Title: "You're funny"
Author: Nan
Rating: PG-13
Classification: vignette, humor, Harriet/Mac
Spoilers: "Standards of Conduct" and "Friendly Fire"
Summary: A game of verbal tag is the result when a couple of conversations of Harriet, Sturgis, and Bud clarify the issues of the Baby Promise with Harm and Mac.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Harriet walked beside Mac and wondered if anyone would notice the spring in her step. A night out with a friend -- not just any friend but Mac-- made her feel free. Not that she didn't like her marriage to Bud, her three-year-old son AJ and her pregnancy, it was just nice to have some time to herself.
Sarah Mackenzie was not a typical, run-of-the-mill, kind of stereotypical girlfriend. First, she was a Lieutenant Colonel in the U.S Marine Corps and Chief-of-Staff of the Judge Advocate General's Office. Regulations created an artificial barrier between Harriet, a naval lieutenant, and the military lawyer. Despite the differences between the two women, they were close friends. Tonight, Harriet could sense something was preoccupying Mac, and she wondered if something had happened at work.
Harriet took full measure of her friend. Mac was staring at the store windows in old Town Alexandria as she walked along, but Harriet wondered if she was really seeing anything. Harriet tried mentally to put the correct phrase on the type of preoccupation that was enveloping Mac. She didn't seem angry. This was good, because Harriet suspected that this mood had something to do with Harm.
Harm often upset Mac. This Harriet knew from observation, not from any confession made in confidence by Mac. If there was one topic that was off-limits, it was Mac's relationship with Commander Harmon Rabb, also a senior lawyer at JAG in Falls Church. This topic was so off-limits; there was razor wire on the top of the seven-foot fence that enclosed Mac's truest feelings. Harriet often wanted to get out the wire-cutters and cut a hole in that fence.
Her husband, Lieutenant Bud Roberts gave her no support in her interest in the personal life of Harm and Mac. He cared for both them too much to endorse his wife's dabble in matchmaking. Harriet suspected that he didn't want to look too close at the connection between the two senior staff. If he did, he might find a few chinks in that gleaming armor of Harmon Rabb. Bud didn't want to know that Harm was capable of hurting Mac. Bud, more than anything, was loyal to both Harm and Mac. And loyalty involved overlooking the idiosyncrasies of their personal life.
Harriet was a little more realistic. She saw the hurt-little-boy-look in Harm's eyes when Mac zinged a cruise missile style retort in his direction. And she knew that Harm had an arsenal of hurtful ammo to return fire when Mac pushed him. For two people with compassion to spare for the staff, friends and clients at JAG, they could be pretty hard-hearted when it came to each other.
The adversarial circumstances of working both sides of the military legal system at JAG contributed to the tension between the two officers. Harriet also knew that Admiral AJ Chegwidden bore some of that responsibility. When he put Harm as defense attorney in a high-profile case; the JAG had few choices for prosecuting attorney. After all the court battle was required to be balanced. Harm was a skillful attorney who had made mincemeat of many lesser opponents. The JAG knew that Mac was equal to anything in Harm's playbook. So usually, ultimate victory between the two lawyers was usually based on the merit of the case, not the legal tactics of either side. And Chegwidden used this to his advantage. Unfortunately, this meant that Harm and Mac spent a good part of their working life in opposition to one another.
Over the years, Harriet had watch the two officers grow closer by circumstances then be torn apart by others. It was a merry-go-round from which only an optimist could see a positive outcome. Unlike the admiral, she had no allegiance to a higher ideal like justice, law and order. All she could see was Harm and Mac, two people who were meant to be together.
"Harriet, what was the name of the restaurant again? I think we passed it," Mac said drawing her out of her musings.
"Tsunami Sushi House, sorry I must be day dreaming," Harriet turned around to scan the street behind them.
"There seems to be a lot of that going around lately," Mac mused.
"Daydreaming? I noticed that you seem a little distracted today. Any thing or one I should know about?" Harriet looked closely at Mac as they reached the restaurant entrance and walked inside.
"My life? I don't think so. Harm is another story. I've caught him with the oddest look on his face now and then this past week," Mac said as she sat down at a table by the window.
"Well, it probably is just a Harmism," laughed Harriet.
"A what?"
"Harmism. You know, funny things that Harm does or funny things that happen to Harm. Bud has got a whole list of Harmisms," said Harriet.
"Harmism? So okay, give me an example of a Harmism." Mac was smiling.
"Hmmm, well, here is an example. Only Harmon Rabb would receive The Silver Star for the skillful flying of an F-14 luring a nuclear cruise missile away from the Sea Hawk then be late for the award ceremony because he rear-ended a little old lady on the way to the office," said Harriet.
"That's not funny. You know she is suing him and his insurance had expired, huh?" Mac looked at her.
"More Harmism. Bud found out she and her lawyer are ambulance chasers. Bud used this to get the commander out of the suit. But this thing would only happen to the commander."
"His latest RIO on the Sea Hawk said he was someone "that things happen to." She was right. Next thing you know, on her first mission with Harm the original F-14s taking point on the mission are recalled because of mechanical issues. As backup, Harm has to fly the mission, takes battle damage and just barely makes it back to the Sea Hawk in one piece. The whole incident scared the beegeebers out of me," Mac looked away.
"He is always getting himself into trouble. What about the time when you and he were chased by poachers after an emergency landing in Sarah, the biplane?" said Harriet.
"There was very little funny about those two days. Except maybe the look on his face when I chewed him out about caring more about his plane than our safety. Sarah, the biplane?" Mac chewed on a tuna roll.
"Yeah, Sarah, the biplane. As opposed to Sarah, the grandmother or Sarah, the girl….," Harriet stopped abruptly.
"The girl-what? The girlfriend? I don't think so. Not unless he is going out with some else named Sarah." Mac scolded.
"Okay, Okay, I'm sorry. Everyone knows that you and Harm are just friends. Or enemies, depending on the time of day." Harriet looked intently at her friend.
"Harriet, please."
"Well, what is going on between you two? Harm ditching an F-14 in the Atlantic over a year and half ago preventing your marriage to another man is the biggest Harmism of all," Harriet said.
"That was definitely a unique Harm experience for all of us but it has nothing to do with my failed wedding or our relationship with the other," Mac looked away.
"At the time, I thought that too. After all, the malfunction in Harm's F-14 was a completely independent event, right?" Harriet sat back in her seat and started to warm up to this topic.
"Yes, of course."
"It was convenient how it worked out, all things considered," Harriet was lethal when she wanted to be.
"Mic was the one who called off the wedding, not me. Remember? I still wanted to get married."
"Yah, sure you did. I also remember the engagement party. You and Harm on the porch for over an hour. Just talking. After that party, there was no more wind in the sails of that wedding. That ship was stalled upwind and in irons. I even called you on it. Remember, trying on the wedding gown, I asked you if you were happy?" Harriet tried to hold Mac's eyes before she looked away.
"After that, a whole series of funny things happened. You go TAD. Harm is shocked to find out that you had left. Renee decides to marry an old childhood flame and it barely causes a ripple. When you return, the air around the two of you is so thick, that you could cut it with a knife. Gradually, things in the office get back to normal. But you know what I notice next? Neither Harm nor you are dating. Harm, who always was dating someone ever since I've known him, is too busy now. Mac, you haven't dated anyone since Mic left. Am I reading too much into this?" Harriet leaned forward.
"What is it exactly you want me to confess to, Harriet?" Mac was starting to get angry.
"I'm not sure exactly? I was just wondering if maybe.."
"If life were perfect, would I be with Harmon Rabb?"
"Yeah, I guess…"
"Even if my life was perfect, I'm not sure it would include life with Harm. But until I figure it all out, he is still my friend. For that I am glad. Does that satisfy you?"
"I just want you to be happy, Sarah"
"Who, Sarah the biplane?"
"No, Sarah the best friend."
"I am happy, in a funny dysfunctional kind of way. Harm and I, we talk, laugh and get together for working lunches and dinners. Almost as much as we ever did. And who knows, maybe Harm will come around some day. There is progress. He actually talked to me about the baby promise today," The minute the words were out of her month, Mac realized her mistake.
"The what promise? The baby promise? What's a baby promise?" Harriet's radar homed in on the statement.
"Just something Harm told me three years and eight months ago." Mac smiled.
"He has a baby? Or he promised something to a baby? No, I got it. He promised you a baby!" Harriet hit her target.
"Harriet, stop it. We were standing outside JAG minutes after AJ was born. Harm told me if neither of us were in a relationship in five years, we would go halves on a baby. It was a foolish gesture on both our parts. It was made in the emotion of the moment after watching you and Bud with little AJ. I was surprised today that he remembered it." Mac looked sad.
"Why did he bring it up now?" asked Harriet.
"Honestly, I'm really not sure but it has something to do with the gift I bought for AJ's fourth birthday. Harm somehow thought it was AJ's fifth birthday. For a week now, he has been kinda, well, kinda goofy around me."
"Good goofy or creepy goofy?"
"In Harm's case, goofy is goofy."
"He is scared that you might actually call him on the promise? He was backing out?"
"That's what I thought, but after talking with him, well, I'm not sure what he was thinking. All I know, is the promise is still on schedule according to Harmon Rabb," said Mac.
"He is funny," said Harriet.
"I told him he was funny," said Mac.
"You think he is serious about going through with it?" Harriet asked.
"I don't know what to think," said Mac.
"Maybe I'll make him an offer. I do have experience you know…."
"Harriet, you are a married woman," Mac glowered.
"Happily married woman is the correct term. But Harm is hot. You think Bud would mind?"
"Stop it, Harriet. This is about me, remember?" Mac smiled.
"You know I'm kidding right? Mac, I'm happy for you."
"Happy for me, why?"
"Harm never forgets a promise. This is as good as marriage proposal," said Harriet.
"We never promised to marry, just to go halves on a baby. Who knows, maybe we will do it artificially," said Mac.
"Yeah, right. If you decide to do it artificially, tell Harm about my offer. I would consider natural methods of conception a perk of the promise. I'll even promise multiple tries if it doesn't take the first time. Wild sex with Harm, what could be better?"
"Harriet, cool off. Now, what are you doing?"
"I'm phoning Commander Turner. Bud will never push Harm for straight answer on anything. But Sturgis, he is another story. He is more devious than I am." Harriet started dialing her cell phone.
"Don't you…. stop, Harriet," Mac lunged for the cell phone and successfully managed to pry it from her friend's fingers. The couple in the booth next to their table looked up and raised their eyebrows simultaneously. "Don't you dare say a word to anyone," she said in a quiet, serious voice.
"You are not laughing any more," Harriet gazed intensely at Mac.
"No"
"This topic is now closed, right?"
"Yes"
"I'm sorry, I guess I got a little carried away."
Mac averted her gaze from Harriet's. For a brief fleeting moment, Harriet saw it. What had she seen in the depths of Mac's brown eyes? She turned it over in her mind, testing different theories. Then it hit her. Mac was afraid. Afraid of what?
Harriet always admired Mac's verbal repartee with Harm. She looked in control and was quick to call Harm on a stupid or inappropriate comment. And still she never came across as hard-edged or cynical. In many ways, Mac was a blend of smarts, confidence, and toughness mixed with a femininity that Harriet admired. And Mac was at her best when verbally dueling with Harm.
"We both did. Harm is a good friend and always will be only that, period. I'm sorry if I led you to believe in something more," Mac smiled at Harriet and changed the topic.
But there was still that something she had seen in her friend's eyes. Mac was holding tight to the edge of a metaphorical cliff and was terrified of the fall. As Harriet continued her dinner, the wheels in the back of her mind started to turn.
#
Harriet was sitting at her desk in the open bullpen at JAG, drinking her morning coffee and watched as Commander Turner walked through the bullpen to his office. Sturgis Turner was senior staff at JAG, a commander with equal rank to both Harm and Mac. Son of an African American Navy Chaplin, he was definitely a rising star with good looks, smarts and athleticism. Harm's relationship with Sturgis went back twenty years to the Naval Academy. His pragmatic approach to both the law and his professional life made Sturgis the perfect counterpoint to Harm's more passionate and impulsive personality. In general, he disliked office politics and the emotional upheaval it usually involved.
Despite all that, Sturgis was a closet romantic when it came to his two friends. She watched as he walked to the copier. She stood up from her desk and moved to stand in line behind him.
"I've got a lot to copy here, Harriet. If you only have a page or two, why don't you go first?" Sturgis said.
"No, I'll wait. What are you working on? Anything I can help you with?" Harriet was polite.
"No but thanks. I'm just waiting for Harm to get in so we can get down to work on this appeal," Sturgis pushed the start button on the copier.
"Harm has been in good spirits lately. In fact, the whole office has been on a pretty even keel for at least month," Harriet chatted.
"A pleasant change from the some of the dramatics that go on at JAG," he agreed.
"Well, you know how it goes. When Harm and Mac get along, the office gets along," she said.
"That is so true. Why? I've never managed to figure it out. But I'll take any reprieve in the hostilities when I can get it." Sturgis watched numbly as his document pages fed into the copier, one by one.
"Enjoy it because it is about to change," Harriet looked away from Sturgis.
"Huh?"
"Well, of course I don't really know if they will fight over this—"
"Harm and Mac are too professional to really fight."
"Yeah, I guess. It's more like tension."
"And then tension just permeates the office. So what's your theory on what?" Sturgis wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.
"You know, the baby promise," Harriet looked nonchalant.
"Huh? What is a baby promise?"
"You don't know?"
"Know what? Harriet," Sturgis was getting annoyed.
"I thought you would know, being Harm's friend and all. Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. I think they want to keep it quiet," Harriet was coy.
"Oh no, you can't stop now. What are you talking about?" Sturgis said.
"Okay, but don't you dare tell Harm I told you. You remember my AJ was born right here in this office? Well, Harm and Mac made this funny promise. They made a promise to each other that if neither was in a serious relationship when AJ turned five, they would go halves on a baby," said Harriet.
"Halves on a real baby? Diapers, university tuition, and coaching softball? That type of baby? I don't believe it."
"Yes, they did."
"Of course, they weren't really serious," Sturgis said.
"You might think that but I'm not so sure. AJ's 4th birthday is in 4 months. Harm and Mac have already had at least one conversation about the baby promise that I know of," said Harriet.
"You mean that they actually had a serious conversation about having a baby together?" Sturgis still couldn't get his mind around this concept.
"That's what I heard."
"Just a baby, no formal relationship like a marriage or something?"
"Like I said, that is my understanding," Harriet starting sorting pages to put into the copier.
"That has the makings of complete disaster. Those two, if they could only sort out their real feelings and get on with it, we could all work in peace." Sturgis gave his head a shake.
Both looked up to see Harm walking in the office, cover tucked under his arm and a briefcase in hand. They both watched as he smiled as he saw Mac returning from the kitchen with a morning coffee. Mac nodded but walked quickly past Harm towards her office. Harm's smile changed.
Sturgis looked at Harriet and said, "Maybe I should have a talk with Harm."
Yes, the eagle has landed. Harriet said, "Don't let him know I told you."
"I'm better than that, Harriet," said Sturgis.
#
Harm had his eyes closed. He and Sturgis had finally turned off the beltway onto I95 north. The construction on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge combined with the mess at Virginia's Mixing Bowl had only made life on the beltway around Washington more miserable. They were going to be late for their meeting with their technical witness, an analyst at NSA at Fort Meade, Maryland.
Sturgis gripped the steering wheel and viewed the line of cars ahead of him. At this rate, they would be still another 45 minutes to their destination. Navy issue car pool sedans didn't come with much in the way of a sound system. Besides, neither he nor Harm had brought any music to listen to.
He thought about his conversation with Harriet earlier today. He was definitely curious about this rumored baby promise. Earlier today, he thought he would invite Harm to partake in a little one on one basketball, and then pin him down over multiple beers.
But now, sitting in traffic seemed like a reasonable opportunity. Besides in a car, Harm had no escape route and Sturgis felt a lecture coming on. But first, he had to figure out what exactly Harm was thinking when he made this promise.
"Hey, wake up. Check the map, will ya. Which route are we taking across to Fort Meade?" Sturgis whacked Harm's arm.
"I'm not sleeping. I don't need to check a map. Just take 32." Harm kept his eyes closed.
"Come on, I need some company here. Look alive." Sturgis was seeking some sort of opening. Why are you so tired anyway?"
"I was up till 2 am last night working on our appeal," said Harm.
"You were catching up. Are you still flying out of Pax for Homeland Security?"
"Every second weekend. About ten hours each time. Usually Saturday night."
"Any other pilots old as you?"
"One or two. It is an exclusive club," Harm smiled.
"Three ejections, the rigorous flight physicals, the unrelenting qualification process every six months. Man, what they put you through just to stay in the air. Isn't it time to quit?" Sturgis shook his head.
"Never," said Harm, eyes still closed.
"What does Mac think of you still flying?" Sturgis asked.
At that, Harm opened his eyes and looked over to the other officer. "How should I know what Mac is thinking?"
"You don't think she worries about you?"
Harm looked as a sign passed by. Laurel, 15 miles. Damn, they were still 25 minutes away from their destination. He thought about an old conversation with Mac on the SeaHawk. What had she said when he had asked that same question? "Not for a minute," he told Sturgis.
"Come on Buddy, you are a smarter man than that," Sturgis stole a glance at his partner now concentrating on the Maryland landscape.
"Yeah, yeah. Look, can we talk about something besides my relationship with Mac?"
"Hell no, I'm just warming up to my main act," Sturgis gaze slid along the dash to the passenger side.
Harm groaned and rolled his body so his back faced Sturgis. He closed his eyes again. Just 20 more minutes and he would be out of this torture chamber.
"So what is it that you wanted to ask me about Mac?" he said.
"I heard something funny the other day. It was about you and Mac. You have made a promise to have a baby together before AJ turns five?"
"Where did you hear that? Did Mac tell you?"
"No, Mac didn't tell me. Give her a little credit. I have other sources of intell besides Mac. I just want to know, is this particular rumor true?"
Red light. This was one conversation he didn't want to have. Harm mused about how to throw Sturgis off the scent. There was never any chaff when you really needed it.
"Is what true?"
"That you made a promise to have a baby with Mac? Yes or no, counselor."
"Yes."
"And what would be the exact terms of this promise?" Sturgis persisted.
"It was just a conversation made under the influence of a passing emotion. There was no contract drawn up, Sturgis."
"What specifically was the passing emotion at that time?"
"Not what you are thinking. Just two people who watched the miracle of birth. AJ's birth to be specific. It was quite the experience."
"So, in reality, neither of you intend to fulfill this promise, made, what, over three years ago?"
"I didn't say that." Harm looked at his watch again.
"You didn't say what?"
"I didn't say I wasn't going to go through with it," said Harm.
"You are going to go through with it? Well, then, congratulations."
"Congratulations, why?"
"Well, if you and Mac are going to have a baby together, surely, you are going to marry her?"
"I didn't say that either."
"What kind of relationship do you want this baby to grow up in? Come on now buddy, you are not making much sense here."
Harm gave a sigh of relief. The turn off for Highway 32 was just ahead. Now they were 10 minutes from their destination.
"Harm, you still with me?"
"Yeah, although I have been contemplating opening the door and jumping out at 65 miles an hour. You think that would hurt more than this conversation?"
"Well, do you think you are making much sense here?"
Harm sighed. "Okay. No, I don't think this whole promise makes much sense. And yes, I intend to go through with it. But only if she wants it with me."
"You, my friend, are so in love with her. Just remember I said that. Tell her, then marry her and get this over with."
"My feelings for Mac are definitely classified information and you don't have clearance. It will be only revealed to the appropriate parties at the appropriate time." Harm said.
"You are funny, Harm."
"That's what Mac said. What makes me so funny?"
"Maybe the fact that you intend to honor some three and half year old promise made, by your own admission, under the influence of a passing emotion, with a woman that you steadfastly deny having feelings for? And no plan in place for how possibly you might honor that promise. Man, you've got to admit, that is funny."
They drove in silence. Sturgis started in again. "When we were at the academy, I use to envy you. You always had the upper hand with every woman you went out with. They felll at your feet. But now, I don't envy you any more. How come Mac has you tied in knots?"
"I'm not tied in knots." Harm resumed praying. Praying for some kind of alien force that would beam him out of this car and out of this particular conversation.
"You are so tied in knots. I see you every morning. The first thing you do is look for Mac whether it is the coffee room or her office. Then after the day is over, you hang around and wait to see if you can set up a working dinner with her. Buddy, face it. You are pathetic."
"I'm not pathetic," Harm ticked off the miles in his head.
"What ever you say," Sturgis said.
"I'm just telling you. I've got this under control," said Harm.
"Sure, I can really tell. And what if she dates another guy? You got that under control too?"
"Mac is dating some one?"
"See I told you, you are pathetic."
"I'd rather be funny. There's the turnoff," Harm could see the security gate. This introspective torment was almost over.
"How long are you going to make Mac wait?"
"Mac's not waiting for me."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I'm sure. We are just friends."
"You keep saying that," said Sturgis.
"What gives you the idea, Sturgis, that she might be waiting for me?" Harm narrowed his eyes as he took out his military identification and handed it to him to give to the guard.
"Sturgis?"
"Which building is Mitchell in again?"
"Sturgis, you didn't answer my question," Harm felt annoyed. Sturgis knew something.
"Sturgis, just a minute. We can't end this conversation at this point. Come on buddy."
"We are late. Get the lead out," he slammed the car door and walked quickly away from Harm towards the third building on the right.
"You bastard. Now who is being funny?"
"So true, so true."
#
Pathetic, thought Harm as he walked through the deserted bullpen at 16:45 local time. He smiled as he thought about his conversation with Sturgis. He stopped in the doorframe of Sarah Mackenzie's office. She looked up from her desk. Her face was bathed in light from the small desk lamp. Her smile chased away the drudgery of the last ten hours.
"Do you have any plans for dinner?" he asked responding with his own mind-blowing smile.
"Not yet. Are you suggesting something, squid?" Mac's voice was rich with allusion.
"How do baked Ziti, garden salad and soft music sound?" Harm said.
"Heavenly, it's the best offer I've had all day," Mac reached to switch off the lamp and grabbed her cover and briefcase.
As she started to walk towards the door, Harm closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. He let out a sigh.
Mac turned and looked at him. "Harm?"
"Right behind you," said Harm. Maybe Sturgis was right. He was hanging around the bullpen after work hoping to snag a dinner with Mac. Time to go talk to Bud.
#
It was sort of ironic that Harm was going to Lieutenant Bud Roberts to look for help. Harm had met Bud on the Sea Hawk eight years ago during a watershed in his own life. He was still a junior lawyer newly stationed at JAG in Washington. And in that phase of Harm's life, he had still been very much defined by that ramp strike that had killed his RIO four years earlier. Harm had worked hard to distance himself from the incident. He had returned to school and become a lawyer ultimately in the naval service. But neither time nor a different career compensated for the inadequacy he felt as a failed aviator.
But all of that changed during the investigation of a man overboard incident aboard the Sea Hawk. Or he should say woman overboard. A series of coincidences during the high profile case gave him the opportunity to prove to the Navy, and most importantly to himself, that he was more than an aviator whose flying career ended in a fiery crash. The sense of self-respect he felt from that incident was a turning point and allowed him to move forward in his life. Perhaps that was why he felt a connection with Bud from the beginning.
There was little else that Bud and Harm had in common. Bud was a techie kind of geek that enjoyed Star Trek and UFO's. The handsome aviator turned lawyer figure that Harm cut was the antithesis of Bud's short, squat shape.
It wasn't untill Bud stepped on a landmine that Harm realized just how deeply his life had entwined with Bud's since the Sea Hawk incident. Maybe it was because in the eight intervening years Bud had always stood by Harm, despite the bizarre twists and turns his career had taken. And more than anyone in his life, Bud seemed to understand why he did things. Often before Harm himself understood why he did things.
Today, the day after his dinner with Mac, Harm gave little thought to how or where he should talk to Bud about Mac. Bud was at Bethesda Naval Hospital for routine physical therapy after work. So that's where Harm was headed.
Bud was sitting on a bench in the weight room at Bethesda. His eyes were closed and his T-shirt was dark with sweat. Harm grinned. It had taken losing a leg and nearly his Naval career along with it to motivate him to get in shape. Bud was looking better physically now than Harm could remember.
"Hey, have they finished with you yet?" Harm sat down on the bench beside Bud.
Bud opened one eye and snorted at Harm. "No, but if there was an emergency at JAG maybe I could cut the rest of this session?" He looked at Harm hopefully.
Harm grinned. "I thought I remembered Sturgis giving you a lecture about working past the point of pain?"
Bud just rolled his eyes at that. "What are you doing here, sir?" He stood up and walked towards a lift bench. He picked up a 45 lb. weight and gave Harm a second one. They fastened the black disks to either side of the long weight bar.
"Talking to you," Harm said, positioning himself as a spotter at the end of the bench.
"About a case?" Bud grunted as he lifted the bar.
"No, a personal problem," said Harm.
Bud thought about that response. He reviewed what he knew of Harm's personal life in the past few weeks. Nothing. Then he thought about the past few months. Nothing. What was Harm talking about?
"I didn't think you had a personal life, sir," Bud blew out through his mouth.
"Funny," said Harm
"It's not like you have a girl friend. I don't even think you have been on a date for a while now? How long has it been?"
"One year, eight months, two weeks and one day," said Harm. Seventeen hours and fifteen minutes and twenty-three seconds, he thought.
Bud raised his eyebrows and looked at Harm. "I think if you tried, you could find someone to date you, sir."
"Yeah, but that doesn't work," said Harm.
"What do you mean, it doesn't work?"
"It doesn't work to date someone other than…" Harm stopped short.
"Other than Colonel Mackenzie?" Bud said. Bingo, he thought.
Harm winced at how stupid this all sounded. "What I really wanted to discuss with you is a promise that Mac and I made when AJ was born."
"The baby promise."
"Yeah." Harm looked at him puzzled. "How do you know about it?"
"Of course, you do remember that I am married to Harriet." Bud rolled his eyes again.
"That must be how Sturgis found out. How did Harriet know?"
"I can't remember," Bud lied. "You want to go through with the promise?"
"Yes."
"So this means you want to have a baby with Colonel Mackenzie?"
"Yes"
"If you really just wanted kids, I pretty sure you could adopt," said Bud.
"That's not what I want," said Harm.
"Or pay to have a surrogate mother," said Bud. "It has been done."
"True, but that's not what I want either," said Harm.
"Let's face it, you don't want just a kid. You want Colonel Mackenzie," said Bud.
"You won't tell Harriet?" said Harm.
"There is a lot I don't tell Harriet," said Bud.
"Yeah, like Jennifer Coates," Harm grinned.
"She was just my legal man, sir."
"Sorry."
"So you like Colonel Mackenzie. That is no big surprise, sir," said Bud.
"There is more to this than just 'like', Bud."
I'm not blind, thought Bud. He tried to think of where to take this conversation. "Why are you so afraid that she will not want the same, sir?"
Harm met Bud's eyes directly. Why did he felt like this was confession and Bud was the priest?
"Because I have hurt her in a thousand different ways both professionally and personally. Because I have made her cry. Because I prevented her from marrying the man she really loved, that ass Brumby?"
Harm turned and walked towards the bench at the wall and sat down. Bud completed his reps, then stood up and joined him.
"All those things that you feel you did to her, to make her cry. Was there a single one where your conscious intention was to be cruel to her or to hurt her?" Bud asked.
"I could never consciously hurt her. But somehow I did." Harm looked at his hands.
"Don't you think that she knows that you would never hurt her, sir? Maybe you have to give her a little credit for knowing you and trusting you just a little?"
Harm just sat there.
"You are still worried about Brumby?"
"She did want to marry him."
"That is true. But somehow, she seemed more embarrassed by the breakup than hurt by it. And I'll never forget the night of her wedding rehearsal," said Bud.
"It's not likely I'll ever forget it either, " said Harm. Even though some of the details are still rather fuzzy, he thought.
"We were all worried. But the colonel was more than worried she was desperate. I had never seen her like that before. It scared Brumby. It was the first time that he realized he didn't have her heart."
"I want her heart, Bud," said Harm.
"I would love to see you two together."
"You are a good friend."
Harm sat and continued to stare at his hands for long time. Finally, he turned to Bud. "Got any ideas on how I should proceed?"
"Hell if I know," said Bud. The mood was passing. "You were always better at women than I was. But whatever, you need to do something. One year, eight months, two weeks and one day is long time."
"And seventeen hours and twenty-eight minutes and fifty-six seconds," said Harm.
"Wow, I didn't know you could do that too," said Bud.
"Only when it is important," said Harm. "Let's go finish your workout."
#
It was mid morning the next day and Harm was sitting at his desk with a blank pad of paper in front of him on the desk. He was leaning back in the chair, twirling a pen through the fingers of his right hand. He gazed unseeing through the blinds, towards the bullpen. Anyone passing would assume he was working on the final strategy of the appeal. They would assume wrong.
Harm's mind was sifting through the two conversations with his friends, Sturgis and Bud. Both brought interesting new evidence to light. Sturgis mentioned that Mac was waiting. Waiting? Waiting! Waiting for him? Man, Sturgis had it all wrong. He was the one doing the waiting. What he was waiting for Mac to do wasn't exactly clear in his head. But he was still pretty sure it was him that was waiting for Mac.
But Sturgis seemed pretty clear on that point. Like he knew something that Harm didn't. So he decided to take what Sturgis said as fact. Unless Harm had evidence to contrary, Mac was waiting for him.
If that was the case, he was damn slow in responding. Why would she wait all this time? Now what had Bud said? Bud seemed to think Brumby wasn't just being an ass when he dumped Mac without marrying her. He implied that Brumby was convinced that Mac cared for Harm. Did Brumby step aside to give Mac and himself a chance? Nah. But then again, Renee always suspected that he had feelings for Mac. Maybe Brumby thought like Renee. Maybe he should give Brumby more credit.
Hah! Bud should have been in the legal office on the Guadalcanal when Harm tried to bring up that very topic. Or at the finish line of the Jagathon, when Mac asked him (past tense) "why couldn't they make it work?" Harm still wasn't sure what "back at the beginning" really meant. He should have called her on it at that time. But a drowning sailor will grab at anything and man, he was going down for the last time that day.
Harm sighed. He wished they were back in Afghanistan. For a couple of glorious weeks last spring, he had Mac all to himself. Sure they were in a war zone, stationed with a bunch of marines, looking for dirty nukes. But having Mac to talk to every day without the distractions of the office had been heavenly. He still fantasized about the night they were stranded in the desert during the bombing raid. There is something earthy about Mac and dust, desert and camouflage only help to heighten his desire.
Okay, okay, okay. He needed to get his thoughts back to the present. Evidence brought forward by Sturgis Turner and Bud Roberts seem to indicate that Mac might care for him and might actually be waiting for him. Based on that evidence, what should he do next?
Thinking about Afghanistan and Ateff, Harm remembered the dinner before they left for the Sea Hawk for the military tribunal. Man, he had done it up right that night. Roses, candles, baked salmon, salad. She had looked gorgeous. "This looks nice," she said. He could still remember her smile under the table looking for the tossed coin. Any other woman and he would have taken her there and then, under his maple table. Too bad they had a plane to catch.
What if he had another dinner like that? All of their dinners together recently had been working dinners. Nothing too fancy. But the next time, he was going to do it right. But the question was, how could he make it special?
#
Damn. Don't tell me. He had barely walked into the building, never mind his office and there was Tiner summoning him to attend a meeting in the Admiral's office in 10 minutes. He had spent most of the previous evening rehearsing his next talk to Mac. Conversations that even mildly skirted the subject of their feelings for one another almost always ended in confusion. And this was one talk Harm wanted no misunderstanding.
He threw his cover onto the filing cabinet and dropped his briefcase. One thing he could do before the meeting with the Admiral was to arrange some quiet time to talk with Mac. Not here and not now.
He picked up the background report for the meeting on his desk and scanned it over. He headed over to Mac's office.
"Got a minute?" Harm watched her as she looked up from the file she was writing on.
"Only a minute. You're going to the meeting too, right?" Mac stood up and grabbed a file. She waited for Harm to speak before heading out.
"Uh, huh. Look, I need to talk to you privately." God, could that have sounded any colder? Privately? Sounds like a damn attorney conference. Harm winced.
"Sure, always. What's up?" Mac's thoughts were clearly on the meeting ahead.
"I mean, well," Come on, Rabb, what do you mean? He spied AJ's 4th birthday present still in Mac's office. "I want to talk to you about that," he said pointing to the gift.
"The gift?" Mac looked confused.
"No, our promise. You know, the baby promise. I need to talk with you about it."
Mac grinned. "I thought you had said it was still on schedule, remember? Your words not mine, flyboy."
"That's what I need to talk to you about. Don't you think it is sort of silly?" The minute the words left his mouth, Harm realized that he had said it wrong. Sort of silly that we would have a baby before I have the opportunity to tell you how I feel about you, Sarah. That having a baby is important. But more important than a baby, is my relationship with you. But all he had said is that the baby promise was silly. This wasn't going as planned.
Harm watched as Mac's impression changed from open and teasing to closed and hurt. Than just as fast, the marine façade was back in place. Just as he opened his mouth to correct what he said, Sturgis rounded the corner with Bud.
"Let's roll. Tiner has already called to see why we are late," Sturgis said.
Sturgis let Mac go first. Harm let the whole procession passed. Momentarily, he closed his eyes and leaned against wall. Slowly, he followed the rest into the admiral's office.
Harm was barely listening as the Admiral recited the facts in a friendly fire accident that resulting in tragedy for British troops. Without it registering, he listened as Chegwidden assigned Mac and Bud to the prosecution and Sturgis to the defense. It had just started to dawn on him that his role hadn't been defined when the admiral announced that he was presiding.
Although he hadn't forgotten the admiral's months old promise that he would be on the bench at some date in the future, it still took him by surprise. Harm grinned to himself. Was putting him on the bench for this high profile case the admiral's silent way of supporting the pilot involved? Sure in hell, everyone else in Washington with even the mildest of political agenda's wanted to see that pilot crucified. Britain was important ally.
Even Harm, despite his aviator status, wanted to see justice done. It would be a black eye to the naval air service he loved, if this pilot was found to be recklessly negligent. And he would be first in line to hand out the punishment if that were so. But balanced with that loyalty to the service, Harm also knew how thin the line was between hero and scapegoat in a battlefield situation.
By putting Harm on the bench, Chegwidden was also risking his career by taking a silent stand against the political whitewash. Politicians rarely had any allegiance to truth and especially any truth that might endanger their standing with Britain. Harm was still not sure where any of them stood with this particular SecNav. He had a feeling they would soon find out.
Mac was intelligent and a good lawyer. The minute Chegwidden said prosecution; her mind was churning possible lines of attack. She picked up on the politics immediately. Harm on bench? She knew that his status as decorated aviator gave him dangerous insight and she needed to nullify that threat as quickly as possible if not sooner. After all, hadn't she learned from the best? She no longer came from that particular place where friends don't sand bag friends. Wasn't that somewhere in Ohio? Well, that place in Ohio was also probably the place where friends kept promises to friends, even if they were as silly as a certain baby promise. Mac was ready for this fight.
Harm assured the admiral without conviction that there would be no conflict between Mac and himself on this case. They all knew what had happened when the roles were reversed and Mac was presiding judge. Unfortunately, he also knew he might not have much control over this issue at this particular time. He had this feeling that a particular marine was loaded for bear. And he had helped to put the ammunition in the weapon. He sighed.
#
Harm was relishing the fact that this particular case was over as he ran along in the winter weather. Not only did it mean that he could now jog without interruption, he meant that maybe, just maybe, he could concentrate on repairing the damage to his relationship with Mac.
He felt that they had come out of the friendly fire court case with minimum collateral damage. Well, there was the injury to his pride inflicted by Mac when she had asked him to excuse himself from the bench due to bias towards the defense. Or when she had asked the admiral to order him to excuse himself from the bench. Or lastly, when she had asked to be removed 'cause she felt she couldn't work with him. Ouch.
But she had definitely been a real professional when she handed the AWACS data over to Sturgis only to promptly loose the case because of the aforementioned AWACS info. Despite the influence of that court loss to both her career and her standing with the Secretary of the Navy, he knew he could count on her to do the right thing. More importantly, of all the issues they might fight about, he knew she would never resent him for that particular one. It was only one of the many things he loved about her. She was truly his equal in every way. And in several areas, she surpassed him.
But despite that comforting thought, he was no closer to figuring out how to get around this wall of impenetrability she had recently erected between them. God, why could he never say the right thing when it came to her? Only with you, Sarah, indeed.
He knew what she was thinking. She was thinking that he didn't want to go through with the baby promise. Even though they both knew that the baby promise was a silly ill-conceived concept, somehow they still wanted it. What was he going to do to convince her otherwise? What was it that just might break the ice between them?
Speaking of ice, Harm realized the sidewalk he was running along was getting worse. The last couple of winters in the DC area had been relatively mild. This made one forget that the area was capable of some cold winter weather packed with inches of snow. What had started out as quick jog in the lightly falling snow had morphed into a 10 mile run to clear his head. And now as the weather was getting worse, Harm realized that his new Nike winter grade running shoes were couldn't keep traction in this driving snow and ice.
It was dark. After his impromptu meeting with the SecNav during a morning run, Harm had decided to change his regimented routine and start running after work. He now found himself along a dimly lit pathway winding along the frozen stream called Rock Creek at 19:35 local time. Changing direction, he quickly made the decision to abort the run and take a short cut home across the frozen waterway.
He was about two thirds of the way across the stream when he felt the ice give way beneath him. The water was bitter cold but shallow. He was in chest deep 32 degree water two yards from the slippery shoreline of the creek. Harm floundered for a minute and then finally he found his footing but not before dunking completely in the killing cold water. He sloshed carefully towards a partially submerged tree and tried to get a firm grip. Tugging he pulled himself up onto the shore against the current. But not before he sliced his leg against an icy rock cutting the fabric of his running pants.
Shivering, he stood panting looking through the gloom for a remnant of the path that would lead him back to his loft. As he moved slowly forward, he realized it was a 25 minute walk. And he was too cold and too wet to run. And the cut on his leg was starting to throb.
Georgetown was closer. Harm made a quick decision. He pulled out his wet cell phone and pressed recall 1.
"Hello?" Mac answered on the third ring.
"Mac, it's Harm. Would you mind if I showed up at your place in say, about 5 minutes? It's a bit of emergency."
"Yes, of course. Why are you driving around in this weather?" Mac sounded puzzled.
"Well, I'll explain when I get there," Harm started to walk.
Seven minutes and 45 seconds later, Mac answered the knock at her door. Her carefully prepared greeting was quickly forgotten as she stood staring at Harm shivering and wet standing in the hallway.
"Harm, what happened? You are freezing cold and wet? Don't stand out there, come in," Mac grabbed at his arm and could feel the sodden material.
"I was running and decided to cross Rock Creek. It's not as frozen as it looks," Harm stood as she started to peel off his wet fleece jacket. She threw it into her kitchen sink and ran to get a couple of towels. When she returned, Harm was shivering badly and was ineffectively trying to remove his torn pants.
"Your leg is cut! Let me help you." She grabbed a pair of scissors and started to slice the pant leg off.
"Hey! I don't have anything else to wear," Harm protested.
"I think I have a pair of jeans of Bugme's around somewhere," said Mac as she finished pulling off the soaking cloth. Lastly, she peeled off the clinging T-shirt. She wrapped a towel around his shoulders. She took the second one and started to vigorously rub to return circulation to his arms and legs. He was still shivering.
"I'm going to run you a bath." Without waiting for a reply, she ran to the bathroom and turned on the facet. As she walked back towards him, she plugged in the kettle.
"Harm, are you starting to warm up? Jeez, even your hair is wet. You went right under the water, didn't you? Don't sit down; let's get you over to the bathroom. The fastest way to warm up is in a warm bath," Mac said. She suddenly realized that she had her arms around the waist of a nearly naked Harm. Despite her concern for his well being, she smiled at the fact that she could feel her mind and body responding to his close proximity. Get a grip, marine. It is just Harm.
Harm smiled to himself as he let her lead him into the bathroom. If he had known it would feel this good, he would have fallen into Rock Creek a long time ago.
#
Mac had a fire lit and a pot of tea brewing. She deposited Harm on her couch with a feather comforter. He was dressed in an old sweatshirt and jeans that Mic had left behind. The jeans were short and baggy on Harm's leaner and lankier frame.
She came over with a gauze bandage and some surgical tape. "Let's see your leg."
She rolled up the pant of his left leg and started to dab at the ugly gash. "Maybe we should take you over to emergency," she said.
"Just put the bandage on. I'm sure it will be okay." There was no way Harm was leaving her apartment just to sit in a stark hospital emergency room.
Harm stared at the fire. "You called Mic – Bugme." he smiled.
"Why would I do that? I'm sure you must be mistaken," Mac smiled back. He was looking better. "Are you still cold?"
"No and don't change the subject. You did call him Bugme," Harm persisted.
"Well, he did leave me high and dry with little explanation. I think I have a right to be a little pissed off. And don't take that as an opening. I know exactly what you think of Mic Brumby, Harmon Rabb."
Harm's mouth had been open and he promptly shut it, his aborted sentence left unsaid.
"Thanks for everything tonight."
"You should thank me. You were hypothermic," Mac settled onto the couch beside him.
"If so, this was much more pleasant than the last time," Harm said.
"The last time was horrible. Don't remind me," Mac tone turned serious.
"It is hard to imagine you worried about me that night. After all that had happened, I didn't deserve that," Harm said.
Mac looked at him. "Why is that so hard to imagine, Harm? You are one of the best things in my life."
"Well, maybe the fact that you were going to marry Bugme? And I certainly wasn't at my best when we parted the day before. I didn't even like me," Harm replied.
"Well, I wasn't really at my best last week during the friendly fire trial. I didn't even like me either. You still showed up cold and wet at my door tonight," said Mac.
"There is no other door I would rather show up cold and wet. Are you apologizing to me Mac?"
"Let's call it an 'acknowledgement', Harm"
"Acknowledgement accepted, Mac. Besides, I should apologize too. I shouldn't have tried to talk about the baby promise exactly two seconds before walking into a meeting with the Admiral."
"You have nothing to apologize for. I understand why you wouldn't want to go through with the baby promise. It was sort of a silly promise to begin with." Mac looked into the fire and sipped her tea. Something about her whole demeanor spoke of resignation. She really thought he was trying to back out.
"Oh, I still like the baby promise. But I need better terms."
"Better terms? I didn't realize there were any terms to this agreement," Mac said as she looked at him.
"All good agreements need terms."
"As far as I can see – you already have the easy role, Harm. Maybe I should be the one asking for better terms."
"I agree. How's this counselor? I would like to shelve the baby promise for now. But," Harm quickly continued before she could erect any metaphoric walls. "Instead, I would like to get serious about another relationship. The one between you and me."
"Why now?"
"Cause the need to think about us meant going for a longer run than was prudent in this type of weather. I almost killed myself running in a damn snowstorm! It seems I need to figure this out this thing between us before I have any more problems like dunking an F-14 or swimming in Rock Creek." Harm tried to keep his emotions at bay." Harm tried to keep his emotions at bay.
"So, I need to help you save you from you? Well, I don't know, I don't even know if you love me," Mac was smiling broadly.
"Now that you mention it, I guess I must. Love you, I mean," Harm scooted his arm around her shoulder and pulled her under the comforter. "I think I need some body contact to ward off hypothermia."
"Well, I'll take your proposed changes to the baby promise under advisement. Meanwhile, do you have anything to put on the table in a gesture of good faith?" said Mac nestling up against him.
"I can think of a few things you might approve of, counselor," Harm starting to sneak his arm under her sweater.
"I dunno. Before I answer definitively, I need to find out if you are any good," Mac placed a kiss on his jaw line.
"Any good? Now you are in for it, marine," said Harm and his lips met hers with an urgency.
"Harm?"
"Yah?"
"Don't worry, I love you."
"I'm not worried any more. Sarah?"
"Yeah?"
"You know when I said that you were patient and wise the other day in the admiral's office?"
"Yeah?"
"I forgot to mention one thing."
"What's that?"
"You, Sarah Mackenzie, are the hottest thing to ever wear a marine colonel's uniform."
#