A/n- Hi guys. UncleScar4life here. Decided to write about RE4 since it's my favorite game ever. It's a parody so "yay"! Enjoy por favor. :)

Disclaimer- I do not own RE4 or any RE ANYTHING. Btw, if you don't like my generic and random writing style...well...get over it. If I wrote the same as everybody else, then this world would be boring as hell. Let's just leave it at that.

PS: This story is told from Leon's point of view at first then the narrative point switches to third person. So yeah. :P

"2100...wait wait wait...ahhh...I forgot. Wait, I remember now. 1998, I'll never forget it. It was when all those massacres happened in Ohio. WAIT wait wait...ahhh y-yknow what, I'm just going to skip it. SCREW IT!"

Leon then threw a glass bottle at the camera guy. "What the heck? How do I even have a gun and a leather jacket? ALREADY? But I haven't even gotten the order to go rescue Ashley...WAAAAIIITTT how do I know this..?"

Leon started running through the woods. "How did I get here?" He found a letter in his pocket. "Hmm...where did this little lassie come from. LET'S READ IT!"

Dear Leon,

I hijacked your brain when I was doing my research on soul reapers. So yeah. Oh and you're on a mission to save the president's daughter. So yeah. Bye.

-Mayuri Kurotsuchi

"DAMN! That...that PERV!" Leon shouted. He continued to walk through the woods until a cut scene happened and he saw a guy in a window.

"What's he looking for?"

He then walked into the house and he saw a normal village guy stoking the fireplace.

"Hey, have you seen this girl?" Leon asked, holding a picture up of Ashley. The village dude looked at Leon. His eyes were red.

"Whoaaa...dude, are you like a binge drinker? Because your eyes are like...duuuuddde!"

¿Que carajo haces aqui¿? Largate, cabron! (What the hell
are you doing here? Get out of here asshole!)"

"Well, I don't know how to speak Japanese, so sorry if I'm bothering you. I have to go now."

Leona started to leave when all of a sudden the villager tried to axe Leon's head.

"HEY! You know I don't like that cheap cologne crap!" Leon shouted as the villager tried to spray his eyes with axe. "Ohhhh so THAT's how your eyes got red. USHER. Trying to 'let it burn' Pffffttt! Yeah, like YOU'LL ever catch MY eyes being with that stuff." Leon looked at the villager. "Is that Axe Chocolate scented?"

"Si."

"I SEE. I asked you a question. Now stop telling me to 'SEE'."

"Si."

"UGH! YOU IDIOT! I ALREADY TOLD I DON'T SPEAK BRITISH!...I MEAN JAPANESE!" Leon was fed up with this guy so he shot him. The villager fell to the floor and disintegrated.

"How how the heck does disintegration happen that fast? THAT'S IMPOSSIBL-"

RIINNGGGG RIIINGGG

Just then, Leon's Boost Mobile walkie talkie phone started beeping.

"I swear, if that librarian gave my number to any gay guys...she get NONE tonight."

Leon answered.

"HELLO?"

"Hi Leon. I am Ingrid Hunnigan. I hope you can hear me. I'll be your support on this mission."

"Yo SHAWTY! You is poppin girl. How you doin?"

"That's right. She's the daughter of the President. So try and behave yourself, okay?"

"What? Are you talking about?" Leon was confused.

"I'll try to find more information on them from my end as well."

"Information on who?"

Pssshhhhh

"She hung up? How am I supposed to know...what to do?"

All of a sudden, a Devil Leon popped up on Leon's right shoulder and an angel Leon popped up on Leon's left shoulder.

"WHO ARE YOU GUYS AND WHY ARE YOU COSPLAYING AS ANGEL AND DEVIL? AND HOW'D YOU GET THAT SMALL? DID YOU EAT FROOT LOOPS?"

The Devil Leon looked at Leon.

"No. And you're supposed to kill the president's daughter."

The angel Leon interrupted.

"NO! Don't listen to him! You are supposed to SAVE the president's daughter."

"Save...president...daughter...girl...bedtime...score.." Leon mumbled to himself.

"NO NO NO! You cannot sleep with her! She's the president's DAUGHTER!" The angel Leon said.

"So? She's STILL a girl. And whenever I see a hot shawty, I get jiggy with it!"

The angel Leon and devil Leon stared at...Leon.

"Dude, stop. You ain't gangsta. So...j-just just stop...stop." The devil Leon said.

"Fine! FINE FINE! GOSH!"

Leon then got another call.

"This better not be that Hunnygram girl again."

He picked up.

"WHAT!"

"Hello! This is an automated message from Raccoon City Library reminding you that you have 4 overdue books pending on your account. Book 1 is, 'How to Score A Shawty in Five Minutes'. Book 2 is, 'PlayBoy Magazine Blonde Edition' Book 3 is, 'Sweet Rides For Lame Dudes 101 Pimp Yo Car In 1 Day' Book 4 is, 'How to Speak Gangsta For Dummies'. Your current fee is...2498 dollars and 73 cents. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!"

The call ended.

"What the hell? I never remembered getting THOSE books..." Leon lied to himself.

A/n- There ends chapter 1. Reviews are appreciated! :)