four-year-old Dale...
Next to himself was a boy sitting, and he appeared to be less enthusiastic about all that was happening around him than the rest. He had his hands folded in his lap, and he was shyly looking from his mother to his father, making sure he didn't make eye-contact with anyone in the process. So he was a shy boy. Jane had to do something about that.
...and Emma, she's one.
Well, that one was the obvious one – the one that was not paying attention to her parents but instead chuckled and giggled as Lisbon pretended her food was an airplane.
He froze as he realized what he'd thought about most of the kids; he was making promises already about how to behave like a proper daddy, while he wasn't.
He lowered his hand, and within seconds, the sea starting roaring again, only now, Lisbon was quiet and looking at him.
He could see that she could see that something was wrong with him – she'd always been much more observant than him concerning feelings and now wasn't an exception, apparently.
He swallowed, and she did too.
I'm okay, don't worry, he mouthed, and she seemed to doubt the words a few seconds, before she just smiled a faint smile and focused back on Emma again.
So maybe he really was okay. Okay with all of this. It wasn't like he'd never imagined himself to have a family with her one day – in fact, he'd thought about that right before he went to sleep and ended up here when he awoke.
So he would listen to somebody for once and enjoy his time in this 'glimpse', before it was over.
A/N: So, what do you think? Let me know please!