Something was very wrong.
Eren had successfully hardened his titan form the third time today. He had to learn and adapt to his newly attained hardening power. This was nothing too new or surprising. This time, however, he could feel his own thoughts swim and overlay with one another, something he hasn't experienced very recently.
The hardened form of the titan meant that he needed to be forcefully dug out from the outside. It's hot, disorienting and he can't even move at this point. It sucks. He hates it, but this is for the sake of everything and everyone, so he accepts this as it is.
As Eren felt the usual heat dissipate leaving his human body cooler, he could also feel the loud, long interval drumming of his heart pumping blood into his head. This time it is far, far louder than all the other times he had recently been forcibly dug out from the nape of his titan form. His breathing came out in quick and shallow puffs and he couldn't really hear anything other than the loud, loud, thumping of his blood.
Thump, thump, thump, thump…
"Oi… ..en!"
That voice sounded vaguely like Squad Captain Levi. Eren tries to respond, but he can't even open his heavy eyelids. He struggles sluggishly for a bit, but only ends up twitching his fingers pathetically like a dying animal. Oh, this won't do. Even if he hasn't died at this point, Eren is quite sure the Captain will have to make sure he's halfway through river Styx later for his failure to respond. Or maybe he will anyway. Wait, will he? Eren doesn't quite understand what his own mind is trying to ask.
"…ulse.. Alive! …haus… st..!" Hanji's fading voice drifted in again.
Ah, he's still alive, at least. It would royally suck for everyone involved if he had dropped dead now.
Breathe, in out, in out. Oh, wonderful, that's a double confirmation that he's in the world of the living still. He lets out a long breath in particular as a replacement for being unable to physically sigh. Or anything at all in his current state. Sleep sounded so sweet right now, every bit tempting to just fall into its embrace and get his due punishment later, even if any of this wasn't his fault.
"Sh… brat!"
Eren wants to open his eyes at least to give some sort of affirmation, he really does. But exhaustion sets in like a heavy, unbreakable fog. His limbs feel like it's covered fully in pins and prickles. Is his face even there?
He feels his body being lifted up in the air before his consciousness drop like a sack of rocks.
xxx
Eren dreams of vague, far off memories that aren't his.
He sees the face of a very young woman, his mother, far more youthful, animated and closer to her side of her family than he had ever seen.
He sees faces of people that he has never met before.
He dreams of aromas that he had never smelled before and pretty sure hasn't, ever.
There are images of a family he isn't a part of. Images of a past he never had a hand in. Images of actions that he had never done.
Things that he has never spoke. Things that he has never seen.
The memories drown Eren, floods out his own sense of self, himself. Whenever he tries to grab onto one particular sequence of memories, he mentally feels it slip through his like sand, fester with mold, or just simply be replaced with another one.
Girsha sees a younger version of himself crying. Girsha injects a substance into a younger version of himself. Girsha clumsily courting his mother. Girsha getting ready for marriage.
Oh right, marriage. It's going to be a great day and he has to get ready.
With quick steps, he heads down a hallway and opens a door. He needs to get ready fast, the wedding is just soon.
So he brushes his long, black locks in front of a mirror. His, her(?) reflection stares back. The knots and tangles have been brushed out meticulously. Perfect, now she is ready to head out. She slips on her favorite pair of boots who accomplices her throughout the estate as she greets the farmers working the land. She has to go see her today.
Eventually, she sees Historia. She waves to Historia and reads her a book. For the longest time, they spoke about a kind princess who showered her kingdom with nothing but blessings.
The sky gradually begins to seep into a wondrous splash of orange, so she bids Historia farewell after making sure the girl forgets. She has to. Freida goes on her way back to her estate, the weather being pleasantly nice enough for a short break.
So he(?) sits on a log, quietly humming to himself a tune. He then feels a man coming over. They are both looking out to what is very likely the clearest, most beautiful lake in walls, unsullied by the violence of humans. They have a conversation – he doesn't grasp what – so somber as if it was a death will orally spoken to an old friend. He smiles anyway, because Uri knows of his inescapable fate, and telling Kenny lifts the burden somewhat. The man in the fedora has questions on every wrinkle of his face, but Kenny holds back his tongue anyway.
Then Kenny starts talking about his nephew he had found in the Underground Capital.
Every bit of the conversation was muddled, cloudy, incomprehensible and patchy. He could understand, but yet at the same time, he can't.
Suddenly, there is steam spewing forth from the ground. It's hot, hot, hot! Steam clouded everything and anything it could get in contact with. In a fit of panic, he flings himself into a battle ready position.
There is a colossal titan. It's very appearance bears the incoming doom.
Uri is… Girsha…? No, Freida. No, no. He is a titan, but that wasn't right either. He's human, but that fact seems even dubious. Who is he? What is he?
His name starts with the letter E. The nature of his being, that word which starts with the letter H.
The colossal titan starts kicking the wall with earnest. His home is about to fall apart. He has to move, he needs to move. He didn't train all those years for nothing.
Move!
Eren Yeager!
xxx
Eren jolts awake, his eyes practically pops open. Eren breathes and breathes and breathes. His lungs can't fill up anything beyond small grasps of air. There are cold sweat plastering his clothes all over his chest and back. The whorls in the wood panel ceiling seem to almost spin and twist.
Eren doesn't comprehend a single thing.
"Eren!"
Wha huh?
Eren looks downwards to where the voice came from. Oh, someone is squeezing his hand. He makes out the black hair and the deep frown practically embedded into the feature of this man, despite the darkness.
"Sir." He blurts out.
Their eyes meet and Eren feels like he's being read like an open book. The brows furrow even deeper.
"How are you feeling?"
His mind swims so fluidly that he wishes he could just sink into the bed to get away from the disorientation and the impending ass kicking from his superior before him.
"…Not good."
There's now a warm hand placed on his forehead. The contact is… nice. Really nice.
Eren's heart flutters and almost skips a beat.
Levi sighs. "Yeah, your face looks like shit, and you're colder than a block of ice. Cold sweat all over, too. Gross." His superior removes the hand on his forehead, but Eren notices that his hand is still being squeezed. Levi wasn't wiping the one that he just touched his head with, either. "Just so you know, you were out for 12 damn hours after the last time you hardened."
Eren flinches. 12 hours? His body still feels like lead, the numbness telling him that there is no chance in hell that he can recover for another 12 at least.
That's no good.
The place needs to be kept clean.
Or the others…
Everyone else will get it.
"The only punishment you're going to receive is a forced permission of absence for one day." Levi almost snorts at Eren's reaction. He is mildly amused at Eren's further bewilderment to his punishment. "Groaning during your sleep too, did you have some wet dream, shitty brat?"
Eren blinks, " Ah, no, sir. Just some nightmare."
"And?"
The boy is surprised that his Squad Leader is even prodding. "I can't really remember."
"You've got some balls giving me a half assed answer, Yeager."
"I-I saw memories that weren't mine and I wasn't myself! There were a lot of those, I can't tell." Eren wrecks his brain for more, lest he gets wrecked." T-There were people and- I think… Mom. I'm sorry, sir."
His eyelids were getting heavy again. Eren frowns. There wasn't anything much he could add on to the statement, the memories were all muddled together so much it felt like reaching into an empty abyss that never echoed back.
Maybe Historia will help him sort them out. There was a vague sense of risk that came with that notion. He'd rather clean the stables for a week as extra duties than facing the massive unknown inside of him.
Eren isn't sure if he wants to even sleep at this point.
A hand ruffling his hair breaks him out of his stupor. Blood rushes to his cheek, so Eren wills his face away from his superior, but that hand doesn't leave.
"Get back to sleep."
"What about you, sir?" Eren mumbles.
"Just shut the hell up and sleep, shitty brat, or I'm doubling your cleaning duties."
"O-okay."
The hand on ruffling his head leaves, but not the other holding his hand. It felt like an anchor to reality.
If he wasn't this exhausted, Eren would probably run to the hills, dig a hole and bury his head inside.
Squad Captain Levi is scary, but Eren does worship the ground he walks on despite… everything and because of everything. This was one of those everything. Eren could deal with this. He could deal with his superior's mother henning and strict discipline tendencies, along with his other oddities.
He's actually really nice…
Under the mattress, Eren even dozes off into peaceful sleep.