PROLOGUE: SETTING THE STAGE
It has been two years since Emma, Neal, David, Snow, Henry, Rumple, Regina, and Hook returned from Neverland. However, when they defeated Pan, they literally defeated him and they didn't have to worry about silly plot twists that would once again separate the adorableness of the Charming family, the Swan-Cassidy family, the Captain-Swan-relationship thingy, the House of Gold plus Henry family, and of course, Regal Believer. Tink has managed to get Regina and Robin together, Ruby is actually here, and things have settled into a normalish sort of routine.
The Captain-Swan-Fire triangle has settled into a three-way bromance, with hints of romance still lingering, but kind of swept under the rug. Belle and Hook are the bestest friends there ever were, and Rumple has seriously chilled out. Hook and Neal have a brotherly bond that still has some bitterness.
****NOTE: This is comedy, do not look for angst or sadness. Liberties have been taken with character personalities and dialogue. Think of this as OUAT, the sitcom version. Multiple POV's. And now...
Belle blearily looked around. Something had woken her up, she just wasn't sure what. She tugged at the blanket in annoyance.
"Rumple, stop being such a blanket hog," she complained sleepily. Rumple mumbled something about bears and buried himself further into the blanket.
An insistent knocking came from downstairs. Belle gritted her teeth as she swung her legs out of bed and pulled on her robe. Who would be making house calls at—she checked the clock—nine thirty? Is that it? Being married to someone considerably older than her was starting to show its drawbacks.
The shadowy figure in the doorway pounded again, more urgently this time. "All right," she crossly, swinging the door open. Hook stood on her porch, wearing his kicked-puppy expression. His eyes were unusually shiny and his bottom lip was trembling ever so slightly. Belle slumped against the doorway sympathetically.
"Oh, honey…what happened?"
"I, uh…" He frowned with the effort of holding back tears, listlessly bumping his fist against his leg. "I think Emma just broke up with me."
"Oh, honey," she repeated sadly, opening the door wider for him. "I'll make us some tea."
"Tell me what happened," Belle said, setting the tray down. She sat down on the couch next to Hook and started pouring tea into two cups.
"Well," he said shakily, still not allowing himself to shed his tears, "we were at Granny's today. She showed me something called 'meatloaf'. I didn't like it much, but after that… it was nice. I was making jokes, she was laughing…" He shrugged. "I thought things were going well. And lately, we've been spending lot more time together than usual , so I thought—oh, thank you. Two sugars?" he interrupted himself as she handed him his tea.
"Two sugars," she nodded.
Hook took a careful sip. "Thank you," he said politely.
Belle smiled. "So… you've been spending more time together…?"
"Right, so we've been spending so much more time together, so I thought it was a good time to ask when she wanted me to move in—"
Belle choked on her tea. "You what?"
"I asked when she wanted me to move in," Hook repeated patiently.
Belle closed her eyes exasperatedly. "Oh, my God," she sighed, her head falling into her hands.
"Was…was that wrong?" Hook sounded confused. "Should I not have done that?"
"Ooh, you really shouldn't have," she said, shaking her head emphatically.
"Oh…"
Belle slowly lifted her head. Hook watched her, looking so helpless and lost, it broke her heart.
But she had to tell him.
"Hook," she said gently, "you know… you have a tendency to come on a little strong."
"I—?" He cocked his head, surprised. "Really?"
"So strong," she said, shaking her head.
"But…"He frowned, struggling with the words. "I mean, we're soulmates … and stuff."
"Well, okay, let's—let's take it easy with the….soulmates," Belle said hesitantly. Hook looked confused.
"But we are," he insisted. "I'm positive."
"Mmm…really? You sure?" Belle said, scrunching her face up dubiously. "I mean—how long have you guys even been dating?"
Hook blinked. "Oh," he said finally. "Oh, that." He scratched his nose. "Uh, we haven't… exactly…er…done that whole—"he waved his hand—"dating…thing…per se."
Belle's eyebrows shot up. "I'm sorry?"
Hook sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. "Look, Belle, I'm really upset right now. Can't we just get drink away my sorrows and talk about what a bitch Emma is?"
"What do you mean, you haven't done the dating thing?" she shrieked. "Are you kidding me? You haven't even asked her out and you want to move into her apartment? What is wrong with you, y-y-you—you damaged little freak, you?"
Hook's mouth dropped open. "I beg your pardon?" he said in an injured tone, putting his hand to his heart.
"What did you think was going to happen?" she said wildly, standing up.
"Well, I thought she was going to say, 'any time you want, Hook', but I guess I was wrong!" he retorted angrily.
"You are such an idiot—"
"Watch the attitude, Thumbelina—"
"Thumbelina? Really? REALLY?"
"DID I STUTTER?"
"Hey, hey, HEY!" Rumple shouted from the top of the stairs. Belle and Hook looked at him, catching their breath. He looked back incredulously, slightly shaking his head. "Shut up!"
Belle and Hook exchanged a look as Rumple pattered down the stairs and into the kitchen. They stared after him as he fixed himself a bowl of cereal, shuffled back in the room, and sat down in his armchair. "Now," he said, spooning Bran Flakes into his mouth, "what's all the yelling for?"
The other two slowly sat down, both waiting for the other to speak. Belle nudged Hook; he frowned and elbowed her back.
"It's your story," she muttered.
"You started yelling first," he muttered back.
Rumple crunched his cereal, eyebrows raised as he looked between the two of them. "Come on," he prodded, waving his spoon.
Belle slit her eyes at Hook, who kept his eyes stubbornly fixed on the coffee table. "Emma dumped him," she said bluntly.
Rumple, having just taken another bite, widened his eyes. Hook sputtered, throwing his arms up indignantly.
"That is not true!" he said. Belle gave him a withering look. "It's not!" he insisted.
"You literally said ten minutes ago, 'I think Emma just broke up with me.'"
"Yes, think!" Hook emphasized. "I think she just broke up with me. Not positive! I think she did. You never let me finish the story," he added, pointing an accusing finger at her.
"What happened?" Rumple asked interestedly, chasing a raisin with his spoon.
"Oh, nothing big. Not really," Belle shrugged. "He just asked Emma if he could move in."
"Oh, shit," Rumple snorted. Belle smiled humorlessly, nodding her head.
"Oh, yeah," she said, her smile more a grimace now. "And here's the best part—they're not even dating yet!"
Rumple's eyebrows shot up. Slowly, he put the spoon down and turned his head to stare wide-eyed at Hook. "Wow," he said at last. An evil grin spread on his face. "She give you the old heave-ho in public?"
"I don't have to take this," Hook said, standing up and moving toward the door.
"Oh, don't go!" Rumple called after him, laughing. "What? I'm kidding!"
The door slammed. The smile faded ever so slightly from Rumple's face as he bemusedly turned back to Belle. He pointed his spoon at the door. "What's wrong with him?"