Title : Being Zero
Author : DnKS-giRLs
Rating : PG13
Character(s)/Pairing(s) : Suzaku/Schneizel
Disclaimer : The characters involved in this story do not belong to us. No infringement intended
Note : Previously archived in http: /community. livejournal. com/dnks_girls/16239. html
After he donned the mask of Zero, there were only several occasions in which Kururugi Suzaku took off his mask. There were only a few places that he allowed himself to get out of his outfit. And there was only one person that he allowed to see his face.
Surprisingly, the person was not Nunnally, his brave and beautiful Nunnally who had by then taken over the throne of The Holy Empire of Britannia. Neither was it Kaguya, his beloved cousin that he cherished so much, that he had come to miss so much. Neither was it Kallen or Gino or Milly or any of his friends.
He only showed his face to His Highness Prince Schneizel el Britannia.
Being Zero, he was forced to maintain the peace, to solve the problems, to be the savior. It was a hard task. It was a big responsibility. But he knew someone had to do that—he had to do that. It was a perfect penance for his sin. And with Lelouch gone (sweet Lelouch whose blood was warm in his hand), it was left to him to continue Zero's duty. So he took the mask, he wore the mask, and he made Zero alive. He kept people's spirit alive. It was Zero's duty, and it was his duty.
Yet, at the same time, he wondered who would keep his own spirit alive, for it seemed like as the world was rejoicing, was rebuilding around him, he slowly fell apart. He slowly died.
And so perhaps that's why he sometimes took off his mask when he felt the pressure was too much. Perhaps that's why he visited that particular room on the West side of the palace every once in a while, remembering those days long past when he and Lelouch would stay there over the night, planning the Zero Requiem. And perhaps that's why he always summoned Schneizel to join him there.
Schneizel and Lelouch were siblings. Schneizel and Lelouch were so different. But if people knew where to look, they would see some striking similarities between them. They both had that glint in their eyes that spoke of passion, of ambition, of confidence. They both had that half smile, half smirk on their faces when they were thinking of something really smart. They both carried that aura of grace and pride with them.
And they both were good in bed.
Perhaps he was one very sick bastard. When he was little, he fancied Nunnally. He even harbored some stupid childish dream of marrying her one day. But then life happened and he found himself with his sweet Euphy, kissing her and wondering if Nunnally's kiss would taste the same, loving her and foolishly thinking he would live his life with her. But then death happened, and he found himself with Lelouch. It was in desperation and anger that he first took Lelouch, worshipped his body, fucked him so hard and all the while thinking if he could somehow tasted Euphy in him. Yet in Lelouch he found absolution and, as strange as it sounded, love.
And then Zero Requiem happened.
So there he was, thinking of Lelouch in what was used to be Lelouch's bed, crying for Lelouch as he fucked his brother.
Really, he was one very sick bastard.
"Perhaps it's prerequisite for the job, after all," he said to no one in particular as he lay spread eagle on that bed. "One needs to be fucked up crazy to be Zero."
From the front of the mirror, Schneizel glanced at him. Suzaku envied him, envied how he could be so calm and methodical as he got dressed as if a few moments ago he was not having some heated sex that left both of them breathless.
"I wouldn't be able to tell, I have not the pleasure of being Zero," Schneizel said easily as he carefully knotted his cravat.
He snorted and then laughed sarcastically. Oh, yes, Lelouch had used his Geass to make Schneizel serve Zero, but that did not mean Schneizel had become some puppet with no mind. He still had that cunning streak, that aristocratic arrogance, that sharp sarcasm in him just like how he was before the Geass had entered his life.
Only now he used those things for Zero. And Suzaku sometimes wondered just how far the power of Geass had affected his—what, accomplice, or subordinate, or brother-in-law?
Lelouch would know, perhaps. But Lelouch was not there, and so he had to live with the confusion of whether anything that Schneizel did was due to the Geass or if it was his own heart's desire. Geass could not change one's heart, surely?
"If my assistance is not needed anymore, Lord Zero, I wonder if I may be excused to go." Schneizel said. He stood there, tall and majestic. Not a single crease on his pristine white clothes and not a single hair out of place.
Suzaku envied him. Yet he also lusted for him. And yes, so he was one very sick bastard but what could he say, what could he do? It was his fate, it seemed, to have such a fucked up life.
He wondered if it was perhaps because he had killed his father when he was a little kid. No one could have normal life if he could murder his father in cold blood when he had not even reached puberty.
"I fancied your sister once, you know," he told Schneizel conversationally, as if he did not hear his question. "And I kissed your other sister, and I fucked your brother, and now I did all those with you. Tell me, what those things make of me? What am I?"
Schneizel regarded him calmly. He did not flinch. He did not seem disturbed.
The Geass put on him made him serve Zero, made him always follow his request, obliged his order. And Suzaku knew that it made Schneizel answered in nothing but honesty to his question.
"You are Zero," he said simply. "And so, Lord Zero, tell me, may I be excused from your presence?"
Suzaku laughed in the bed. He laughed hysterically as he waved his hand, signaling for Schneizel to go. He watched the prince walked away, watched him opening the door and disappearing from his sight. Perhaps he would go to Kanon and fuck him, he thought. He knew there was something between the two. Perhaps he would fuck Kanon the way he would fuck a lover, because he wanted it and not because there was some very convenient thing called 'Geass' that made him follow every order given to him.
He wondered if he could order Schneizel to hate Kanon and love him.
He wondered if he could order Schneizel to be Lelouch, to be Euphy, to be Nunnally, even, and loved him the way they had loved him. He wondered if he could order Schneizel to still be Schneizel, and love him as Schneizel, but thinking about it made his head hurt and his laughter turned into sob.
He missed his old days that he spent with Lelouch and Nunnally, playing together around the Kururugi shrine. He missed Nunnally's laughter and Lelouch's smile. He missed spending times with Euphy, chatting about some trivial, day to day things with her. He missed his moments together with Lelouch, planning some festival, studying together, catching up with the past. He missed his friends. He missed being with people, laughing with them, and having a good time with them.
He missed being Kururugi Suzaku.
End
(A/N: Hope you enjoy that…)