Title: Comfort
Pairing: 14th/Allen
Prompt: The 14th isn't as scary as Allen thought he was. In fact, he's just lonely, just like his host.
Summary: Whenever no one was looking, Allen would look into the mirror.
Notes: This was fun! And more angsty than I thought it would be, but I hope there's enough bittersweet-ness to keep this enjoyable (:
Word Count: 774 words
Whenever Link was asleep, Allen would silently slip out the small mirror he kept under his pillow and look into it for a while.
Eyes quickly adjusting to the dark, he would see the dark shadow lurking behind him, faceless, with empty eyeballs and a wide, dark smile splitting his face. Allen would touch the face of the mirror, looking into the empty eyes of the shadow behind him, wondering what to say, wondering what he felt.
.
Allen told himself to think of the 14th as an akuma soul which would not hurt him, something that all along he has been the only one able to see anyway. What difference did it make, an akuma soul, and the soul of the 14th?
He did toy with the idea of telling Lavi, maybe even Krory, because the two of them saw the soul of Eliade before. But Lavi would have the cool expression of a Bookman after the immediate shock, the same one he had when he realized that Allen's Innocence kept him alive, and Allen wasn't sure if he would be able to stand that look. Krory would stammer, and would not know what to say, and he would be a good friend trying to reassure Allen, but it did not matter, did it, because Krory was sleeping too deeply and for far too long.
They were all so busy, Lenalee and Komui worried about each other, the Scientists forever working overtime, the Finders had more and more deaths coming in, Kanda training harder than ever, Miranda desperate not to let more people die, and Link forever over his shoulder, making him fill out papers, trying to get him to eat more vegetables.
And the 14th always hovering, not speaking, a silent spectre.
.
In his dreams, Mana visited him sometimes.
Teaching Allen how to put on clown makeup, and gently wiping off the excess powder whenever Allen got a little too excited. Treating him to an apple pie when they had enough money, and Mana always only keeping a small slice for himself so Allen could have the rest of the pie. Travelling, from town to town, looking for a nice inn where they could hide from the cold.
Teaching him simple alphabets, and letting Allen create secret symbols that only the two of them could understand.
But it was not only the two of them, was it? Allen did not create those symbols, they were coaxed from his memories. Was Mana only humouring him, letting him think this was his exclusive kid game, a secret club that only he and Mana were members of?
And the symbols belonged to the Scientists now, and the Vatican, and Link had a picture of it in his files. Mana was always smiling in his dreams, and he wondered when it had changed from nightmares of him killing Mana, to dreams of the good times with Mana. Was it because of the Ark? Was it because he had a new reason to live for? Was it even because of him, was it all the 14th, did nothing belong to him?
And always, when these thoughts invaded and made it hard for him to think and he could not even cry out for fear of Link finding out, a voice smoothed over his head and tried to offer cool comfort, a caress like what Mana's would have been like.
I miss him too.
I miss him, I miss him so much.
.
When Komui told everyone about their long-term mission which had no dead end, Allen said I will fight him, I won't let him control me, and he did not let Lavi's piercing gaze affect him, he did not let Lenalee's worried looks get to him.
Whenever Link was asleep, Allen would pull out the mirror.
The 14th had started to lose his maniacal grin, when Allen found out that he and Mana were brothers. The 14th started flitting around, not staying only just behind Allen's back, sometimes darting front to look in the mirror as well, sometimes leaning off to the side. He could imagine that when he was with the others, the 14th would be pressing forward curiously, trying to touch the other people's heads, trying to join in their conversations.
You're my uncle, Allen thought, smiling faintly.
The 14th would not reply, of course, just looked at him with eyes that were growing less and less empty by the day, and Allen wondered if that meant the 14th was becoming him, he was becoming the 14th.
You're my uncle, and you're trapped in my body, and…
I wish I could meet you.