Disclaimer: I own nothing of Psych and its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other Psych-Os like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

Rating: T+

Spoilers: Should be self-contained. I had this occurrence myself night before last and couldn't stop laughing about it, and then last night I had the second dream described herein. I like to get my weirdest dreams down in writing, like the one in my profile. A one-shot, honest. No, really.

Dream-Talking

Third night of the stakeout. Carlton had, as usual, been stubborn throughout the entire operation but it was clear he hadn't gotten much sleep even before this campaign, and he was flagging. It was usually him urging Juliet to grab a half an hour or an hour's sleep. She was quite happy to be the one urging him for a change. It was a testament to how tired he truly was that he settled in and didn't fight it.

Juliet continued to watch the warehouse while Carlton settled back in the driver's seat. In short order, his deep breathing indicated he'd fallen asleep. She couldn't resist taking a little peek at him. Asleep, relaxed, unguarded…he almost looked like a different man. A very cute one.

She giggled a very private giggle and returned her attention to the warehouse.

All was still and silent for a good solid half an hour. Then she was startled when Lassiter suddenly jerked in his seat and shouted, "Bring that back, bitch, that's my cell phone!"

Awake now, he broke up laughing with his face in his hand. Juliet laughed herself, not sure what was going on. He raised one finger of his other hand and held it out towards her.

"That didn't happen, O'Hara," he said, still laughing.

"I'm not quite sure what did happen, Carlton, but I'm fairly sure it did," she said.

"No. It was your overactive imagination."

"You know the dashboard cam caught it, Carlton," she said, in a low, conspiratorial voice.

"Sweet Lady Justice," he said, and cracked up laughing again.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I was having a really weird dream, okay?"

"What about?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment. "I was…in school," he said at last. "Looking for the lunchroom, but I couldn't find it, 'cause I kept getting lost among all these big department stores that were all decorated up for Christmas. I had my cell phone in my hand but, for some reason, it was a DVD case, and it was open."

"What?" she exclaimed.

"I told you, it was really weird," he said, defensively.

"I'm listening. Go on, go on," she said.

"Well, I stopped to ask this teacher how to find the lunchroom, but that was when I realized I could see it from where I was, but when I started heading that way, I fell into a big square hole in the floor among all those department stores. My cell phone - the open DVD case - was face-down on the floor in front of me, and as I was trying to hoist myself out of the hole, this teenaged girl in a big, gray sweatshirt ran up and grabbed my cell phone and ran off with it, and…voila."

"Carlton, that's hilarious," Juliet said.

"You want to know the really weird part?" he said.

"Tell me," she said.

"I was looking for the lunchroom so I could get a box of chocolate chip muffins. I hate chocolate chip muffins."

It was her turn to crack up laughing, slouching down helplessly in her seat as the waves of laughter consumed her. "Oh, Carlton…"

"Yeah, I know, I know."

The next night they were back in the same place, the stakeout continuing. Carlton looked no better rested than he had the night before. It took some urging, but Juliet finally convinced him to sit back and close his eyes for awhile.

It didn't last long - ten minutes, tops. He jerked awake with a low grunt and she said, "What, Carlton? What?"

He looked at her and started to laugh. "Thank God it was inarticulate this time," he said.

"What were you dreaming about?" she said, grinning.

He blushed red to the tips of his ears. "Hamsters running for President."

"What?" she said, laughing like mad.

"They were standing at little Presidential podiums and had big campaign banners up behind them and everything. Guess you can see what I think about the current crop of Presidential candidates."

"Carlton, you have the craziest dreams," Juliet said.

"Usually I don't dream at all - at least not that I can ever remember. I don't know what's going on."

Juliet sat back and giggled madly into her hand. Lassiter sat hunched in the driver's seat, silent and still for a moment, and then said, in a quiet, high-pitched voice, "We hold these truths to be self-evident," and she broke out in gales of laughter.

"Was there one with a bad toupee?" she asked, when she was capable of speech.

"I don't remember, but I think there was one hiding emails, as well as a whole bunch that were doing really badly in the polls but wouldn't drop out."

"Carlton. Please. Stop," she begged.

He sat forward. "There's our guy, O'Hara. Quick, get the pictures. We can finally end this stupid stakeout and get some real sleep."

She raised the camera to her eye. "You need it, partner. Like, seriously."