"Surely... Even true love starts as a one sided pain."
In the end of springtime in our 3rd year of school, the wound in your hand peeled at the wound on my heart.
"Tezuka... are you serious? Do you know what you're saying?"
The bespectacled person did not bother to grand his vice-captain a glance. It wasn't arrogance; he just didn't believe it should be necessary.
it would only be more complicated. To make Oishi comprehend what he was thinking... Or anyone for that matter.
"I understand that your arm needs treatment, but Germany is... "
"The doctors in Germany are more capable. That is all there is to it."
"If you just give it it's time, the treatment here is-"
"I don't have such time..."
The feisty look in the eyes of the normally gentle Oishi was mortifying. Why was Tezuka always like this?
Of course, Tezuka should choose himself over the team to heal. But as things were now, was that the case? Was Tezuka being selfish? Was he being stubborn? Was he-?
"Oishi... Let Tezuka go."
Both eyes looked in the direction of where the voice had come from.
"Right now, the team needs your guidance. Do you mind?" Fuji's presence was calming in the room. Almost soothing.
How much did he follow of the conversation?
no, knowing as how Fuji is, he'd probably already know of Tezuka's plan to receive medical treatment in Germany.
But Oishi wouldn't stand for it. As the vice-captain, it was his job to-
"I'm sorry, Oishi... but I don't believe this is something you would understand."
Oishi glanced towards Tezuka. Who nodded.
With pain in his heart, the vice-captain dripped off, leaving the two behind.
(I resent people like you. Even though we both know the answer, it's painful to say. or to hear.
and as we both wonder as we are lost... we miss out on the warm hand that had been there all the time.)
"That might have been a bit too harsh.. I ought to apologize to him later..." Fuji seated himself next to Tezuka.
"hm..."
He did not know why, but Tezuka always tended to get more quiet around Fuji. Was he feeling uncomfortable? No, that wasn't it... It was more that-
"It is difficult, neh?" The tensai leaned back. Even though his words were deep, he lightly pronounced them, as he would to any word.
Tezuka sighed. Realizing how relieving that felt. A bit of the tension had disappeared with Fuji's entrance.
"The thing you said against Oishi... you believe YOU do understand?" his words were somewhat mocking.
Fuji answered them with a smile, though. "I do."
"..." the captain took his time to study the male next to him.
"Explain then."
A small chuckle was heard. "That I understand doesn't mean it's easy to explain."
"..."
"You should go to Germany. if you want to." gently swaying his legs, Fuji stared into Tezuka's eyes, serious.
"It is far away. and the team needs me..." Tezuka worded what Oishi had probably tried his best not to say.
"hm... but isn't it actually because of the team that you're going? It will speed things up..."
"Perhaps..."
"Tezuka is... Above anything passionate. Even now, you are focused on the opponent you will come to face after your recovery. it is something very admirable.
It is something I don't have, so I noticed."
Was Fuji trying to flatter him? It might be true in a sense, but where was he going at?
"Tezuka, earlier... you asked where the real me is." Fuji leaned forward.
"Is that not a question you are asking yourself as well... right now?"
The frown on the before unmoved face proved his right.
" 'Where is my limit?' 'I will not admit defeat, I can rise higher.' 'What is the best I can do?' ... You ask yourself these things."
"..."
"and in Germany, you might find them. In the best circumstances, can you reach top condition? Can you return to this court and face your opponent, proving them-... what exactly?"
Tezuka's eyes drifted off. "... I don't know.."
Fuji smiled, gently ghosting his slender fingers over Tezuka's arm.
"People like us... proclaimed as 'perfect' or 'genius'... it's the worst possible sin and lie, isn't it?"
"That is... we are only humans."
"ah... yet the expectation is heavy. and when we defeat our opponent... it brings a terrible emptiness. To not be on par with anyone is incredibly unpleasant.
It can only make one either arrogant or hollow.
The answer I found is to no longer focus on whoever wins or loses and attempt to pull everything out to enjoy the game as much as I can..
But what about you?
Weren't you...perhaps a bit happy to find a superior opponent in Atobe?"
Tezuka glared at the ground.. But had to admit. "Yes... It might be so.."
"Then that became your guideline to overcome what is your limit.
...and that is what made you decide to do anything within reach."
Tezuka closed his eyes. "You are very perceptive, Fuji... but.."
"But?"
(Ahh... I really hate this about you... how you perfectly know to touch my heart where it hurts)
"-What made you change your mind?"
"Change my mind?" Fuji stared at the other, not understanding his question.
"2 years ago... you were very offended in me playing against you, despite my injury..."
Fuji's eyes drifted down. "...that's true.."
"... When the match against Atobe became more painful, the team suffered along... I was told not to continue.
But you... what were your thoughts at that moment?"
"...I believe Tezuka did the right thing."
"Why?"
" 'Why'?... because... I finally felt like I understood. What it means to truly 'love' something."
" 'Love'?..."
"Despite the deep pain and suffering, reaching out with all your effort to grasp what you aim for.
You were not wrong. You were very admirable that day...
I finally understand that you faced me with the same determination that day...
And if you so were to choose your path of righteousness.. I would support you, no matter how painful it would be."
(That's right... that day, you saved me. From that hollow self that I was.
Do you realize what a huge thing it was to me?
that all blinding and painful light that took away the shadows in my soul... could I become a person like you too?
That is what I hate... and love about you so...
this lonely path you set out for me.)
A gentle hand rested on Fuji's head.
"I'm sorry... It seems I made you suffer more then anyone else."
Two glowing blue eyes looked up the taller person in front of him.
"Ah... no... I was touched by your tediousness to win. You have nothing but my respect to you.
Going to Germany as well, there has never been a wrong decision of yours in my eyes."
"Are those your genuine feelings?"
The tensai looked at him for a while.
"...yes."
"...I see..."
Fuji thought it over for a moment, his expression rather saddened.
"...It will be lonely."
"It will be... But I will return. To the person who believes in me as deeply as you just confessed."
" 'Confessed', you say..."
"Fuji..." Tezuka leaned in on him, not removing his fingers from being tangled in Fuji's brown hair.
"-this 'love' you spoke of. is it admiration?... to be honest, I am not a man like that."
Fuji's cheeks burned. "You.. You misunderstood. The love I meant was your love for tennis."
"I see..." their front heads touched.
"Fuji..."
"...yes?"
"Thank you. for your support.."
"... it was-..."
No. It was not nothing. It meant the world to Fuji. This man who had given him a soul with the pasion he displayed.
Slowly, as a child looking for comfort, Fuji clenched his fingers into Tezuka's shirt.
"...we are so different... aren't we?"
"How so?"
"...even though I won that day... I lose in every aspect to you."
"...The Fuji I know isn't so weak."
Tezuka's breathing was easy. He was comfortable having Fuji this close. Talking like this was fun.
Yes, he wasn't very talkative around him because Fuji understood him well.
And even if both did not understand in words and were so different, their heart was the same.
(Can you... can you hear it?)
"This is too painful for you...
..Say it... It's fine... I want to hear you say it..."
Fuji grid his teeth.
"Don't go... I don't want you to go."
"I know.."
"There's nothing I can do if you're gone. I'll be lost."
"Ah.. I know."
Fuji clenched his other hand into Tezuka's shirt as well. Showing this embarrassing side to Tezuka was disgraceful.
even after he only just said he'd support any decision.
But Tezuka knew his feelings. There was nothing to be hidden from him.
"Even though I know it's the right answer-"
"-It's still painful... I know..." Tezuka swiftly wrapped his free arm around Fuji's shoulder. It wasn't an embarrassing matter to him. He understood.
"Fuji... even if I'll be far away, our hearts will be connected. By tennis. By memories. Friends. Feelings...
It's a solitary one way road.
But we will walk it together."
Fuji looked up, into his eyes.
"...hm.. I will trust you... and support you. Forever."
In silence, they looked at each other. Appreciating each other's presence. Each other's understanding.
Until Fuji sprouted a shy laughter. "This is... quite embarrassing. I hadn't thought it would go this way. Wasn't the conversation initially about you?"
"Does it matter? As comrades, we shouldn't hide things from each other. a mutual understanding is a good thing... I haven't found it in anyone else to this extend."
"...might it be 'love' after all?"
"..." Tezuka smiled in defeat. "It might be."
(as we walk this one way road together... I will love you.)