"Merry Christmas, Watson," said Holmes, holding a box with a red bow.
"Thank you, Holmes!" Watson exclaimed. "But it isn't Christmas for three more days!"
"I couldn't wait," Holmes admitted, practically beaming. "Come on and sit next to me and open it."
Watson sat and then stared at Holmes, curiously. "Are you going to hold it in your lap like that while I open it?"
"It's heavy," Holmes explained.
"Ok," Watson said, eyebrow raised. He untied the bow, and took off the top of the box. Watson was silent, but his mouth wouldn't stop moving, trying to make words.
"What do you think?" asked Holmes.
"What the hell, Holmes?"
"What?"
"What…what is that?"
"It's my dick in a box."
"But why? How? Why?"
"Because you're really special to me, and I couldn't just get you a watch, or a book. I wanted to get you something that would show you that I really care."
"…"
"It was easy too. I just found a box, cut a whole in it, put my-"
"Yes, I understand how it would be done, Holmes," Watson said, wearily. "What made you think that this would be an appropriate gift for Christmas?"
Holmes frowned. "It's not just a good Christmas gift, Watson. It could be a good gift for New Year's, for Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving-"
"Thanksgiving?"
"I'll show you what you should be thankful for," Holmes winked. "I don't even need a holiday or special occasion for this present!" he went on. "Maybe I'll surprise you with my dick in a box when we're on a long cab ride. Or waiting on Lestrade in his office. Or during dinner at your club. Or in Mrs. Hudson's bed-"
"Ok, now you're just being ridiculous." Watson got up to leave, but Holmes was following him.
"Wait, Watson, I want to make sure it's the right size! There's a time-sensitive return policy!"
/
Marill: Oh, utter crack insanity. I'm on pain pills, forgive me! ^^