Before It's Too Late
A/N 1 – The characters aren't mine, but I'm playing with them.
A/N 2 – This is another take on my Tell Her About It story, and will use the song again. Hope you enjoy it. The line "See, Hawke? I told you LA traffic is more dangerous than flying in the Lady!" came from Sirius7...Thanks, Sirius! I owe ya for that one! – robertwnielsen
"Hey, String! You seen Cait around here?" Dominic Santini bellowed at his younger surrogate son as he unlocked the office door. Dom had been inside the office working on some paperwork, but had taken the time to make a phone call to the local radio station's all-request and dedication show. I just hope she gets here before they play it, Dom said to himself.
"No, Dom, I haven't...but I haven't exactly been looking for her, either," Stringfellow Hawke replied from underneath a chopper, where he was working. "Cait's a big girl, you know...she can take care of herself," Hawke continued as he scrambled out from under the helicopter, got to his feet, then realized what he'd said. So you admit it, a voice said in his mind. So what are you gonna do now? Aloud, he said, "What the heck were you doing in the office, Dom?"
"Me? Nothing," Dom said, even as he prayed his nerves wouldn't betray him. "Why do you think I was doing something in there?"
"Well, as long as it was actual work," Hawke said with a smile directed at his surrogate father, "I guess it's okay. I just wonder what kept you in there for so long, that's all."
"String. I'm hurt," Dominic said, clutching his chest with a grin as he did so. "What makes you think I'd be doing anything other than business in there?"
"The fact that you were in there, with the door locked, for over two hours," Hawke said as he grinned back at Dominic. "You never lock me out for that long," he continued as Dom turned on a radio so they'd have some music. A song was just ending, and the DJ came on and said, "Here's a special request we got early this morning...Billy Joel's Tell Her About It." Dom shook his head at the radio as the introduction began to play, then Billy Joel's voice came on with the first verse –
Listen boy
Don't want to see you let a good thing
Slip away
You know I don't like watching
Anybody make the same mistakes
I made
She's a real nice girl
And she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do
Not again, Hawke said to himself as he glanced over at Dominic, who was grinning broadly. Why can't you leave it alone, Dom? Hawke instinctively knew that Dom had requested the song, as part of his continuous efforts to get String to see Caitlin as more than "just a friend."
Listen boy
I'm sure that you think you got it all
Under control
You don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul
You're a big boy now
You'll never let her go
But that's just the kind of thing
She ought to know
Are you listening, Stringfellow? A voice Hawke couldn't recognize sounded in his head. I hope so. Questions and thoughts whirled in Hawke's head as the song continued to play.
Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept
That you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Caitlin does mean a lot to me, Hawke said to himself, and was surprised to find a tear forming in one eye. More than I think even she realizes. Maybe...maybe it's time. Hawke had been wrestling with a string of emotions about his friend and co-worker, emotions he hadn't seriously felt since he'd met Gabrielle Ademaur, the woman who had flown Archangel to the cabin to inform him of the theft of Airwolf. He and Gabrielle had become lovers, until Moffet captured and killed her when Archangel sent her to Libya, after their operative Angela had been murdered at Moffet's hand.
Sure, I've dated a few women, Hawke said to himself, but these feelings are...different. Just then, Dom noticed Hawke's expression change, and said, "Here, String. Let me just change..." He was interrupted, first by Hawke's hand covering the tuning knob, then by Hawke's voice.
"NO," Hawke said, more forcefully than Dom could ever recall Hawke using with him. Mama Mia, I don't believe it, Dom said to himself as he glanced at Stringfellow's face. I think he's really listening!
Listen boy
It's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself
You've got to provide communication constantly
When you love someone
You're always insecure
And there's only one good way
To reassure
Hawke knew that portion of the song was trying to tell him something. He's right, Hawke said to himself. We do need to communicate better...and I have been feeling awfully insecure about Cait and me lately. I wonder...does she feel the same way about me?
Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you
Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe
Dom thought about some of the conversations he'd had with Caitlin recently as he watched Stringfellow's expression. I wish you were here to see this, Cait, he said to himself. Your whole attitude would change in a heartbeat. She had recently been hinting that she was thinking about quitting her job and moving back home to Texas, because she was becoming more and more frustrated with Hawke's inability to see him as anything more than "just a friend." She had also sworn Dom to secrecy, so she knew Dom wouldn't tell Hawke what they had discussed.
Cause now and then
She'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone?
Ouch. That hit a nerve, Hawke said to himself. He knew that he and Caitlin hadn't been speaking as regularly about non-business matters, mostly by his choice, and he wondered if she really worried about that. Only one way to find out, Hawke decided, as soon as she gets here.
Listen boy
It's good information from a man
Who's made mistakes
Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes
She's a trusting soul
She's put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you
What you should do
Yeah...Cait has trusted me...she trusts me with her life, Hawke said to himself. Every time she flies in Airwolf, she puts her life into my hands. Fortunately, I've never let her down yet...but what happens if I ever do? Hawke knew his worries about the curse were starting to affect him again, but when he considered some of the scrapes Caitlin had gotten herself out of since they'd known each other, he realized that maybe...just maybe...she would be able to break the curse that he thought he had, the curse that everyone he loved, or might love, would die. We've got so much to talk about, Cait, Hawke said to himself. He decided that, no matter what happened with the curse, he was going to tell Caitlin how he really felt about her. I'm going to do it...I'm going to tell her...that I've loved her for a long time, Hawke said to himself.
Tell her about it
Tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason
To accept that you're for real
Tell her about it
Tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her
Let her know how much she means
Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait-you got to
Tell her about it
With his decision made, String felt the burdens of the last few years lifting from his heart, and a deep, abiding love for Caitlin taking their place. Just then, the phone in the office rang, and Dom answered, "Santini Air! What? When? Yeah, Yeah...I got it...yeah, we'll be right there!" Dom slammed the phone down and turned to find Hawke staring at him. "Come on, String...we gotta go...to the hospital."
"Hospital? Why?" Hawke demanded, then suddenly realized what was going on as he and Dom clambered into a jeep and sped off. "Caitlin?"
"Yeah, the police just called...she was in a car accident on her way here this morning," Dom said, and Hawke fought to keep a wave of tears from erupting. "They said...they said she got hurt pretty bad...and..."
No, Hawke said to himself. I can't lose her before I even have a chance to tell her how I feel, dammit! This is not going to happen!
"String...don't blame yourself for this," Dom said as he glanced over at Hawke in the passenger seat. "You don't know what rush hour traffic is like around here...this is not your fault! Capice?"
"Yeah, Dom," Hawke answered, and Dom swore he heard his younger surrogate son's voice shaking. "I just...I just had some things I wanted to tell her about...you know?"
Dom replied, "What sort of...things?"
"The kind of things that song talked about," Hawke said to himself, and Dom fought a grin in spite of the situation. "I know you requested that song, Dom...and, thanks. I have to tell you, though – that song...really got to me, Dom. And, I want Caitlin to know how I feel about her."
"And just how do you feel about her, String?" Dom demanded.
"I never thought I'd say this again...but...I love her, Dom," Hawke said, and they were both surprised with the strength in Hawke's voice when he said it.
"Really? What...sort of 'love' are you talking about, String?" Dom tried to keep the excitement out of his voice, as getting Hawke to admit his feelings about Caitlin was something he had tried to do for the past two years, with limited success. I mean...I know he 'loves' her like a friend...but, Dom asked himself as he waited for Hawke to answer his question, is there more to it than just that?
"The 'in love with her' kind of love, Dom...the kind I had with Kelly...and Gabrielle," Hawke replied as they pulled into the visitor's parking lot of the hospital. Once inside, Dom asked for Caitlin's room number at the main desk, and he and Stringfellow were in an elevator on their way to the fourth floor a short time later.
"I've gotta tell you, String...that makes me very happy," Dom was saying as they got out of the elevator and headed for room 491, where Caitlin was. A doctor was just coming out of her room, and Hawke stepped in front of him, asking, "How is she?"
"She's unconscious right now...actually, she's in a coma...and we're not sure how long she'll be unconscious," the doctor replied, glancing at her chart. "Do you want to see her? Sometimes, talking to a coma patient helps, especially if the voice is a familiar one."
"Well, String's about the best choice for that," Dom said with a forced smile. When Hawke turned to look at him, Dom simply said, "Go on, String. Talk to her. Tell her...what you told me. That should bring her back to us, kid," Dom said. "I'll be in later. Go on." Hawke silently stepped in the room, glancing at Caitlin lying in the hospital bed. He walked over to the far side of the room, grabbed a chair and pulled it next to the bed, and sat down, taking Caitlin's limp hand in his own.
"Cait? Cait...it's me...it's me, String," he said to the unconscious woman in front of him. "You won't believe what Dom did this morning, Cait. We were waiting for you...we didn't know about the accident, and Dom turned on a radio while we worked...and a Billy Joel song came on. Tell Her About It—you know the song, I bet...Well, Dom had requested it. He didn't tell me, per se, but by the look on his face, I knew it was him," he continued, glancing up at Caitlin's face for any sign, any indication that she heard him.
"Anyway...the more I listened to that song, the more I thought about you, Cait...and, I've gotta tell you...I've been thinking a lot about you lately...and...about us," he continued, choking back a sob as he did so. "I've been thinking that...that maybe I'm not as cursed as I think I am...I mean, Dom's still here...and I love him like he was my own father...and, we don't know where Saint John is. I guess...I guess what I'm trying to say, Caitlin...is...that I love you. Cait, I've loved you since the day you came to the hangar looking for me...I've just been..." his voice broke and he began sobbing as he realized the full weight of what he'd said, and felt the weight of the curse lifting finally, and completely, from his heart.
"I've just been so afraid to admit how I feel, Cait...and right now, I wish you could hear me," Hawke said after he'd gotten control of his emotions. "Because I want to tell you, first of all, that I'm sorry...I'm sorry for ignoring your feelings, if you feel about me the way I think you do, these past few years," Hawke said sadly. "And, I promise you one thing—when you come out of this, I'm going to tell you everything. I'm going to tell you how I feel about you...and I hope you feel the same way about me. I guess...I guess I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, though, after the way I've treated you these past two years," Hawke admitted, embarrassed. "I think you've been trying to tell me how you felt ever since you came to find me at the hangar that day...I've just been too blind...or too stupid...to listen to you," he said sadly. He stood up just then, and placed a tender kiss on Caitlin's forehead, and whispered, "Caitlin...come back to us. Back to me. I...I need you, Cait...and...I love you," he whispered as he sat back down, and took her hand in his once again.
Caitlin's mind slowly struggled to focus on something...anything...and then...she heard it. The voice. Hawke's voice. What was he saying? Something about...about her. She'd thought about just surrendering to the darkness that enveloped her...but then, the voice sounded clear in her mind.
'I guess what I'm trying to say, Caitlin...is...that I love you.' Caitlin's mind had found its focus – the voice. The voice of the man she loved. He...he loves me? I've gotta get back there...to Hawke...somehow. Then she heard the voice again. 'Caitlin...come back to us. Back to me. I...I need you, Cait...and...I love you.'
That tears it! I've gotta...wake up...be with Hawke...and Dom...now that I know...how he feels. Caitlin felt her mind becoming clearer and more determined as she struggled towards consciousness.
How long he sat there holding Caitlin's hand, Hawke wasn't sure, but when he looked up, he saw Dominic standing in front of them. "Anything?" Dom asked.
"No," Hawke said, and the tears bubbled up in his throat again. "She's so...so still, Dom. It's like she's not even breathing. I'm...I'm scared, Dom," Hawke admitted, knowing that he'd been scared of very little in his life. Suddenly, he felt Caitlin's fingers moving through his own, and when he looked up, he saw Caitlin's eyes struggling to open. Finally, he saw the beautiful blue-green eyes that he'd been hoping to see, and Caitlin tried to speak. "H-Hawke?" she whispered, surprised at how strong her voice sounded to her ears. "Wha...what happened?"
"You were in a car accident this morning, Cait," Dom said, as String pressed the call button for the doctor. "Do you remember it?"
"Yeah," she said, trying to sit up in bed. "I do remember...some idiot came barreling through the red light and hit me broadside," she said, gratefully taking a cup of water from Dominic and taking a sip. "I guess I passed out," she said sheepishly, even as the doctor came in. "Excuse me, I need to check on my patient here," he said, and Dom and Hawke rose to leave. Caitlin unconsciously tightened her hold on Hawke's hand, and said, "Doctor? Can't Hawke stay? Please?"
"I suppose so," the doctor said as he smiled at Hawke. "It seems his presence may have helped bring you back to us, and I can see you don't want him to leave, so I can work around him. How are you feeling?"
"Weak, sore, thirsty; and hungry as all get out," Caitlin said with a smile as the doctor checked her eyes, looked in her ears, then asked her to bend her arms. Surprisingly, she seemed to have escaped with only minor injuries, the most serious of which seemed to be a deep gash over her left eye. "Well, from everything I can see, it looks like somebody was looking out for you, Miss O'Shannessy," the doctor said, smiling at Stringfellow as he did so. "Let's see if you can stand up, shall we?" Hawke reluctantly let go of Caitlin's hand as she tried to stand up. Her legs also had been spared any serious injuries, save a few cuts from broken glass, and she was able to walk across the room without help.
"We'll keep you overnight, just for observation, but I think you'll be fine to go home tomorrow," the doctor said, writing a few notes on the chart. "You are one lucky woman, Miss O'Shannessy," the doctor concluded before he left the room. "I'll see about getting you something to eat, and then I'll stop by and check on you again later, okay?" Caitlin nodded as she climbed back into bed, and the doctor walked outside with Dom, leaving her and Hawke alone.
"Thank God you're okay, Cait," Hawke said with a relieved smile as he grabbed her hand again, even as Caitlin glanced over at him. Go on...a voice in his head urged him. Do what you said you were gonna do...what the song told you to do...tell her about it!
"Yeah, I seem to be," Caitlin said with her familiar million-dollar smile, then added, "See, Hawke? I told you LA traffic is more dangerous than flying in the Lady!" She grinned when she said it, and Hawke found himself grinning in response as he remembered hearing those words from her, and now realized what she meant.
"Yeah, Cait...you did tell me that," Hawke answered with a grin, then, his expression turned serious. "Cait...there's something...something I want to tell you," Hawke said nervously.
"Yes, Hawke?" Caitlin asked, concerned.
"Well...I've been doing a lot of thinking about...about us," Hawke admitted, which drew a surprised reaction from Caitlin. "And..."
"And...what, String?" Caitlin asked. "What did you mean, you've been thinking about...us?" She put the same emphasis on the last word that Hawke had, while her mind was asking all sorts of questions. What does he mean, he's been thinking about 'us?' There's never been an 'us,' even though I wish there could be. I have loved him for so long...and I guess...I guess I'll always love him. Even if he can't...or won't...love me back. But maybe...just maybe...things will change today. When she heard Hawke start to speak again, she forced herself to concentrate on his words.
"Cait...Dom did something this morning...he requested a Billy Joel song, and I think he wanted you to be there when it played...the song was called Tell Her About It," Hawke said, and he could see by Caitlin's expression that she knew the song, as Hawke had guessed she would. "Anyway, the more I listened to it, the more I realized that there were a lot of things I needed to tell you...but mostly, I needed to tell you...how I feel about you," he continued, and noticed Caitlin's expression.
"And...how do you feel about me, String?" Caitlin asked, her heart racing. She knew she loved him...and she'd loved him for a long time. I just never knew how he felt about me, she said to herself nervously. Until now, that is. She smiled at him and gave his hand a friendly squeeze, to let him know she was there for him.
"Cait...after I heard that song, I realized something...I realized that..." his voice broke again, and Caitlin found herself struggling to keep from telling him something. He doesn't know that I could hear him, she said to herself, fighting the grin that threatened to break out across her face. She couldn't believe some of the things Hawke had told her while she lay there unconscious. He said...he loves me. And that he needs me. I can't let him know that I heard that, though; she said to herself, knowing that putting on this act would be the hardest acting job she'd ever done in her life.
"What did you realize, String? Come on...it's okay. You can tell me," she goaded him, giving him a loving smile to try to encourage him to continue.
"I'm sorry, Cait...I'm not normally so tongue-tied," Hawke said, taking a few deep breaths, then gazing into her hazel eyes and reading the love there, he suddenly felt a wave of calm rush over him, and he continued, "Cait...I wanted you to know that...that I love you. And, I've loved you for a very long time...I think since the day you came looking for me at the hangar. I've just been afraid to admit it..." He suddenly felt himself cut off, as Caitlin's lips pressed against his own, in a deep and loving kiss. He was surprised to feel Caitlin's arms slide around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and his arms slid around her waist of their own accord. The kiss began to take on a life of its own, until Hawke finally realized that he needed to breathe as much as he needed Caitlin, and he gently pulled them apart, gazing into Caitlin's eyes and finding tears there. "Cait? Are you okay?" he asked nervously.
"String...did I hear you right? Did you just say...that you love me?" She asked him, with an incredulous expression. I know I heard him right...both times. I just...want to hear him say it again.
"Yeah, Cait...you heard me right. I said it...and, I'll say it again. I love you, Caitlin O'Shannessy. So very much...and...I'm sorry I've ignored it for so long," he admitted.
"String...I love you, too," Caitlin whispered, not trusting her voice completely. "I have waited...and prayed...for so long, to hear those words from you," she continued, wrapping him in her arms. Just then, Dom stepped into the room, and hurriedly turned around when he saw Hawke in Caitlin's arms, but Caitlin stopped him, "Dom...it's okay. Hawke...he told me he loves me, Dom," Caitlin said through the tears of joy that were streaming unbidden down her face.
"That's great, sweetheart," Dominic replied with a huge smile, even though he had already known what Hawke would tell her. But Cait doesn't need to know that, Dom said to himself as he grinned at his two favorite young people. "I hate to do this...oh, boy, do I hate to do this...but Cait probably needs her rest, String...come on. Let's get outta here...we'll be back in the morning to get you, sweetheart," Dom promised, even as he noticed Caitlin's reluctance to let go of Hawke. "Cait...I promise. We'll be back first thing in the morning," Dom assured her as he helped String out of the chair he'd been in since early in the morning, and Dom had to stifle a grin when he had to literally pry Hawke's fingers apart from Caitlin's. "We'll see you later, sweetheart," Dom said with a smile, almost bumping into the orderly who was bringing in a food tray for Caitlin.
"'Bye, Dom," Caitlin said as she started to eat, then added, "String? I...I love you."
The smile Hawke flashed her was brighter than any she ever remembered seeing from him when he said, "I love you too, Caitlin. See you in the morning."
"Well, I'm glad you told her, String," Dom said as they left the hospital and drove back to Santini Air, then closed the hangar. "So, what are you going to do now?"
"I'll just take it one day at a time, Dom," Hawke promised his mentor and surrogate father. "Like I always have. Just do me a favor, okay? Try not to jump to any conclusions...we're only just starting to figure out our feelings," Hawke said as they clambered into a chopper to head back to the cabin.
"Who? Me? Jump to conclusions? String, I'm hurt...again," Dom chuckled, referencing his reaction to Hawke's insinuations that morning. "I'm just glad you figured out your feelings about Caitlin...and that she's gonna be all right."
"So am I, Dom...so am I. Oh, and by the way – you might want to pick me up earlier for a while – I'll have to go get Cait and bring her into work for awhile," Hawke answered as the helicopter landed on the dock of the cabin and Hawke got out. As he watched Dom lift off to head back to the hangar, he thought about how close he'd come to losing Caitlin before he'd gotten a chance to reveal his feelings. But it wasn't because of me, he said to himself, as if to reinforce something his mind was trying to get him to realize. Nobody could have stopped that accident, any more than they could have stopped the ones with my folks, or Kelly. That night, as he went to sleep, Hawke felt his mind relax in a way he hadn't experienced for a long time, and when Dom arrived the next morning, Hawke felt more awake than he had in quite a while. By the time they reached the hospital, Caitlin was already dressed and anxious to leave, and she insisted on holding Hawke's hand as she was wheeled out the door.
Once they were back at the hangar, Dom gave Hawke and Caitlin the afternoon off, since business was slow and he figured Hawke and Caitlin wanted some time to themselves anyway. Hawke decided to take Caitlin up to the cabin for the day, and the more they talked, the more they realized that they not only loved each other, but that they were in love with each other as well. By the time Hawke took Caitlin home later that evening, he began wondering if his comments to Dom might have been premature, especially considering the kiss they shared in front of Caitlin's house before he left, after promising he'd be there early to pick her up for work. As he went to sleep that night, Hawke knew that his life...no...our lives...he corrected himself, would never be the same. He knew that he never wanted to be separate from Caitlin again. She...she makes my life complete, Hawke said to himself as he felt sleep take hold of him. I just wonder if she feels the same way. He knew instinctively that dealing with these new feelings would be hard, especially considering their personalities, but, he said to himself, Cait makes it all worth it. He smiled in his sleep as he felt the wash of feelings from this new thing they were beginning. He suddenly had a vision of himself and Caitlin, surrounded by her family and their closest friends, on the dock exchanging wedding vows. Someday, Hawke's mind whispered confidently. Soon.