Author's Note: Hello Doctor Who fanfiction community! Welcome. So, who doesn't love them a bit of Doctor/Master? I know I do! So, this is my collection of bits and pieces of Doctor/Master goodness. Now, even if slash isn't your thing, fret not! As Miss Christie said, the thrill is in the chase and never in the capture, so why not watch these two chase each other about a bit. I don't see Time Lords getting too touchy-feely, anyway. No, as a higher species, they prefer to use their words. So most of the stories in here will be verbal sparring between the two. Maybe the occaisional snog, when the time is right. And some friendship moments thrown in for good measure, because those stories make me squee. Some of these stories will be related, though most will stand alone. Also, I'll probably pair up Ten/Simm!Master most often. It's the dynamic I'm most familiar with, and let's be honest, who doesn't like picturing more Tennant and Simm. They are splendid. That said, I will include a little blurb at the top of each story giving you the rundown on what's to come. When and where does this story take place? How seriously should it be taken? What's the rating? And, most importantly, just how heated are things going to get? Yes, even with just words I figure they can get pretty slashy. Never underestimate. Now, without further ado, I give you a little bit of crackfic!

Disclaimer: I am but a porr Canadian girl who enjoys some British Telly. Doctor Who and any copyrighted materials do not belong to me.

AU Post LotTL
Location- TARDIS, in orbit around a dwarf star
Mood- Silly
Rating- K
Sliding Scale of Slashiness- Virtually non-existent

Dessert

Maybe he hadn't been wandering too long after all. Wandering was good. Kept him on his toes and did a cracking job of staving off boredom. Not that he was getting bored or anything. With the most recent addition to the TARDIS, he had all the entertainment he could ever want. Someone he was on par with. Someone he could hold a real conversation with. Someone who stood any sort of chance of beating him at chess.

Except that the universe refused to co-operate with him and nothing was going as planned.

His guest was being difficult, not to mention the fact that the TARDIS was none too pleased to have him on board. The Doctor assured her that she had nothing to fear, but she was still being a mite tetchy all the same. As for their guest... The fact that he had attempted to throw himself out of the TARDIS on his second day spoke for itself.

The Doctor had really hoped this would work. Against his better judgement he wanted to make his old friend as comfortable as possible and allow him as much freedom as he dared, but he just refused to make it easy. The Doctor was loath to keep the Master restrained, merciful preacher of freedom that he was, but he had eventually settled on confining him to his room for the time being. The Doctor preferred to have him around, out and about, but if the Master was going to make things difficult then he had to take action and hope that eventually he would learn from his mistakes and just accept his situation. The Doctor's better judgement screamed that it would never last, but he refused to listen to reason.

He was going to make this work.

The room the Master had been confined to was plush and well furnished. Large, cushy bed, a desk to do work at, plenty of books from everywhere and everywhen... At least he could be comfortable whilst he whiled away at the mercy of the Doctor.

The door swung open to reveal an impossibly cheery Doctor, who was humming a jaunty 22nd century pop ballad. From his position perched in the middle of the bed, the Master wrinkled his nose as he spied the tray in the Doctor's hands. He'd had the audacity to bring tea.

"I brought tea!" the Doctor announced.

"I can see that," came the biting reply. "Any chance you've poisoned it?"

The Doctor just looked confused. "No. Why would I do that?"

"Pity. I was hoping you would just let me die so I didn't have to endure another day with you."

Immense satisfaction washed over the Master as the Doctor's face crumpled. He knew just how much the other Time Lord was enjoying this, or at least how much he wanted to. The most joy he got these days was crushing his old nemesis's enthusiasm. This face of his was ever so expressive, and seeing any sort of misery written across it just made the Master feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Despite his comments to the contrary, the Master decided that tea wasn't such a bad idea after all, and accepted his cup when it was offered to him. The Doctor perked up a little bit when he took the cup, so the Master took a sip and made a show of grimacing as he choked it down. The stuff wasn't actually half bad, but it had brought the pout back to the Doctor's face and that was good enough for him.

Still pouting, the Doctor took a seat in the chair that belonged to the desk next to the bed. He took a sip of his own tea and wrinkled his nose down at it. He looked like he wanted to say something on the matter, but instead he perked up and looked at the Master eagerly.

Oh, this should be good.

"I thought we might go for a little trip today."

The Master snorted in response. "Oh really? So you're going to take me on a whirlwind tour around the universe after all? Take me to everywhere throughout time and space, is that it? You can't really be that thick. You know I won't make it easy for you. I'll escape. Take me anywhere and this little slice of domestic bliss we've been sharing will be gone in a flash."

The Doctor's face fell a little, but not as much as he had been hoping for. He pressed on, ignoring what the Master had just said. "I want to take you out for ice cream!"

"Ice cream?"

"Yeah! You know, frozen Earth dairy treat? Quite delicious actually. And it comes from cows! Well, not really. It's made with cream which is made from milk which comes from cows. It's really nice on a hot day. The ice cream that is, not the cows. Though they do make quite the treat themselves, if they're prepared right... Oh." He stopped when he noticed the Master rubbing his temples in irritation. "Sorry. But I do know this lovely little parlour in London-"

"Forget it!" the Master cut in. "We're not going to have some quaint little afternoon together. I'm not going to sit across the table from you, picking at my dessert and discussing last week's episode of East Enders. And I am most certainly not eating anything that comes from a cow."

Now that was the look he had been looking for. For a second the Doctor looked utterly crushed. Unfortunately for the Master, that hadn't lasted very long. The Doctor had put on a nonplussed look, gathered up his teacup and the tray, and turned towards the door. "Alright then. I won't force you into anything you don't want to do."

"You already have."

The Doctor ignored him. "I just thought it might be good to get out. You know, do something nice together. But don't mind me, just trying to keep things interesting. If you'd rather stay in here then so be it."

The door was closed behind him before the Master had time anything to say back to him. Blimey he could be childish sometimes. Temperamental as he was, the Doctor got pouty over the littlest of things. Still, he had gotten out of ice cream.

For now, anyway.

It was only a matter of time before the Doctor got bored and started taking things into his own hands. One way or another, the Doctor seemed determined to get the Master to co-operate and Rassilon help him when he did. The Master was confident that somehow he would escape the Doctor's clutches, but there was no telling how much more of the Doctor's idea of Time Lord domestic bliss he would have to put up with before he did.

If he was petty, the Doctor would have just forced the Master into that ice cream date, but he was no such thing. Well, maybe a little. He decided to just give the Master some more time to adjust. He would come around eventually.

OK, he probably wouldn't, but the man could dream, couldn't he?

Sighing, the Doctor dug up some ice cream from the TARDIS's preserves chamber. Best ice cream in the universe, he thought. He decided to forgo the bowl and just scoop out of the tub. After all, it wasn't like he was going to be sharing it with anyone anytime soon. "Well ice cream, if nothing else, at least I've still got you."

Chuckling to himself, the Doctor dug in. The Master would come around soon enough. All it meant was the Doctor had a project now. Someone to care for. Someone to, if he was lucky, rehabilitate and shape into a better person. And, perhaps someday, someone to share ice cream with.