i fear no fate
i want no world
He finds her on the balcony.
No one had seen Elizabeth since the storm broke, and he was worried. The earpieces would help, but no one's wearing them.
John finally finds her on the balcony, the first place he should have looked, after all.
At first he can't see her, just the choppy seas and the swell of clouds receding into the horizon. The shield has gone offline again, and there's a reassuring coolness in the air. But then he hears a noise, something over in the corner, just out of his periphery.
She's crying.
She's sitting against the railing, knees drawn to her chest, and she's crying quietly, hands over her face.
There's a long moment where he wants to disappear, because he immediately feels horribly intrusive. Elizabeth keeps her private issues remarkably quiet when she wants to. He knows she carries a lot, bottled up inside her, and he's privately been wondering how she copes.
He knows her record has plenty of classified and top secret stamped across it, but he's willing to bet she's never been threatened with a life of slavery at the hands of a brutal dictator.
After a moment's hesitation, John kneels beside her, pulling her into his arms.
If it surprises her, she doesn't show it. She leans into his chest, fisting one hand on his jacket, and he swallows hard as she sinks into the line of his body.
Elizabeth cries herself out against him, until finally she's simply huddled against his chest, clutching him like a lifeline. She's shaking, though whether it's from the cold or from shock, he doesn't know. Probably both.
She was seconds away from death today.
More than once.
The thought hits him like a blow to the chest, and he pulls her closer out of sheer reflex. He saw the fear in her eyes as Kolya dragged her back with him. And when John aimed his gun, she didn't know if he'd make the shot.
Dr. Weir is dead.
He buries his face in her hair, willing away the words that sent him on a brutal hunt across the city. It's been a long, long time since he's felt that level of darkness inside him.
The tentative friendship that's been blossoming between them is one thing, but this is different. His chest aches, his whole body is taut, and he's starting to realize this is something new. It's more.
He's never going to let anyone else hurt her, ever again.
The surge of protective determination is blinding. And he feels his heart hammering against his ribs with an intensity he hasn't felt in a long, long time. It's not just adrenaline.
It occurs to him - he should say something.
"How long have you been out here?"
It's a dumb question, but it's all he's got. He already asked her if she was okay. And she wasn't.
She lets out a breath. "I don't know."
He reaches up to brush tears from her eyes, letting his hand linger at her cheek, and to his surprise, Elizabeth turns into his touch. She covers his hand with hers, twining their fingers together. And as he settles their hands between them, John feels a bit of the tightness in his chest start to dissolve.
She's safe.
She's alive.
"Sheppard? Oh."
It's Rodney, leaning through the doorway, looking like he wants nothing more than to crawl into a cave and avoid people. He looks too exhausted to even raise an eyebrow at the sight of them curled up, clinging to each other.
Elizabeth doesn't respond, so John does. "Yeah?"
"We got a message from Manaria. The rest of the expedition will be back in an hour, and we'll have teams ready to go on repairs."
"Okay. We'll be in soon," John tells him quietly.
"Right." To his credit, Rodney disappears without giving John any grief.
He feels her take a long, steady breath against him. "We should go in, John."
She untangles herself from his arms, and he hopes the sharp sense of loss he feels isn't written all over his face. He feels undone. Vulnerable. Like his chest has cracked open and he's spilling out, every heavy, overpowering emotion escaping him since a minute ago when he realized just how he feels about her.
There are so many things he wants to say, but he has no idea how.
So he climbs to his feet, wipes his hands on his uncomfortable, clammy trousers, and turns to Elizabeth, holding out his hand. "Ready?"
She flashes him a small smile and lets him pull her to her feet. "Yeah."
Elizabeth looks up at him. He doesn't often notice it, but she's shorter than him, and now he feels the keenness of her gaze, the flinty sparkle he's glad to see again. She reaches up, pressing a hand to his face as she gently kisses his cheek, and he catches his breath.
"Thank you, John." She smiles at him, weary and exhausted, but genuine. "I needed that."
He lingers for a moment as she leaves, the balcony doors closing behind her.
She's alive, and for the first time since the storm, he feels peace.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart