We Need To Talk
Written for my Remus.
Part One:
Headmaster Severus Snape was sleeping, if one could call it that. The thirty-something years old Death-Eater was tossing and turning, restless and anxious, face shadowed by whatever images his mind chose to torment him with. He moaned and clenched the blankets tighter in his fist, sweat beading on his forehead, eyes squinting tight shut. Trapped in the silence of his bedroom, in a bed that was not his own, no one could comfort him, or attempt to chase the nightmares away. No one even would.
Because Severus Snape was a murderer and a liar.
And he was also Remus Lupin's one true love.
The werewolf knew all the passages in to and out of the castle. He knew how to find his way to the Headmaster's Office without being seen, and he knew how to infiltrate it. And here he was. Stood in Severus' bedroom, with the murderer of Albus Dumbledore and the man who managed to singlehandedly break Remus' heart defenceless in bed. And still he hesitated.
It would have been so easy. He could have ended this. He was fuelled by hatred of this man - the man who had deserted everything - the man who had destroyed everything - left the Order of the Phoenix shattered and the Dark Lord more powerful than ever. Remus had loved him so deeply, had trusted everything he ever said and ever did, and all the time it had been a lie. A pretence. He had used Remus to help him survive the roughest of nights, used Remus' emotions and protective instincts as a barrier to make his life a little easier, used him for pleasure and for pain just to help himself.
Remus knew all this. So why did he still find it so hard to believe, after all this time? He stood by the curtains, shadowed and almost invisible, watching the bed and the tormented figure under the blankets. Severus had never slept well, only ever able to when Remus had soothed him and sat beside him.
He had fallen so hard for the sullen and silent Potions Master, wanting to make him better, to fix him, to mend him - and Severus had been so reluctant at first. He had hardly responded to Remus' attempts of friendship and companionship - refusing to speak to him - refusing to be with him - but Remus had persisted because he needed and wanted Severus. And finally, Severus had let him in.
He had tasted of peppermint toothpaste masking the underlying sting of Firewhiskey. It was a bittersweet kiss, tainted with the lingering hurt of the past. But Remus had enjoyed it all the same, feeling pleasure at the soft moan from his lover as he pulled him closer. He could have lingered for infinity at those soft lips, but Severus had pulled away - flushed and embarrassed and almost willingly violated.
How could that have been such a lie?
"Remus…"
Remus raised his head and looked to the bed, but Severus was still asleep. Still caught. But that was most certainly a whisper of his name. It was more than a whisper. It was a plea for help. Normally by now, Remus would have woken him and comforted him. But despite the cry, he could not move. He could only stand, by the window, watching him. And in the end, Severus woke himself up with a startled shout and sitting upright, rubbing his eyes. Remus shrank back into the curtains carefully, wondering how long it would take Severus to realise he was not alone.
Severus lit the candles with a wave of his hand, sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed, head in his hands. Remus was treated to the slump of his shoulders and the tremble in his fingers that seemed involuntary. Finally Severus raised his head and stared at the wall, exhaling slowly through his nose. He cleared his throat and tucked his hair back behind his ears, curling his arms around his bare torso. His eyes fell on the floor before him, and he frowned slightly. Remus knew that expression. There was something not right in his room, and Severus knew it. The shadows were different. He gripped his wand despite himself, as Severus straightened. "Who's there?"
Remus moved before Severus had a chance to grab his wand. He pointed his weapon at Severus' throat, catching the other off guard. "You and I need to talk, Severus."