Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with "I'm in the Band". Just using the characters.
Notes/Warnings: Takes place in the 80's before the boys became famous. Contains: mild language, some risqué chat, a small bit of drinking and talk of cannibals. Established Derek/Bleed, one-sided Derek/Ash and unintentional Bleed/Ash.
It would have been wise to take the van in for a tune up. It was about time to anyway, but with the bad weather and the long drive to Canada from New York, it was definitely not an option. Of course none of them wanted to go and do it. And by the time their rigorous tournament of 'rock, paper, scissors' to see who would take the van to the shop was finished, it was well past midnight.
"Vic should've booked us a plane or something." Derek complained as he was begrudgingly setting the alarm for 8:00 AM. "I don't want to drive for eight hours."
"You're not the one who's going to drive, dude." Burger reminded him. Derek was still a bit shaky when it to U.S road rules and none of them wanted to end up in a car accident. "When we start making some money, we'll have like…a plane each!"
"Whoa…then we can race each other!" Ash smiled, thinking about it. If he won, he'd do a victory flight across Europe. He shook himself from his thoughts and frowned suddenly. "Hey, maybe we should take a few hours to get van checked out in the morning. You know, just in case."
"Yeah, why don't you go ahead and do that. Shop's open at 6:00, so you'll be able to make good time if you wake up at 5-ish." Bleed said with a small smirk.
Ash frowned. That was pretty early. He didn't want wake up at the crack of dawn and go out into the cold January weather. And it wasn't like the van was going to break down. After all, the band van was fairly new. "Never mind. It'll be cool."
"Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?" Burger yawned and stretched, scratching his beard. "I'm crashing. G'night guys."
Everyone agreed and began making their way to their respective rooms. Ash followed Burger into their bedroom and dove under the covers almost immediately. "Man, the heat in this place sucks! When's the landlord going to fix it?"
"At least Vic's getting us a nice hotel to crash at. I'm going to order everything from the room service there!" Burger sighed dreamily, thinking of the variety of goodies waiting for him. And on their manager's tab, no less.
"Yeah, it's going to be sweet! I've never been to Canada before." Ash thought for a moment before frowning. "What do they speak in Canada?"
"…Canadian?" Burger's brow furrowed. "It think it's like English but with a weird accent and words like 'boot' and 'beaver'."
"So, like Derek and Bleed." Ash nodded in understanding. That was cool then. He liked Derek's accent. Well, he like the man's voice in general.
"Yeah, and they milk in bags. I can't wait to get one of those." Burger sounded pretty taken with the idea of milk in a bag. "I wonder what it tastes like."
"Probably weird." Ash replied with a yawn. "Welp. Night, bro."
Burger climbed into bed with a loud creak and burrowed into the heap of blankets. "Night, Ash."
At the same time, they both yelled, "Night, Derek! Night, Bleed!"
Bleed glanced up from his guitar at the muffled shouts. "Good night!" He hollered back. When the other side of the apartment was quiet, he turned his attention back to his guitar. "I've never been to Canada."
"Yeah? It's like here. But with more French people." Derek said, making a face. He finished rubbing lotion on his face and bared his teeth at the mirror to check them. "This is going to be so awesome! Big venue, fancy hotel…I still can't believe Vic got us the opening act for Quiet Riot! We're really moving up, eh?"
"Hmm, they're okay. I don't think they're going to last long." Bleed said, with a shrug. To be honest, he was pretty pumped too. This was going to be a huge change from playing at random clubs around the city. He looked up at the singer and watched him brush the underside of his hair. A smirk grew over his face as Derek remained oblivious to his wandering eyes. "Hurry up and get over here. I want to get to bed." He complained as he put his guitar away.
Derek walked over, straight past his own bed and climb into Bleed's. His hips were grabbed and he was lifted to straddle Bleed. "I thought you wanted to go to bed." He laughed as Bleed kissed his shoulder.
"Nah…I'm too excited to go to bed." Bleed hugged Derek to him and looked up at him, smirking.
"Thought you didn't care about Quiet Riot." Derek teased, running his hand through the man's long blond hair. He kissed the top of Bleed's head and rolled away to settle next to him. "We have to get up early tomorrow anyway."
"Who cares? It's not like Burger's going to let us drive. He has that thing about people who use to drive on the other side of the road." Bleed rolled his eyes and continued to plant kisses along Derek's neck. "Too bad Vic couldn't get us two rooms. You know, with Canada being all romantic and what not."
"…Canada's romantic?" Derek raised an eyebrow at Bleed.
"Yeah…with all the…French people." Bleed frowned then shook his head. He resumed his advances on the singer, creeping his way on top of him. "Whatever. I can't think when I'm randy."
Derek groaned as Bleed nipped at his collarbone. "Me neither. Let's just try and keep it down this time. I'm pretty sure the guys figured out that we're not watching a Mixed Martial Arts marathon."
The sunlight filtering through the crooked blinds and hitting his face, woke Derek before the alarm. He rubbed his face and slowly propped himself up, letting Bleed's arm fall off him. The chilly air made him shiver and he just wanted to go back under the blankets and huddle back up next to Bleed. As he reached around the floor for a shirt, the red, glowing numbers of the clock caught his eye. "Oh, damn-Bleed!"
Bleed jolted as his back was smacked sharply. "Huh-wah?" He groggily opened his eyes to see Derek yanking on a shirt and darting out into the hall, yelling for Ash and Burger. "Where are…" He glanced at the clock blearily. "Oh, shi-12:00?"
"It's noon-wake up!" Derek busted into Burger and Ash's room, making as much noise as possible. He yanked the bandana from around Burger's eyes and pounded the man's stomach with a quick fist.
"Hey-ow!" Burger woke with a start, and sat up looking a bit shell-shocked. "Wha-what happened?"
"We slept through the stupid alarm!" Derek said as he jumped onto Ash's bed and shook him none too gently. "Why didn't you guys hear it?"
Ash cracked open his eyes slowly and saw Derek's face come into focus. He smiled feeling the man partially on top of him. Like how it was in his dreams. Only Derek was frowning and he could hear Burger in the background. And it hurt when his cheek was pinched. "Ow!"
"Wake up! We have to hit the road!" Derek jumped off the bed, leaving Ash a bit confused. It didn't matter, Burger would get him up and going. He dashed back to his room to find Bleed up and rummaging through a drawer, a towel over his shoulder.
"I call the shower first!" Seeing Bleed following him, with that look on his face, he locked the door behind him and ignored the muffled protests. "No time for that!"
Bleed groaned and grumpily yanked on his boxers. He shivered and rubbed his arms as he scuttled to the other bathroom to find Burger in there, tossing things around. "If you don't want to see my arse in three seconds you better get out."
"Sick. Let me just grab my toothbrush. Hey-have you seen any clean underwear laying around?" Burger asked as he found his toothbrush on the ground.
"You are not a well man, Burger." Bleed said, shaking his head as he turned the shower on. "Three seconds are up."
Burger groaned and left the bathroom, hearing the guitarist cackling. He ran into a dazed looking Ash and automatically gave him a playful smack on the head. "Dude, you're not even dressed! C'mon!"
"Huh? Oh, yeah…" Ash rubbed his head, trying the shake the fuzzies clouding his brain. He was still a bit dazed from his wakeup. A sudden loud beeping made him jump and he looked down to see the clock they set last night going off. He smacked the snooze button and yawned. "Wonder how we slept through that…"
The next twenty minutes was a flurry of activity with last minute packing, breakfast, dressing-all at the same time. Ash was fixing his hair was trying to eat his toast without the use of his hands while listening to Derek ask which shirt was best to take. "I like both."
"That's not helpful." Derek complained through a mouthful of cereal.
"The purple, okay?" Bleed said as he stomped the snow off his boots. He and Burger just got done packing their equipment into the van. "It's f-freezing! Stupid weather…"
"Van's ready to go!" Burger announced while grabbing a handful of toast from the stack. "Let's vamanos!"
They abandoned the remains of their breakfast and grabbed their bags. As they made their way to the door the alarm clock went off again. "Stupid thing! It's been going off every ten minutes!" Derek smacked the snooze button, annoyed.
"Yeah…next time one of us should make sure the alarm is in the same room as someone." Burger scowled when the clock beeped at them persistently. He gave it a quick punt and sent it flying into a wall. The clock beeped sadly before quieting down. "That was easy."
The longest they've ever traveled in the van was four hours. They wanted to try a road trip one day, but being confined in a small space didn't sit well with any of them. So the eight hour trip was beginning to wear on them. The first couple hours were okay-they were still tired so the time was filled with napping while Burger and Ash switched off on driving. But as they hit their fifth hour and the sun was beginning to go down, they're were getting a bit antsy.
"Ash, can we please change the station? This guy really isn't funny at all." Burger complained, reaching for the dial. He pouted when his hand was swatted and pulled away.
"It's only another five minutes!" Ash insisted, shielding the dials from the others. He cracked up as the DJ made a joke, which the others responded to with eye rolls and groans.
In the back, Bleed was entertaining himself by yanking individual strands of Derek's hair. He smirked when the singer shoved him, with a cranky looking expression on his face. "Bet I can make you flinch."
"Bleed, stop being an idiot-" Derek flinched as a hand came at his face, stopping inches from his nose.
"Made you flinch."
"Stop it."
"Made you flinch again."
"Bleed-"
"Did it again."
"I want to play too!"
"Ash-"
"Made you flinch!"
Burger frowned when a loud metallic clunking cut through his band mates chatter and loud music from the radio. The van sudden coasted to a slow stop and he heard the talking in the background grow quiet. "Uh…"
"What's wrong? Why'd you stop?" Derek asked, leaning forward to look over at the dashboard. The bassist muttered something inaudible making him narrow his eyes. "What?"
"Just hold on!" Burger replied, agitatedly. He tried to turn on the ignition which merely sputtered before dying. "…I think there's something wrong with the engine."
"What do you mean something's wrong?" Derek demanded, his voice going up a few octaves.
"I mean, something's wrong!" Burger answered back sounding a bit aggravated. He tried turning the key again to no avail. "Crap…"
"Crap? Don't say crap. Just turn the key again-" Bleed urged, leaning into the front as well. The van remained silent and still, leaving the inhabitants the same way.
"…What now?" Ash asked, feeling a bit apprehensive. They were already behind schedule.
"We gotta go out there and see what's wrong. Hopefully try and fix it." Burger sighed, zipping up his leather jacket. He looked outside the window with a grimace. It was already dark and the snow was beginning to pick up. "Someone has to come out and hold the flashlight."
"Not it!" The other three said simultaneously. They frowned at each other. "Rock, paper, scissors?"
"It's freezing…it has to be below zero out there!" Derek said, teeth chattering, as he and Burger climbed back into the van. He glared at Bleed and Ash, who were in the back, sitting in the warm, cozy interior.
"Shut the door! You're letting all the cold air in!" Bleed snapped, hugging himself and wishing he wore warmer clothes. But a leather jacket just looked much more cooler than one of those puffy, down coats. "What's the verdict?"
"Er…I don't know." Burger admitted, listening to Ash and Bleed groan. "It's snowing really hard! I could barely see anything! If you guys want to try, go for it." He felt slightly smug when they didn't get up.
"So, what're we going to do now?" Ash asked, trying not to think of the worse possible scenarios. Them freezing to death. Or having to eat each other to survive then dying anyway. "I'm all bones…I don't have any meat on me…"
Burger's head perked up at the mention of meat while the other two ignored the drummer's usual non sequiturs. "Well, either we, A-go back outside and try to find a payphone. Or, B-wait until morning." Bleed suggested.
They all looked at each other, not liking the two options. None of them were willing to go out into the blistering cold to wander around. And staying cramped up in the van for eight or nine hours didn't sound appealing either. But at least the van was slightly less cold than being outside. Plus, the argument of who would go outside could be avoided.
"We should wait." Derek finally decided. "It's better than getting lost in that blizzard."
"And maybe Vic will notice we're not at the hotel yet and come looking for us." Burger added hopefully. The musicians agreed and began to settle in for their long night.
"What time is it?" Ash asked, feeling restless. He had occupied himself for awhile by flicking bits of torn paper at Burger but that got old really fast. Now he was laying facedown on the backseat, bored.
"A freckle past a hair. It was 11:40 when you asked five minutes ago! What time do you think, genius?" Bleed snapped, feeling a bit annoyed. He rolled his eyes when Ash looked at him, his face scrunched in genuine concentration.
"Chill out, dude. It's not like he's taking up room with his stupid guitar." Burger grumbled, shooting Bleed a glare. Bleed had gotten out his guitar to stave off boredom but was knocking the instrument into everyone around him in the process.
"If it's bugging you, you should've said something earlier. At least I can put it away, unlike your gut." Bleed shot back.
"Really? Fat jokes? Are you five?" Burger scowled. When Bleed gave him the finger in response, he leaned over and grabbed the side of the man's neck.
"Ow! What the hell?" Bleed winced and tried to shrug Burger off. "Knock it off!"
Burger grunted and pinched harder. "Why isn't the Vulcan Nerve Pinch working?"
"Maybe it's because we don't live in a sci-fi show!" Bleed yelled through his gritted teeth.
"It's 11:45!" Ash piped up from the back, pleased with himself.
"Will you all shut up?" Derek snapped finally, the arguing grating on his nerves. "…And Ash, it's 11:48." He added in a slightly nicer tone before slumping back down on the floor.
It seemed whenever they were in the van for too long, things always ended badly. Mostly them fighting. Something about being crammed into a tiny space brought out a bad mood. Bleed huffed and put his guitar away, grumbling under his breath while Burger sulked and pawed around at the floor in search of snacks.
"It's 11:49." Ash announced through the silence. The other three glared at him and he decided to keep the time to himself for now on. The long stretch of silence was starting to unnerve him so he sat up and attempted a conversation. "If we were stuck here for a really, really long time, who would we eat first?"
Derek stared at Ash, his expression incredulous. "That would never happen-"
"Bleed." Burger said promptly.
"Burger." Bleed answered simultaneously. The two glared at each other. "Burger has more meat on him. We wouldn't even be finished with him by the time we were rescued."
"Yeah, but you're a more healthier choice." Burger shot back, suddenly paranoid. He made a mental note to keep an eye on the guitarist if they were stranded for more than a day. "Plus, after, we can use your hair to make sweaters and stay warm."
"That doesn't even make any sense!" Bleed argued.
"So, we'd eat Burger then Bleed? Makes total sense." Ash nodded looking thoughtful. He turned to Derek and said earnestly, "I'd let you eat me after Burger and Bleed were done."
"We are not going to eat anyone! Why are we even talking about this?" Derek had a deep sense of impending doom at the moment. It was bad enough they were stuck in the middle of nowhere, now they were discussing committing cannibalism against each other. He twisted his hands nervously and chewed on his bottom lip. "Um…what if there was another cannibal running around? And was hunting for…stranded people…"
They looked at the singer strangely for a moment. "That's a silly question, Derek. Everyone knows there's no such things as cannibals." Ash finally said.
An awkward silence fell over them after that.
"It's past midnight." Burger said, after a few minutes." Time was passing awfully slow. "Maybe we should try and sleep."
The others agreed and they began pulling up the seats to make room. When they were situated, they were laying on the hard floor, side by side. The warmth from the heater being on earlier had now faded and a cold chill settled in the van. Ash sneezed slightly. "It's cold."
"Are these all the blankets we have?" Derek asked in a grumbling tone. They only had a fuzzy, leopard print blanket that was always in the van. It wasn't that big so it was stretched rather tight over the four of them. Burger was at one end with Bleed on the other and they were both wrestling to get more blanket. "Would you two knock that off? I can't get warm with all your thrashing!"
"There's not enough blanket!" Burger complained, trying to get under the covers.
Bleed gave up and sighed. "We should move closer together." It wasn't really a problem for him as he was already pressed up against Derek.
They all shifted closer together and managed to all get under the blanket. After a few minutes, a simultaneous shiver passed through them. "It's still kinda cold…"
"You know in movies, when a group is stuck in the cold like this they spoon to stay warm." Bleed piped up. At the silence, he frowned. "What? We're all mates! It's not weird."
"Well, you won't have Ash's hair in your face." Burger grumbled. He turned on his side anyway and tried to position himself so that his face wasn't in the drummer's spikes.
Ash blushed slightly as he turned to look at Derek. "So, uh…" He hoped the Brit wouldn't notice the redness in his face and he cautiously began to put an arm on him.
"Fine. It's not like we're going to stay warm if we don't." The Brit sighed turning his back to Ash. When he settled on his side, Bleed was still facing him. "Well? Turn around."
"Wait-so, I'm the little spoon?"
"Seems that way." Derek replied with a shrug. "Turn around so I can get comfortable."
"But…" Bleed sighed and grumpily rolled around. "We should face the other way."
"Whatever, you're the shortest anyway. So actually, you're the littlest spoon in the drawer." Derek smirked slyly and petted the top of Bleed head.
"Burger's the shortest." Bleed growled, feeling slightly insulted. "He's just wider."
"I heard that." Came Burger's voice from the other end.
Bleed ignored that and shook Derek's arm. "Switch places with me."
Derek frowned at the back of Bleed's head. "Why should I?"
"…I don't want to be the little spoon." Bleed explained, twisting his head around to look back at the brunette. He caught the way Derek's eyes narrowed and made a face. "Come on-please?"
"No. I'm already comfortable." Derek replied flatly. To make his point, he tightened his arms around Bleed. "Besides, I know you don't want Ash cuddling behind you…" Derek shifted uncomfortably as the drummer's spiky hair scratched at his neck.
"I don't care. I'm always the big spoon." Bleed complained, raising his voice a bit. He found it much more comfortable to be the spooner rather than the spoonee. "Just switch with me already."
"I said, no. It's warmer in the middle." Derek said with a note of finality in his voice. In an attempt to make peace, he craned his head over and gave Bleed a quick peck on his temple. "Now go to sleep."
"…I know a better way to stay warm…" Bleed smirked, his tone sly as he reached back to touch Derek's thigh.
"Don't start." Derek yawned, glad Bleed was momentarily off the subject of spoons. He never felt Bleed's hand on his leg as it unknowingly was groping at different set legs.
Ash smiled slightly and nuzzled his face into Derek's wavy hair. While being stuck in the cramped van in the middle of a blizzard was bad, he liked having an excuse to get close to the singer. He let out a small, happy sigh as he pretended it was just the two of them. A hand suddenly petted his thigh, too small to be Burger's, meaning… "Mm…Derek…"
"What?" The singer asked. He rolled his eyes when Ash rested his chin on his shoulder. "Are you dreaming?"
"Yes." Ash mumbled, squeezing the man's middle happily. "Hey, Derek-"
" Did you lose weight?" Bleed asked suddenly. He poked at the bony hip and frowned. "That's weird. Just the other night-"
"Ow!" Ash yelped as his hip was pinched rather hard. He jerked his head up and looked down. "Dude, Bleed!"
"Ash! Ew-not cool!" Bleed groaned, his face slightly colored. He quickly withdrew his hand and scowled. "Bloody pervert."
"Me? You were the one trying to feel me up!" Ash protested, feeling flustered. "Why the heck were you reaching around back here?"
"I…I was looking for my ring." Bleed lied trying to sound innocent, but he could feel a burning glare at the back of his neck. He turned around to look at Derek and gave him his best toothy smile. "Don't worry, I found it."
"Ash, switch places with me." Derek demanded, knowing Bleed wasn't going to leave him in peace tonight.
"What? No! I don't want to spoon with Bleed." Ash complained, not wanting to give up his spot.
"Well, I don't want you either." Bleed muttered, sounding somewhat offended. He looked at Derek and tried his best to look contrite. "Don't move. I'll be a good lad, I swear. But, if you really want to move, you can switch places with me…"
"Yeah, I'm switching with Ash." Derek grumbled, sitting up. He got to his knees and managed to crawl over Ash and shove him next to Bleed, despite protests from both parties. Satisfied, Derek smiled and settled himself between Burger and Ash.
Bleed felt rather put out as Derek's warm, soft frame was replaced with Ash's skinny, boney one. He shifted awkwardly as the drummer was attempting to get into a comfortable position. "Try to keep your hands from traveling south of the border there, eh?"
"…Only if you don't grab my butt this time." Ash muttered resentfully, frowning at the back of Bleed's head. This wasn't too bad. It wasn't as warm in this spot without Burger next to him. At least Derek was still by him though. His pleasant thoughts were interrupted when a sudden sneeze escaped him. "Uhg…Bless me."
"Ew! You just sneezed all over the back of my head!" Bleed whined, twisting around to glare at Ash.
"I covered my mouth." Ash defended himself.
"Did not."
"Did too."
"You are such a liar."
"…Okay, I only covered my mouth a little."
"I knew it!" Bleed smirked, triumphant that he won the argument. His smile faded as he realized he was face to face with Ash. Ash still had his arms around his waist and he had his hands against the man's chest. "…Ash."
"Yeah?" Ash replied, obliviously.
"You're such a queer."
Ash frowned until he realized their position. "…You're the one who turned around. And you were grabbing my butt earlier.
"I was not!" Bleed hissed, feeling his face heat up.
"You were too." Ash said in a sing-song voice.
"Was not."
"Was too."
Bleed let out an exasperated sigh and turned his back to Ash again. "I wasn't trying to grab for you."
"Oh. Then you were…" It took a few moments for it to register in Ash's mind. "So, you were…And Derek…"
Bleed picked up on the strange tone in Ash's voice and looked back at him. "What? You're jealous?" He teased, smirking a bit.
"…Kind of." Ash mumbled, lowering his voice so Derek couldn't hear.
"Oh. I-uh…I didn't know." Bleed felt suddenly uncomfortable. At one point, he wanted the drummer to shut up but now the silence was bothering him. He sighed and awkwardly petted Ash's knee. "I didn't know you felt that way, Ash."
"No…it's fine. To be honest, it's all pretty confusing anyway." Ash said, trying not to sound so down. "I mean…I like girls but…"
"Nothing wrong with liking both." Bleed said with a small smirk.
"I guess. But I don't think of other guys that way…" Ash sighed, quietly. "Just…you know."
Bleed coughed a bit and tried to ease Ash's arm off him. "Well…I'm kinda flattered and I like you a lot. But you know, I only think of you as a friend. You understand, right?
"Yeah…wait, what?" Ash's eyes widened and he blushed, hard. "Bleed, I wasn't talking about you!"
"You weren't? Well, fine." Bleed huffed. He frowned suddenly and looked back at Ash. "You were talking about Derek?"
"Well…yeah!" Ash exclaimed, feeling more embarrassed than he did a few minutes ago. He squinted at Bleed through the dark and grimaced. "You thought I was talking about you?"
"Uh…yeah, a bit. You really need to make yourself more clear." Bleed muttered, turning back on his side, facing away from the drummer. They were quiet for a few seconds before Bleed spoke again. "So…you have a thing for Derek?"
"It's not a thing. It's just…just a thing…" Ash mumbled. He was still trying to absorb the idea of Bleed and Derek together. They were pretty close, but still-it didn't seem right in his head. He wondered how long they've been together. He thought back to when they all first got their apartment together. Bleed had been pretty adamant about sharing a room with Derek. "Does Burger know?"
"I don't know. We didn't say anything but he's better at putting things together than you." Bleed snorted. Actually he was pretty sure Burger caught them once outside in the alley behind their usual club. But the bassist never mentioned it so he figured he either didn't care or still didn't know. "You're not bothered by it are you?"
"Uh…I dunno. I just wish you guys would've said something." Ash sighed. He was a bit upset that he was probably the last to know. And it was depressing to know that Bleed got to Derek first. Though he wasn't sure if he would've ever made a move on the singer regardless. "How long have you guys been-you know?"
"I don't know. Like a couple months?" Bleed tried to ignore the small bit of sympathy he was feeling. If Ash was too slow and missed his chance, it wasn't his problem. But still…the drummer's heavy voice and change in mood was bugging him. "Uh…sorry. That we didn't say anything, I mean."
"…Are you apologizing to me?" Ash's sudden sly tone irked Bleed. He perched his chin on the top of the blonde's head, a small grin appearing on his face. "You are!"
"Shut up." Bleed grumbled, regretting his moment of niceness. At least Ash didn't seem gloomy anymore. Now maybe they could get some sleep.
Ash laughed quietly and settled back down. He was still disappointed and he was sure the feeling was going to persist for awhile. But he was pleasantly surprised that Bleed was being nice about it instead of gloating. "You're a good friend, Bleed."
Bleed flushed a bit as Ash's arms tightened around him in a sort of hug. "God, you're a bloody sissy." He muttered, feeling only a little annoyed.
Ash grinned in response and loosen his hold on the guitarist. As he closed his eyes, he could feel Derek move against him. He pursed his lips and shrugged to himself. There weren't any rules about thinking about your friend's friend who's also your friend. He sighed and sneezed again, this time covering his mouth. "Bless me..." It was a little bit more cold now that he wasn't by Burger.
Meanwhile on the other half of the Weasel sandwich, Burger sighed, more comfortable now that Ash's spiky hair wasn't scratching at his face. But Derek kept shifting around and he could hear inaudible whispering from Ash and Bleed. "What are they arguing about?"
"I don't know. Bleed's being a pain right now." Derek said in a long-suffering way. "I had to switch places because he kept bugging me." He sighed and tried to relax again. It was a little better between Burger and Ash. It was definitely warmer with Burger's extra bulk anyway. But he still couldn't relax enough. The sound of the bassist's stomach growling made him think about their earlier conversation of cannibalism and he shuddered. "What time is it?"
No clue. Probably close to one." Burger yawned, wondering if he was ever going to fall asleep. Derek was moving again, this time elbowing him in the stomach. "Dude, what gives? Quit moving around."
"I can't fall asleep." Derek grumbled. He swallowed loudly and glanced around. "It's too creepy in here."
"What do mean? We practically live in the van anyway. What's wrong with it now?" Burger asked, the Brit's nervous tone piquing his curiosity.
"We never slept in the van before though." Derek pointed out. "What if there's a serial killer or something wandering around? They can just break into the van and chop us all up."
Burger was about to laugh but thought better of it, hearing the genuine note of fear in the man's voice. "I'm pretty sure no one's outside in this weather. Now, go to sleep, dude."
"We're out here!" Derek insisted agitatedly. "And insane people don't care about the weather!"
"…That's true. Reminds me of this story…" Burger mused. The realization of getting one over Derek occurred to him suddenly. Derek always managed to make him the butt of his pranks and jokes. He grinned, mischievously and added in a casual tone. "Eh…never mind."
"What? What story?" Derek asked, twisting his head around to look at the bassist.
"Well, this one time, a guy and girl were driving during a really bad storm and their car broke down. So the guy says he going to go get help while the girl waits in the car. He says to lock the door and that he'll knock on the car three times to let her know it him." Burger said in a low voice. The singer was silent so he continued, trying not to laugh. "So the girl is hiding in the backseat waiting for him when she hears a knock. Then second one and a third one. But the knocking keeps happening."
"…So, then what happened?" Derek asked, trying not to let his voice tremble.
"The knocking ended up being the guy. But it's because he's strung up on the tree and it's his foot hitting the side of the car. An escaped serial killer found him and killed him." Burger concluded, cheerfully. He could feel Derek stiffen against him and laughed. "It's just an urban myth, I was just kidding with you-"
"I heard that story before!" Ash interrupted, turning his head back to look at them. "Only there was something about a bloody hook and both of them died."
"Are we talking about urban legends? I heard this one about a serial killer who sneaks into the backseat of someone's car while they're getting gas…" Bleed started, interested.
The sudden sound of something scraping against the van made Derek jump. "Oh, god! We're all going to die!"
They all stared at Derek strangely, who was sitting up looking scared stiffed. "Jeez, Derek…they're only stories. None of them are real." Burger said as he and Ash eased the singer back on the floor.
"Then what was that noise outside? Someone go and check." Derek ordered, shaking somewhat. When all he received were blank looks he scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Someone go look."
"We're not going outside in that blizzard." Burger said firmly, forcing Derek to lay down. "It was a branch or something." He was starting to regret telling that story. Sure it was funny to watch the singer freak out but now he was being difficult.
"Don't worry, Derek. Everyone knows there's no such thing as serial killers." Ash said comfortingly. Everyone gave him weird looks. "What?"
"Ash…never mind." Bleed sighed as things settled down again. Despite being tired, he couldn't fall asleep. He dislodged himself from Ash's gangly arms and crept over to the other end where Burger was. "Hey. You awake?"
"I am now. What is it?" Burger yawned, wondering for the umph-teenth time if he was ever going to get some sleep tonight.
"Switch places with me."
"Why should I?" Burger demanded, still a bit sore over their argument earlier.
Bleed rolled his eyes. "Come on. I have a bag of chips and a half bottle of whiskey in my bag you can have."
"…What kind of chips?"
"Barbeque. You can even go through my bag now if you want." Bleed encouraged, seeing the bassist prop himself up.
"Done." Burger said as he crawled to the back retrieved the promised goods. As Bleed began to settle down he heard the bassist's dismayed voice. "I thought you said there was a half bottle!"
"Oops." Bleed smirked hearing Burger sigh and the crinkling of the chip bag being opened. He laid down next to Derek and nudged his arm. "Hey."
"…I thought I moved away from you." Derek grumbled, sounding miffed. He tried scooting away, closer to Ash but Bleed only moved closer until he was squished between them. "Get away from me." His voice was muffled from his face being pressed into Ash's back.
"No way. I just gave my booze and food to Burger." Bleed replied, as he wrapped his arms around Derek to keep him from getting up. "That's better. Told you I'm always the big spoon."
"You're a big baby is what you are." Derek grunted, trying to push Bleed away. "Give me some bloody room. I can't breathe!"
"Sorry. Here-" Bleed scooted back and smiled as Derek finally relaxed against him. "Better?"
"…Not really." Derek pouted as Bleed started kissing the back of his neck. He swatted at the man's leg and turned to glare at him. "Don't start."
"It's just a good night kiss, love." Bleed teased, catching Derek's mouth briefly. He felt smug when Derek's eyes closed and was twisting his head back a bit more.
"You know, you're being a pain tonight." Derek sighed, his tone less hostile. He rubbed his eyes, smearing his makeup in the process. "As if I don't have problems sleeping already…"
"You're really scared of sleeping here, aren't you?" Bleed asked incredulously. At Derek's nod, he rolled his eyes but smiling a bit. "Anything I can do?"
Derek fidgeted and hesitated for a moment. "Well…you can go look outside and make sure there's no one there."
"No." Bleed answered bluntly, laying back down. Derek turned to face him, his face pleading. "No! It's cold out there! Do you want me to catch hypothermia?"
"You can get better from hypothermia. You can't get better from a serial killer." Derek said as if it was obvious.
"Derek, I promise you, there are no serial killers, cannibals or insane drifters outside. They're probably being smart and staying home tonight." Bleed said in a serious tone. Derek still looked uncertain and he sighed and took the Brit's face in his hands. "Okay, if a serial killer breaks into the van, I won't let him chop you up."
"How?"
Bleed thought about it. How would one stop a serial killer anyway? "Actually, I'd use Ash and Burger as shields and we'd make a run for it to Canada where the Mounties would rescue us."
"…That's a horrible plan!" Derek gave Bleed a hard look and crossed his arms. "You're a terrible human being, you know that?"
"Don't act like you're not attracted to that." Bleed smirked and kissed Derek again. "Anyway, we're more likely to die in a car crash than run into a serial murderer."
"Really? How do you know?" Derek mumbled, trying not to let Bleed know he was enjoying his lips pressing along his jaw.
"Hm…I read it in the New Yorker." Bleed replied glibly, pausing his ministrations briefly.
"You don't read the New Yorker." Derek snorted, mildly amused. He jabbed the guitarist in the ribs lightly, teasing, "I don't think I've ever seen you read anything except the back of a cereal box."
"There's a lot you don't know about me." Bleed replied, smoothly. He settled back and let Derek nuzzle against his chest before putting an arm around him.
"Well, I'll know everything eventually." Derek retorted, chuckling lightly. He felt much better now. Bleed tended to have that affect on him. "Good night, love." With his back to Bleed, he didn't see the smile slip away from the blonde's face.
"Good night." Bleed sighed, closing his eyes.
It was now mostly silent in the van, save the howling wind outside and the crunching from Burger. Ash was still awake, thinking. He had a difficult time ignoring the quiet laughter and the sound of kissing behind him. He felt bad that it made him a bit envious. He didn't want to be jealous of his friend. A bit of cold air hitting his skin made him shiver as Burger lifted the blanket to get back under. "Hey, Burger?" Ash poked at the man's large back gently.
"Hmm?" Burger yawned, feeling loads better now that he had something in his stomach. "You're still awake?"
"Well, with you crunching over there…" Ash frowned and looked down at his own stomach. "You probably didn't leave any chips left."
"Sorry…" Burger said sheepishly. Ash was quiet but Burger could sense the drummer's uneasiness. "What's up?"
"Nothing…." Ash chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched Burger shrug and tug his bandana over his eyes. "If we both were really into the same chick, and I got her first…what would you do?"
Burger frowned and rolled onto his back so he could turn his face towards Ash. He lifted the cloth from his eyes and looked at his friend. "I don't know. Why you asking?"
"Just wondering…" Ash sighed gustily and watched Burger balance a bottle on his gut.
"I'd be happy for you, I guess. I mean, what are you gonna do? At least the chick has good taste to date my friend." Burger said thoughtfully. "It's a weird question. I'm pretty sure we don't go for the same kind of girls anyway."
Ash nodded and looked up as Burger was dangling the bottle of whiskey in front of him. "Thanks."
"No problem, bro. It'll help you sleep too." Burger yawned, feeling a bit drowsy from drinking a good amount himself. He opened his eyes again when Ash jabbed at his arm. "Huh?"
"Uh…have you noticed anything about Bleed and Derek?" Ash said this rather fast, making the words run together. He took a swig of the amber liquid and grimaced as it burned down his throat.
Burger raised a brow and glanced over at the afore mentioned duo before lowering his voice. "Other than I don't want to be trap in the van with Bleed again because he gets annoying, nothing. Why?"
"Something Bleed said." Ash said, not missing the conspiratorial tone in the bassists voice.
"Yeah, they're totally-" Burger made a rather crude gesture with his fingers. "I saw them out in the alley one night after a gig."
Ash turned red and took another drink.
"What are you guys talking about?" Derek's voice piped up, making the two of them jump.
"Nothing!" They chimed simultaneously.
"I think they're talking about the time we did it behind the club." Bleed said with a large yawn. He grunted when he was elbowed in the stomach.
"Is there no privacy in the world?" Derek muttered, sounding peevish. He reached over and abruptly snatched the whiskey bottle from Ash's hands. "Thanks." He said brusquely over Ash's protest of not being finished.
The bottle was passed around, finishing off the remaining alcohol speedily. It wasn't a lot but it managed to mellow them out and they were able to relax and drift off.
A cold gust of wind hitting them and a sudden burst of light, woke them hours later making them all groan and burrow further in the van. "Close the bloody door!"
"What the heck are you all doing?" Vic's voice demanded. The foursome immediately sat up and saw their manager standing in the door way, backlit from the morning sun and likened to a heavenly force. "I was waiting all night at the border crossing for you! I was worried sick-"
"Vic!" They launched up and grabbed the portly man in a group hug.
The manager was rather taken aback by the odd display of affection and eased himself from the tangle of arms. He took a calming breath and surveyed the rather scruffy looking group. "Okay, okay. Someone tell me what happened."
"The van broke-"
"-told them to get it checked before-"
"-couldn't sleep because-"
"-really freaking cold and-"
"Okay! I get it!" Vic sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling a mild headache coming on. "I'm going to call a tow truck and we'll get your van fixed. In the meantime, I'll drive you boys the rest of the way. You'll still be able to make the show if we leave now so grab your stuff-"
They were able to gather up their instruments and necessities in a matter of seconds and managed to cram themselves in Vic's car. "Dude, your guitar is stabbing me!"
"Why does Burger get the front seat? I want the front-"
"Stop touching me, you're on my side-"
"Can we stop for breakfast? I'm starving!"
"I want Mexican if we stop somewhere-"
Vic pressed his forehead against the wheel, feeling his blood pressure rising steadily. "Burger can't sit back there with two other people without crushing someone, no touching each other, put your instruments in the trunk and we're not stopping anywhere!"
They all stared at the man blankly but at least they were silent. "…Vic's all sweaty again." Ash whispered loudly.
"Jeez, Vic-don't pop a blood vessel." Derek said in a nonchalant manner. He whispered out of the corner of his mouth, to the others. "What's with him?"
Vic ran his hand over the top of his head and could've sworn he had more hair there earlier. They managed to make it back onto the freeway in silence, thankfully.
"…Vic, I gotta go to the bathroom." Ash suddenly said from the back.
"You can't hold it?" Vic asked, exasperatedly. With a grimace, he waved his hand, gesturing at the back. "There's an empty water bottle back there. You can make do with that."
"I have to go too." Derek said and crossing his arms stubbornly. "I don't want to use the same bottle as everyone else."
At that moment, Burger's stomach growled loudly.
A rest stop was emerging and Vic glanced back at the foursome. They looked liked they had a rough night. "…We'll be cutting it short, but we can stop for a little while." He supposed he could cut them some slack. They stopped momentarily and Vic put the car in park. "Ten minutes, okay? We still have a few hours of-" The four musicians bolted from the car, nearly trampling innocent passersby. "…Never mind."
Bleed and Burger sat up at the counter while Derek and Ash ran off towards the restrooms. Burger was already scanning the menu and ordering. "Tall stack of pancakes, scramble eggs, triple bacon and sausage and a large root beer."
The waitress raised an eyebrow at the bassist before looking at Bleed. "Uh…just two doughnuts and a coffee."
"You realize we're only staying for ten minutes?" Vic asked, coming up behind them looking rather incredulous. "That's an awful lot-"
"Don't worry, Vic! I only need, like, five minutes." Burger grinned, already unwrapping his silverware.
"He's serious. And he's faster without the utensils." Bleed chimed in with a smirk.
Burger regarded the fork and knife before pushing them aside. "True that."
"…I'm starting to not be surprised at anything you guys do." Vic sighed, unfolding the newspaper he brought in. He smiled slightly as he listened to Burger trying to steal one of Bleed's doughnuts, unsuccessfully it seemed. His brow furrowed slightly as he scanned the front page news. "That's scary…"
"I know." Bleed said, watching Burger tear into his huge breakfast. "And yet you can't look away…"
Vic glanced up and wrinkled his nose a bit. "Er, no. Not that-this news story-"
"Burger, you need to come up for air!" Ash exclaimed as he sat down, Derek following. Burger merely grunted something unintelligible, not breaking his stride.
"What story?" Bleed yawned as he nudged the doughnut he rescued towards Derek. He was only mildly interested at best but felt the need to make small talk.
"Apparently their was a breakout at a jail in this area the other night. Five convicts got loose. One of them was in for multiple homicides!" Vic read aloud, sounding shocked. "Imagine-last night in this very area. It's a wonder you boys didn't run into any sort of trouble." He chuckled and turned the page of the paper before looking up at the guys. "…Derek? What's wrong?"
Derek had dropped his doughnut and looked positively traumatized. Bleed petted Derek's arm gently and cleared his throat. "Uh…I'm sure it wasn't anywhere near where we were stranded."
"I told you guys!"
"Nothing happened!"
"I told you-"
"Nothing happened-"
"-never sleeping in the van again!"
"I thought you were worried about serial killers-
"Calm down!"
"-not convicts."
"Ash-shut up-"
Vic sighed and buried his face back in his paper, deciding to just let them get the arguing out of their systems. Putting up with the musicians' particular ways wasn't that big of a deal anyway in the long run. After all, with their talent and flair, they were going to be huge and raking in the cash. Vic smiled to himself as the squabbling continued. Yep, totally worth it.
Hope that provided as much amusment as it gave me writing it!