Not again.
Please…not again.
It had been going on for who-knows-how-many months now, Every night, he awoke shaking and sweating, and sometimes even crying.
He knew he couldn't tell anyone. Not Xigbar. Not Ansem. Not Xemnas. And especially not his elder self.
Poor, poor little Xeha.
Ever since Sora had almost become the final vessel, his good night's sleep had been replaced with horrifying, too-realistic nightmares. Most of them were made up of bad memories from his past, some were his own interpretations of what his older self had done, where the violence and pain was much, much worse.
They all terrified him, to the point where he had to take sleeping pills after he'd woken up to calm himself down. But what scared him the most, was that they all involved him.
Him, the person who had opposed almost everything he ever said. Him, who had been an obstacle in his life, if anything of importance. Him, who…
Whom he had wanted to go everywhere with. Whom he had wanted to spend the rest of his pathetic, miserable life with. Who he worshiped the very ground he walked on. Whom he had loved with all his heart.
Goddammit, Eraqus…
The boy whom he had fallen hard for. The only one he would ever love.
Every single nightmare of his had his gorgeous, adorable face of his.
But this nightmare was different.
This nightmare was the one that had made him scream in the middle of the cold, depressing night.
Inside His Mind:
He was in the Realm of Nothingness. Empty. Cold. Grey. Dead.
He didn't understand how or why. He held out his arm in a attempt to summon a Corridor of Darkness, but to no avail. His instincts told him to walk straight ahead, in order to search for a way out.
He walked for what seemed like hours to him, and he could feel his legs growing sore and weak. He wanted nothing more than to collapse on the swirling void below him. Just as his body was about to give up, he saw something out of the corner of his eye.
He lifted his head and brushed some of his silver hair from his face. He squinted to try to make out the thing ahead of him. Upon looking closer, he noticed it was…a figure?
He shook his head to make sure it wasn't a mirage. But the mysterious figure was still there. He needed to escape. He needed a way out. He summoned all the strength that he had, and let his legs carry him towards the dot in the distance.
"Can…can you get me out of here?" He said, too exhausted to be polite.
He then scanned over the appearance of the stranger. His amber orbs widened.
Raven hair tied in a messy ponytail? A brightly colored robe? Pants the color of white sand?
Was it? No….it couldn't be…
"E…Eraqus?"
The person in front of him slowly turned to face him. Xeha stepped back in shock. His former lover was standing before him. Young, alive, and healthy. His Era.
"Hello, Xeha." He whispered, a tiny smile forming on his lips.
A series of gasps escaped Xeha's throat. He wasn't able to fully process what was happening. But the sudden joy that ran through him was too strong to ignore. He threw his arms around his friend, in the tightest hug he could manage.
"Oh, darling…I thought I'd never see you again…" Xeha whispered. He felt hot tears forming in his eyes. He buried his face in Eraqus's shoulder, and began to sob loudly.
Era sighed. He gently put one arm around Xeha, and started to stroke his silver hair with the other.
"It's okay, my love. I'm here now."
This only made Xeha cry harder. He looked up to gaze into those beautiful eyes, though his tears made it difficult.
"Era…I'm so sorry…More than you can ever imagine. I'm sorry for not listening to you…I'm sorry for abandoning you…And I'm sorry for what I became…" He squeaked out. Little hiccups came from his lips as his sobs grew more deep.
Era wiped away some of tears with his thumb, and rested his hands on Xeha's shoulders. He then kissed Xeha It was a gentle kiss; filled with love and tenderness. Xeha melted into the kiss, and moaned softly. Oh, how he had missed those sweet kisses…
Era broke the kiss on Xeha's lips, only to give him one on his forehead. He stroked his neck slowly, and smiled at his love.
"Xehanort…it's okay." He said.
Xeha stopped crying for a moment once he heard this. Had he heard him right?
"Wha…what did you say?"
Era laughed softly.
"I said it's okay…"
He paused.
"Because I forgive you."
Xeha looked down in silence. How could he possibly forgive him? Did he forget half the things he had done? Or did he not even know?
"But…Era…what I have done…is truly unforgivable. I…I am a monster, a murderer, a person who is unworthy of even being on this earth!"
He found his lower lip quivering, and he clung onto Era like a child would to its parent during a thunderstorm. Era gently lifted Xeha's chin to look him in his eyes. It was almost…unsettling.
"Xeha…I was wrong."
The silver stared at him in disbelief.
"You were right about everything. Darkness isn't given a chance, and the worlds need to know of its power. The X-Blade needs to be forged."
What? No…This was wrong, this was very wrong. This was not the Era that Xeha knew. Even if they hadn't agreed on the usage of light and darkness, enslaving the worlds was not the way to prove his point. Unfortunately, he had realized this when it was too late…
"Era…what are you talking about? Even when you and I were this age in real time, we never agreed on the Keyblade War or the X-Blade! We-"
Era shushed him with his finger before he could finish. A smirk came across his lips.
"My dear Xehanort, don't you see? A new Keyblade War can bring the universe to perfection! We can live in a world that you've always wanted!" He cried hysterically.
Xeha's body began to slightly shiver out of fear. He slowly stepped back a few steps, still trying to cherish this moment with his love.
"Era…What? I…" He choked out, unable to find the right words to express his confusion.
Era then forced Xeha closer to him, causing the silver-haired wielder to cry out. He brushed a strand of his starlight-colored hair out of his eyes. He brought his face close to Xeha's, to where their lips were just inches from touching.
"Xeha…I can be your thirteenth vessel."
Xeha felt as if his heart had just stopped. No, no, no! This can't be happening…
"D-darling…" He choked out. "I can't let you do that. I would rather die than have you be a vessel!"
Era frowned, but it was a playful, almost taunting frown.
"Oh, but Xeha…Don't you realize what me becoming a vessel can do for us? We can be together all the time, we won't argue anymore, since your will will overcome mine…We can be together forever, just like you want!"
The tears started to return to Xeha's eyes, and he backed away again, when suddenly he was frozen in place. He began to panic, and his breath rapidly quickened. He couldn't find any words to say - he was hurting too much.
Suddenly, swirls of darkness formed around Era where he stood. Xeha could only watch in horror as his appearance began to change. His training attire was now replaced with the coat of the Organization, and his midnight-black hair now had streaks of silver in it, similar to Xigbar's. But what scared Xeha most of all: was that Era's once smoky grey-blue eyes, were now a deep, menacing gold.
Xeha's breath caught in his throat, and his stomach churned at the sight before him. He finally found the strength to speak, but it sounded more like a screech.
"Er…Era?!" His voice was now in a high pitch, and cries of agony came from his lips like a poor dog chained in a yard on a stormy night.
The newly transformed Keyblade wielder walked over to Xeha, and chuckled. He rested his hands on Xeha's tanned cheeks, and gazed at him with a pitiful expression. He brought his lips to Xeha's ear.
"This is my fate now, Xeha. Accept it."
Before he could respond, the other members of his Organization appeared around in a circular pattern around them, to where it looked like they could corner Xeha at any moment.
Xeha whipped his head around to try to make sense of what was going on. There was so much fear in his heart, and he felt like it was going to eat him alive.
Then, the eldest form of Xehanort stepped forward, only slightly. His young self scowled at him, with pure hatred in his eyes.
The old Master smiled at the new member, and then shot a wicked grin at his teenage form, which caused a whimper to escape from his throat.
Master Xehanort then spoke.
"Welcome…Number Thirteen."
Xeha screamed in anguish as the words were said, and tried to pry himself from the ground, but Era held him still. He thrashed violently, but his feet refused to move.
"No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!"
The pain he felt in his heart burned so badly now, that more than anything he just wanted to die at that very moment. He closed his eyes, and tried to make it all go away, to make it all disappear…
But he was interrupted by a whirlpool of darkness sprouting beneath his feet, and spreading to Era's. It felt cold…and unbearable.
The darkness began to drag the two down with it, and Era's grip on Xeha tightened firmly, almost as if he was being crushed to death.
Xeha was forced to look into his lover's horrible gold eyes, as the darkness sucked them in. Era took hold of Xeha's face, and placed a rough and painful kiss on his lips. Xeha screamed against his mouth, but this only made Era kiss him deeper.
The monstrous and cold darkness soon swallowed them, and Xeha's breath was running out. He escaped Era's dreadful kiss, and his lack of oxygen made him unable to think straight. He needed to scream, he needed to get out, it was too much torment…
He was only able to yell out his lover's name, in the futile hopes of him returning to his former self.
He screamed it at the top of his lungs, his voice sounding awful to listen to. He screamed and howled and wailed Era's name, until he felt himself fading away into the darkness.
"ERA!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Forever In The Darkness
That was when Xeha woke up in his bed in The World That Never Was.
He was lying in his own sweat. He was shaking as if he was in a blizzard. His blanket was on the floor, from having moved around so much in his sleep. His lip was bleeding, from biting onto it. His head pounded, from crying so much. His throat was sore, from screaming from the most awful nightmare in existence.
He was able to lift his head to glanced around his dark room, to search for any signs that his screaming had been heard. He retrieved his blanket from the floor, and snuggled into it, almost hoping that it would form into a comforting figure.
His heart still ached terribly, and he needed someone to console him, to hold him…
But no one was there. No one would ever be there for him again.
He then started to sob even more, and he wrapped his blanket around him. He cried into the soft fabric, until he fell back into a restless sleep.
The Next Morning
Xeha sat at the dining table with his eyes half-closed. He wanted desperately to get a good night's sleep for once, but he feared sleeping ever again. Luckily, nobody seemed to know or acknowledge his fit in the middle of the night. He tried to hide his distress, not letting it show on his face, even if his mind still rang with his screams.
He had drank about three cups of coffee, and did his best to have a full breakfast. But his body was still in shock from his haunting nightmare.
The rest of the Organization sat at the table, sipping their own coffee quietly. It was a very disturbing silence, and the discomfort Xeha felt almost made him squirm in his seat. The old Master sat at the head of the table, only a few spots away from his teenage incarnation. He observed his twelve selves with a malicious grin on his face, which raised Xeha's stress about ten times more.
Just when he thought the silence couldn't unsettle him any further, his oldest self announced that breakfast was over. Xeha sighed a little in relief. The other vessels started to clear their dishes away, when Xeha signaled for them to stop.
"It's alright. I can do it." He said, with a very poor attempt at cracking a smile.
Most of the other members nodded, and began to head to their rooms or the library, as there seemed to be nothing on the agenda for the day. Xigbar brushed past the little Master, snickering a little as he walked towards his bedroom. Isa was the last to leave, as he usually was. Xeha looked up at him, and noticed that the gloomy expression in Isa's eyes matched his own. Before Xeha could say anything, the blue-haired man scurried past him to the exit.
Xeha picked up plates and brought them over to the sink, carefully cleaning them with a wet sponge. Cleaning was something he took seriously, and he tried to scrub them as long as possible, to take his mind off of the previous night's events.
He was half-way finished when he heard footsteps approach behind him. He grimaced, and continued washing the dishes. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
"I noticed you were dozing off at the table…" Master Xehanort spoke, his voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard to his young self.
"Did you have trouble sleeping last night?"
Xeha paused his scrubbing. He then knew he had been caught, and that his weakness would be revealed to the other members. But he needed to play it off as nothing. He had to conceal his emotions. It was what he knew best.
"Yes…It's been a problem as of late. Insomnia seems to have struck me in the most inconvenient time." He replied politely, though he had a unbearable urge to smack the man behind him as hard as he could in the face.
Master Xehanort nodded, seemingly unaware of anything suspicious.
"Drinking warm tea helps, I've heard. I suggest trying it out for yourself."
The teenager hummed in reply, and resumed cleaning off the dirty plates.
"Well, I suppose I'll leave you to this mess." His old self said, beginning to turn to leave.
Xeha breathed through his nose slowly, to calm himself down to rid himself of the fear that was so unneeded.
The old man then stopped, slightly turning his head towards his former self. An evil smile formed on his lips. He almost couldn't contain it.
"By the way…I suggest that you forget about him...It would do us all a favor."
The young Master then dropped a plate in surprise, and it shattered the instant it hit the tile floor. His old self chuckled to himself as he then teleported away, leaving the teenage Keyblade wielder to fall on his knees to the ground, and cry all alone.