Disclaimer: I am not yet so delusional as to think that I own the Get Backers. I'd like to, but we have to face the music, don't we? (and, besides, Kazuki and Juubei own each other, or at the very least, Kazuki owns Juubei, byahahahahahaha.) Nor do I own the lyrics to No Air (sung by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, composed by D. Thomas).
No Air
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
The sound of a person getting out of bed. The whisper of clothes against skin. The whine of a door's hinges as it opens. And the dreadful silence of one long, last look.
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
When he woke up, Kazuki wasn't there. That in itself was strange, but not unheard of. But, usually, when he did get up first, he waited for Juubei, or woke him up. Juubei rose from the old futon that served as their bed and pulled on his clothes, trying to shake off the feeling of disquiet that was creeping up on him. He kept expecting Kazuki to walk in the door (for what remained of the Volts had walled themselves up in a series of rooms like, to Juubei's mind, rabbits in warren), still a little bleary from sleep, apologizing for slipping off to the bathroom without telling him.
He waited for a while, worry steadily growing like a lump of cold iron in the pit of his stomach. Then he left the room to look for Kazuki, making excuses for the Thread Master's absence in his head, each more unlikely than the last.
I'm here alone, didn't want to leave
My heart can't move, it's incomplete
I wish there was a way that I could make you understand
Footsteps, and the pounding of his own heart. A moment of hesitation (but if he turned back now, he'd never leave, that he knew), a stab of pain for the anticipation of longing. He would take him with him if he could.
A first step into the world.
And how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
When my world
revolves around you?
It's so hard for me to breathe
"Juubei?" It was MakubeX, hugging his laptop like another child would tote a security blanket. He was looking tired and worn, but quite pleased. "I finished" –he paused to yawn hugely- "finished the Wire Doll system this morning. Where's Kazuki? I wanted to show it to him before I implement it."
You could hear the weariness in his voice beneath the vaunted enthusiasm. The youngest of the four emperors, Raitei's leaving seemed to have jarred him most deeply. Sakura had voiced her concern over
his spending days and nights in front of his computer, working nonstop on programs that would prevent Lower Town from dissembling into chaos.
"I don't know." How it hurt Juubei to say that. Ever since they had entered Mugenjou, he had never not known where Kazuki was even if he hadn't been with him, save for when the Fuuchouin heir had slipped into the Beltline.
"You don't -?" MakubeX's grip on his computer loosened enough for it to fall an inch or so. Then he caught it and himself, his features smoothing over into an expressionless mask, but not before his shock and horror at what Juubei said had the time to flit across his face.
"I'll find him," said Juubei, more gruffly that he had intended. Looking at MakubeX, he wanted to do something for the boy, but he couldn't not when he was so panicked that he could hardly think himself. "I will find him."
And he ran off before MakubeX could stop him.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Kazuki had been his charge since the moment of his birth, honor bound as the Kakei house was to the Fuuchouin, and in the past few years he had become something more. Kazuki was no less than Juubei's entire life, he had been starting from when they had fled the burning ruin of the Fuuchouin estate. Juubei had never, not for a single second, considered life without Kazuki.
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
Had Kazuki ever considered life without Juubei? The possibility hurt, and Juubei refused to acknowledge it. But there had been no promises on Kazuki's part. It was Juubei who had vowed to stay by his side, to protect him forever, 'til the death and even afterwards if it could be done, and Kazuki had, by turns, laughed at him, accepted his pledge with grave thanks, and, on one occasion, had pulled him close for a deep kiss.
Juubei was not expecting an "I'll follow you, too." He never had, and never would, conscious as he was that the Fuuchouin heir was, by birth, his master. He had always thought that Kazuki's actions in that matter spoke for him, but as he rushed through the morning stillness that belied the danger of Lower Town, he couldn't help wishing that he had words to hold onto, for Kazuki wouldn't lie, wouldn't ever go back on a promise
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to flow to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
Juubei found himself wondering if there was something he had done wrong, or something he had failed to do. He tried to do everything he could for Kazuki, Heaven knew he did. He had learned to kill for the Thread Master, kept him from the stark horror of taking a life for as long as he could, trying to save his innocence in Mugenjou (though when the time came, Kazuki had proved to be more efficient, more adept at it than his bodyguard), had refused him nothing, and if there was anything that hadn't been done, it wasn't for a lack of trying on Juubei's part. He was Kazuki's, body and soul, heart and mind (hadn't he given that all to Kazuki, wholly and without reservation? Hadn't he?).
It occurred to him that, perhaps, Kazuki just needed time alone. But…
Somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care
There was an intensity about Kazuki that night, coloring everything he did to a vividness so sharp that it almost cut – his touch, his kiss, the way he had taken Juubei were all burned into Juubei's mind, seared into his memory with a permanence that would put the stars to shame. And when it was done, he put his arms around Juubei, and they held each other, skin to skin, as if each was telling the other, in a language deeper than words, that, yes, there was love.
So how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It' so hard for me to breathe
If that was true, though, if last night had been real, why was he, Juubei, charging blindly through Mugenjou, searching for Kazuki, when they were ordinarily never out of each other's sight? Unless – and the thought ran through Juubei with an almost physical force, like one of Raitei's lightning bolts – unless Kazuki meant good bye.
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't. Nevertheless, he turned his steps to one of the exits of Mugenjou, quickening his pace, thinking that when he found Kazuki – and that was when and not if – he would grab the Thread Master's wrists and kiss him then and there, to Hell with what anybody thought, to Hell with everything, he just wanted to see Kazuki safe and whole.
There were already people milling about when he reached the gate that led to the outside world, and every bell-like tinkle, every slim figure with long, brown hair made Juubei's heart leap into his throat. He called Kazuki's name, willing him to be there, desperately hoping that he would…
"Ito no Kazuki who you're looking for?"
Juubei rounded on the speaker, an apparently old man who was carrying a small bouquet of flowers under the pretense of selling them – though you never could tell in Mugenjou. "Have you seen him? Where?"
"Give me ten thousand yen and I'll tell you."
With an almost bestial roar, Juubei sprang at the man, pinned him to the nearest wall by the neck, his feet dangling at least a foot off the ground. "I have no time for this. Where is Kazuki?" he snarled.
Completely cowed, the man raised a shaking hand and pointed at the exit. "He l-left," he choked. "Right through there. Saw it myself, I did."
Juubei dropped him, letting him fall to the dirty floor in a heap. "What about my money?" the man demanded, touching his throat as if to make sure it was still whole. "Eh?"
He was ignored, quite thoroughly. Kakei Juubei ran for the way out of Mugenjou, coming to a screeching halt at the very border. He looked out into Shinjuku at ground level for the first time in years, half-expecting, half-wishing to catch a slender silhouette walking back towards Infinity City.
There was no one there.
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air
His first instinct was to follow Kazuki out of Mugenjou, into Shinjuku, into the world. He took a step, and then paused suddenly, one foot in Lower Town, one foot in the Tokyo district beyond. The world was too vast for him: living outside Mugenjou was no trouble, he could learn, but what caused a cold wave of fear to wash over him was the thought that he could spend his entire life out there searching for the Thread Master and never find him, there were so many places he could go.
"I would have gone with you, if you had asked," he said to the empty street. And there it was. Kazuki hadn't asked him. Kazuki hadn't even told him. The enormity of it sunk slowly into Juubei, and he realized that the Thread Master he followed, worshipped and loved didn't need him, didn't want him.
He drew back into Lower Town, still looking out into Shinjuku, feeling cold and hollow and empty, unable to feel grief or anger or, in fact, anything at all. Fuuchouin Kazuki was gone. Nothing mattered anymore.
No air…