"Alright class, today before we start the class you are all going to do a short assignment issued by the school." The teenagers all groaned just as their English teacher expected and resisted rolling his eyes. "Its nothing that will be graded. Everyone take a sheet a paper and write down one of your deepest darkest secrets."
"WHAT?! No way!" One of his rowdy students protested from the back.
"Don't worry, no one will read it but you, at the end you can keep it or rip it up if you like." He explained. "This is just a venting exercise in honor of self esteem awareness month."
He heard endless groans and muttering of not doing it, this time he did roll his emerald eyes, how lazy could someone be? It was a good idea, he thought, get something off your chest without actually having to talk about it, like what diary's used to be for.
"Do it or you can all stay after school to do it instead." Mr. Kirkland suppressed a smirk as papers and note books flew out of bags and binders to hurriedly scribble down most likely meaningless words. "That's what I thought." He said under his breath as he eyed each one to see if he could tell they were actually doing a real secret.
Everyone in the class was sure to have a real secret or a problem they kept to themselves, this was high school after all. Mr. Kirkland couldn't help but feel a bit curious, but he sat behind his desk to not be tempted to walk around, he could never chance peeking something private. He had a few trouble makers, loud mouths and shy wall flowers and knowing why they do what they do was something he always wondered.
He shook his head and decided to do one himself, since he had nothing to do for the next half hour. opened his personal note book and began to think of his deepest, most dark secret. His cheeks flushed, he knew exactly what he was going to write down...and burn as soon as possible least someone read it.
In the back of the class, a 16 year old Italian boy tapped his pen against his note book trying to get his thoughts into order. Should he be honest? Or just scribble nothing just to make it look like he was writing and out wait this stupid assignment? Its not like anyone would read it or notice, it was likely no else was going to be honest.
Lovino Vargas sighed and glanced around the room, the shy blond boy was staring down at his paper as he wrote looking like he was about to cry. Lovino made a mental note to talk to him after class, he had been meaning to. On the other side of him was his annoyingly happy go lucky best friend, Antonio. Surprisingly, he looked like he was having some trouble deciding as well. Lovino smirked to himself assuming he was just trying to think of something not happy and it was breaking his brain.
Everyone else around the room had stopped stalling and was in full swing of pencil on paper filling the air. It was starting to aggravate him so Lovino decided, might as well be honest. He had a lot of insecurities that he never talked about or even wanted to think about and it might be nice to finally get it all down on paper. Why not vent about how he felt, this white lined paper will be the only one to know or care about it. Lovino would just burn it later or tear it to little pieces to burn cause no one would EVER read this.
Fifteen minutes later Lovino had filled both sides of his paper and was starting his next sheet when he heard a sigh from the Spaniard next to him. He looked over and nearly choked on his spit, he had not once knowing Antonio had he seen him so...distraught. The older teen looked close to tears and was writing with totally concentration, Lovino could almost feel the others heart flow through his pen on to the paper. He wanted to say something, but felt so awkward and wouldn't know how to comfort him anyway.
He didn't want to stare so he looked down at his paper, feeling so stupid for whining of sudden. Lovino decided to re-read what he wrote down, everything he put down seemed off now that he thought about it. He wasn't all that alone or ignored, he had Antonio who would always try to be nice or build up his self esteem. So he decided to re-write the whole thing with this thought in mind.
stood up from his desk, shutting his notebook with a small cough to clear his throat and get his thoughts and class back to reality.
"Alright class, you may now stop writing." He said, glad to actually see most of his students were immersed in their papers. "If you could open your text books and we'll continue where were left off..."
The rest of the class period trailed off with nothing of great interest or excitement. Each student seemed half on edge and it was hard not to notice it, though it was like they all ignored it as a whole. Lovino fidgeted in his seat, glancing over at his friend who had gone completely back to normal, all smiles and sunshine.
The bell finally rung and the students couldn't get out fast enough to flush their papers, tear them up or go and bury them. Anything to get rid of the open wounds that were down on paper, no one could bear to have anyone else know.
Even Antonio was quick to leave, didn't even wait for Lovino to put his things away or get up. He was out the door and gone from sight before anyone else could get there. Lovino frowned, not sure how to feel about that since the older teen would always insist on walking with him everywhere and being glued to his side.
Lovino shoved his books and papers into his back pack with more force than necessary when he noticed there was a paper laying on the Spaniard's desk. Everyone but that loud annoying American blond kid was left in the room...it was so personal and he couldn't just leave it there. So he took it without a thought and left.
He wasn't going to read it...no, that would horrible even for him. Lovino was going to find Antonio and give it to him, call him an idiot for leaving it and than run away...or something. He didn't want Antonio to think he read it or anything!
Although he looked every where he could think of, the Spaniard was just nowhere and it didn't help it was lunch break. Lovino huffed as he scanned the cafeteria one more time, not even Antonio's creepy pervy friends knew where he was so there was no way to find him. He just gave up and went to the spot he usually went to eat and sat under the tree, not even moving to get out his lunch.
The paper was still in his hand and he couldn't stand the curiosity any longer, try as he might he wanted to know what was so bad that made Antonio's face like that! What could it be? Was it is home life? Antonio never really wanted Lovino at his house for some reason, maybe his parents were horrible! There was too many questions whizzing around in his head, he couldn't take it!
He unfolded the paper and felt horribly guilty from the first line.
"Dear Lovino,"
Lovino wanted to rip it up, he knew! He left it on purpose and knew he would read it! But...he couldn't rip it up and he went through the trouble to write it. If Antonio wrote this to him and he had that look on his face...
"Dear Lovnio,
I know you'll never really read this-"
Lovino relaxed slightly, so he didn't plan this, that did make him feel better, but more curious.
"Dear Lovino,
I know you'll never read this, but I thought that I would still act like I'm writing to you. This is the only secret I think I've ever kept and it was never something I meant to. It all just happened without me noticing, maybe Gilbert is right and I wouldn't know anything unless someone slapped me in the face with it."
Lovino snorted amused because it was so true.
"You've always been my best friend, ever since we were kids. I know you always think that I like your brother more or something silly like that, but if I had to choose to hang out with only one of you for the rest of my life and never see the other, I would want to be with you each day.
It must have been some time last year, I can't believe I didn't notice, but I just hated being away from you more and more. It was summer, I remember because you went to Italy with your family. Three weeks you were gone and I knew you would be and everything was okay cause I thought you would have fun and it would nice! But...the whole time you were gone I couldn't stop thinking about when you'd get back.
I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere, nothing was any fun and I couldn't figure out why. Not till Francis and Gilbert told me what they knew so much longer than I did. I couldn't believe it and denied it of course, even after you came home.
I know I was extra clingy to you after you got back and made you so mad, but it was cute! And I didn't want to be away from you ever again. It was when school started again, my senior year and your junior year.
My last year with you.
That's when I knew it was true. I started to be even more affectionate, but it seems I've never made you so mad before, sometimes I felt like you hated me. I could never stand it if you hated me. I did anything I could think of without having to say it out loud. But everything just made you angry or cause a fight...we never used to fight like that or argue.
Its almost half way through school, only a few more months till I graduate and than I'll have to go to collage and I know I'll never be brave enough to say what I want, you scare me so much and I don't know why, I've always told you everything.
This paper is the only way I can get it out of my head and I will say it over and over again here cause nothing bad can happen from it.
I lov-"
Lovino looked away, he knew what it might say and he couldn't bare to read it. His face was a blaze and he felt like it would melt off, he's never been so embarrassed in his life. He didn't want to believe, he just couldn't.
It didn't make any sense, why would his happy, cheerful and way to nice friend ever had...that sort of interest in him? Lovino gripped the paper, crumpling it in his had as he shook all over. He wasn't stupid, he knew how other people must think about him, Lovino never held back his words. He was rude, crass and had a horrible potty mouth, as his brother always said.
He wasn't nice or cheerful, he was never positive and he hardly ever showed his softer side to anyone, even to Antonio. What did that Spaniard even see in him? He had to be a masochist, it was the only explanation, there was no other possibility that would lead a sane person to lov...lov...feel that way about the Italian.
This day was really taking a toll on Lovino and he didn't think he could handle one more bit of this emotional turmoil. He felt like the world under his feet has been flipped upside down and he couldn't get a grip on anything any more. Lovino's stomach twisted and he felt sick, he shook his head and knew what he had to do.
He was in the parking lot before he realized he had taken a step, his hand on the handle of his classic corvette. It was a dazed drive home, he didn't remember if he ran any lights or stop signs but no police came after him so he must have at least obeyed the laws. Lovino was finally aware of where he was when he walked into his house, smelling the warm spices of something his father must have been cooking.
"Hmm?" The older Italian peeked out from the kitchen, curious to see his eldest son home before 4. "Lovino? What are you doing home?"
Lovino avoided his eyes, looking down. "I don't feel good...so I came home...I'm gonna go throw now..." He muttered as he made his way up the stairs, hearing his father clattering things in the kitchen putting things down.
"Lovino?" Romules asked worried for his son. "What's wrong?"
Lovino just shook his head as he closed the door in his father's face. The older man just let him knowing that if his son had something to tell him he'd have to wait for Lovino to tell him. Romulus was still worried though, he hardly ever sees his eldest looking so distraught. If Lovino didn't tell he was going to have to ask Feliciano what might have happened.
"Waaah! Guys! Guys! Have you seen my fratello!?" The younger Italian twin whined as he came upon the bad friend trio, at the moment duo since the Spaniard was not sitting with them. "I can't find him anywhere and I've tried texting and calling him and he's just gone! What if something bad happened! Ludwig and Kiku couldn't find him and and Luddy said fratello's car is gone! But he wouldn't leave school for lunch! He never does!" He rattled on in his worry, going a mile a minute.
"Pffft, Luddy? You let him call you Luddy, bruder?" Gilbert snickered, his French friend elbowing him in the side for missing the main point of the rant.
"Non, mon cher, we have not seen him today. Perhaps he is with Antonio, since he hasn't shown up either." Francis said with a shrug.
"Kesese, ja, maybe they found an empty closet to finally get over themselves and are fuc-owwww! Stop that!" The self proclaimed Prussian hissed as Francis elbowed him harder this time.
"Hush up. You're not making little Feli feel any better with that."
"Che, like this is serious? Come on, Lovino has a ten foot pole up his ass and is probably just being snarky in some random corner." He rolled crimson eyes, going back to his food no longer interested in what was going on around him.
"Do you really think he's alright?" Feliciano sniffed, rubbing his eyes and leaning into the hand of his German friend that was placed on his shoulder in an awkward attempt to comfort him.
"Oui~ Of course he is, Feliciano, perhaps he forgot his lunch and went home to get it. Try calling your papa`and ask if he's seen him." Francis offered the boy a hanky to dry his tears.
Feliciano gasped as he took it and wiped his face. "That's a great idea Franics! Grazie!" He grabbed Ludwig's hand and dragged him off to go make the phone call someone more quiet.
"Where is Antonio anyway? I haven't seen since this morning." Gilbert wondered aloud as he looked over at the blond who was thinking the same thing.
"I'm not sure, but I have a bad feeling...That thing we all had to to last period, you know what he would have wrote."
The Prussian sighed and threw his napkin on to his finished food. "Let's go find him before he drowns his in own tears." Francis nodded and they both got up, throwing away their food before looking for the last member of their group.
Antonio was sitting alone on the deserted roof top, plopped in the corner with his knees pulled into his chest. That assignment had depressed him more than he would have guessed, he really thought that it would make him feel better to get it out of his head and into the world. It only made him feel completely lost, he only had a few more months with Lovino and than it was off to collage. Who knows where it would be, he hadn't decided yet putting it off as long as he could. He didn't know if he'd have much time to visit and being away from his little Lovi was enough to make him want to cry.
He was about to do just that when the door to the room crashed open and he looked up to his friends.
"Must you always be so noisy?" A light French accent scolded their German member before the blond noticed the missing Spaniard. "Ah! Mon ami~ There you are."
"Dude, where have you been?" Gilbert asked abrasively, both of them walking over to Antonio, who started to stand trying to force a smile to his face. "Drop it man, we know you're faking."
"Oui, we know you too well for that, cher." Franics gently place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Tell us what is bothering you."
Antonio sighed and spilled his guts about everything that had happened in English and how horrible it all made him feel. "I'm sorry I'm being so whiny amigos...Its just been a lousy day."
"We understand, it can't be easy for you to be around him and nothing ever happen." Francis hugged him and nudged the Prussian to join them, knowing he thought it was sissy but should help comfort their friend. Gilbert reluctantly added himself to the group hug.
"Yea man, don't worry, best friend bitch about everything together, no matter what. It ain't any fun when you're all sad and crap." Gilbert added.
"Well put..." Francis muttered, but glad he was trying, knowing how uncomfortable the silver haired teen was with talking about romance and dating.
"Yea...but I should just tear up that...oh...oh no...OH CRAP!" Antonio broke away from the embrace, panic written all over his face.
"What's wrong?" His friends asked.
"I left my paper in class! Dios mio!" He cried out as he rushed past them in a flying panic, leaving the other two stunned and confused.
"I feel like this is going to be an interesting week..." Gilbert looked over at Francis, who already had his face in his hand sighing.
"I really hope you're wrong." He muttered.