Appreciation: I have to thank YenGirl for her help with that OS. Without her, the story wouldn`t be the same and I`m very thankful that she took the time to beta-read the OS. Thank you, dear!^^
Ultimate ConfessionThe steady rhythm of a scraping quill…
The casual rustle of parchment…
The crackling of the fire in the fireplace…
It was a quiet and peaceful evening down in the dungeons, spent in harmonious silence by the two occupants of the room. Once in a while though, green eyes would look up from the parchment in front of them and gaze at the man seated on the couch.
They were doing that right now. A small smile graced Harry's features as he took in Severus' relaxed posture. He never thought the day would come when his always watchful and frowning lover let his guard down and leave himself open for examination.
He never thought that Severus would ever relax around him like he was doing now, especially when in the very recent past, he hadn't even believed that Harry loved him enough to look past his physical appearance.
Clouds overshadowed the bright green eyes for a moment, their owner remembering the effort it had taken him to convince Severus how much he loved him and that it didn't bother him that the Potions Master didn't look like a male model.
Yes, Harry had had to resort to radical actions to convince Severus of his feelings, but in the end his efforts had been crowned with success and that was the only thing that mattered to him.
A small smile curved Harry's lips as he took in the way Severus crossed his legs and how he would pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingertips while reading a book.
They were such casual gestures and Harry doubted that many people had ever seen the normally snarky Potions Master looking so… well, casual. He heaved a quiet sigh. He loved to share such peaceful moments with Severus and he really appreciated that he could spend so much time in the company of the man he loved, but that didn't mean that Harry enjoyed doing his homework during that time.
In fact, Harry wouldn't have bothered with it at all if Severus hadn't threatened to throw him out if he didn't study. Harry knew he should focus more on his studies, instead of daydreaming about his Potions Master. But, really, an essay about the usefulness of defensive spells was nothing in comparison to the man… especially when Harry had to choose between them.
"Something wrong, Mr. Potter?" Amused, dark eyes met surprised green ones.
After Valentine's Day, Harry had learned to despise his last name when Severus mocked him with it, but when the Potions Master called him like this in his deep, silky voice, Harry didn't mind so much… occasionally at least.
"I very much doubt that you'll find the answer to your homework by staring at me."
Heat crept into Harry's cheeks, but he managed to hold Severus' amused gaze. It wasn't very often that he experienced the man in such a playful mood and it fascinated him how the normally icy glare in those dark eyes melted when Severus was so open like this.
Really, it was like watching a bud burst open to reveal a beautiful and vulnerable blossom.
"I thought we agreed that you would finish your homework and…"
"I've finished it."
One elegant eyebrow rose skeptically.
"I don't hold the idiot, who teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts this year, in high regard, but I doubt that even he would accept such a lame excuse for a homework."
Gulping, Harry looked down at his parchment. He hadn't written much more than two feet, when they were supposed to write at least an essay at least six feet long. Nevertheless, he highly doubted that he would manage to write even one inch more when Severus looked at him like that.
"I still have tomorrow and Sunday to finish it."
If possible, that eyebrow rose even higher.
"If I'm not mistaken, you have to play Quidditch tomorrow, but if you would rather stay indoors and do your homework, I won't force you to do otherwise."
A slight chuckle escaped past Harry's lips.
"Of course you won't, since I'm playing against Slytherin tomorrow and you don't want your house to lose against Gryffindor… again!"
"Don't give me a reason to give you detention, Mr. Potter!"
Blushing furiously, Harry looked away before the well-known Gryffindor bravery forced him to meet the dark eyes again.
"I wouldn't mind detention, if that meant that we could spend more time together."
Looking at Harry like he had never seen him before, Severus shook his head in disbelief.
Harry couldn't be serious, he loved Quidditch! Although Severus now knew of his young lover's feelings for him, he doubted Harry would prefer his company to flying on a broom and enjoying the chance to break a few bones at the same time.
"I mean it, Severus!"
If Harry had looked shy only moments ago, he now looked more matured than ever before… certainly more matured than Severus liked to admit.
Banishing his homework to his schoolbag, Harry leaned towards Severus, forcing his lover to meet his gaze.
"Severus, I love to spend time with you like this." Harry waved a hand around the room to show what he meant. "I really do, but I want to spend more time with you, not just once a week and only for a few hours."
Severus swallowed hard and tried to ignore the warm feeling that spread through his chest by Harry's words.
"How… how do you think this possible?" he asked, his voice more insecure than Harry had ever heard it.
Severus took a shaky breath. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend more time with Harry, quite the opposite, but that didn't change the fact that he was still a professor at Hogwarts and that Harry was his student.
It was already a miracle that the rumors about the Valentine's Day's incident had died down after they agreed to act around each other the same way they had acted for years – as if they detested each other. Severus couldn't risk having his relationship with Harry found out and too many meetings between them would only raise suspicion.
"Look," Harry tried to reason with him. "I know that no one is supposed to know about us, but if I only told Ron and Hermione, they could help us to…"
"No!"
Surprised, Harry flinched at his tone.
Even Severus was shocked by his loud outburst. But it was Harry's fault! Why would he even come up with such a ridiculous idea?
"You are not going to tell Granger and Weasley of our relationship!"
Severus only noticed that he had stood up when Harry leapt up from his armchair to face him with angrily flashing eyes.
"Hermione and Ron are my best friends, they have a right to know who my… boyfriend is!"
Severus sneered at him.
"Boyfriend? Do you really intend to introduce me to Granger and Weasley as your boyfriend?"
The term was ridiculous. No one in their right mind would think of Severus Snape as anyone's boyfriend. A former Death Eater and ex-spy wasn't supposed to be something like that. Having a short affair, yes, but not become something as… romantic as a boyfriend.
"So, what are you to me if you aren't my boyfriend?"
Severus opened his mouth to answer that question only to close it again. Obviously, even Gryffindors these days were able to ask intelligent questions.
Harry was more to him than some brief affair, more dear to him than any other person had ever been before… For God's sake, Severus had even confessed his love to the young man and meant every one of those three little words, but he didn't know how to answer Harry's question.
"So, is the only reason why you don't want me to tell my friends about us because you don't want me to refer to you as my boyfriend or is there another reason?"
Severus blinked. He hadn't seen Harry this angry in quite a while. The young man was rather attractive like this, with flashing green eyes and flushed cheeks. Severus had to remember that he still owed Harry an answer, before he started daydreaming about him.
"In case you've forgotten, I'm your professor. It wouldn't do either of us any good if all of your little friends found out about…"
"I don't want to tell everyone! I just want to tell Hermione and Ron, because I don't want to lie to them anymore. Surely you don't think that they would tell everyone about us. We're very good at keeping secrets to ourselves."
To that, Severus could only agree. He had lost count of the times Harry almost got himself killed because he and his friends didn't tell anyone what they were up to when they rushed into the next dangerous adventure.
"No, I don't think they would."
Astonished, Harry stared at Severus. His voice held a frustrating undertone when the next question stumbled across his lips.
"Then, why don't you want…"
"Because I don't want anyone to know about us!"
Severus only realized how final his words had sounded when he saw the hurt in those green eyes.
"Harry…" he tried.
"No," Harry shook his head. "I understand."
Trying not to show how much Severus' words affected him, he grabbed his schoolbag and stalked to the door. He hadn't thought that their evening would end like this. Everything had been perfect, until… until he mentioned to Severus that he wanted to tell his friends about their relationship.
To tell the truth, Harry hadn't expected the Potions Master to be utterly thrilled by that, but he also hadn't expected the man to actually… forbid him to tell Ron and Hermione about them.
Harry forced a deep breath past his suddenly tight throat as he looked back at Severus. He knew that they couldn't make their relationship publicly known right now, but it wouldn't hurt if a few close friends knew about them. He was wrong. Severus didn't want anyone to know that they were together.
Harry forced back the traitorous tears that threatened to spill over. He should be used to people being ashamed of him by now after he had stayed with the Dursleys for so long. But the indifference and hatred of his relatives had never hurt Harry like how Severus' refusal to reveal their relationship to anyone had.
"You'd better be prepared to comfort your students tomorrow after Slytherin loses to Gryffindor!"
Harry didn't give his lover the chance to retort anything, but left the room as fast as he could.
OOO
Severus only realized that Harry was gone when the door banged shut. Sighing, he sank back down into the nearest armchair and held his head in his hands.
He didn't mean it like this! He didn't want Harry to think that he was ashamed of their relationship. Nothing could be farther from the truth than that.
Even when he was younger, Severus never allowed himself to dream of having such a brave, beautiful and sincere young man as his partner. He had always thought that he would live his life in solitude, researching potions and having only brief affairs with faceless men to satisfy the basic needs of his body.
That was probably one reason why he had such a hard time accepting that Harry was part of his life now, but that wasn't the reason why he had forbidden the young Gryffindor to tell his friends about them.
Harry said he loved him, but how long could his love possibly survive the criticism of his closest friends?
Dark eyes closed in defeat as Severus sighed heavily. He highly doubted that Granger and Weasley would approve of their friend's choice of a partner and it would only be a matter of a few weeks before Harry was convinced that a future with Severus wasn't the best option for him.
Severus ran a trembling hand through his hair as he remembered the pain in those green eyes when they gazed back at him. Hurting Harry had been the last thing on his mind when he had said those things, but he hadn't known what else to say. He had never been very close to anyone and he just didn't know how to voice out his feelings, while fearing that they could be used against him.
Feeling more tired than ever before, Severus stood up and made his way to his bedroom.
It was really ironic; he had tried to prevent Harry from telling his friends about them, because he was afraid that he might lose him and now… he had probably lost him because of those exact same fears and his inability to tell Harry about his true motives.
The man in the mirror looked completely lost when he looked back at him.
Severus only hoped that he would be able to find some sleep tonight to see him through the upcoming Quidditch match tomorrow, so that he would remember to applaud at the right moments… and not when a brave, young Gryffindor caught the snitch.
OOO
"… and Angelina beats the Chaser of Slytherin. Montague looks like he's about to explode! Take that, no one should ever underestimate Angelina and… Yes, ten points for Gryffindor! The score is 80 to 30 points, Gryffindor leading!"
The maddening applause by the Gryffindors and the other Houses, and the boos of his House were almost enough to drive Severus away. Really, couldn't they just stay quiet and celebrate after the match was over? Obviously not, if the rising of the noise level was any indicator.
Sighing, Severus glared back at the pitch. He was just in time to see Harry performing a twist to avoid a Bludger that was hit his way by one of the Slytherin Beaters.
Cursing under his breath, Severus immediately made a note to give the little idiot detention for the next three Hogsmeade weekends for endangering Harry's life.
"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself, Severus."
The Potions Master rolled his eyes when he heard Albus' voice next to his ear. Couldn't the old man just mind his own business?
"Try to relax a little and have fun, my boy!"
"That's hardly possible, if the Slytherin team keeps playing as if they had never flown on brooms before."
This answer at least shut the Headmaster up. Severus only heard a suppressed chuckle, before he was left alone with his thoughts again.
Naturally, he hadn't told Albus the truth. If he had any say in this or if he could influence the game in any way, Slytherin would have lost the game with Harry catching the snitch in the first few minutes of the match.
No, Severus wasn't turning into an enthusiastic Gryffindor nor did he wish for the overly proud lions to become even more arrogant. He just wanted Harry to be happy and since he obviously couldn't be happy with Severus… Gryffindor had to win this Quidditch match…
After about fourteen years of working as a spy for the Order and being a Potions Master to try to teach dunderheads the basics of brewing, Severus should know that it was a very bad idea to repeat a mistake. Any mistake.
Three weeks ago, he had almost lost Harry because he pushed the boy away from him, in order to protect himself from any hurt. If Harry hadn't acted like a typical Gryffindor and made the first move, Severus wouldn't have seen him again in his quarters.
And now, here he was, making the very same mistake! Groaning, the Potions Master shook his head in frustration.
He glared at the pitch when he saw the other Slytherin Beater tried to beat Harry with his wooden club. Detention for another idiot!
Severus then looked for Harry who was still circling the pitch in order to catch the treasured golden snitch and end the game. He hadn't spoken with the boy since the other evening, but if he had interpreted Harry's grim expression at breakfast correctly, it was obvious that the young Gryffindor wouldn't make the first move this time.
No, it was up to Severus to settle their difference… but he didn't know how. He clenched his fists. Of course he could tell Harry why he didn't want him to tell his friends about their relationship. Severus supposed he could admit to his fears and endured being laughed at by the one person who held his heart in his hands.
No, that wasn't really an option, but then… losing Harry wasn't either.
Severus would have torn at his hair in frustration if Albus wasn't sitting beside him and would comment on his behavior if he did so. He didn't want to lose Harry, but obviously there also wasn't any chance to keep him. Distracted by his thoughts, Severus almost missed the end of the game.
One minute there was an awestruck silence and the next, he thought his eardrums would shatter when all the little dunderheads started to applaud at the same time.
Harry had caught the snitch.
Severus allowed himself a tiny smile while Albus was too busy applauding his favorite student to notice. He saw Harry, grinning proudly as he flew a lap of honor, waving his hand and showing the snitch to the audience.
James Potter had done the exact thing each time after he won a Quidditch match, but Severus knew he had never looked as beautiful as Harry did at that moments… and anyway, he wouldn't have cared to look at the arrogant bastard the way he now looked at his son.
OOO
Severus wouldn't have been able to tell exactly what happened next even if he had been tortured by the Dark Lord himself.
One moment, everything was fine and the Gryffindors were celebrating their victory and the next one, everyone was staring in shocked silence when Harry Potter was knocked off his broom by one of the Slytherin players.
Severus didn't know if he had shouted out in disbelief and fury, or if he had only imagined his uncharacteristic outburst. He only knew that he ran down the stairs to the Quidditch pitch as fast as he could, shoving aside various members of the Gryffindor team until he was kneeling beside Harry.
His heart skipped a beat when he looked down at the beloved face. Harry's horrible glasses were shattered, blood trickling from a cut on his left cheek, his lips were split and a nasty laceration graced his forehead. His eyes were closed and he was unconscious.
"Harry," Severus whispered hoarsely. From the corner of his eyes, he saw one of the Slytherin chasers grinning madly.
Rage roared up inside Severus. He knew that damned idiot. He was as stupid as he was big, but the Potions Master would make sure that he never forgot what he had done today. Maybe Albus would even let him use Filch's lash, at least this one time!
A quiet groan from Harry made Severus forget about his anger and thoughts of revenge.
Harry was more important right now than the punishment of his attacker. It would be far too easy to get carried away by his emotions, and right now, Severus had to make sure that Harry would recover.
Casting a diagnostic charm, it revealed that the young Gryffindor was still unconscious, but obviously in such pain that he was still reacting to it in the state he was in at the moment.
Taking a deep breath, Severus forced his hands not to tremble when he removed the broken glasses from Harry's face and put them into his pocket. He swallowed. Harry looked so young… so vulnerable, lying on the ground like that, covered in blood, his face twisted in pain.
Severus had to fight the urge to hold him close and protect him from any harm that might come his way, even if Harry didn't want him to do so. Since such an action would do more harm than good right now so Severus had to be contented with caressing the uninjured cheek with his palm.
He heard someone gasping in surprise and looked up. He finally realized they were surrounded by a crowd of students and teachers alike, all of them watching the most feared teacher of Hogwarts kneeling beside the hero of the Wizarding World.
Severus knew that there would be questions, rumors and accusations, but he didn't care!
All that mattered now was Harry! Without thinking twice, he swept the boy up in his arms and marched in the direction of the castle.
The crowd parted for Severus like the Red Sea had for Moses.
OOO
The light of the evening sun bathed the room in warm colors. There weren't any dust particles dancing through the air, nothing that revealed that the room belonged to a castle that was more than a thousand years old.
Severus always thought that this part of Hogwarts was like a whole different world.
No annoying students.
No noises.
Instead, white sheets on the beds and a calming atmosphere. Not that Severus was very calm right now. No, definitely not, although no one would probably notice that his feelings were playing havoc with his mind.
Anyone brave enough to risk peeping behind the curtain around Harry's bed would only get to see the usual glare Severus used to direct at students and colleagues alike.
Harry was the only one who wasn't fooled by the Potions Master's deadly glares and his sarcastic comments. Harry had told him once that he would only believe that Severus was truly angry with him and didn't want to see him anymore if Severus refused to kiss him.
The day that he would refuse an invitation to those tempting lips still hadn't come… and never would, Severus vowed to himself. Even now, he longed to kiss those full and sensual lips, embrace Harry and hold him close… but Madame Pomfrey would kill him if he tried something like that.
She had already been informed that the seeker of Gryffindor had been injured again when Severus stormed into the hospital wing, with a still unconscious Harry in his arms.
Madame Pomfrey didn't comment on that. She only ordered Severus to put Harry down on a bed for better examination.
Five minutes later, it was clear that the young Gryffindor suffered – besides the obvious cuts on his face – a mild concussion, bruised ribs and a broken wrist.
Nothing that Madame Pomfrey couldn't heal in a few minutes. Nevertheless, she made it clear that Harry had to stay in bed, at least overnight.
Severus agreed with her. It wouldn't do the boy any good to go back to his common room and be at the center of attention by the noisy Gryffindors. More importantly, it gave Severus the opportunity to stay with Harry as long as he was still asleep.
OOO
Severus didn't know how long he had sat there when the curtain around the bed were suddenly drawn back. His first instinct was to snarl at the unwelcomed visitor, but he thought better of it when he recognized Albus. Not a hard task, considering that no other wizard would wear purple robes with pink stars.
"How is the boy, Severus?"
Severus shrugged.
"He'll survive."
"Ah," Albus nodded.
Severus thought he saw some unknown emotion crossing the Headmaster's face when he peered at him through his half moon glasses.
"I was getting worried when you didn't show up at dinner, but now I see that it isn't worry for Harry's life that keeps you here, but much deeper feelings."
Severus' eyes widened in shock. He was just about to deny everything, when he noticed the knowing gleam in Albus' eyes and realized that he was still holding Harry's hand in his.
"I…"
Severus didn't know what to say. What should a professor say to his Headmaster when he was suspected of being involved with one of his students… even more when it's true?
"When I told you that I wanted you to see past your prejudices and not compare Harry to his father, I only hoped to change your behavior towards the boy, Severus. I would never have imagined that it would turn out like this."
Albus waved a hand at them both.
Severus flinched. Albus was right. A relationship between a student and a professor was wrong and he would have told the Headmaster to fire any of his colleagues right away, if he suspected they were guilty of that, but…
Severus swallowed dryly.
He respected Albus, he appreciated the old man's support, his friendship and even his annoying chatter about unimportant matters - although Severus would never admit that - but he wouldn't accept it if Albus wanted him to stay away from Harry.
"Well, Severus, don't you have something to tell me?"
For the first time, Severus met Albus' gaze. The blue eyes weren't twinkling like they normally did. They looked rather stern and Severus had to draw on all his willpower not to look away.
He knew what Albus probably wanted him to say, that he wouldn't come near Harry again, that he wouldn't soil the young Gryffindor with his touch anymore, but he couldn't do that.
He loved Harry!
To stay away from him would mean to push away the one good thing that had ever come his way.
Severus decided to forget about tactics and maneuvers for once and act like a typical Gryffindor would, saying what was not only on his mind, but also in his heart.
"I know that a professor shouldn't get involved with a student, Albus. I know that, but Harry isn't just an affair for me!"
Severus's fingers traced the lines on Harry's palm.
"I won't stay away from him, even if you asked me to. He is the only good thing that has ever happened to me and I… I can't leave him."
Severus noted that his voice had taken on a pleading tone, but he couldn't care less. Harry was more important to him than even his pride.
"If you want me to go, then you'll have to fire me, but that won't change my feelings for Harry!"
The two men stared at each other. Slowly, very slowly, the blue eyes start to twinkle again. Severus stared as a friendly and contented smile brightened the Headmaster's face.
"Very well, my boy, then you should probably stay at Harry's side until he has fully recovered, although I suggest that one of the beds would be more comfortable than the chair you're sitting on right now."
Severus blinked. Did he just hear correctly? Did Albus really suggest that he should stay with Harry?
"Oh, Severus, why so surprised?" Albus sighed. "Did you really believe I would allow you to stay near Harry if I thought you were only involving him in a brief affair?"
"How…?" Severus asked, bewildered. That damn twinkle was really gnawing on his nerves!
"I assure you, my dear boy, that there aren't many secrets in Hogwarts I don't know about, and you two weren't really cautious on Valentine's Day, were you?"
Severus could only gape at the Headmaster. The old man was full of surprises.
"Since I now know that Harry is in good hands, I'll take my leave. I hope the house elves still have some of the pudding left, but Severus," he added in a more serious tone, "you should tell Harry what you have just told me. He is such a wonderful young man, I'm sure he'll understand your feelings."
With that and a last approving glance at Severus' hand on Harry's, Albus left.
Needing a moment to calm himself down and wait until he was sure that the Headmaster had really left, Severus took a much needed breath. Somehow, he had known all along that this day would come, when Albus found out about their relationship.
Of course, Severus was aware that the old man was always overjoyed when he saw a happy new couple and kept talking about the secret power of love, but he never thought that Albus would also accept Severus' and Harry's… love.
The Potions Master shook his head in disbelief.
As the Headmaster of Hogwarts, the first thing on Albus' mind should have been to throw Severus out of the castle to protect Harry from him, but he hadn't done that. Instead, Albus had not only allowed Severus to stay in the castle and continue to teach, but also encouraged him to confess his true feelings to Harry in order to make their relationship work.
Dark orbs stared uncertainly at the still sleeping Gryffindor. Severus had told Albus what he felt for Harry, but he doubted that he would be able to confess his feelings to the boy with those expressive eyes looking back at him.
Severus heaved a sigh. It was rather ironic that he would die for Harry if necessary, but couldn't seem to find the right words to tell the boy how he truly felt.
OOO
"I love you, Harry."
The words went uncommented. Severus closed his eyes for a moment to somehow gain the strength to go on with his confession.
"I know that I've already told you how I feel about you, but since you're a Gryffindor you might want to hear that more often."
Severus took a trembling breath. He shouldn't be so nervous while confessing his feelings now since Harry was still sleeping. And if Harry insisted on hearing his confession later via Pensieve, Severus would let him have this memory… and probably stay somewhere else while Harry viewed it.
Severus snorted. A man who had spied on the Dark Lord for years shouldn't be afraid of the opinion of a schoolboy… and Severus wasn't. The only problem was that said schoolboy held his heart in his hands.
Harry would probably even think him ridiculous if he could witness Severus' stammered words and tease him about it at every opportunity. But if that meant that Harry wouldn't leave him then Severus wouldn't even mind if the boy showed the memories to his godfather… at least, not that much.
"I'm terrible at showing my feelings… You have probably realized that by now."
Severus smiled regretfully and caressed Harry's cheek with his thumb.
"You might laugh at this, because it's so clichéd, but I enjoy every moment I'm with you. Every evening I spend in your company is worth so much more than an evening I spend alone."
Severus swallowed and looked away, not able to look at Harry while saying the most embarrassing things he had ever told anyone.
"Before we became a couple, I spent my evenings in the dungeons, brewing potions, correcting essays and reading books. I thought that I had everything I needed and that I didn't have time for someone else in my life, but that was an illusion. Now, I know that I only had so much to do, because I chose to do so much work, in order to bear my loneliness."
A bitter laugh escaped past Severus' lips and he looked at the still unmoving boy.
"Every minute I spend with you, I get the feeling that I'm someone special, someone worth loving and the feeling confuses me. Don't get me wrong," he hastily added. "I don't doubt that you love me, Harry, but I… I'm afraid that other people won't understand what you see in me and tell you to stay away from me."
The fingers caressing Harry's hand the whole time started to tremble, but Severus forced them to stay where they were.
"I'm aware that it isn't easy to convince you otherwise once you have made up your mind, but… you see, I know how it feels to be avoided by others and I don't want that to happen to you."
Severus sighed. It was no use beating around the bush anymore. Time to come to the heart of things.
"Weasley and Granger might support you in everything you do, but I doubt even they would accept me as your… boyfriend. I'm afraid that they will try to convince you to stay away from me and since they are your best friends… I fear that they will succeed at some point."
Severus tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill over. If he wasn't careful he would turn into a Huffelpuff. But as long as Harry didn't mind, he could even live with such a disgrace.
"Please forgive me, Harry. I just… I don't want to lose you, because I don't know what to do without you anymore."
Severus lost the fight with himself. A single tear dropped from his eyelashes and ran down his cheek.
Harry's fingers closed around his. Green eyes blinked open and Harry offered a tearful smile.
"You won't lose me, Severus. Never. I promise."
OOO
Harry smiled happily at Severus.
It was funny. His body was still aching in so many places that he couldn't say where it hurt the most – obviously Madame Pomfrey hadn't given him the most potent Pain Dulling Potion – but Harry felt happier than ever before. At least happier than the other times when he had woken up in the Hospital Wing.
Harry held Severus' shocked gaze. He was aware that his lover hadn't intended for him to hear his confession. He was aware that he might not ever hear it if Severus knew that he was awake.
Hence, Harry had stayed silent. Actually, he had been awake even before Dumbledore's visit, but he hadn't wanted to talk with Severus back then. Shame made hot colour creep into his cheeks. He was so childish.
Harry should have realized what Severus was afraid of, after everything that had already happened between them. Hadn't the man already proved that he wasn't as self-confident as he had tried to make others believe?
Yes, he had and yet, Harry hadn't understood what Severus wanted to tell him without hearing it voiced out directly. He sighed. Severus was correct; sometimes Gryffindors didn't see what was right in front of them.
"Are you… in pain?"
Harry blinked and stared hard at the man who was sitting beside his bed. If he hadn't known that it was Severus, he wouldn't have recognized his voice. It was so… gentle and insecure, not louder than a mere whisper.
There was also something different in the way the normally proud Potions Master held himself. He wasn't sitting straight and unmoving on his chair, but looked more like he wanted to shrink back and had to force himself to meet Harry's searching gaze.
"I'm… well, not really fine, but I think I'll manage. It's not the first time that I have to stay in the Hospital Wing."
Severus nodded, but didn't say anything else. They were both silent for some time, until the Potions Master lowered his gaze on the bed.
"What have you heard?"
Harry's eyes finally widened with understanding. He would have slapped himself if he didn't know that his head wouldn't take such a treatment well.
How could he be so blind?
Only moments ago he thought that Severus would probably never have confessed his feelings to him if he hadn't believed Harry still asleep and yet he didn't understand why Severus was behaving strangely.
Yes, Harry thought that he was definitely an idiot.
"Everything," he answered.
If possible, Severus shrank back even more.
Fascinated, Harry watched a faint color creep into the usually so pale cheeks. He knew that he shouldn't enjoy that display, but he just couldn't help himself. Severus looked very attractive when he was behaving so unsure of himself, but that didn't mean that Harry wanted him to behave like that all the time.
"I'm glad that you told me everything," he added and nodded when dark orbs looked up in disbelief.
"I'm sorry that I pretended to sleep, but I had to hear what you couldn't tell me otherwise and so…" Harry shrugged, heat seeping into his cheeks again.
"Are you angry with me?"
A heavy sigh escaped past Severus lips.
"I probably should be, but I'm not… and besides, that was a very Slytherin thing to do."
Harry laughed and regretted it the moment his ribs ached in protest. He would ask Madame Pomfrey for painkillers later, but right now, this talk with Severus was more important.
"Do you think it's also Slytherin of me that I've already told Hermione and Ron about us? I only asked for your permission, because I didn't want you to be angry with me when you found out."
Severus blinked.
"You… Granger and Weasley already know…?"
Harry nodded.
"And since when…?"
A brilliant smile lit up Harry's face.
"Since Valentine's Day!"
Severus looked as if someone had just told him that Santa Claus was real and lived together with the Easter bunny.
"I didn't exactly tell them about us, but Hermione guessed and when she asked me if I loved you, I couldn't deny it."
Severus nodded and then cleared his throat.
"So, your friends, they don't mind?"
There was still uncertainty mirrored in his face, but there was also hope. Harry was relieved to know that he had at least done one thing right.
"Well, Ron wasn't overjoyed, but he finally accepted it and Hermione was only worried that Dumbledore would be furious if he found out about our relationship… so, I'm glad that I'll be able to put her mind at rest."
A faint smile ghosted around the corners of Harry's lips. He was fairly certain that it was Hermione's doing that Ron finally accepted Severus' and his relationship and he was thankful that his two best friends supported him. He now understood why Severus had been so worried about this topic and was relieved that the Potions Master's fears were unfounded.
"So you now think that my worries were ridiculous."
Disbelievingly, Harry stared at Severus who looked calm except for his rigid composure giving away his nervousness. He shook his head almost violently, not caring that the movement made his head ache again.
"No! I already told you, I'm glad that I now know what you feel for me, Severus," Harry said, caressing the Potions Master's hand with his thumb. "I want to get to know you, every part of you, every dark secret of yours and every habit of yours. I don't care what mask you wear in front of everyone else, but I want to see the real you… because I love you."
Severus took a shaky breath and Harry swore that there were tears glistening in his eyes, before the man blinked them away.
"Are you sure that you won't be disappointed once you learn everything about me?"
Green eyes and dark ones met, Harry putting all the love he felt for Severus in his gaze.
"No, Severus. Never. That's impossible."
Even if Harry had wanted to add something else he wouldn't have been able to do so.
Strong arms embraced him gently, determined lips closing on his in the sweetest of kisses.
A single tear ran down Harry's cheek and he felt Severus intensifying their kiss. It was fine. They had finally talked about their differences and misunderstandings and settled them.
Harry smiled into the kiss. His friends would be overjoyed when he told them about it, especially Hermione. Harry knew that she hoped that the Potions Master would be more willing to answer her questions about certain potions now and again if he was happy.
Hopefully, Severus won't mind having a few more Gryffindors in his quarters.
Even as their kiss continued with increasing passion, Harry grinned to himself. He wouldn't mind either as long as he was the only Gryffindor to set foot in Severus' bedroom.