The Harry Potter Survival Guide
This guide has been written to help the average person survive in the dangerous world full of pit falls, traps and pranks that exist in the world of Harry Potter…aka the boy-that-just-won't-die.
Firstly the authoress, publishers and shopkeeper all confer upon you many thanks for purchasing this little guide. If you didn't buy this and stole it instead, the authoress, publishers and shopkeeper have had curses placed upon this book so every chapter you read; your life will become gradual worse until you have been taught that stealing is wrong.
Right well now that unpleasantness is out of the way…
This guide will attempt (and whether it does or not is complete and pure coincidence) to help the reader navigate their way through the dangers that come through cross paths with Death Eaters, how to escape almost certain death by making friends with people that avoid bleaching their skull, why tattoos are not a good thing and how werewolves are not all evil and those that are, why they haven't been given rabies shots.
Not only will this guide provide this information; but it will give you a run down of the top ten people to avoid when running around the wizarding world and the betting odds for who will win the ultimate showdown…Colin Creevy or Neville Longbottom.
This guide will also try and explain to those who are both familiar and unfamiliar with the universe of Harry Potter that Lord Voldemort is not only a psychotic killer of men and wizards, a lover of kittens and puppies, a big fan of daisies but how he is really the evil dark Lord of Typewriters and therefore he is not really a bad guy…well not much.
Some other important points that need to be observed within this guide include, how Madam Prince is related to a strange mixed breed of Ferrell librarians, how oddly shaped cheeses are the new and coolest breed of felines, how large dogs are really mans best friend and that greasy haired gits are really more complicated than anyone will give them credit for…no matter how evil they really are.
You are standing in the threshold so either move over and let everyone else in or turn the frigging page! Oh and be ready to jump over any plot holes that will appear.
Oh yeh, disclaimer dealey (stupid law and copyright malarkey) I don't own any characters, idea etc, if someone else has done this…well now I have too XP