Title: How Cordelia Got Her Vamp Back
Author: Gem
Summary: One part fic. Set before Angel had his epiphany but everything else has happened - Wesley getting shot, the Angel/Cordelia confrontation etc.
Author's note: I have not seen *any* of season 2, as I live in England, I only know of what's to come from reading tons and tons of episode summaries, so, if things in this story seem a little off compared to what you have seen in the series, it's probably because I'm *so* out of the loop! - Please forgive me! :)
**
"Oh, yeah, I have a problem!" The ex-May Queen cried. "And do you even need to ask what - no, wait, - WHO he fucking is?"
"Oops! You pushed a big red 'danger' button there, Wes."
Wesley glared at the other man; he didn't need to have the obvious pointed out at him, not when it was more than completely clear.
"Cordelia, look, I -"
"No! - Y'know what? - I'm going over there, RIGHT NOW! And I'm gonna give that Brooding vampire Bastard a piece of my mind!"
"Calm down, Barbie. It's not like we haven't already tried to get Angel -"
"Ah! You said *it*!" She yelled, making the normally tough black guy jump about three feet in the air. "We said we wouldn't say the A word!"
"A name isn't really a word, Cordelia, it's -"
"Wesley!" She screeched.
The ex-watcher held up his hands. "Sorry!"
Her eyes narrowed, and Gunn was just waiting to see the steam come out of her ears.
"Look," she began, voice lowering. "I know you guys are just about ready to give up on him. He was just a boss to you... but he's my best friend. I *need* him."
Wesley sighed and wished he were imagining the tears forming in her eyes. "We know, Cordelia. We understand you went through a lot with him, and he is the person you trust most in this world - we know that, and understand that so much that we've given up trying to be what he was to you because we don't compare. But, Cordelia, you have got to accept that he isn't going to come back. He -"
"He *will* come back." She said firmly. "And if he won't, then I'm going to just have to tie and gag him and drag his vampire ass back, because he's coming back... I *need* him back."
"Cordy," Gunn began.
She didn't hold back to hear what he was going to say. He didn't understand - neither of them.
She marched out of her own home, not bothering to stop for her coat on the way - it was a cold night, and she knew she'd regret not taking it later, but right then she just didn't have a second to spare to pick the luxurious leather jacket up. Besides, leather reminded her too much of *him*.
They didn't understand. She didn't want them to understand. This was what she had to deal with on her own, and she would too - she was Cordelia Chase for God's sake!! She delt with *everything* by herself.
And they didn't know about the nightmares - most were of past visions, sometimes when she was really down they'd be about Doyle's death - she still missed him, wanted him to suddenly come back to her. Angel wasn't the same person he'd died for.
And the other dreams she had. She closed her eyes. They were the worst... She had started to have them a few days after Angel had fired them all.
The beginning was always the same. She was tied up to a bed, Darla and Drusilla cutting her with a knife. Hitting her. *Touching* her. Cordelia shuddered. And Angel was always there, watching. Just watching.
Then they'd all disappear, and she would be alone.
Recently, that part had changed - the Scooby gang, the original Scooby gang, would appear in the room with her tied to the bed hurt badly, almost screaming in pain... and they would ignore her, she wasn't there to them. It made her wonder - was she ever really *seen* by any of those she called her friends?
And Gunn and Wesley didn't know how bad the visions were getting. God, she had complained so much when they had started, but looking back, she longed for that familiar brain-swelling-inside-your-skull headache, the pain she suffered now was so much worse - and she could feel more in them too. Lately, she had been put into the bodies of those in her visions, and felt the blows as well as the fear.
The other day when she had had a vision of an old woman being beat by a demon, she had felt the blows to the back and stomach where the demon had kicked the old lady when she was down. Wesley and Gunn had rushed off, and because her back and stomach hurt after so much, she had looked in the mirror. Bruises had begun to form.
Today she was all black and blue, and she had taken a lot of painkillers so her two friends wouldn't notice her walking around wincing in pain.
In fact, she blamed the painkillers for the mood she was in. Maybe it was because she had taken so many to reduce the pain they had had a different/extra effect to what they normally did.
- She was in a very hyper, agitated mood, every little thing seemed to set her off in Bitch mode, and she wouldn't stop for ages. The others were beginning to get annoyed and then Wesley had asked her if she had some kind of problem they could help with. - Yeah, she did. His name was Angel.
She marched into the hotel, ready for battle.
God was this Bastard gonna get a piece of her mind.
She could feel his presence, but she couldn't see him.
"Cordelia," a cool voice came from the entrance she had just come from, she just kept herself from screaming out loud.
She spun on her heel, "oh, that is it! You are gonna learn some tune to hum, because one of these days, you're gonna fucking kill me with a heart attack!!"
He just gave her a blank look, "why are you here?"
Cordy heated up with anger immediately, forgetting she came in shivering from the cold night.
"Oh I'm here to either knock you ups upside the head so you get your sense back, then if that don't work, I'm going to stake you and hope that does the trick in getting rid of these stupid visions," she paused.
"I don't mind having the visions, and helping the helpless and all, BUT I'm supposed to be your fucking seer, I'm not supposed to have to help two other mortals battle against evil - because I'm just not fucking cut out for that *and* these bloody visions! - Maybe if I killed you they'd go away and someone else can have that bleeding job, because being a warrior isn't in a seers job description last time I checked! - And neither is the nightmares, or the injures from the visions!" The thought of that set her off track, and she began to babble
"- Can you *believe* that? As if it's not bad enough to have the fucking things, the PTB decide to have them get bloody worse on me! - I have to be in the victims *body*, and feel more than just their bloody fear!! And now, *now* I get the wonderful gift of the victims injures from the visions!"
She laughed insanely as she continued, "and lately, I've started to hit my head against the wall, pull my hair out and break my fingernails during visions for some fucking relief!"
She calmed down a little and advanced on him, "you remember the never- ending visions, Angel? - They aren't as long as that, but I'd rather start having another relapse of that scenario right now that lasts my entire life than have one of the visions I get now-a-days."
She pulled off her top quickly, throwing it to the floor. Now standing before him in jeans and her bra, she twirled around, "like the bruises, Angel?"
She walked right up to him, looked deep into his eyes that were only inches away from her. "I have them because of you, because of who you are, and what I have to be *for* you... Well I don't wanna be someone for you if you aren't gonna at least be the person I have to be there for."
Angel was too shocked to do anything to stop the young woman violently shoving him backwards.
"Fuck you, Angel."
"Cordelia," came a gentle voice from behind them. The two spun around, finding Wesley as the source of the voice, Gunn at his side, holding Cordelia's coat she had longed for since she had left her apartment.
The ex-watchers eyes scanned her body. He swallowed, "why didn't you tell us?"
He had obviously arrived in time to hear all about the visions. Cordelia regretted going off track. The rouge demon hunter looked sad but worried more than anything, although, she knew anger was in there too.
"I didn't want you to worry, Wesley," she shook her head. "The visions aren't your responsibility," she placed her hand on her slightly bare chest, "a seer isn't your responsibility... it's the warriors." Her gaze slid over to Angel.
The vampire didn't seem to be taking in much to her, but he was, he was listening so very carefully, taking in her words, and her hurt.
"Cordy, come on," Gunn came forward, picking up her top he handed it to her, "let's go home."
She obidiatly pulled the top over her head, just for extra warmth, but she wasn't about to go 'home'.
She began so softly and gently, Wesley had to come closer to hear what his friend was saying.
"Don't you get it, Gunn? - My apartment was never really my home when I became a seer... because it became a person, and a very un-dead one at that," she shrugged, and lost the soothing tone in her voice. "And I don't know why, or whatever, I just know that the visions get worse the futher I am away from Angel," she paused, letting out a sigh, "but, I don't really mean as in distance, y'know? - It's like, the more he pushes me away, the more he hurts me, the more the visions hurt."
She turned to Angel, who was now looking at her. "And I've reached my boiling point." She turned her body around fully to face his, "please don't push me away anymore, Angel. I *can't* not be in your heart because it hurts too bad - visions or no visions."
She took her coat off Gunn, and began to put it on. "I can go with you guys now," she told Wesley and Gunn, "but," she looked into the vampires soul, "your heart is my home, because it's the only place I wanna be. You can continue pushing me out of it if you must, but if you do that, and then one day want me to come home, I won't. Because it will *kill* me, and there won't *be* a Cordelia Chase to return home."
Wesley had really had enough by now, he took Cordelia's arm and led her out, Gunn trailing behind.
**
"I'm going to call Giles, I need his help trying to work out what is up with your visions," Wesley said, heading for the phone the moment they walked into Cordy's apartment.
"I *told* you what is up with my visions! - The more Mr. Vamp Bastard pushes me away, the more they -"
"Cordelia," the ex-watcher interrupted, "I think there would be a more sensible, logical explanation than that." He frowned, "now, do you think if Gunn took you to sing some karoke the guy that helped Angel will tell you why -"
"Wesley! I *know* why they are getting worse!" The seer yelled, getting very annoyed at her friend. "Now would you just stop being such an annoying *twat*, and take my word for it! ... I can't explain to you how I know this is why my visions are getting worse - I don't know myself, but, I feel it, it's the reason, Wesley," she shrugged hopelessly, "I just know."
Wesley looked at the floor and nodded his head slowly before looking back at her. "OK, but I'm calling Giles anyway, he might know of some way to reduce the pain they cause."
Cordelia smiled weakly. "I'd like that, Wesley."
**
Angel sat alone in the Hyperion Hotel. Brooding. Not about his sire and childe who were running rampant in the LA streets like he always seemed to do lately, but about his precious seer, who had gotten to him earlier.
Before when they had had their confrontation about a book, after Wesley had been shot, he hadn't realized that the anger came from being hurt.
He'd fired her as a secretary? Yes. As a seer? Yes. And, he bowed his head down shamefully, as a friend? Yes.
But couldn't she see - couldn't they all see? He had to do this alone, it was… it was his responsibility.
"A seer isn't your responsibility," Cordelia's words to Wesley echoed in his head, "… it's the warriors."
And she was right, and she wasn't just his responsibility because she was his seer, or because she worked for him… but because she was his best friend, and that was very important to him.
Author: Gem
Summary: One part fic. Set before Angel had his epiphany but everything else has happened - Wesley getting shot, the Angel/Cordelia confrontation etc.
Author's note: I have not seen *any* of season 2, as I live in England, I only know of what's to come from reading tons and tons of episode summaries, so, if things in this story seem a little off compared to what you have seen in the series, it's probably because I'm *so* out of the loop! - Please forgive me! :)
**
"Oh, yeah, I have a problem!" The ex-May Queen cried. "And do you even need to ask what - no, wait, - WHO he fucking is?"
"Oops! You pushed a big red 'danger' button there, Wes."
Wesley glared at the other man; he didn't need to have the obvious pointed out at him, not when it was more than completely clear.
"Cordelia, look, I -"
"No! - Y'know what? - I'm going over there, RIGHT NOW! And I'm gonna give that Brooding vampire Bastard a piece of my mind!"
"Calm down, Barbie. It's not like we haven't already tried to get Angel -"
"Ah! You said *it*!" She yelled, making the normally tough black guy jump about three feet in the air. "We said we wouldn't say the A word!"
"A name isn't really a word, Cordelia, it's -"
"Wesley!" She screeched.
The ex-watcher held up his hands. "Sorry!"
Her eyes narrowed, and Gunn was just waiting to see the steam come out of her ears.
"Look," she began, voice lowering. "I know you guys are just about ready to give up on him. He was just a boss to you... but he's my best friend. I *need* him."
Wesley sighed and wished he were imagining the tears forming in her eyes. "We know, Cordelia. We understand you went through a lot with him, and he is the person you trust most in this world - we know that, and understand that so much that we've given up trying to be what he was to you because we don't compare. But, Cordelia, you have got to accept that he isn't going to come back. He -"
"He *will* come back." She said firmly. "And if he won't, then I'm going to just have to tie and gag him and drag his vampire ass back, because he's coming back... I *need* him back."
"Cordy," Gunn began.
She didn't hold back to hear what he was going to say. He didn't understand - neither of them.
She marched out of her own home, not bothering to stop for her coat on the way - it was a cold night, and she knew she'd regret not taking it later, but right then she just didn't have a second to spare to pick the luxurious leather jacket up. Besides, leather reminded her too much of *him*.
They didn't understand. She didn't want them to understand. This was what she had to deal with on her own, and she would too - she was Cordelia Chase for God's sake!! She delt with *everything* by herself.
And they didn't know about the nightmares - most were of past visions, sometimes when she was really down they'd be about Doyle's death - she still missed him, wanted him to suddenly come back to her. Angel wasn't the same person he'd died for.
And the other dreams she had. She closed her eyes. They were the worst... She had started to have them a few days after Angel had fired them all.
The beginning was always the same. She was tied up to a bed, Darla and Drusilla cutting her with a knife. Hitting her. *Touching* her. Cordelia shuddered. And Angel was always there, watching. Just watching.
Then they'd all disappear, and she would be alone.
Recently, that part had changed - the Scooby gang, the original Scooby gang, would appear in the room with her tied to the bed hurt badly, almost screaming in pain... and they would ignore her, she wasn't there to them. It made her wonder - was she ever really *seen* by any of those she called her friends?
And Gunn and Wesley didn't know how bad the visions were getting. God, she had complained so much when they had started, but looking back, she longed for that familiar brain-swelling-inside-your-skull headache, the pain she suffered now was so much worse - and she could feel more in them too. Lately, she had been put into the bodies of those in her visions, and felt the blows as well as the fear.
The other day when she had had a vision of an old woman being beat by a demon, she had felt the blows to the back and stomach where the demon had kicked the old lady when she was down. Wesley and Gunn had rushed off, and because her back and stomach hurt after so much, she had looked in the mirror. Bruises had begun to form.
Today she was all black and blue, and she had taken a lot of painkillers so her two friends wouldn't notice her walking around wincing in pain.
In fact, she blamed the painkillers for the mood she was in. Maybe it was because she had taken so many to reduce the pain they had had a different/extra effect to what they normally did.
- She was in a very hyper, agitated mood, every little thing seemed to set her off in Bitch mode, and she wouldn't stop for ages. The others were beginning to get annoyed and then Wesley had asked her if she had some kind of problem they could help with. - Yeah, she did. His name was Angel.
She marched into the hotel, ready for battle.
God was this Bastard gonna get a piece of her mind.
She could feel his presence, but she couldn't see him.
"Cordelia," a cool voice came from the entrance she had just come from, she just kept herself from screaming out loud.
She spun on her heel, "oh, that is it! You are gonna learn some tune to hum, because one of these days, you're gonna fucking kill me with a heart attack!!"
He just gave her a blank look, "why are you here?"
Cordy heated up with anger immediately, forgetting she came in shivering from the cold night.
"Oh I'm here to either knock you ups upside the head so you get your sense back, then if that don't work, I'm going to stake you and hope that does the trick in getting rid of these stupid visions," she paused.
"I don't mind having the visions, and helping the helpless and all, BUT I'm supposed to be your fucking seer, I'm not supposed to have to help two other mortals battle against evil - because I'm just not fucking cut out for that *and* these bloody visions! - Maybe if I killed you they'd go away and someone else can have that bleeding job, because being a warrior isn't in a seers job description last time I checked! - And neither is the nightmares, or the injures from the visions!" The thought of that set her off track, and she began to babble
"- Can you *believe* that? As if it's not bad enough to have the fucking things, the PTB decide to have them get bloody worse on me! - I have to be in the victims *body*, and feel more than just their bloody fear!! And now, *now* I get the wonderful gift of the victims injures from the visions!"
She laughed insanely as she continued, "and lately, I've started to hit my head against the wall, pull my hair out and break my fingernails during visions for some fucking relief!"
She calmed down a little and advanced on him, "you remember the never- ending visions, Angel? - They aren't as long as that, but I'd rather start having another relapse of that scenario right now that lasts my entire life than have one of the visions I get now-a-days."
She pulled off her top quickly, throwing it to the floor. Now standing before him in jeans and her bra, she twirled around, "like the bruises, Angel?"
She walked right up to him, looked deep into his eyes that were only inches away from her. "I have them because of you, because of who you are, and what I have to be *for* you... Well I don't wanna be someone for you if you aren't gonna at least be the person I have to be there for."
Angel was too shocked to do anything to stop the young woman violently shoving him backwards.
"Fuck you, Angel."
"Cordelia," came a gentle voice from behind them. The two spun around, finding Wesley as the source of the voice, Gunn at his side, holding Cordelia's coat she had longed for since she had left her apartment.
The ex-watchers eyes scanned her body. He swallowed, "why didn't you tell us?"
He had obviously arrived in time to hear all about the visions. Cordelia regretted going off track. The rouge demon hunter looked sad but worried more than anything, although, she knew anger was in there too.
"I didn't want you to worry, Wesley," she shook her head. "The visions aren't your responsibility," she placed her hand on her slightly bare chest, "a seer isn't your responsibility... it's the warriors." Her gaze slid over to Angel.
The vampire didn't seem to be taking in much to her, but he was, he was listening so very carefully, taking in her words, and her hurt.
"Cordy, come on," Gunn came forward, picking up her top he handed it to her, "let's go home."
She obidiatly pulled the top over her head, just for extra warmth, but she wasn't about to go 'home'.
She began so softly and gently, Wesley had to come closer to hear what his friend was saying.
"Don't you get it, Gunn? - My apartment was never really my home when I became a seer... because it became a person, and a very un-dead one at that," she shrugged, and lost the soothing tone in her voice. "And I don't know why, or whatever, I just know that the visions get worse the futher I am away from Angel," she paused, letting out a sigh, "but, I don't really mean as in distance, y'know? - It's like, the more he pushes me away, the more he hurts me, the more the visions hurt."
She turned to Angel, who was now looking at her. "And I've reached my boiling point." She turned her body around fully to face his, "please don't push me away anymore, Angel. I *can't* not be in your heart because it hurts too bad - visions or no visions."
She took her coat off Gunn, and began to put it on. "I can go with you guys now," she told Wesley and Gunn, "but," she looked into the vampires soul, "your heart is my home, because it's the only place I wanna be. You can continue pushing me out of it if you must, but if you do that, and then one day want me to come home, I won't. Because it will *kill* me, and there won't *be* a Cordelia Chase to return home."
Wesley had really had enough by now, he took Cordelia's arm and led her out, Gunn trailing behind.
**
"I'm going to call Giles, I need his help trying to work out what is up with your visions," Wesley said, heading for the phone the moment they walked into Cordy's apartment.
"I *told* you what is up with my visions! - The more Mr. Vamp Bastard pushes me away, the more they -"
"Cordelia," the ex-watcher interrupted, "I think there would be a more sensible, logical explanation than that." He frowned, "now, do you think if Gunn took you to sing some karoke the guy that helped Angel will tell you why -"
"Wesley! I *know* why they are getting worse!" The seer yelled, getting very annoyed at her friend. "Now would you just stop being such an annoying *twat*, and take my word for it! ... I can't explain to you how I know this is why my visions are getting worse - I don't know myself, but, I feel it, it's the reason, Wesley," she shrugged hopelessly, "I just know."
Wesley looked at the floor and nodded his head slowly before looking back at her. "OK, but I'm calling Giles anyway, he might know of some way to reduce the pain they cause."
Cordelia smiled weakly. "I'd like that, Wesley."
**
Angel sat alone in the Hyperion Hotel. Brooding. Not about his sire and childe who were running rampant in the LA streets like he always seemed to do lately, but about his precious seer, who had gotten to him earlier.
Before when they had had their confrontation about a book, after Wesley had been shot, he hadn't realized that the anger came from being hurt.
He'd fired her as a secretary? Yes. As a seer? Yes. And, he bowed his head down shamefully, as a friend? Yes.
But couldn't she see - couldn't they all see? He had to do this alone, it was… it was his responsibility.
"A seer isn't your responsibility," Cordelia's words to Wesley echoed in his head, "… it's the warriors."
And she was right, and she wasn't just his responsibility because she was his seer, or because she worked for him… but because she was his best friend, and that was very important to him.